Time was such a strange thing. It was crazy how this time last year, Nate was in a relationship with a wonderful girl and now he wasn't sure he could even call that same girl a friend. It was sad and completely devastating to think about because, above everything else, he and Blair were friends first and foremost. In fact, she was someone he considered to be one of his best friends. He knew that it was his fault for the fallout, but his head had been all fuzzy and his priorities were overshadowed by his need to defy his parentsâto be his own person. He regretted that all now. And, man, if he could go back in time. He knew he shouldn't dwell on the past because that's exactly what it was, the past, but it was just so hard not to. His life had taken a drastic turn for the worse and if there was ever a time that he needed Blair, it was now. He just needed her to tell him that everything would be alright. He needed the reassurance and he needed the comfort. Hell, he knew that holding onto her was slightly damaging but he just couldn't help it. She was the only comfort he had left.
Putting his hand into his jacket pocket, he toyed with the box settled inside as he stared out the window of the cab and got lost in his own thoughts. He knew he was in the wrong for acting like nothing was amiss between the two and for treating Blair like she was still his girlfriend. But, it was just his instinct. It wasn't like he was doing it purposely, he just wanted to hold onto something that made him feel at homeâsomething that made things still feel as if they were normal. He knew he couldn't do that forever though and that, eventually, Blair was going to call him out for his shit. He wondered if Blair had moved on and found someone better or if she was still heartbroken. He doubted she was dwelling on it anymore because she wasn't the type to let things like that have control over her. He, however, knew that a piece of his heart would forever be broken over the loss of her. Especially since he knew that, no matter what, things could never go back to how they originally were. His mistake would make that nearly impossible.
He knew that this little meeting at the park was going to be closure for her and hopefully for him tooâthat's why he had written her a note. There were a million things that he wanted to say, but knew he didn't have the courage to say aloud so he just wrote them down. Along with the note was also a necklace that he had bought for her months ago that he had planned to give to her for Christmas. It was just one of those items that he saw and immediately thought of her so he knew he had to get it. Maybe it could be something that she always remembered him by or maybe it would just turn into something she would throw away as soon as she was home. He really couldn't blame her for the latter. As the cab came to a stop, Nate finally averted his attention from the scenery outside the window to the driver and paid him with a nod of thanks. Pulling on the handle of the door, he popped the door open and stepped out into the crisp air.
And he didn't know if it was the bitter cold that took his breath away or the fact that he could literally see Blair from where he was standing. Either way, he felt like he was suffocating. Sucking a deep breath in through his nose and letting it out through his mouth, he finally willed his legs to start moving. His entire body felt stiff, aside from his legs which felt like jello, and he contemplated just running. He could leave right now, go anywhere in the world, and never have to see the brunette again. But, did he really want that? No. He did love Blair and he would always love her but he knew it was too late for them to be in love. It was knowing that he was losing something he couldn't replace that caused him to swallow the lump in his throat as he approached her. He just wanted her forgiveness and he wanted them to be able to be friends again. He needed her. Once she looked over at him and spoke just one singular word, he felt his breath catch in his throat.
"Hey." he replied back, mustering up a small smile.
He hadn't expected just seeing her and being in this situation to be so hard. He always caught glimpses of her around school and even saw her out and about at times but this was different. He knew what this was and he wasn't prepared. "How are you?" he asked, wanting to rid them of the silence. It was such a dumb question, but he didn't know where else to go. They felt like strangers. "Enjoy the holiday break?" he questioned. He figured if he continued with a follow up question that it would somehow ease them of the tension literally consuming their entire beings. Or so it felt like. He just needed to make sure that there wasn't an interval of silence or else he was certain he would lose it and he couldn't do that. He needed to keep it together. Â
