TRIGGER WARNING: CONTAINS EATING DISORDERS PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS COULD BE TRIGGERING TO YOU!
Harry hated going to support group meetings.
He understood that his friends and family meant well when they began this whole intervention thing, but he really couldn’t see how it was helping.
It definitely didn’t feel helpful when he was stuck listening to people moan and groan and cry about their pitiful lives for an hour and a half. Harry had been through his own trials and tribulations, of course, but he would never be caught dead spilling out his entire story to a bunch of strangers.
It was only his third meeting, and he hadn’t at all tried to get close to any of the other people in his group, but Harry could easily recognize the new face at this meeting.
It was a boy, probably around Harry’s age, but he looked a lot smaller. His tee shirt was hanging off of his thin shoulders and his legs looked like the size of Harry’s arms. He looked gaunt, tired and beautiful.
The boy glances back at Harry, a light blush running to his cheeks before he returns his gaze to his shoes.
Harry looked away as well. He didn’t need to think those kinds of things about boys like that.
He had enough problems on his own, he didn’t need to bring another troubled person into it. They’d end up hurting each other anyway.
Harry had some anger issues. Not the kind that’s common in children, where they yell and scream and throw things in constant temper tantrums, but actual, scary and real anger issues that lead to holes in the walls and hospital bills that Harry just can’t afford anymore.
And this kid probably had some fucked up problem too, and honestly, Harry didn’t need to add anymore problems to his life.
The meeting ends and before Harry can even blink, the boy is gone.
It’s raining outside once Harry leaves and he sighs as he sees the blonde kid standing under the small overhang stretching out from the building. He shies away from the loud noise of the door clanging open, looking away from Harry quickly as they make eye contact.
Harry thinks about offering him a ride home, but he doesn’t.
Harry doesn’t talk to the boy for two more meetings, simply staring and wondering why he might be so infatuated with someone he’s never spoken to. Harry’s only ever had crushes on two people before and they were both girls. Both were bitchy, judgmental girls that liked the way Harry looked but didn’t like that he had a mental disorder so yeah, that made things complicated.
None of Harry’s crushes had ever led to anything of importance. One night stands became a regularity because it was just so much easier than actually having to get to know someone with all of the pleasantries: “Yes, I have one sister,” “Haha, no, my parents are divorced,” “Oh you had anger issues as a kid? Try having an undiagnosed case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder for the first 13 years of your life.”
But there was something about the blonde that drew Harry in unlike any other girl he had seen. It was like he was just a giant question mark. How does a pretty boy like that end up in a fucked up place like this?
Sometimes the kid would catch Harry staring, but he’d just blush and look away.
Harry would just smile back, hoping that next week he could build up his courage enough to finally talk to him.
The next meeting Harry finds himself sitting next to the blonde kid on purpose. He can see that the blonde is uncomfortable, and maybe even scared of Harry, but the taller one just smiles whenever he catches Niall’s gaze, trying to come off as polite and kind as possible.
But, the kid won’t even look at him. His hands are shaking and his left foot is bouncing impatiently, but his eyes don’t leave the ground. Harry ends up just starting over at the boy, not trying to look creepy, but he just can’t help himself. He can’t remember the last time he was this interested in someone.
The blonde glanced back at Harry finally, giving him a surprised look, probably wondering why Harry was staring at him so intensely.
“W-what are you doing?” A quiet, timid, Irish voice trembles as the blonde’s lips move and it takes Harry a minute to understand that the kid is actually speaking to him.
Harry gives him a small smile, trying his best to quell the blonde’s worries. He inhales deeply, trying to figure out what he’s going to say before he just shakes his head before mumbling softly, “Looking at you.”
The blonde nods like that makes sense. Maybe because he doesn’t want to speak anymore, maybe because he doesn’t know what to say.
It’s only about thirty minutes in when the head of the support group, an annoyingly chipper man whose name has gotten away from Harry, bounces up to the brunette and squeaks, “How about you, Harry? You’ve been here a while and haven’t said much, any thoughts?” He inquires, eyes crinkled and wild as if he was some kid’s camp counselor rather than the head of a support group full of messed up people.
Harry grins as malevolently as he can, eyes twinkling dangerously before he smirks in false sincerity. “Well, I haven’t put anyone in the hospital in 3 months so I guess that’s progress.”
The already silent room becomes even quieter.
The man’s eye twitches and his smile falters. “Um.. yes, Harry! Good progress!” He says unconvincingly. “How about you, Tony, how’s your family doing?” He moves along quickly, trying to keep the upbeat attitude of the room.
The kid has gone tense next to Harry and he silently curses himself as he can see the blonde actively sitting further away from me and avoiding my gaze.
When the meeting is over, the kid is gone before Harry can even question him, but the brunette doesn’t let him get away that quickly.
He quickly makes his way outside where the blonde is standing, shivering a bit from the cold. He doesn’t even look at Harry this time, making Harry frown.
“I didn’t mean to scare you in there.” Harry murmurs like he has a reason to be apologizing to this complete stranger.
The kid looks at him this time, shrugging without giving Harry any answer.
“My name’s Harry.” The brunette introduces, putting a hand in front of the blonde, standing a step beneath him but still matching up to his same height. The kid bites his lip, rubbing his skinny arm awkwardly.
“Niall.” He returns, placing a soft, tiny hand into Harry’s. Harry sighs softly as the hand is quickly retracted from his own after one slight shake.
Harry stands in front of the kid– Niall– for another beat, wondering if he could offer him a ride without scaring the kid again.
He decides to not, at least this time, smiling at the blonde a bit before walking down the steps quietly. He turns quickly to meet Niall’s eyes, that were trained on his back and tilting his head. “By the way, Niall,” Harry begins, allowing his eyes to drift a bit from Niall’s pools of blue, “You are extremely beautiful.” He says softly, walking off just as the blush rises to Niall’s cheeks..
Niall doesn’t come to the next meeting.
The next meeting comes soon enough and Harry’s more than worried that he scared Niall off. He didn’t mean to scare the kid, he didn’t even mean to talk to him, but as he’s learned throughout his life, what his mind wants and what his body does are two completely separate things.
For example, when he last confronted his ex boyfriend, he had simply wanted to have a chat about the fact that the bastard cheated on him. Harry didn’t walk into the conversation intending to break his exes’ collarbone in two places.
Harry let out a loud sigh of relief when he saw Niall sitting in his usual seat, alone and bored looking. Harry saunters over as quickly as he can without looking too excited, plopping down in the seat next to Niall, frowning, “You weren’t here last week.”
Niall gives Harry a small, apologetic smile, “I was sick.” He explains softly, not shaking like he was the last time Harry spoke to him.
Harry gives him a concerned look. “You’re okay now though?” He asks seriously, subtly brushing a hand over Niall’s bare arm.
Niall’s eyes dart to the movement, but doesn’t flinch away like Harry thought he might. The blonde simply blushes like always, shrugging. “I’m fine.”
Harry frowns at him, knowing just what those words can mean, but he drops it nevertheless. “Anyways,” He whispers as the meeting begins. “I’m glad you’re back.”
Three meetings later and Harry’s finally decided that he’s finally going to offer Niall a ride home. They’ve slowly but surely become closer in the sense that they talk before and after every meeting for the maximum of about 15 minutes and Harry’s pretty proud of it.
“Hey Niall,” Harry says amiably as they’re walking from the building together.
“Hi Harry.” Niall returns with a fond smile on his face. They make it through the door, shivering as the cold air hits them like a hurricane.
Harry steps in front of the blonde, doing his best to shield him from the onset of winds that’s now berating them. “Let me take you home, yeah?” He offers with a convincing smile, trying hard to not look as nervous as he is.
Niall gives him a shocked look, tilting his head. “Why?” He asks, but it’s not denial so Harry’s quick to defend.
“Cause’ it’s really cold out and I want to take you home from now on.” He responds blatantly, praying that the blonde will agree. “C’mon, Ni.” He pleads, as if Niall would be doing him a favor by letting him drive the blonde home.
Niall shrugs. “Okay. Let me call Louis.”
The Irish boy takes out an old fashioned flip phone and presses the 1 down for a minute before pressing it to his ear. The reply is almost instantaneous. “Hey Lou, I won’t need a ride home today… no, Harry is taking me… No, Lou–” Niall looks at Harry and blushes hard before looking away, “–Maybe, Louis, I don– okay, bye Lou.” He cuts himself off, slamming the phone shut and following behind Harry to his car, getting in after Harry opens the passenger door for him.
“Who’s Louis?” Harry asks after getting into the drivers side, trying his best to act nonchalant but he knows his words sound angry and accusing.
Niall looks at Harry, surprised, replying quickly, “My roommate. My best friend.” He rectifies. “Like– not my boyfriend. I’m single.” He rambles, looking at Harry all the while with embarrassed, red cheeks per the usual.
Harry smirks from his place in the drivers seat. “Good.” He says softly, trying to keep a straight face and not look like a smiling maniac in front of his crush.
“Good?” Niall whispers hopefully.
Harry looks back at the blonde, nodding. “If he was your boyfriend… I think I’d be a little jealous.” Harry remarks slowly, relishing in the excited look Niall was giving him.
They don’t speak anymore after that, but Niall’s fingers are tracing over the tiny cross he has inked into his hand, all the while holding it gently, and that makes everything okay.
The thing is they are really good together.
And it’s weird because they met so quick and they felt so much and its like they barely know each other yet it works.
Maybe things like this don’t need explanation, maybe good things can happen to fucked up people after all.
Because Harry can make Niall smile and laugh with his stupid jokes and funny faces and Niall can make Harry smile and laugh by just existing and they’re good. Harry’s surprised because it seems like Niall’s just an ordinary boy with no problems.
They have yet to really speak about that– the reason why they’re in support group meetings but Harry doesn’t really want to bring it up. Things were just too good at the given moment and he didn’t want to mess anything up.
But it turns out that he doesn’t have to.
Niall invites him over on a Friday. It’s the first time that they’ve spent time together outside of the meetings and Harry’s so excited he can barely contain it. He arrives at Niall’s flat about 10 minutes early, but the blonde doesn’t seem to mind.
“Louis is out for the night, with some girl he’s been dating for a while.” Niall explains when Harry asks. They opt to eat in, getting some good cheap pizza and watching documentaries on Netflix for the night. They cuddle and tickle each other and giggle but don’t go much farther. The last thing Harry wants to do is make Niall feel uncomfortable.
They fall asleep in a heap in Niall’s bed, cuddled together, warming one another up ands whispering sweet nothings until they fell asleep.
It was perfect until it wasn’t.
Harry doesn’t even know how it happened. One minute he and Niall were cuddling in the morning glow of Niall’s nice, big bed, the next he’s waking up to retching noises in the bathroom.
“Niall?!” He calls loudly, getting out of bed and making his way to the bathroom in the hallway quickly, coming to a quick halt as he recognizes his boyfriend hunched over the toilet with two fingers down his throat. “Ni…” He whispers, horrified.
Niall turns towards the noise with tears already flowing down his cheeks, hair mused in a way that looks like he’s been raking his own fingers through it recklessly.
Harry steps closer to the boy, fully intending on enveloping the blonde in a huge hug and never letting go until Niall knows that he’s lovely and beautiful and perfect.
But Niall jumps, pressing himself against the opposite wall, screaming out like Harry was going to murder him. “Don’t!” He yells, eyes wide and terrified, making Harry stop in his tracks. He never wanted to see Niall look like that, ever.
“Don’t t-touch me Harry, don’t.” Niall pleads, sliding down the bathroom wall in despair, tears slipping down his cheeks like rain drops. “Don’t g-get near me, p-please.”
Harry doesn’t know what to do, he’s never dealt with this before. His heart stutters, seeing the boy he loves in this kind of state and he takes a single step forward, but it just makes things worse.
Niall’s curled up in a ball now, hands fisting his hair as he screams expletives at Harry, begging him to “ please leave me alone” and to “get the fuck out” among other things. Harry falls to his knees, trying to make himself seem less intimidating, just so he can get closer to his boy, so he can gather him up and hold him until he feels better, so he can do anything to make this all stop.
Nothing works. He can’t even see Niall’s face but he knows it’s red, he knows it’s red and there are so many tears pouring from his eyes Harry’s wondering why there isn’t a pool in the bathroom. He doesn’t even know what started this or how to end it and Harry’s never been so terrified in his life.
“Ni…” He whimpers, unsure how to move on from this stage.
Niall pays him no mind, simply crying into the tiled floor now, sobbing like Harry’s never heard before. Harry jumps hard as he feels someone push past him.
He nearly tears the guys head off, but he realizes, brown short hair and short frame, this must be Louis. The guy looks at Harry, at the man’s disheveled appearance and red, watery eyes and just shuts the bathroom door right in his face.
Harry stares at the door for a full 5 seconds before collapsing to the ground in a heap of silent tears.
Harry sits outside of the bathroom for 2 hours and 34 minutes before Louis exits.
“Hey.” Louis says, sounding exhausted and confused, but strong nevertheless. He looks down at Harry, with his messed hair, his half nakedness and his tear stained face and sighs. “Usually I let him sleep it out on the ground since I can’t pick him up, but, since you’re here…” He trails off, gesturing towards the bathroom.
Harry peaks in. Niall’s still in a small ball in the corner, but he’s silent. Niall’s eyes are closed and Harry can see the fabric of his shirt rustling after every short puff of breath, but Harry still can’t move. “I don’t… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” He whispers, voice rough and strained from how much he’s cried.
Louis huffs. “Look, I was the same way after my first time of seeing him like this, but you have to trust me. He won’t wake up for another few hours and I think he’ll be more comfortable in bed.
Harry, by some will he didn’t know he had, gets up and walks into the dreaded bathroom. He easily gathers Niall up into his arms, reveling in the warmth and softness that he had felt just hours ago in a much different situation, and picks him up, walking into his designated bedroom.
Harry sets the blonde down softly, not wanting to wake Niall up and put him through all of that again, but before he can leave, Niall’s hand clutches the fabric of Harry’s shirt desperately.
Harry jumps in shock, hand grabbing Nail’s back reassuringly as Niall whimpers.
“Ni, hey, it’s me… it’s…” Harry trails off, not wanting Niall to freak out all over again.
Niall’s eyes don’t open but he squeezes Harry’s hand firmly. “Stay,” He says softly, voice cracking a bit, “Please?”
Harry nods instantly, kissing the blonde’s forehead as gently as possible. “I’ll always be here, okay?” He eases, and Niall falls back into a dreamless sleep.
“So he’s bulimic.” Harry murmurs after a long, painful talk with Louis over a steaming cup of tea that didn’t help at all ease the burn of learning Niall’s reason for coming to the support group meetings.
Louis sighs. “He… he has an eating disorder.” Louis articulates softly. “He’s been really good for the past few months. I thought it was the support group, but I think we both know that it was probably something else…” Louis mumbles, looking Harry square in the eyes.
Harry blushes lightly, looking away guiltily, “Then why do you think he… relapsed?” He asks.
Louis shrugs. “It happens every now and then. I don’t think we could’ve possibly expected him to just up and quit. We’ll have to go see his psychologist later probably. You… you haven’t been scared away, have you?” Louis asks, looking both warning and pleading at the same time.
Harry’s head is shaking before he even registers the question. “Of course not, are you kidding? I love him.” He blurts before smacking a hand against his mouth, looking scandalized at himself. “Shit, forget I said that, please don’t tell him.” Harry begs, not yet ready to scare off the blonde.
Louis laughs, and Harry groans at his own stupidity. The blue eyed brunette opens his mouth to speak, but the both hear a clamor from the bedroom.
Both of the boys turn their heads, silent until they hear it again, this time more clearly, “Harry?”
Louis gives the green eyed boy a pointed look. “If it’s any consolation, I think you should tell him how you feel.” He claps Harry on the shoulder amiably.
Harry protests meekly, “But–”
Louis silences him with a glare, “Your boy is calling you is he not? Go on, now, shoo.” He motions towards the door and Harry nods, choosing to drop it for now.
The brunette makes his way into the bedroom slowly and cautiously, not sure if he’s completely ready to confront the boy he loves who just… has a complete panic attack.
Never in Harry’s life had he felt so completely useless and he never wanted to feel that way again.
“Harry.” Niall whispers, looking completely surprised that the brunette was actually standing in his bedroom doorway. “I thought you had left.” He breathes and Harry’s heart breaks a little.
Harry waits a beat until his reply, “Of course I didn’t leave, Ni. Promised I wouldn’t, right?” He smiles despite the harsh beating of his heart against his chest.
Niall doesn’t respond and Harry shuffles closer, as if Niall might start screaming again if he comes an inch too close. “You okay?” Harry asks lamely as he sits on the edge of Niall’s bed.
The blonde makes a whining sound and grabs Harry’s hand in his own. “We both know the answer to that.” He says and Harry winces. “I didn’t mean for you to see that… I’m so so–”
“Don’t you dare apologize Niall. I know what disorders are like, I know you don’t get to control them. It’s not your fault.” Harry says vehemently. “You are okay, we’re okay. I’m sorry if I scared you.” Harry finishes, swallowing nervously as tears begin to gather in Niall’s eyes.
“I thought I scared you.” Niall remarks, pulling Harry in closer until he’s basically on the brunettes lap, hugging himself as close as possible. Harry’s hands return to Niall’s back subconsciously and he shakes his head.
“You’re beautiful and perfect and we’re going to work through this together. You can help me with my anger and I’ll help you feel worthy again, because you are so, so worthy of everything and so much more.” Harry says gently as he holds Niall’s small body close. He sighs, a shaky uneven breath before whispering lowly, “I love you, okay? Nothing will change that.”
Niall’s shoulders quiver and his arms tighten around Harry’s neck in an inseparable hold. He pulls back, looking at Harry with teary eyes as he asks, “Really?”
Harry nods back, holding back his own tears in as Niall kisses him hard and passionately like no one’s ever said those things to him before. He kisses him like it’ll be their last time but Harry knows it won’t be– he won’t let it be. He’ll keep holding onto Niall until the rest of time as long as Niall lets him.
He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he barely registers Niall’s soft, shaky response of “I love you too, Harry, so much.”
And fine, maybe he’s glad he went to those stupid meetings after all.
okay i hope i didn’t butcher this but hey I kinda liked it so, thank you for reading!!
Prompts are open! I do any niall centric OTP, OT3, OT4, or OT5! You can see my previous writings here and my master post here.
blakekathryn
dailybridgerton
andulkaphoto
yousharknotpass
ellievsbear
prguitarman
theartofmadeline
janainaart
