Thanks, Brom.

I'm Nai, and I'm liveblogging a reread of the Inheritance Cycle, because I can do that. THINGS TO KNOW: -> This liveblog is not spoiler-free. -> this liveblog is a reread, but I hadn't touched the books in Years at the start of the liveblog. I've reread since but I only remember like, half the details. -> This liveblogger is a (very) critical fan. Be polite, folks. -> This liveblogger has a Murtagh and Thorn bias. Updates chapterly, whenever it updates.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragn 51: Ajihad

Paolini gets major points for managing something that few fantasy authors do: Remembering that black people exist.

He immediately loses half of those points for the phrase “skin the color of oiled ebony.”

Ajihad tells the party to sit, and like good awkward teenagers in front of an obviously powerful authority figure, they sit. We also finally find out that the Twins are Twins, and that they apparently have no names??? I’m still slightly confused by that, Paolini. Also, lots of people in the Varden are bald, apparently. It must be the in look.

Apparently Murtagh not only looks freakishly like his father, but he SOUNDS freakishly like his father. I question this, because apparently Morzan was from the far north and Murtagh, obviously, is from the middle part of the empire. Wouldn’t they realistically have somewhat different accents, even ignoring the fact that Murtagh wasn’t raised around his father’s voice and presumably wouldn’t have mimicked his speaking pattern?

Whatever, Paolini’s not here for my linguistics. Ajihad apparently knows about the scar somehow?? (Yet another Backstory Thing that goes unexplained. The secret lives of Ajihad and Murtagh) He makes Murtagh strip as proof of identity. Murtagh continues to be stubborn and not let anyone into his head, which honestly I can’t blame him. He needs hugs, though, my poor son.

So anyway, Murtagh continues to justifiably defend his privacy rights, so Ajihad has him led out and then kicks everyone else out of the room to talk to Eragon and Saphira privately. Eragon immediately asks about Arya, because he’s hormonal and has a one track mind. (She’ll be fine, she’s just still recovering.)

Eragon tells Ajihad the Full Story. Ajihad immediately latches on, with concern to the alliance Galby has with the Urgals - 

“That a Rider, even one as evil as Galbatorix, would consider a pact with such monsters is indeed proof of madness. “

[glances at the later books] we’re all mad here

It’s actually kind of nice to see that Ajihad isn’t perfect - he’s got his racism against the Urgals, too, like pretty much every other human in the series. Anyway, they then talk about Durza, though how Eragon managed to notice the scratch on his sword is a question for another time. If a monster like that was coming at me that’s the least of things I would be worried about.

Ajihad tells us that shooting Durza in the head did exactly jack shit, and that he needs to get stabbed in the heart in order for it to count. Imagine if Murtagh had shot him there to take him out instead of in the skull. That would have been a hell of a thing.

Ajihad tells our protagonist then that he’s going to have to deal wiht POLITICS, and also some basic backstory on what happened after Brom Got Egg. (TLDR; Arya carried it back and forth between the Varden and the Elves for a bunch of years.)

Also it was thought more likely that the dragon would choose an elf, which makes no sense to me? There’s way more human children even in just the Varden than there are among the elves, given that the largest elven city apparently only has TWO children in it. I know the elves are supposedly in decline in parallel with the dragons, but still. Arya’s years among the other elves must have been practically a vacation.

Arya’s ability to use magic is supposedly one of the reasons she was chosen to guard the egg, but??? all elves can use magic??? Their entire society is based around it?? Does Ajihad mean the specific ability to teleport the egg, or. 

Anyway, the elves are apparently pissed the fuck off about Arya disappearing and cut off contact with the Varden over it (not the smartest move on their parts) so they still have no idea that Saphira has hatched. Ajihad them gives us a brief overview of POLITICS INVOLVING DWARVES, then pulls out a parchment grabbed from the Urgals that indicates, on the whole, that Galby is building an army of them somewhere nearby.

That’s the kind of thing that’s important enough to be talked about first, you know.

Eragon asks why Brom wasn’t informed, and Ajihad admits that their messenger was probably intercepted and that’s why the Ra’zac found Carvahall in the first place. Thanks, Ajihad. Evidence points to a traitor in the ranks. HMMMMM.

Anyway, it’s time for Eragon to get a snoot up his butt about being independent - 

“I mean, what is expected of me in Tronjheim? You and the elves have plans for me, but what if I don’t like them?” A hard note crept into his voice. “I’ll fight when needed, revel when there’s occasion, mourn when there is grief, and die if my time comes . . . but I won’t let anyone use me against my will.” He paused to let the words sink in. “The Riders of old were arbiters of justice above and beyond the leaders of their time. I don’t claim that position—I doubt people would accept such oversight when they’ve been free of it all their lives, especially from one as young as me. But I do have power, and I will wield it as I see fit. What I want to know is how you plan to use me. Then I will decide whether to agree to it.”

Kid you’re not generally in a position to be bargaining too much. You’re just kind of lucky that Ajihad finds this an endearing trait rather than one to be snuffed out. Ajihad babbles about the burdens of leadership for a bit, then gives Eragon back his weapons. Eragon asks about Murtagh (GOOD CHILD!!! BE CONCERNED!!!)

“Innocent or not, he’s potentially as dangerous to us as his father was.”

Not yet he isn’t, jfc Ajihad, the boy does not have a century old dragon.

The returning of equipment resumes.

“That reminds me, I have Brom’s ring, which he sent as confirmation of his identity. I was keeping it for when he returned to Tronjheim. Now that he’s dead, I suppose it belongs to you, and I think he would have wanted you to have it.”

Did Ajihad know? Who knows, he’s dead by the time it’s relevant!

Anyway, Ajihad and Saphira have an exchange with Eragon as proxy, and there’s a brief discussion about how the Twins would get their asses kicked if they ever went up against a rider and dragon.

Ajihad calls Orik in, and says in general that the dwarf did the right thing by disobeying orders, even if he formally needs to be punished. He’s given the sentence of guiding Eragon around the city and not being allowed to fight.

Eragon, One Track Hormones, asks again to see Arya. Ajihad’s like “she’ll come to you when she’s better.” Thanks, Ajihad. Keep those teenagers under control.

(This chapter was so bloody long it took me two days to get through. Dies.)

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 50: The Glory of Tronjheim

I know it’s supposed to be “the helmet of trolls” or something similar, but I always parse it as “the helmet of Tron” because Kingdom Hearts is my main fandom.

In the morning, the boys greet each other while Saphira does the “dog growls in its sleep at dreams” thing. Eragon muses on inheritance until Saphira wakes up hungry and interrupts him. Eragon gets bored and looks at a lantern until people actually arrive.

They have been summoned to Ajihad! And are going to walk through extremely public tunnels to make a good impression. So they get lead to their horses and ride down the tunnel with Armed Accompaniment. Just before they’re actually in sight of people, Eragon is told to get up on Saphira instead.

The doors open into the inside of a volcano, with typical Paolini descriptive prose. As someone who actually does live in the shadow of a volcano, volcanic craters do not work in this way. I’m willing to allow it, though, because it’s cool.

Rule of cool justifies a lot of this novel, honestly. The scenry is so impressive that it takes Eragon five paragraphs to notice the crowd. He eventually waves awkwardly (CHEERING GET) and then they go down the path. Saphira blows smoke and generally behaves precisely as a pride-filled dragon ought to, while the humans remain awkward, the crowd remains cheering, and the guards remain guarding.

Eventually they arrive at the city itself, and here I have to laugh at Paolini’s mismatched scales for a bit. The crater is supposedly ten miles across. I realize this is fantasyland and so the population is much lower, but ten miles really isn’t all that large for a city. I don’t know, maybe I’m just spoiled by having lived in metropolitan areas all my life, but ten miles is “not even calling it a commute” distance around here. But then there’s a four story tall gate and that’s??? actually pretty impressive to have carved into solid rock without it shattering and falling on your head?

Anyway. They go in, and eventually arrive at a massive room that goes all the way up to the top “a mile up” (Paolini. Paolini no.). At the top there’s a massive star sapphire of “dawn-red” color, carved into a rose. I am not sure how Eragon can see it in that much detail if it is a mile away. Apparently at this point in the series no one had informed Paolini that red sapphires are usually called “rubies.”

Which is a pity, because it makes for interesting meta regarding Saphira and Thorn being made of the same stuff in a metaphorical sense.

Anyway, they finally get to Ajihad’s door after the horses are taken away, and everyone goes inside.

[naiblogseragon]

People like to say Eragon is “Star Wars with dragons” but I have to admit, I’m pretty sure Kylo Ren is “Murtagh with a light saber”

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 49: Hunting for Answers

[goes rifling through Eragon’s brain] Oh, look, I found the porn folder! It’s full of elves! (My pre-cut commentary goes increasingly silly as the hour grows early.)

So, inside the mountain, our heroes get lead off into a big chamber, where they aren’t even allowed to speak until someone’s done brain-rifling. The Twin demands their weapons (which is kind of pointless? they’re either going to be killed or get their stuff back... then again pointless displays of power over someone are a Thing). 

Eragon is justified in saying “why?” becauser dude can you PLEASE get his hot elf crush to a healer so she doesn’t die? Thankfully Orik steps in again because “that is an ELF you nincompoop.”

Arya is recognized and taken off to get fixed, thank goodness. Then there’s a creepy bald man telling Eragon to prepare himself. I really am not trying to make this suggestive.

The brain probing HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER because the twins are bastards, is why. With help from Saphira, Eragon hides a few things, including Murtagh’s secrets and his full knowledge of magic.

His entire body was rigid, jaw locked tightly. Heat radiated from his skin, and a line of sweat rolled down his neck. He was acutely aware of each second as the long minutes crept by.

i really am not trying to make this suggestive

after a longass time, it is done. The Twin takes particular note of Eragon’s mother (haaaaaaa) and information on the Ra’zac and Durza. Eragon kind of slumps over, justifiably given that it’s apparently a quite straining process. Baldy McAsshole demands that Murtagh go next after grudgingly proclaiming Eragon to be okay.

Murtagh is like “lol, fuck this.” and refuses to go along with it. Though he does admit that it would have been possible to threaten Eragon’s life into making him do it... child. important, precious child.

The Twin tries to break through his barriers anyway until Orik calls that shit off. This is not a torture session, not for allies of the free Rider that just showed up at their gates.

“Can he use magic?

“That is—”

“Can he use magic?” roared Orik, his deep voice echoing in the room. The bald man’s face suddenly grew expressionless. He clasped his hands behind his back.

“No.”

how can he tell that without getting mentally nosy? I don’t remember that ever being mentioned as a thing that’s easy to tell.

Anyway, because Murtagh refused to let a horribly painful brainprobing happen, the party gets left in the hall for the night. At least they’re alone and they can talk to each other and get their issues sorted out, right?

...Well, that might be too much to hope.

“How were you able to keep him out? He’s so strong.”

“I’ve . . . I’ve been well trained.” There was a bitter note to his voice.

my son... I really want the rest of your backstory...

.Murtagh thanks Eragon for not betraying his secret, and Eragon heals Saphira’s arrow wounds. Finally, they settle in to actually talk, because Eragon wants to know how and also why and basically just what the fuck, Murtagh. So Murtagh starts talking.

“He used her to carry his secret messages, and he taught her rudimentary magic, [...]”

More than rudimentary, if later accounts are anything to go by. Murtagh goes on to talk about how his mother eventually got pregnant and how she was separated from him after his birth.

“At the time of my birth, only five of the Thirteen were still alive. By the time Morzan left, that number had been reduced to three; when he finally faced Brom in Gil’ead, he was the only one remaining. The Forsworn died through various means: suicide, ambush, overuse of magic . . . but it was mostly the work of the Varden. I’m told that the king was in a terrible rage because of those losses.

Brom must have been really damn active those four or so years. Another story that would be interesting if we ever fucking heard it.

“However, before word of Morzan’s and the others’ deaths reached us, my mother returned. Many months had passed since she had disappeared. Her health was poor, as if she had suffered a great illness, and she grew steadily worse. Within a fortnight, she died.”

A great illness... oradifficultsecondpregnancycough.

Murtagh goes on to talk about how he was raised at the palace, but chose to generally keep away from the court and the king, and on his eighteenth birthday, Galbatorix summoned him personally and was very persuasive about his cause.

“ When he stopped, I eagerly asked how the Riders would be reinstated, for everyone knew there were no dragon eggs left. Galbatorix grew still then and stared at me thoughtfully. “

Galbatorix: What? Yes. The Riders can definitely not be reinstated without more dragons, and I possess absolutely none of those. Of course.

Anyway Murtagh stays in the castle a few more months, and the next time he’s summoned before the king, the man is in a blind rage. Murtagh makes his decision to escape then, with his swordmanship mentor, and as soon as he can he jams the fuck out. Tornac-the-mentor-not-the-horse is killed in the escape.

After the end of the story, Eragon asks Murtagh why he didn’t just come to the Varden, because even with his parentage he would have won trust eventually. Murtagh basically says that he thinks trying to overthrow the whole system is wrong and that it’s just the king who needs to be outed, and so disagrees with the Varden’s rebellion. He apparently does not realize that the whole current system hinges on Galbatorix, and is going to collapse when he’s gone.

(He’s still better at politics than Eragon.)

They are interrupted by the arrival of food, which Murtagh takes as an opportunity to end the conversation. They eat and go to sleep.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 48: The Horns of a Dilemma

Awkwardly suggestive stripping in high tension situations: Paolini’s homoerotic overtones return. (Also, Urgals.)

So after last chapter’s Big Parentage Surprise, Eragon is in disbelief. Can’t really blame him for that, though it’s kind of a crazier thing to claim if it isn’t true, y’know?

“I didn’t choose this!” cried Murtagh, anguish twisting his face. He ripped at his clothes with a desperate air, tearing off his tunic and shirt to bare his torso. 

suggestive Paolini prose returns. take it all off, Murtagh (except please don’t, you’ll have to put it back on before you resume running for your life.)

anyway, Murtagh reveals The Big Back Scar, which should logically not cover his whole back, because of How Scars Work. I’m starting to reach the point where I just assume Eragon is an unreliable narrator who exaggerates literally Every Fucking Thing He Sees.

Anyway, there’s some talking about it, Murtagh doesn’t actually explain the big dramatic scar, but Eragon eventually removes his head from his ass and goes “i might as well trust him, I’m running for my life with him” so that’s helpful and mature of him.

They run like hell and get to the lake just as the Urgals catch up. Saphira distracts them so the boys can run up to the stone wall behind the lake, where Eragon bangs with a rock and gets nothing in response. Saphira realizes that they’re on the wrong side of the waterfall, so under arrow fire from the urgals they attempt to cross.

Through the waterfall. These boys aren’t smart. Eragon gets blown down by the water pressure and nearly drowns, before being hauled up by an unknown hand. Thankfully, it does not belong to an Urgal!

It instead belongs to a dwarf. Eragon is sligghtly confused by this, but the Varden’s people are finally shooting the Urgals, so you know. He’s not going to complain.

He looks around for his buddies and finds them at the entrance to a passage, where  a tall bald guy has a knife to Murtagh’s throat to ensure ~cooperation~. Everyone goes into the mountain and the door slams closed behind them.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 47: Flight Through the Valley

#punolini

This time we’re making Saphira carry double weight for a while, even though there’s absolutely no reason Eragon’s need to get away from Murtagh to clear out his angst can’t involve leaving Arya down there.

Saphira and Eragon talk about the issue, and Saphira is pretty firmly on Murtagh’s side because They Were Trying to Kill or Enslave You And Are Also Horrible People, but Eragon is fixated on the “he was helpless” thing (which he wasn’t really? I mean, Bad Paolini Action Sequences, but we don’t even know that the guy was unarmed).

Sometimes,said Saphira gently,there are no answers. Learn what you can about Murtagh from this. Then forgive him. And if you can’t forgive, at least forget, for he meant you no harm, however rash the act was. Your head is still attached, yes?

the dragon is wise and I love her.

Anyway, so after that they see the Urgals, who are about to catch up to them, and so they’ll have to continue pushing and travelling through the night to escape. Or, you know, die trying.

Murtagh grudgingly promises to stick with Eragon to the Varden’s doors, even though he plans to escape to Surda after. Good luck with that plan, child, navigating these high mountain passes on your own sounds like an incredibly foolish plan, even putting aside the Urgals and everything else.

Despite his words, he was unsure if he wanted Murtagh to stay.I like him, Eragon confessed to himself,but I’m no longer certain if that’s a good thing.

Eragon, normal people can manage to be friends with people who don’t share all their morals... 

They continue to travel through the night and into the morning and finally find the valley they’re looking for. Description porn time!

As they approached the valley, they passed under the knotted branches of the Beor Mountains’ forest. The trees were tall, with creviced bark that was almost black, dull needles of the same color, and knobby roots that rose from the soil like bare knees. Cones littered the ground, each the size of a horse’s head. Sable squirrels chattered from the treetops, and eyes gleamed from holes in the trunks. Green beards of tangled wolfsbane hung from the gnarled branches.

almost black trees, black squirrels... this is a very dark forest, I can see.

Also, real talk, the idea of pinecones the size of a horse’s head is as entertainingly ridiculous to me as the original draft where Eragon had a five foot long sword.

Eragon gets up on Saphira and they think it’s a good idea to go flying up to the top of one of the massive mountains. needless to say, thin air sends them back down when Eragon passes out. Though the claim that even the gaps between the mountains are too high to fly into is... Um.

Look, Paolini, I respect that you’re from Montana and all, but my mountains are higher than yours. Especially if Eragon is himself a child used to mountain air, he shouldn’t be having that high altitude problem quite that easily.

Anyway they find the urgals, Eragon attempts to get them lost in mist and nearly passes out from magic overuse again. They go back to Murtagh, who himself has run into some rather large wolf tracks and requests backup in the form of “please fly over my head and look intimidating.”

“Otherwise there may only be enough left of me to roast in a thimble.”

“Humor, Murtagh?” asked Eragon, a quick smile coming to his face. His muscles trembled, making it hard for him to concentrate.

“Only on the gallows.”

precious child. i love my son and i want him to have a happy life where he’s allowed to use his wit freely.

Anyway Murtagh tells us that the Urgal are Kull, AKA super Urgals. This is presumably how they haven’t died from trying to keep up on foot. Also;

“ I should have guessed that the chieftain had been put in charge of them. “

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR HISTORY WITH URGALS, MAN? #asking the real questions #because I need to make up the answers for fanfiction  

Anyway Murtagh is vaguely angry at the whole situation but they all still try to pretend optimism on all parts and he rides off. Eragon and Saphira have a talk and eventually decide to drop rocks on the urgals in hopes of slowing them down and picking their numbers off a little.

This is where magic would have been a good idea, Eragon. It would probably not take nearly so much energy to spell the rocks so that they land more accurately on the Urgals’ skulls. Then again, they are Urgals with incredibly THICK skulls, so it might not even be worth it...

At one point Eragon wants to go back and check on his lovely elven lady, but Saphira once more proves to be the intelligent one - 

Arya’s life is in Fate’s hands now. You made your choice to stay with Murtagh; it’s too late to change that, so stop agonizing over it. . . .

I’m so glad that Saphira. She’s going to make the long stretch of Eldest bearable for me.

They do return when it gets too dark for operation rockdrop, however. It’s Murtagh’s turn to be upset about something the other party doesn’t understand. They fight a bit until Murtagh finally drops his “I’m kind of the son of heir second biggest enemy, okay?” bomb, and end chapter. For once, Paolini has managed to use a cliffhanger effectively.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 46: A Clash of Wills

What’s this? A wild liveblog post appears!

Okay so we’re running from Urgals across the desert and the horses are so tired they want to die. Eragon is sore from both sleeping in the saddle and having a pissy child fight with Murtagh.

Saphira goes off to hunt, leaving Arya, because we’re dumb and doubling the weight on an ALREADY exhausted horse is a good idea. Eragon and Murtagh stop for water, and see a party of riders approaching. Murtagh draws his sword, and then somehow gets on his horse and preapres to shoot things with his bow without putting it away.

Paolini’s scene awareness still needs a lot of help.

Eragon plans to scare them off with magic and dragon. Murtagh’s like “naw, we just have to kill a bunch of them.” I know this is done to set up how ruthless Murtagh is but? let’s be honest, he doesn’t have a reason to think of magic-y solutions. At this point in the series he’s not a mage and his only real experience with magic is hazy childhood memories and barely-trained Eragon. I can’t blame him for not being confident in it.

Anyway the guy leading the other dudes comes up and makes no bones about being a slaver. If either of our brothers were smart, here, they’d point out that the two of them are being chased by a whole huge pack of Urgals who would happily pursue a group of slavers, and might even prefer it given their reputation as battle thirsty. Twenty men to fight is a lot better than two.

Unfortunately neither of them are that smart, so after some posturing, one of the slavers sneaks up and pulls Arya’s hood off. How he managed to sneak up on the back of Eragon’s own horse, we don’t even know.

Anyway, she’s revealed as an elf, the slavers congratulate themselves a lot, and while they’re doing that Saphira arrives. Murtagh takes the cue and charges into battle, somehow holding his sword again instead of his bow.

(So much of this scene is incredibly contrived. Paolini could have done with an early lesson in killing his darlings.)

The slavers scurry off in a panic, leaving their stunned but conscious leader on the ground. (Real loyal, these chaps! He’s not even unconscious!) Murtagh proceeds to go over and decapitate him, nevermind how much strength it takes to cut through the spinal column and how hard it is to do that specifically with a sword. Slitting his throat would have been fine, Paolini.

Eragon gets pissed about it has a moral crisis about his new BFF. Murtagh is confused, because he comes from planet Kill or Be Killed.

Saphira sniffed Torkenbrand’s head curiously. She opened her mouth slightly, as if to snap it up, then appeared to decide better of it and prowled to Eragon’s side.

Saphira no...

“I’m only trying to stay alive,” stated Murtagh. “No stranger’s life is more important than my own.”

#defining character words

Also, I just realized that Paolini is heartily indulging in the hatred of “said” in this passage. We have yelled, interrupted, exploded, stated, growled, and shouted between the decapitating and when they actually ride off. I feel like there’s bingo card potential there.

Anyway, the boys ride off, and continue to be mad at each other when they camp. Eragon takes the first watch so he can sit up and wrestle his teenage angst. Wrestle is the actual verb used.

On the bright side, they’ve reached the Varden’s valley. Yay!Hopefully the slavers have distracted the Urgals? (Not bloody likely.)

[naiblogseragon]

look it’s a plothole

Okay liveblog will resume soon, but in the mean time, riddle me this, fandom:

The HUGE DEAL is made about Saphira being the last female dragon and thus Galbatorix needing her eggs, right?

But. If he needed eggs for the new order he was starting, why didn’t he make the Forsworn’s dragons mate while they were still alive? they can’t all thirteen have been male, right?

And yeah they were all dead by the time Eragon and co are kicking around (Morzan was the last and he died ~15 years prior to the canon), but they didn’t all die off at once

Like there was probably a good fifty years at the beginning of the century-long reign of Galbatorix where their dragons could have been making babies

so. like. why didn’t this happen? Plothole ahoy.

[foreversilentvivienne]

if I recall, all the forsworn had male dragons. Saphira II was the first female dragon, that wasn’t wild, since Brom’s dragon Saphira I. And Galbatorix’s first dragon was female, but was killed.

[naiblogseragon]

Got a source for them all being male? Because I don’t remember such a thing, but I didn’t follow the interviews for years. (I’m also fairly sure that Saphira I was never stated to be the last female dragon of the old order to die.)

Why is “that wasn’t wild” relevant? Wild dragons were just as capable of laying eggs as Rider-bonded dragons; Saphira II’s own mother was a wild dragon (IIRC). Galbatorix and company eliminated all dragons save their own, Rider-bonded and wild alike.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 45: A Path Revealed

Computer hell stopped the liveblog for much less time than the last time. Onward! This time: Eragon Gets Allyzoned, Part 1

Now officially Out Of the Desert, the party camps and celebrates a bit. But Eragon is a Good Person and so reflects for a couple paragraphs that he’ll eventually have to go back to the Empire to Be A Force For Good.

A lot of his moralizing reads as really forced, which I realize is a fairly common complaint about Paolini’s writing style, but so it is. 

Anyway! While sitting and reflecting, he gets the brilliant idea to try poking into Arya’s head to see wtf is up with their sleeping beauty. He of course doesn’t tell his companions that he’s going to do this, because he’s a fucking idiot.

And immediately he gets his brain attacked, because Arya was being tortured the last time someone got in her head and it didn’t even occur to him that she might still be expecting that.

finally he’s just like I AM A RIDER AND ALSO FRIENDLY which at least makes her curious enough to stop brainstabbing him. 

Her mind was alien. It felt vast and powerful, weighted with memories of uncounted years. Dark thoughts loomed out of sight and touch, artifacts of her race that made him cringe when they brushed his consciousness. Yet through all the sensations shimmered a melody of wild, haunting beauty that embodied her identity.

Even when we’re in her brain, we can’t let you forget how pretty Arya is! Also, uncounted years? Dude she’s like barely a century old.

honestly it’s never really explored how elven minds are supposedly alien, anyway. what a letdown. At least with the dragons we get a couple of Saphira POV chapters.

Eragon fills her in and finds out that she’s unconscious to keep from dying by poison, which, really, Durza, why would you poison the prime prisoner. I guess it was “if we can’t have her, no one can?” but really that was dumb.

Anyway, Arya outlines that they need to get to the Varden for the antidote, and how to get there. Which, luckily, their choice in direction in which to flee the Empire was good!

then Arya kind of kicks him out with a “don’t talk to me again unless I am actually going to die” order. Good for you Arya, you go Arya. Assert your boundaries before the hormonal teenage human.

So Eragon comes out of the trance and shares what he knows. Murtagh, obviously, is like “ugh but, fuck the Varden” and throws a fit about it a little.

“Oh, not openly, no. What else could I do but help you with the Ra’zac? And then later, at Gil’ead, how could I have left with a clear conscience? The problem with you,” said Murtagh, poking Eragon in the chest, “is that you’re so totally helpless you force everyone to take care of you!”

...Well, he’s not wrong...

The two of them proceed to fistfight their way around camp until Saphira sits on them and makes them communicate like mature adults. Good for you, Saphira, you go Saphira. Assert your maturity before the hormonal teenage humans.

“No, I was born,” said Murtagh cryptically.

OKAY. THEN.

Anyway the fight is mostly forgotten when they spy a caravan of soldiers in the distance.

Murtagh pointed at the standard. “That flag bears the personal symbol of an Urgal chieftain. He’s a ruthless brute, given to violent fits and insanity.” 

“You’ve met him?” 

Murtagh’s eyes tightened. “Once, briefly. I still have scars from that encounter.”

THIS IS BACKSTORY I NEED TO HEAR, PAOLINI, WHERE THE FUCK DID MURTAGH RUN INTO AN URGAL CHIEF ENOUGH TO FORM A PERSONAL IMPRESSION OF HIM?

Anyway they agree that Murtagh will fuck off at the entrance to the Varden (yeah, right) and mount up to get the fuck away from the Urgals. Off they go.

[naiblogseragon]

look it’s a plothole

Okay liveblog will resume soon, but in the mean time, riddle me this, fandom:

The HUGE DEAL is made about Saphira being the last female dragon and thus Galbatorix needing her eggs, right?

But. If he needed eggs for the new order he was starting, why didn’t he make the Forsworn’s dragons mate while they were still alive? they can’t all thirteen have been male, right?

And yeah they were all dead by the time Eragon and co are kicking around (Morzan was the last and he died ~15 years prior to the canon), but they didn’t all die off at once

Like there was probably a good fifty years at the beginning of the century-long reign of Galbatorix where their dragons could have been making babies

so. like. why didn’t this happen? Plothole ahoy.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 43: The Ramr River & 44: The Hadarac Desert

Two short ones, so [smashes them together]

Before leaving, they tie Arya underneath Saphira’s belly, in the hope that she won’t develop saddlesores there. Points for actual realism for once, Paolini, this almost makes up for having a farmboy not know that groundwater is a thing.

With a witty quip, we are off! Except Eragon spends the last paragraph of this scene being boggled that HE IS TRAVELLING WITH AN ELF, A VERY PRETTY ELF. Sigh, Eragon.

RUNNING FROM THE EMPIRE MONTAGE

Eventually they arrive at the edge of the river, and camp there overnight. The next morning, Saphira raises concerns that Arya hasn’t awoken yet, and they discuss possibilities of why. Murtagh, rightly, is like “well we can’t stop to figure it out,” so Eragon gives Arya a little water and then off they go again.

There’s no place to cross the river, for a couple miles in either direction. Oh boy. This is going to be fun. So Saphira’s going to have to carry the horses across. OH BOY, THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN.

Actually it’s mostly shown in montage form, with one boy on either side of the river and the horses flipping the fuck out. After the grazing animals are done flipping their shit, the boys remount and ride off till they reach the desert proper.

NEW CHAPTER

Paolini’s fucked the thesaurus again, and description porn results. Noteworthy;

The imposing desolation was barren of any animals except for a bird gliding on the zephyrs.

YOU CAN SAY BREEZE. HONEST TO COD, YOU CAN SAY BREEZE.

Saphira is charged up and TOTALLY LOVING THE DESERT. Eragon and Murtagh are like “good for you, we’re sleeping” and they do that thing.

When they get up, there’s mention of the hope that their crossing of the river will lose pursuers, which... yeah, that is one benefit of crossing it in a place that no one sane would attempt to cross, by a method that only a bare handful of other people in the world have access to. The trail will probably be pretty well lost.

That evening, there’s a scene where Eragon proves that his method of gathering water does in fact work. Everyone drinks like crazy (except Saphira who restrains herself, honestly, if dragons really are desert critters she’s probably losing less water than the rest of them) (and I’d believe it, too, they could spread their wings to keep cool rather than sweating like the humans and horses) (the same way elephants and desert rabbits have really big ears to help keep cool by cycling their blood so that it loses heat you know?)(this was not an intended dragon biology tangent but there you have it)

After the next time they sleep, Eragon asks Murtagh to estimate the time of their crossing, and Murtagh is just frustrated and like WHO FUCKING KNOWS. Eragon’s narration waxes poetic again about the ever-sleeping elf before they set off once more, and the boys apparently spend hours discussing the problem. Presumably Murtagh gets very sick of Eragon talking about how pretty she is during this time.

In the distance, Eragon slowly sees... slowly... sees... squint squint squint... mountains holy shit are those really mountains look at the size of them. These are also, presumably, discussed to death, because this is a very boring trip and eventually they’re going to run out of things to talk about that aren’t their Mysterious Pasts.

Well, Eragon’s isn’t so mysterious. There’s not really anything for him to actually hide. Murtagh though shall retain the mysterious backstory component of being Tall, Dark, And Snarky for a couple more chapters.

By the end of that session of travelling, they’re spitting distance from the foothills. End chapter.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 42: Water From Sand

Another time Eragon almost passes out from overusing magic.

After some travelling they’re not succeeding at really making a getaway, just staying ahead of pursuit. Murtagh offers to be abandoned and Eragon is like “hell no” which, bless you and thank you, Eragon. Though it would potentially have been easier on everyone in the long run.

On the other hand, it might just have meant that Thorn was bigger on the Burning Plains.

After some discussion of their options, the party decides to go into the desert. Except there’s the pesky matter of water. Even the Ra’zac will have difficulty tracking them across it. Though on the other side, who knows WTF is out there.

“And then there is the desert itself. What do you know of it?”

“Only that it’s hot, dry, and full of sand,” confessed Eragon.

“That about sums it up,” replied Murtagh.

#because rocky deserts are for chumps even though that’s logically what you get in the middle of a continent shaped like this #with the mountains and all

(Seriously, I’m from Washington State. You know what kind of desert we have out at our eastern end? Ain’t sand, that’s what kind.)

Anyway to Murtagh is like “okay, I’ll go along with your crazy idea, IF you can get us water.” So Eragon goes off and attempts to do that in a corner slightly farther from camp, presumably because he’s about to do something dumb and instinctively doesn’t want the rest of the party to see it.

He immediately tries literally turning dirt into water, which doesn’t work very well at all and nearly makes him pass out again. Idiot.

He asks Saphira for help, to which she’s like “I can’t control when I do the thing,” which. Yeah. So they sit and grieve over Brom a little together. Eragon, homesick, makes a little dirt replica of his valley, and in the process discovered that groundwater exists.

So he tries pulling up water from the ground, and this is a LOT easier. Eragon proceeds to run off to tell Murtagh, and so they have made their plan. Huzzah.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 41: A Warrior and a Healer

Someone put a stop to me before I write fanfiction.

Saphira finally lands and Eragon immediately gets on healing her, which at one point involves pulling an arrow that went all the way through one of her flying muscles. Owww. Murtagh, trying to hold down the wing, gets whacked in the face in the process.

They leave Arya in Saphira’s saddle and take to the horses instead, hauling butt the fuck out of there, until they can go no longer. When they make camp, the Pretty Elven Lady is still unconscious, which concerns Eragon a little. Murtagh speculates a little on her capture, then fills Eragon in on what happened after his capture.

The Urgals have joined the King (or rather - as we’ll later find out - have been enchanted/fooled by Durza and he joined the king), which is a big imperial secret that they... can’t really do anything with, because even if the people did rebel, Galby could keep them from going to the Varden. I have to question this a bit, given how regularly other people seem to be escaping to Surda... Probably, it’s propaganda that Murtagh hasn’t even realized he’s absorbed.

Saphira points out that the Urgals are all being sent in one direction, though neither she nor Eragon put together that that means the ENEMY is in that direction. Doofuses. Eragon laments that they don’t know where the Varden is and their contact is lost.

He looked at Murtagh. “You risked your life to rescue me; I owe you for that. I couldn’t have escaped on my own.” It was more than that, though. There was a bond between them now, welded in the brotherhood of battle and tempered by the loyalty Murtagh had shown.

[raises eyebrows] Yes. Brotherhood. As in, that’s your brother you’re gay subtexting for, Eragon, stop that.

Anyway, he thanks Murtagh, who is promptly like “I couldn’t have pulled it off without Saphira,” congrats on your bonding time, boys. Paolini immediately reminds us that Eragon is heterosexual and Arya is gorgeous.

he gazed at the elf’s face, captivated.

Heterosexuality reestablished? No, we’ve got to go into a couple paragraphs describing Arya’s horribly bruised and beaten body, which Eragon is unable to look away from.

Uh-huh. Well, anyway, Murtagh gets Eragon some cold food to stuff his face with, and Eragon does the best healing job he can, and - 

Although he tried to preserve the elf’s modesty, he could not help but notice that underneath the disfiguring marks, her body was exceptionally beautiful. He was exhausted and did not dwell upon it—though his ears turned red at times, and he fervently hoped that Saphira did not know what he was thinking.

NOW we have safely reestablished heterosexuality. Whew. That was a close one.

Eragon works at this basically all night and insists that they keep moving in the morning, going to sleep in the saddle while Murtagh leads his horse. That’s got to be uncomfortable.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 40: Fighting Shadows

Now with actual Thrilling Murtagh Rescues.

The next chapter opens when Eragon successfully uses magic to throw his blanket at a wall. Good job, kid?

He also gets smart enough to just... turn the lock mechanism rather than trying to bust it open as he makes his way out of his cell. Now THAT’S “good job, kid” worthy.

At this point he contacts Saphira, who is like MURTAGH IS COMING DON’T DO ANYTHING STUPID, but it’s a little late for that seeing as at about the same time, a big group of soldiers shows up.

Fortunately, before Eragon can try to magic then to death, Murtagh In a Beard shoots half of them. Eragon has the last kept alive for questioning, which - 

“Do you know how much pain a grain of sand can cause you when it’s embedded red hot in your stomach? Especially when it doesn’t cool off for the next twenty years and slowly burns its way down to your toes! By the time it gets out of you, you’ll be an old man.” 

WOW, Eragon, that’s some imagination you’ve got going on there. No wonder Murtagh doesn’t learn compassion from you when you’re pulling stunts like that.

Anyway Eragon finds out where his shit is and where Arya’s stashed and knocks the guy out, before turning and Yes Eragon, Murtagh Knows How To Do Disguises. Eragon stubbornly insists on rescuing Arya, which Murtagh thinks is a Dumb Idea, but there’s not going to be any stopping Eragon, because he’s firmly in the grip of hormones.

Arya is conscious for her rescue just long enough to give them a Queenly Look before passing out. There are a lot of comments, again, about how pretty she is. Murtagh carries her because Eragon is still a useless sack.

Eragon asked, “How are we going to get out without being noticed?”

“We’re not,” grunted Murtagh.

No, dragonback is not a way to avoid being noticed. Thanks, Murtagh.

They get up to a room full of tables where Murtagh drops Arya onto one and tells Eragon to pass along to Saphira to have her wait another five minutes. I’m giving Murtagh a look like. I know you like your mental privacy and all but when it’s kind of critical to communicating with your ride... 

Eragon hides while soldiers come through, since Murtagh is off getting everyone’s weapons. Why they kept Arya’s weapons in the same building as her at all is pretty foolish, but it’s not like they do any good until well after this anyway.

Still, though, Durza, you could do better.

Murtagh then is like “ok we’re waiting till the watch changes” and so NOW Eragon mentions “btw there’s a fucking Shade here, bro.” Congrats Eragon you just lost every single point you’ve earned in smarts. All of the points. All of them. Murtagh, understandably, is like OK SHIT WE’RE GOING NOW.

Which, of course, leads to Speak of the Devil and Durza appearing. Eragon attempts to stall and is very near getting his ass permanently kicked when Saphira busts through the ceiling. Murtagh takes advantage of the distraction to shoot Durza in the head, which I only don’t kick my feet and scream about because I figure Shades are a lot more lack with their wards than other magicians, given their whole near immortality thing.

Seriously, stopping an arrow shot at your face is high on the list of Most Basic Things To Ward Against.

The Shade howled with agony and writhed, covering his face. His skin turned gray. Mist formed in the air around him, obscuring his figure. There was a shattering cry; then the cloud vanished.

Where the Shade had been, nothing was left but his cape and a pile of clothes.

So you can take your sword with you into Shade Reforming Land, but not your clothes? how bizarre. I mean it ties into something I had been thinking (that Shades only take with them the things that are “theirs”), but, still.

Anyway, Eragon is impressed, Murtagh is like, that was too easy, but anyway soldiers come in next, but luckily they’re able to get up onto Saphira and make a getaway in spite of her wings getting stuck through with arrows and shit. It hurts like a bitch though.

And they’re off! (fly away now, fly away now, fly awayyyyyyy)

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 39: Du Sundavar Freohr

Where in the actual fuck were we OH YEAH Eragon got captured again. Time for more Thrilling Murtagh Rescues.

Or: Eragon, you useless sack of shit.

Eragon wakes up high and dry in a cell. And by high, I mean drugged, because that’s what I mean. The cell is actually below ground level, apparently.

Eragon eats a lot of drugged food and along the way realizes he should be disturbed because he was captured by Urgals, not humans. He shrugs and goes to sleep on it.

Some time after that, a group of soldiers go by, carrying an unconscious woman. It is, unsurprisingly, the woman from Eragon’s dreams.

Eragon’s blood burned as he looked at her. Something awoke in him—something he had never felt before. It was like an obsession, except stronger, almost a fevered madness.

That’s what we call a boner, son.

Anyway TLDR the lady is an elf and yeah we’re just gonna call her by name from now on because otherwise THIS IS STUPID, so. First comes Arya, then comes boners, then comes Durza in a sable cape.

Then the drugs kick in and Eragon falls asleep again.

When he wakes up next, the drug’s worn off enough for Eragon to realize that it’s in his food and water, so he dumps the shit. This continues all afternoon, until Durza stops in for a visit.

Durza’s the only Shade with any characterization and he’s such a dumb dickwad, my god. Anyway he tries to manipulate Eragon’s True Name out of him, and Eragon gives him an obviously fake one, presumably because he’s tll too drugged to think of something better.

Like, come on, Eragon, True Names are like a sentence and a half at minimum. Yours is probably already a paragraph describing how many bad decisions you make.

“I must attend to certain matters, but while I am gone you would do well to think on who you would rather serve: a Rider who betrayed your own order or a fellow man like me, though one skilled in arcane arts. When the time comes to choose, there will be no middle ground.”

ok then Durza. Hope Gably doesn’t find out about your traitorous bargaining.

though honestly I imagine that forcefully binding a Shade is much harder because apparently you have to know the true names of every spirit in the Shade? Which means even one like Durza that has only three spirits (the one later on has four, iirc) has a STUPIDLY LONG AND COMPLICATED NAME that’s really hard to figure out because like, how do you tell which trait is a part of which spirit?

[/Nai textbarfs about Shades vol 2]

Anyway, after that little exchange, Durza leaves all like “I’ll be back tomorrow to make you suffer” and Eragon sits on his butt, trying to use magic and swearing a lot. 

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 38: Capture at Gil’ead

According to the wiki chapter list, my numbering is off. ??? ??? ??? Also god Paolini why do you like apostrophes so much. I mean it’s not as bad as diacriticals but.

Short scene of Eragon and Murtagh being nerds about horses. Nerds. Neeeeeerds. (When Murtagh’s horse is descrobed as gray, I assume Paolini means the normal definition of gray, as opposed to the horse person defintion, which is actually “white, with black skin.” A properly white horse has white skin as well as hair. The more you know.)

(Yes, I am also a nerd.)

Eragon was pleased to find that he and Murtagh shared many of the same interests; they spent hours debating the finer points of archery and hunting.

NERDS, or, #genetics. (Seriously my cousin and I have so many of the same interests that it’s kind of hilarious. Family meme.)

There is a travelling montage. Eragon is checking prisons everywhere they go. Also he turns sixteen, and Saphira turns six months.

Anyway, once Eragon’s ribs heal, he requests Sparring from Murtagh. They blunt the blades with magic and go at it, perfectly matched in skill, somehow, even though logically Murtagh has been doing this for years and Eragon for only a few months. Also in spite of the fact that Eragon, being the younger, probably doesn’t have his muscles fully developed yet. What’s logic?

We also establish in the montage that Murtagh can’t use magic but knows a decent amount about it, and that he is a nerd who listens very closely to Eragon using the Ancient Language. Montage on.

They get to Gil’ead, where Murtagh volunteers to go find their contact, and though Eragon objects, Saphira’s like “no this is the smarter idea.” Presumably if Eragon had kept arguing, she would have sat on him.

Anyway so Murtagh goes off to do the thing, and comes back late after having had someone recognize him. Eragon is not smart enough to raise the question of what about Murtagh is even worthy of recognition, which I am noting here for posterity.

Anyway the person who recognized Murtagh can’t stop oversharing to save their life so this is going to end badly, of course, the chapter title told us so.

Murtagh asserts again that Eragon is going to the Varden alone. This makes Eragon sad, providing the fangirls a reason to ship things they will regret later.

They decide there probably won’t be soldiers looking for them until morning, which is tempting fate. Eragon wakes in the middle of the night with a bad feeling. 

Hello naughty children, it’s Urgal time.

So our happy family fights a bit until an Urgal knocks Eragon out. This keeps happening. Someone please teach Eragon to protect his fucking head.

[naiblogseragon]

Eragon 37: Diamond Tomb

Send them into the afterlife with sweet loot.

Eragon gets up the next morning and continues to angst, until Murtagh comes back with a food.

Murtagh is like “so was that THE Brom” and Eragon’s like “yeah. how do you know that there even is a Brom to be The Brom,” which Murtagh gives a bunch of non-answers about. Eragon, looking for solutions to the problem of “should I trust this dude?,” attempts to read his mind, but trying to get into Murtagh’s head is approximately like trying to dig through an iron wall with a wooden spoon. Ain’t Happen.

So Eragon packs up his shit and pulls out Zar’roc, which makes Murtagh shit a brick because WHY DO YOU HAVE MY EVIL DAD’S SWORD. And Eragon’s like I DIDN’T KNOW WHOSE IT WAS. Thanks, Brom.

Anyway, the boys eat the food and discuss plans a little bit afterwards. Murtagh is Coming Along, which is good because he’s going to make the rest of this book bearable and also save Eragon’s ass at least once more before his dramatic exit in early Eldest.

Saphira finally comes back, and she and Eragon talk a bit, in which she reveals that Brom told her a Bunch of Things. Including how to find the Varden. So they’re off to do that, with the note that once they have their information in that regard, Murtagh is going to jam off, because lmao nope not going to the Varden.

Before they go, Eragon goes up to see Brom’s grave one more time, like he didn’t spend all day yesterday up there. He and Saphira sit for a while, until Saphira works Crazy Dragon Magic and turns the whole grave into motherfucking diamon. Where the density came from is never explained.

Like, seriously, the amount of sandstone there would not have transmuted to an equal amount of diamond. Diamond is densely packed shit. Magic is apparently capable of overcoming conservation of mass in this universe, at least when used by a dragon to make things sparkly.

Honestly, I’m not even surprised.