Mental Meanderings

Just a place for the random meanderings of my mind to find a voice, whether they be original creations, thought provoking ideas spotted elsewhere, or simply nifty things I feel like reblogging to share.

[nasgoth]

I guess I must have fucked up pretty good in a past life or pissed off the powers that be at some point in time because my role is that if he who can never be satisfied. I'm allowed to want but not have. Allowed to have but not keep. Allowed to love but not have it reciprocated. Allowed to succeed but never be fulfilled by it. In short, I get to be a cosmic joke and cautionary tale... Lucky fucking me... #nasgoth https://www.instagram.com/p/B6JLTibnmcNvZEcpKlug-eB2jfgh815YAj4eZg0/?igshid=11tqnlkkeqtw0

[nasgoth]

I'm just gonna be in here for a while. Don't worry, the monsters, demons, and even the dragon that calls this place home recognized me as at least as inhuman as them long ago. It's my own internal demons that I've got to battle for the time being. **************************************************** For those who don't get it: I'm going off radar for a while to try to deal with my own shit. Not quite sure why since nothing ever fucking works, but I can't do the human impression right now. #nasgoth #hermitmode #flipthefuckitswitch

[nasgoth]

I'm looking to do a few hours of gaming this evening. Anybody up for it? I'm not overly particular on the game even, so long as it's one I've already got. #nasgoth #gamer #ps4gaming #pcgaming #letsplay

[nasgoth]

Forever and always the black sheep. The odd man out. The loneliest person in the crowd. #nasgoth #blacksheep

[nasgoth]

And I can't come up with a damn thing to do about it. As per usual. #nasgoth #fridaynight #nolifeking

[nasgoth]

Rome. I wanna go to Rome. I'm going to go to Rome. Gonna start saving today. Who's going with me? #nasgoth #travelplans #rome

[nasgoth]

Word salad! #nasgoth

[nasgoth]

Just what are you supposed to do when your own brain keeps telling you it's not enough? I work too much already, I haltingly try to maintain a social life, I keep up with all the familial responsibilities that somehow keep getting dumped in my lap, and still my brain says it's not nearly enough. I'm fucking tired. #nasgoth #rant #ihatemybrain

[nasgoth]

You know who you are. If you don't know for certain, then this probably isn't you. #nasgoth #ohana #liloandstitch #family

[nasgoth]

This happens to me fairly often, but I still don't understand how it works. Die to the first I'm not sure I could stand the company if anyone, but I still feel like I should be spending time with certain people. And the results carry when I force it, so I don't know which state is the valid one. Stupid broken gray matter! Make some damned sense! #nasgoth

[nasgoth]

Meaningful words. Words that have never been said to me, but I know I've said similar to others whom I've cared for and some that I still do. Odd how the loveless why so strongly for those they care for to know that they are loved. Or maybe in my sociopathy I'm just incapable of recognizing it. Talk to a psychotherapist regarding that one. #nasgoth #lyrics #deathcabforcutie

[nasgoth]

Saying sick a thing implies at least two things: that I know what I did and that I will attempt to avoid doing it in the future. The reality is that I never know what I did. Socially inept that way. People cut me off or disappear or just flat out explode on me, and I honestly have no clue what I did to cause it until it is explained later. So, no, I'm not sorry. #nasgoth #notsorry

[nasgoth]

Such a simple phrase. Simple but loaded with meaning and importance. Odd then how "love" is just like any other 4 letter word in my life. I'm not allowed to think it, gods forbid I should feel it, and if I actually verbalize it no good will come of it. Such a simple phrase. So quick to destroy everything in its path if I ever so much as utter it. My life is some kind of special... #nasgoth #neverlove

[nasgoth]

I believe I speak from an abundance of experience on this one #nasgoth #solitude

[nasgoth]

Just sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, hiking a jaunty tune, and waiting for the end of all things. #nasgoth

[nasgoth]

I could go on and on with clarifications and explanations, but nobody cares about that crap. I'll let this one stand as is. #nasgoth #notquitehuman #alwaysalone

[nasgoth]

Happy Sunday. Lol. #nasgoth #renandstimpy #nostalgia