Sea Kitty @n-992 - Tumblr Blog

Очень скучаю по тем временам когда Дельфин пел о любви и наркотиках, а "Лето 2010го" Ночных Грузчиков вызывало у меня чувство меланхолии, а не желание плакать.

As a fragile antique treasure that I am, I have now spent too many years safely tucked away out of sight.

#personal

When they tell you not to read Russian newspapers before breakfast, you should bloody listen.

Leaving a supermarket packed like a mule, I remembered the very last time I saw Y . How I said goodbye to her, hugging her tighter than I was supposed to and feeling somewhat guilty (why exactly was I feeling guilty though?) I guess this memory was brought on by a couple I saw kissing to greet each other in a parking lot. A brief peck on the lips and off they go. My first thought was "did I do that to Y.? can't even remember!" And then there I was, at an empty bus stop, with bags full of groceries, looking like a boring middle aged woman and trying my best not to cry about having lost something that was so important and still having that void inside of me. I guess what was even more upsetting is understanding I have absolutely no joy in life and almost no social interactions. Gone are the days when I would meet a former classmate walking in a nearby city at night. Gone are the days when I'd get a sudden invitation to get drunk, or hear the latest rumours when just going shopping. Absolutely boring. Absolutely pointless.

#personal

#personal #walking #hills #shed #landscape #river

I suddenly saw myself in the mirror and realised that a) my hair looks so nice today b) my cheecks look cute when they flush.

#pleasant!#personal

I took another book about women and anger from the library. I wonder how long it will take the book to totally infuriate me.

#reading #personal #women and anger #fury

On rush and compliments

When I went to the beach with Nataly today I didn't have my bus card on me. It was probably left in another pair of trousers. We were on a bus stop 15 minutes walk away from home when I noticed. So it was decided she'd pay for me.

The bus was first late and we had whole fifteen minutes to wait for it. Then really suddenly ten. Then five. Then it came two minutes early and we nearly missed it.

The door opened, Nataly got on with me just a bit behind. She taps the ticket machine with her card. "And I'd also like to pay for her. With my card." And she moves her hand back to the machine, ready to tap again. The driver swiftly blocks the machine with his hand and ask me "How old are you?". Well, 27, I say. The old dude apparently still only focused on getting back to the scheduled time asks again, because he did not hear. "Twenty seven, thank you!" I say louder, with a big smile and laugh. The dude laughs too, says something about how young I look and charges Nataly an adult bus fare for me.

#personal #27 #cheerful moments

On the nature of crap and human interaction:

If your floor is thickly smothered in shit there's no point in putting a nice carpet on it. Rotting reeking shit full of bacteria will still be there. You'll have to put a lot of effort into getting rid of the shit, the stench and the tiny critters.

It's same with human relationships too. You can't shit into someone's soul and then make it up by just not defecating there any more. You have to acknowledge what you've done and do whatever it takes to clean out that crap to make up.

This is why I have stopped talking to my mother this year. No more carpets. No more looking for help in washing her shit off my floors. Just freedom from getting any more of it and hope to able to get rid of it on my own some day.