Each labored breath of air he took in made his lungs feel like they were on fire. His body was shivering but not from the icy cold winds of winter. It was because of the throbbing, aching strikes delivered by massive fists and the knee belonging to Nappa, his partner. The man who made it possible for him to live again. The man who was more like a father to him than his actual father. The same man who was furious with him. Raditz wasn’t sure what hurt more: Vegeta’s scornful words – the first he’s uttered to him directly since he came back to life – or the disappointment that gave Nappa’s temper merit. His displeased words also made his body shiver – made him feel like a child getting a lecture he knew he deserved.
He didn’t know what to say to either of his former comrades. He knew they wouldn’t care about how this situation made him feel. They would never understand. They didn’t have to worry about impressing anyone. They were ignorant to their fate in the afterlife when they all died.
They were privileged enough to feel like they had hope for a future.
Nappa knew this. Vegeta knew this. So why? Why….?! WHY WOULD THEY WISH HIM BACK NOW TO HELP SAVE THIS DUMB PLANET?! WHY ARE THEY NOW BOTHERING HIM WHEN THEY’VE LEFT HIM ON HIS OWN FOR SO LONG?!
These feelings of self-pity threatened to overtake him, and so he kept his eyes shut to hold it back. To hold back the tears of anguish. To continue hiding the true distress he felt every passing day on this planet. Distress that he masked with nihilistic indifference to his inevitable second death. To conceal how futile he felt his efforts really were. His search for meaning and attachment to this cause of getting stronger to help beat the androids has felt like a waste of time these past few months.
There was a part of him that secretly wished for Nappa to put him out of his misery. However, that would have been the easy way out. Nappa wasn’t going to grant him a coward’s ending. They were Saiyans. He’d force him to suffer and tell him it would make him stronger.
It made Nappa and Vegeta stronger, but it only made Raditz more resentful towards them and the universe as a whole.
Something was wrong with him, but the weakest of the trio didn’t know how to fix the problem. Knowing that there was a flaw didn’t help make it better, and he didn’t know who to turn to for help. There were no other living beings in this universe that understood who he really was as thoroughly as these two Saiyans did. Not Kakarrot, his wife, his son, or even Launch – the woman who was trying to see some semblance of good within his damned soul. Yet Nappa and Vegeta couldn’t understand or care enough about these insecurities and issues he struggled with. Perhaps it was impossible for them to relate to him? In all these months he couldn’t find someone else who could fully understand him. Couldn’t bring himself to be that vulnerable with anyone because of pride and fear.
So because Raditz had no explanations or excuses, he said nothing. Instead he held his silence and waited anxiously for the consequences he’d face for not answering back to Nappa or Vegeta.
He agreed with his prince: He was a failure, and a disgrace.
He had absolutely nothing to say– he had already discussed this with Nappa before. Discussed his concerns about Raditz, or rather his lack of training. He had one more chance to make up for past mistakes. He was give one more opportunity to show to himself and his peers just how much stronger he could become if he had just put in the time and the effort instead of wasting it all away doing something unproductive. And yet….
He was not going to argue about that with Nappa. He had agreed to it; he had accepted it and washed his hands of it. He had stressed it enough, that he wanted nothing to do with Raditz or what was to come of him during those following years. He had his own work to do– he had his own merits to achieve. He was not going to waste any more time to slack off.
So really– it didn’t come off as a surprise when he witnessed such an embarrassment right before his very own eyes. He had expected him to fail; he had expected Nappa to easily take him down, even if he wasn’t using his true strength.
Truly, this was beyond an embarrassment, and he couldn’t find the nerve to look. Simply hear Nappa’s booming voice as he demanded an explanation from Raditz.
❝Save it.❞ He cut in– his gaze finally rounding towards the two Saiyans. Taking one moment to gather his thoughts before he went and stood beside Nappa. Taking one last glance towards Raditz, knowing that his own words would do nothing to change his mind. ❝You know damn well that he won’t be speaking up any time soon,❞ he relented. ❝Nor do I care to hear another excuse out of him.❞
Perhaps that was why he chose to keep his distance– he had easily predicted what would have happened. How Raditz was going to be of any use to them in three years time? He wasn’t so sure– only time could really tell. But at the rate that he was going at, he was sure that he would only serve as a hindrance.
❝Nappa.❞ He stated once before he turned to glance towards his mentor. ❝I don’t know about you, but I’m done here. Do what you must, but I have more important matters to tend to.❞
As for Raditz– he simply opted to crouch down to his level to meet his gaze, albeit the fact that he was practically broken before them. It was in that instance where he felt a semblance of pity, the likes of which he had never felt before. He was his partner, and had been since childhood. He had grown up with him– had witnessed atrocities. Had mourned the loss of their people and their planet. Had suffered many injustices under Frieza’s tyranny.
❝You have five months to make up for your slacking. When that time is up, I will come looking for you. Consider this a warning– I won’t hold back.❞
“Five months seems awfully generous, Vegeta,” Nappa grumbled but didn’t mean it as a challenge. “You better be grateful for the time you have to improve yourself. I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but you better cut back on it and make training your main priority, Raditz. I’ll be checking up on you more and testing your strength. It was a mistake thinking I could leave you to do it on your own.”
With a humph of disappointment and his fury subsided, he turned to look at Vegeta and added, “I’m ready to go too. But I’ll be back next week to check in on him.”