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Mad Men meets Animal House...(well, the ending of Animal House...)
VIDEO PREMIERES TONIGHT - 9:30PM EST - http://itsztv.blogspot.com/
Mad Men Series Finale Comedy Video -- See it here SUNDAY NIGHT at 9:30pmEST:Â
http://itsztv.blogspot.com/2015/05/mad-men-series-finale-mad-menanimal.html
Let’s Teach Trevor Noah Comedy!
It's that time, boys & girls!...as promised in the previous post... Let's TEACH TREVOR NOAH COMEDY: The original tweet:
Originally when men proposed they went down on one knee so if the woman said no they were in the perfect uppercut position. — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) December 20, 2012
NEW & IMPROVED:
 Original:
"Oh yeah the weekend. People are gonna get drunk & think that I'm sexy!" - fat chicks everywhere. — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) October 14, 2011
NEW & IMPROVED:
 And, one more time... Original:
Behind every successful Rap Billionaire is a double as rich Jewish man. #BeatsByDreidel — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) May 12, 2014
 NEW & IMPROVED: Let's stay with his Jewish mogul theme to start...Â
 Meh. Perhaps there's just nothing there. So let's get more creative:
Yeah...that should do it. -30- Th-th-that's all, Folks!
What's Jon Stewart’s Problem With Trevor Noah?
This week, host of satirical series "The Daily Show," Mr. Jon Stewart his own self, apologized on behalf of scandal-ridden replacement Trevor Noah. Nope. Whoops. Sorry, that was from a first draft. Stewart made no apology. OK, here we go... This week "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart explained in detail that his soon-to-be replacement, Trevor Noah, is in no way an anti-Semite nor a misogynist. Dammit. That was my second draft. Sorry. Turns out Stewart didn't say that at all. Alright... Jon Stewart returned to air this week by taking to task all of the people who "overreacted" to tweets by "Daily Show" correspondent and future host Trevor Noah. Fuck. That's not what happened either. So, wait, did Jon Stewart explain that Trevor Noah's tweets were misread? Naa. Did he explain that perhaps Noah could have better worded some of his Tweets. Uh-uh. Oh wait! I know, Jon Stewart "Daily Showed" the whole thing -- yeah, you know, he showed Fox News and CNN correspondents discussing the whole "scandal," then line-by-line tore them a new one, poking holes in their arguments, explaining that those Fox News guys have as much right to analyze comedy as Stewart himself has to, say, analyze insane rants by half-baked analysts paid by the Fox conglomerate to develop a particular narrative which causes dismay and utter outrage when anyone, democrat or republican, strays from said narrative. Or words to that effect. You know, Stewart's usual ball of hysterically funny ass-fucking of the bad guys! (The way we love it!) So, he ranted, and then he cut to "Sr. Women's Studies Correspondent" Jessica Williams to discuss in detail why Noah's tweets were not sexis-- Ohh, wait...turns out absolutely none of that happened either. Actually, nothing happened. Jon Stewart opened the show, said Trevor Noah is "incredibly thoughtful and considerate" and explained we should "give him an opportunity to earn [our] trust and respect." Trevor Noah & Jon Stewart joke backstage of The Daily Show, each wearing the uniform of oppressive regimes. Some might say nothing more needed to happen. That Stewart's lack of coverage meant the "scandal" was not worth further coverage or   acknowledgement. And to those people I say, if Letterman can still make "Chris Christie is fat" jokes, if comic legend Robert Klein can still do his bit on the Red Hot Chili Peppers and that old 4-hour erection/Viagra joke, and if Jon effin' Stewart can shrug at the Hillary Clinton e-mail scandal one day then ask us to look closer at it a few days later, then sure as George W. Bush can get a library named after him, I can sure as hell take a closer look at the dude who's made the worst splash in his meteoric rise to stardom since, well, Tom Arnold (how a rising meteor splashes is a question best answered by Neil deGrasse Tyson; me, I'm just gonna press on)... Skipping the Tweets that just fell flat (this would be most of his Tweets, but in terms of the scandal, Noah's tweet about "women's hockey [being] like lesbian porn ... without the porn" is simply saying that there are a lot of gay women playing hockey. I don't know if this is true, but if it were softball or field hockey, well, um, yeah, it sure could be. A stereotype? Sure. But it's not an insulting one, unless you think that saying that lesbians play sports a lot is insulting), I'm just moving ahead and looking at those tweets which truly seemed to be hateful. In Noah's defense, let's keep in mind, each of the next three tweets are anywhere from about one to several years old:
Originally when men proposed they went down on one knee so if the woman said no they were in the perfect uppercut position. — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) December 20, 2012
"Oh yeah the weekend. People are gonna get drunk & think that I'm sexy!" - fat chicks everywhere. — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) October 14, 2011
Messi gets the ball and the real players try foul him, but Messi doesn't go down easy, just like jewish chicks. #ElClasico — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) January 25, 2012
So the first Tweet above is about punching women. I don't think there is anyone defending this. Well, you know, except for Ray Rice's wife. (*sigh*) The second states that women who are overweight are only attractive to drunk men. Sexist men the world over who don't like fat girls are definitely defending this one. But how that's gonna get them laid is beyond me. The third tweet re-uses that ol' chestnut about Jewish gals not enjoying going down on men and turns it on its ear...no, wait, it just re-uses the ol' chestnut (untrue by the way, and big thank yous to Michelle, Shari, Susan, Maureen, Melissa, and all the rest whose names I have absolutely not forgotten, I swear). It's not so much offensive on its own (it's a bad joke using a stereotype), but as part of a pattern which is forming, well, it doesn't look great. Especially when the rest of that pattern is anti-Semitism...
Almost bumped a Jewish kid crossing the road. He didn't look b4 crossing but I still would hav felt so bad in my german car! — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) September 18, 2009
This one has been quite controversial. Some say it's anti-Semitic. Others say that the joke is just that hitting a Jewish kid with a German car is far worse than just accidentally hitting him. Again, looking at the pattern of jokes (two more of this ilk follow, admittedly over the course of several years), it doesn't speak well of the author. No matter how you look at that above tweet, however, the crux of it is that he's joking about hitting a child with his car. Tasteless no matter the creed of the subject. Now, heat your skillet to about 300 degrees, melt the butter and add just a sprig of Nazism...and what you've got will definitely leave a bad taste in your mouth (which reminds me, I owe Susan an apology). Sooo, on its own? Not the worst joke in the world (we'll refer you to that Tosh fella and his rape joke aimed at a patron for that...or my "apology to Susan" joke above), but, thank goodness there was more!...
Sure, plenty of people have this opinion of Israel...but they don't have this opinion and also make jokes about Jewish women's aversion to sex (well, they do, but they're usually hairy Jewish men with small penises [oops, stereotypes abound!]) or about hitting Jewish children with cars (well, they do, but they're usually blonde, blue-eyed fellows in black uniforms. [ack! Did it again!]). Speaking of doing it again...
Behind every successful Rap Billionaire is a double as rich Jewish man. #BeatsByDreidel — Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) May 12, 2014
Wow, so the rich Jews control everything. That's the implication here. Now, by the same token, it might very well be a true statement, but the "double as rich Jewish man" phraseology has a tinge of spite (add it to the skillet with the sprig of Nazism and the butter, don't forget to chop the chip on your shoulder...). That phrasing can surely be called into question. It's like if I went to watch a Washington Redskins game and, at the concession, ordered a "Bloody Tomahawk Double-Dog" (a double-sized hot dog with extra ketchup). You'd probably think that naming a hot dog that is almost as insensitive as calling your team the Washington Redskins.* That is to say, it's really just not okay. (*No, there's no such thing as a "Bloody Tomahawk Double-Dog" -- this is satire, that was a joke. Just like Redskins owner Dan Snyder.) The most interesting thing about the above is that a lot of people don't see this as racist. For instance after one twitter user said Noah's comment was indeed racist, another Twitterer replied: @bluejames are you drunk who is this racist to? Jimmy Iovine is richer than Dr Dre. How is a fact racist? I don't need fans like you. Oh wait, that was Trevor Noah himself handling a heckler with wit and aplomb. Darn-it-all...there I go mistyping again: I meant, "That was Trevor Noah himself handling a heckler with a total lack of wit and aplomb." Here he is trying it again... @sgreenbl there's only one rap billionaire. How is this stereotyping? Are you being serious right now?  Seriously. If it wasn't so pathetic, it'd be funny. Wait, wait, it actually is funny. Trevor Noah's sad display, his awfully ridiculous attempt at defending his work is actually funnier than the work itself. But don't fear, Z!TV is here to help with that! See, since Jon Stewart seems to have no interest in defending Noah, outside of asking us to give him a chance, and since Noah has not apologized, nor said that people misconstrued his words, nor said that -- since some tweets are several years old -- he's grown as a person, nor said that he is seeking counseling for what seems to be his obvious hatred of Jews and women, nor said that he is going to try and do better or be a better person, nor said that he simply enjoys off-color humor and meant no harm, nor said that he actually likes Jews and "fat chicks," nor said...shit, now I've completely forgotten my point. Oh right! Since Noah hasn't done any of the above, let's play... TEACH TREVOR NOAH COMEDY!... A game where Z!TV rewrites Noah's most offensive tweets! It's in the next blog post. Coming very, VERY soon...Â
Harvey Weinstein - Joining The Bill Cosby Club?
"People look like their personalities."
I once heard this said by comedian Adam Corolla — who looks like the kid that would sit in the back of the classroom making fart noises, then, shaking his head in disbelief, pointing to the girl next to him. (Which is why I like the guy.)
Harvey Weinstein looks like the overly polite doorman at a dingy, old not-as-fancy-as-it-once-was apartment building in NYC who'll fondle the young Chinese food delivery girl the first chance he gets. I'm not saying he has done such things, mind you. A young model is saying it. She went to the police to report an incident, of a sexual predatory nature, in which Weinstein touched her quite inappropriately. And...she's 22. Weinstein is in his mid-sixties. (Had he been invited to play in her victory garden, more power to him...but, clearly, it's power that's the problem -- he was not invited.) Who is she? She is a model by the name of Fialala Volare. Actually, that's a lie. Her name is Ambra Battilana, but, really, you don't care. You're more interested in the juicy facts about Weinstein and where/when/why he groped the pretty girl. And who can blame you? I mean, we can all picture it...As a matter of fact, Breitbart.com makes it super-easy.
Here's a screen cap of the story from their page:
Do you see it? In case you don't, let's make it easier for you...
Step 1.
We perform some photo editing, placing the images together...
It's becoming clearer now, yes?
Step 2.
Now, in our editing software, we go to the Image menu and choose something to highlight the point we're making to you readers:
Result:
Perfect. Now that we're in exploitative b&w, we’re free to use further effects. Step 3. So we go to the Effects menu. Again, we really want to make the implications clear, but not overtly so...just the way Breitbart.com did. So let's choose the most practical effects option we can find...
That should do it.
And the result:
Now, don't get me wrong. Breitbart.com is completely justified. Weinstein is (allegedly) scum. Gross, awful scum (allegedly). Really, he's just a horrific, disgusting, awful man who may have even admitted to what he did (see below), and I cannot begin to imagine how many dozens of non-Cosby victims he groped. Allegedly.
But here's the thing...
Choosing the nearly bared upper bod image of the model and placing it side-by-side with a Weinstein image with his hands in some odd positioning -- and just at the right alignment with her breasts -- the idea that our eyes should fill in the blanks is pretty clear. So now the question becomes: Who's sleazier, Weinstein or the editors of Breitbart.com? Too tough to call. I get it though. Weinstein, a Hollywood mogul and liberal media giant, should be taken down a peg or two -- the Breitbart site is super-happy to do this. They've probably not been this happy since they thought they found proof that Obama supporter and now-former Sony chief Amy Pascal had e-mails hacked in which she admitted to squat-peeing in the faces of black gay boy scouts in Detroit who wanted nothing more than health care coverage and three healthy meals a day per the DHS Food Assistance program (those vampires! suckling on the teat of the government!). Yes, that would've been quite the get for them. But there is another disturbing aspect to all of this: While the story of Handsy Harvey appeared on the cover of two New York papers during the week the story broke, it seemed only a blip on the radar of The Hollywood Reporter (which does generally shy away from stories that are unconfirmed -- in this case, no charges have been pressed as yet) or Variety, which spent more space on the Sony hack than they did the Oscars. (To be fair, I've no awareness of the print publications, which, for all I know, featured images like this on the cover:
...or perhaps not). According to The Daily News, it was reported that Weinstein didn't know the young woman. So this wasn't a "casting couch" situation. By the same token, the paper, and the Breitbard page above, claims the police have a recorded phone call between Weinstein and his wife, during which Harv states "it won't happen again." "It" being the atrotious honk-honk incident. Yes, I'm calling his grasping of her boobage the "honk, honk incident." Not to demean the woman, or the situation, but because sometimes Adam Sandler-level sophomoric comments are just what a story needs. (This story was likely not one of those.)
Ahem. But shouldn’t this be big news? The way the Cosby revelation was, and continues to be, big news?
If this isn't big news, is it because Variety and THR are afraid of the giant known as Harvey Weinstein? Or, in the case of THR, do they honestly feel there's no here here? (We know Variety doesn’t care about such things —see their continued hack Sony coverage [yes, those words are in the correct order], I'm pretty sure they’re still reprinting e-mails about absolutely nothing on their home page.) But, of course, if we really want the story to blow up, if we really want to suss out the truth, or some variation on it, we should make one more adjustment to this image... Yes, to ensure the media covers the lies and exploits the truth -- because goodness knows that uncovering one lie in a sea of misogyny is of the utmost importance -- we'll add just one more finishing touch to get everybody's attention... This should do it:
Maybe now people will talk about it.
-30-
Photos used for parody purposes.
B!tches B!tch About Other B!tches Over Songs About B!tches
Bitches be all like, “That’s my song!”
Grammy-winner-bitch Rihanna and rap artist-bitch Just Brittany are embroiled in a bitchy battle.
Well, actually the bitchy fans are bitching. Some bitches are claiming Rihanna stole a song from Just Brittany. But Rihanna bitches are like “nobody owns that phrase.”
The bitches at E! reported the story and posted the Soundcloud track from Just Brittany and the Vimeo vid for Rihanna’s song. I've stolen the idea and done the same. (At bottom.)
Rihanna’s take, slower and entitled “Bitch Betta Have My Money,” is of course completely and wholly its own thing.
While the original “Betta Have My Money” has lyrics like: Betta have my money Bitch betta have my money Bitch betta have my money hell yea fuck that shit
Rihanna’s melodic dream goes like this: Bitch better have my money! Y'all should know me well enough Bitch better have my money! Please don't call me on my bluff Pay me what you owe me
These are clearly completely different. (Rihanna doesn’t drop the F-bomb until much later in the song.)
Scientists are bitching that nobody saw this coming. Never in bitchy human evolution did we ever think we’d see a day where these were the lyrics two “artists” would fight over. And, what's even more surprising, is that Kylie Jenner lover-slash-friend, Tyga, also sang a song sounding much like Just Brittany's...THREE YEARS AGO:
Luckily should things not work out in court for the originator of the Bitch song, Brittany is apparently willing to help you with her taxes -- yes, the below is a real screen cap from her official website, which does indeed ask you to forward an image of your license and/or social security card:
It’s not a secure server, and there seems to be no guarantees that your personal information won’t be stolen, taken, or used unfairly. You’d almost think Rihanna put that page together.
The Force Sleepens
Entranced Star Wars fans who were collectively hoping that the standalone Star Wars Spin-Off Disney said to come would focus on Boba Fett were completely oblivious recently when Robert Iger announced the film would be focusing on a member of the Star Wars Rebels Rogue Squadron.
At a Disney shareholder meeting, Iger announced the film, "Rogue One," which will star a woman everyone is pretending they’ve been a fan of all along.
In the Star Wars universe, the Galactic Empire is ever expanding and, I dunno, making everyone act, like, a racially charged Earth stereotype (see Episodes I, II, III), and also blowing up planets. So the rebels, who are apparently small in number, have this little fighter squadron, so little in fact that they actually let fat guys named Porkins fight. I mean, seriously...Porkins?
The force is strong in Disney. Not only have they compelled fans to completely forget that the last three films were abysmal — so abysmal in fact they destroyed several careers and caused Lucas to sell off the series — but fans have actually forgotten about their dire need for a Boba Fett film.
"Rogue One" is due in theaters December 2016. The previously announced "Star Wars: The Force Awakens - Episode VII: Do Over" arrives this December.
Taylor Swift Buys Porn Domains To Beat Rush
This post contains naughty pixelated images.
If you want to protect your image, you better get crackin'!
CNN Money reported last week that pop singer and Kanye West whipping gal Taylor Swift has moved to purchase the domain names TaylorSwift.porn and TaylorSwift.adult.
While many considered this a wise move to protect her brand, the biggest surprise here is that she's already set up the sites.
Here's the home page, an image of a clearly nude and not at all phony photo of Taylor Swift, which we were shocked to find:
With such an enticing and sexy welcome, one would think sensual photos of Ms. Swift would follow.
Well, what's inside will shock you. Because that home page image is not the most incredible thing on TaylorSwift.porn and TaylorSwift.adult...Yes, the images inside are absolutely SCANDALOUS...
As a matter of fact, it's a...
KANYE WEST SCANDAL!!...
But she wasn't done with that obscene photo...
Apparently, the recently announced collab between West and Swift was not what we all expected:
And, finally, Kanye pulling a Kim...
Kimye
We applaud Swift for this brilliant...positioning.
But before you think Swift's genius is limited to her creative song writing, her ability to protect her brand, or her skills with Photoshop, it seems good ol' Taylor has purchased other similar domains.
Clearly, she wants to have something to fall back on should the whole porn thing not work out...
We're on the look out for other entertainers buying up their .porn sites.
So far, we've only found one...
But we've already bought our 1-year subscription!...
-30- All photos used for parody purposes.
In the 1st Annual Oscars Big, Fat Losers, we’re going to go over the list of Oscar nominees and, rather than further praise the likely 2015 Oscar winner, we’re going to call out the biggest loser in the bunch. So, since my invitation to the Academy Awards was lost in the mail, let’s have some fun... Best Actress Likely Winner: Julianne Moore in “Still Alice” Possible Upset: Felicity Jones in “The Theory of Everything” Who Everyone Forgot 7 Mos. Ago: Rosamund Pike in “Gone Girl” Likely Doesn’t Care (she's French...she doesn't care about anything): Marion Cotillard in “Two Days, One Night” BIG, FAT LOSER: Reese Witherspoon in “Wild” - Reese tried too hard. Playing a woman who used to play with heavy drugs, sleep around, and cheat on her dedicated fiancé, the woman discovers her mom is dying and decides to commune with Zzzzzzz. Oh, and she’s nekkid. But it’s for naught. No one saw Wild. No one will. Best Actor Likely Winner: Eddie Redmayne in “The Theory of Everything” Who Everyone Wants to Win: Michael Keaton in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Who Wins the Really Big Prize (a Marvel franchise): Benedict Cumberbatch in “The Imitation Game” Possible Upset: Bradley Cooper in “American Sniper” BIG, FAT LOSER: Steve Carell in “Foxcatcher” - Well, let’s make things clear: Carell is certainly no loser. You start out as a Daily Show correspondent and become one of the biggest box office draws in movies? Not so bad. But Carell keeps making these bizarre dramas that never really connect: Even Almighty, Get Smart, Burt Wonderstone (at least, I think those were dramas). Carell decided, around the time he agreed to make the Hallmark channel-rejected movie “Dan in Real Life,” that he wanted to be a real actor. Or, rather, that he just doesn’t want all the news stations, sometime in the future, to state “Known best as the 40-year-old virgin, Steve Carell died tragically today...” With that in mind, Director Bennett Miller, who could’ve done anything he wanted, with any actor he wanted, after Moneyball chose to surrender any chances of getting a director nod by casting Carell. And he seemed to have made his decision based on Carell’s nose. Apparently his schnoz was the only one that would take to the prosthetic. The real loser here: Bennett Miller. And Carell is now "Oscar nominee, Steve Carell" and no longer "The actor best-known as the 40-year-old virgin." Best Supporting Actress Extremely Likely Winner: Patricia Arquette in “Boyhood” Looking for a Series On Showtime: Laura Dern in “Wild” Not Gonna Happen: Keira Knightley in “The Imitation Game” Throatiest: Emma Stone in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” BIG, FAT LOSER: Meryl Streep in “Into the Woods” - Oh, Meryl, we love you, but Hollywood will never give you an award for your singing. Best Supporting Actor Likely Winner: J.K. Simmons in “Whiplash” (for playing J.K. Simmons in everything) Possible Upset: Ethan Hawke in “Boyhood” Cursing Under his Breath: Robert Duvall in “The Judge” Still Angry at Marvel: Edward Norton in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” BIG, FAT LOSER: Mark Ruffalo in “Foxcatcher” - Dude’s been nominated before in the category (The Kids Are Alright) and won a ton of critics awards...and here he is playing second fiddle to the 40-Year-Old Virgin. Best Director Likely Winner: Alejandro G. Iñárritu, "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)" Practicing Tracking Shots: Wes Anderson, "The Grand Budapest Hotel" Back to the old Oscar Bait 'n' Tackle Shop: Morten Tyldum, "The Imitation Game” BIG, FAT, LOSER: Richard Linklater, "Boyhood" - He might actually win this thing. I mean, it’s hard to make a movie that everyone admires but is so utterly awful. Each character, save for Arquette’s, is a 2D caricature: the divorced dad who tries too hard to connect w/the kids; the drunk step dad who grumbles “I’m having a drink with dinner, you got somethin' t' say 'bout that?!”; the guy whose glory days are long past so now he has a crappy blue-collar job and hates life and takes it out on the step-kids... Linklater also seems to think that, in film, showing and telling are just not enough, so he must show and tell and show and tell again...juuust to be certain that we get every little thing at all times always...heaven forbid the audience have to work for anything. 40-Year-Old Virgin: Bennett Miller, "Foxcatcher" Best Picture Likely Winner: Boyhood Likely to Spin-Off to an Adult Swim Animated Series: Birdman Loser That Leaves Everyone Guilt-Ridden: Selma Possible Upset: The Theory of Everything Can't Break the Code: The Imitation Game BIG, FAT LOSER: The Grand Budapest Hotel - Hey, listen, it's a great film. It's possibly Anderson's best. But it's still Wes Anderson doing exactly what he always does. Do I think it should win? Yeah. Will the academy? I dunno...they seem SO impressed with a guy who filmed the same actors again and again over 12 years, in spite forgetting to write a script, that Anderson's chances are, like his slacks, ultra-slim. Left vs. Right, Us vs. Them, Write vs. Wrong: American Sniper Remake of Fame (but with Drums): Whiplash Those're the biggies, folks! Looking forward to seeing how it plays out...Updates will happen here Oscar night!
How white are the Oscars, really?
— BLOG NOTE: Z!TV’s 1st Annual Oscar’s BIG, FAT LOSER Coverage is coming OSCAR NIGHT! —
With no black nominees in the acting categories, people declared the movie Selma was snubbed. People accused “Oscar” of being racist. People wondered why Kendall Jenner was spending so much time with Tyga.
Oh,sorry, that was not people, that was People magazine.
Well, yes, we all know by now that all the good actors in 2014 were white.
And perhaps this anger at the Oscars -- actually the other actors in the Screen Actors Guild who vote for people they feel may be deserving of an Academy Award -- should be directed at the black actors.
Perhaps the actors sucked.
Maybe it was the writers and directors.
Perhaps the material was weak.
If you were to get Denzel Washington to play Stephen Hawking in Theory of Everything, it might be a different story. First of all, that’s a movie everyone in the world would go see. I mean, seriously. Denzel would be one badass science nerd-slash-genius-slash-tough-ass-mother-flucker.
DENZEL WASHINGTON AS STEPHEN HAWKING:
But, more importantly, would “Oscar” have “snubbed” him the way they did for his performance in The Equalizer?
We all know the answer -- it’s obvious...
Definitely not!
Had Chadwick Boseman who played James Brown in Get On Up! taken a turn in an all-black version of Grand Budapest Hotel, as directed by, say, Lee Daniels, would he and the others had been snubbed?
No.
Daniels proved his expertise as a director with “The Butler.” In that film, based as closely on a real-life White House butler’s life as Guardians of the Galaxy was on the life of NASA’s Buzz Aldrin, Daniels showed us the parallel but divergent paths of Black America. He was so generous a director, he did this about 37 times: The butler serves a nice dinner for the president, the son goes to a sit-in; the Butler meets heads of state, the son gets arrested; the butler pets a kitty cat, the son argues with Black Panthers. It’s really not completely ridiculous and overblown at all.
And not nearly as ridiculous as making Oprah’s wife-of-the-butler character a cheater, a drunk, depressed, and any other Oscar-likely emotional state.
Which brings me to my point: The Butler was not snubbed. (Admittedly, EW wrote about this last year. http://www.ew.com/article/2014/01/27/butler-oscar-snub-lee-daniels) No...wait...that was my point last year...
My point this year is this: Maybe the movies with the black actors in them suck. Maybe the actors suck.
Now, I’m not going to pretend I can judge such things. I’ve not studied acting, nor have I studied directing. But, more importantly, like most of the academy, I’ve not seen Selma, Get On Up, or that artsy film which starred Halle Berry that almost nobody has heard of.
The Oscars aren’t about race. They’re about the zeitgeist. Whatever wave is moving through Hollywood will be embraced by the academy voters. Last year it was in-your-face art like 12 Years a Slave, The Wolf of Wall Street, or -- to a lesser degree -- Captain Philips.
This year it’s the art of filmmaking -- new ways of telling stories filmically: Birdman (the phony continuous 1-take surrealist film), Boyhood (based on the concept of the famous documentary Seven-Up), Grand Budapest Hotel (Wes Anderson doing what Wes Anderson singularly does, but doing it slightly better than -- and with weightier prospects -- than usual).
Clint Eastwood was snubbed, and I haven’t heard one person shout, “Does Oscar hate old guys?” (No, it doesn’t) or “Does Oscar hate Republicans?” (Hells yeah.) The fact is, Eastwood’s American Sniper is garbage.
But, wait, Bradley Cooper was nominated. Yes, because his performance was incredible. There was absolutely no sign of Bradley Cooper in the portrayal of depressed murderer, under-appreciated (by Michael Moore) soldier, and Jesse “The Elderly Body” Ventura-hater Chris Kyle. Can we say the same of David Oyelewo?
I don’t know, I didn’t see Selma.
Nor did anyone in the Academy.
But it's possible that his portrayal of MLK was not great. It's possible that he didn't capture what we the audience know of MLK at all. It's possible that the director forgot to give the audience some way to understand that King wasn't just the guy who sermoned "I have a dream" and was a multi-dimensional person with a more quiet and just as powerful demeanor when not speechifying, and it's very possible that whoever that person was, we didn't see him portrayed via directing, or the acting, in any way we the audience could buy.
But, you know, it's so hard to say since I didn't see the movie
Don’t blame the game, blame the players: If Oscar wasn’t racist last year, it likely wasn’t racist this year. If the Academy’s president for the last several years is a black woman, can we really say they’re racist?
No, what we can say is that the reason there’s no diversity in the Oscars race is BECAUSE THERE'S NO DIVERSITY IN HOLLYWOOD!
Well, Michael Keaton, it turns out, is 1/25 Cherokee.
You want diversity? Movies starring black actors other than Kevin Hart need to be made and seen. And while they don’t need to be good, they need to pretend to be good. That’s how nominations are made.
Denzel in a wheelchair, man...Denzel in a wheelchair.