ok so you cut it in half

⚘ very stupid & irresponsible ⚘ ✿ Alex, she/her ✿ ⚘ ao3 ⚘

[space-bakery]

Shane pulling a Brooklyn Beckham two years down the line claiming Yuna hijacked their first dance in a VERY inappropriate way and that it is time to distance himself from The Hollander Machine

[space-bakery]

what if the wedding song was Got To Give It Up and it was unbearably sexy for all involved

[moonlightsonatah]

hang it in the louvre

pt 34/?

[space-bakery]

vocab lessons

chapter ii: shane

shane/ilya • e • 2/3 chapters • 7k / 13.5k total • canon compliant • hr through tlg + beyond

“No,” says Shane, frustrated. “It’s a - thing. Underground. Expensive.” It’s so wild this is just how Ilya lived for years. Shane finds it impossible to not to be able to say what he means, and he’s someone who often takes a moment to say what he means even in English. “I think you need to read Pushkin,” says Ilya. “He can teach you how to reach your full potential as a lovesick guy. Extra romantic. None of this ‘underground’ shit.” “Sorry, do you read Pushkin?” “Of course not. It comes to me naturally,” says Ilya. “You think I got all this by reading books?”

OR: five words towards bilingual fluency.

[space-bakery]

seeing some Garf discourse lately and as a lifelong connoisseur i just have to say: Ilya is Garfield. Shane is Arlene. Hayden is Odie and Luca is Nermal ok thank you

[dinkypirate]

[space-bakery]

vocab lessons

chapter ii: shane

shane/ilya • e • 2/3 chapters • 7k / 13.5k total • canon compliant • hr through tlg + beyond

“No,” says Shane, frustrated. “It’s a - thing. Underground. Expensive.” It’s so wild this is just how Ilya lived for years. Shane finds it impossible to not to be able to say what he means, and he’s someone who often takes a moment to say what he means even in English. “I think you need to read Pushkin,” says Ilya. “He can teach you how to reach your full potential as a lovesick guy. Extra romantic. None of this ‘underground’ shit.” “Sorry, do you read Pushkin?” “Of course not. It comes to me naturally,” says Ilya. “You think I got all this by reading books?”

OR: five words towards bilingual fluency.

[space-bakery]

you know what? if you have read and/or written ONE piece of fanfiction you are going to heaven

[oknotgood]

reblog if i'm allowed to slide into your dms with an "i love you so much!!!" with no preamble or context

[oknotgood]

okay okay how bout this: reblog if ANYONE (including me) can slide into your dms with an "i love you so much!!!" with no preamble or context EVEN IF WE'RE NOT MOOTS AND/OR HAVE LITERALLY NEVER INTERACTED BEFORE

[space-bakery]

they said it couldn't be done........ work a full day, go insane, cook three meals AND write 1200 words of porn????? and i said baby, how the fuck do you think all those other porns got there....... we are all in the gutter......... but some of us are looking at the thesaurus trying to find new ways of expressing thrust.......... you get four extra hours a month for the word cock alone, bra OFF and tippy tap......... and i did....... i did i...t...................

[hollanderthoughts]

Salt in the wound, cock in the hole, life goes on

[space-bakery]

I only asked her to do this yesterday and she’s already acquiesced… look at that little grip…

[bugslibraryy]

Hudson Williams when I find you-

[breathbanana]

Ksenia and Nadine after it was insinuated that there might be nudity [whether in the award show or the tv show, unclear]

[space-bakery]

It's not ALL bad for Ilya in Ottawa. At least chocolate tastes kind of good again

[space-bakery]

Wait FUCK and then enter Luca Haas........ Luca Haas and His September Suitcase of Swiss Chocolate..........

[space-bakery]

Luca Haas jingling like an alpine cow as he goes through customs bc his third suitcase is just full of

[whineosaur]

the kind of body always in demand, rated E, Shane/Ilya

For his part, Ilya has always known how strong Shane is. Obviously. How could he not know? How many times has Shane checked him into the boards hard enough to bruise, his breath a wet heat at his ear? How many times has Ilya seen Shane in the gym, adding weight after weight to his bar and barely breaking a sweat when he lifts? How many more times than that has Ilya felt the ripple of Shane’s muscles under his fingers, gotten intimately familiar with the work Shane puts into looking the way he does, playing the way he does? And yet, after they’ve spent days and days lounging around the cottage, playing video games and waking up when the sun is barely casting shadows, Ilya kind of… lets himself forget. He makes himself unlearn something that the rest of the world can’t see past. Shane Hollander, a fucking powerhouse of a man, one of the greatest hockey players to ever do it. Shane Hollander, rolling over to show Ilya his soft underbelly with an invitation to take a bite.

Mr. Hollander said he would chop the wood himself.

--

or simply: ilya gets real horny about watching shane chop wood

[space-bakery]

Do you guys think I could get a dad hat that says I never hear about you with girls in time for dyke day lol