writer in the dark

text | naxl

Axl: Okay, I'll remember the no jumping thing. You better get behind them! You're going to get them all the time.

Axl: Mm, that sounds like a promising thing. I doubt you're up before me ever, though.

Axl: Oh boy, you in the shower makes me think so many nice thoughts. There's a really good pizza place a few blocks from the park. We can grab some coffee, too.

Axl: I'm going to tell my boss that, that you RSVP'ed to the spot. I really like that, though. I think this part of my life will be better with you there looking up at me. Everything is for you, anyway.

Axl: Sounds good to me. I'll bring some sheet music I've been working on, too.

Nathan: just because I don't like the no waking up early thing doesn't mean I don't do it. Besides, one of my classes is an 8am one, so I'll be having an alarm for 6:30-- sorry in advance~.

Nathan: Perv.

Nathan: But okay, pizza and coffee sounds strangely awesome together, so I'm down. Do you think I can get there on my own yet or should we not risk me getting lost just yet?

Nathan: Yeah? I'd really like it too.. a lot. I want to be there for you as much as I can, watching and supporting you and being so beyond proud of you.

Nathan: Now that /definitely/ is something I'm looking forward to, you know how much I love hearing your new songs.

text | naxl

Axl: I always assumed the jumping was the best part. I guess it is for me because I'm not getting jumped on.

Axl: I'll wake you up to kisses every day, if you'd like.

Axl: I'm game. I'm off of work here in the next hour. Where to first?

Axl: I've never had anyone front row and center for me and only me before. I can't wait to look down and see you there.

Axl: That wouldn't be a bad idea, actually. I would really appreciate your help, Nate.

Nathan: Nope, no jumping. But the kisses I could definitely get behind.

Nathan: And maybe I'll wake you with them too every now and then once I get my sleep schedule on track.

Nathan: I'm still in bed so that's good, it'll give me time to shower and get ready. Um...pizza? Is there a place near the park?

Nathan: I'm happy to be another first for you then, because that's exactly what I plan on doing. In fact, you can considering the front row seat at any show you do from now on to be occupied. I'll RSVP the seat and everything.

Nathan: I'm happy to help, we can go over the songs during lunch?

text | naxl

Axl: That's something I'm excited to find out. How you sleep and when you're grumpy and when I can jump on you and kiss you to wake you up. Psh, I don't like being up that early, so don't worry about that.

Axl: Then lets ride the subway. Lets go get pizza. Lets take a walk around Central Park. Lets go spend way too much money at the big stores. Lets go to China Town and get really great Chinese food. Whatever you want. Lazy bum.

Axl: I just found out myself. They never give me more than a few days notice.

Axl: I've been trying to come up with a set list, anyway. I can't just walk out there and sing Mary had a little lamb, babe.

Nathan: I don't know how I'd feel about the jumping, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be grouchy even early in the morning if I woke up to kisses, just sayin'..

Nathan: All of it. That's what I want. I want to do every single thing- with you.

Nathan: Alright, alright, I'll let it slide this time then. And of course I'll be there, I wouldn't miss it. I'll be front row center.

Nathan: Maybe I can help? I do have most of your songs saved on my phone already anyways, both originals and covers.

text | naxl

Axl: I don't know how you sleep still. I don't want to wake a slumbering bear, or anything.

Axl: It's your vacation, cutie. You should take some of the time to sleep.

Axl: But... since you're worried about getting out and doing stuff...

Axl: I do have a show this Friday. That I want you to come to.

Nathan: I am /not/ a slumbering bear. Unless it's like...pre-seven am. Then I might be a bit grouchy. Just a bit.

Nathan: But I'm in /New York/, Ax. I mean, I haven't even taken the subway yet, and apparently you're not a New Yorker til you experience that, so... Not to mention I'm finally all unpacked and settled, so there's no reason for me to sleep aside from being a lazy bum- which I am not.

Nathan: Wait.

Nathan: I've been living here almost a week and only /now/ you tell me you have a show coming up?!

text | naxl

Axl: I don't know if you stirred at all, but I gave your cute little cheek a kiss when I left for work earlier.

Axl: You were too fucking adorable to even think about waking up.

Nathan: Considering you sent that text an hour ago and I only just now saw it, nope, no stirring. But adorable or not, I still wish you would've woken me up..

Nathan: I have less than a month til the first semester starts, I wanna do more than just sleep it all away.

#phone #text

seein’ double | 01

axlallanmodica:

You’re mine. Those two simple words were something he always liked to hear from Nate. Thinking back, he remembered the first time they said them to each other. Over the course of a few months, they quickly became closer than he’d ever been to anyone in his entire life. For the first time in that exchange, he felt like he could be himself– the true Axl Modica, not the one he had to be to keep himself alive. Little by little, he let Nate in. For someone who never let anyone get close, that was quite the feat. He knew before Nate did, he still thought, the way the two felt about each other. Things between them went from getting to know each other to sharing deep secrets and desires. The first time Axl sent Nate a song, he thought he might physically combust from the nerves that ran rampant through him. They were for not, however. Nate seemed so genuinely flattered to have gotten something no one else did that even if it sucked, Axl couldn’t take away the feelings that came with that alone. They took small steps, but one day, they were each others. It happened without either of them really knowing how or why or when. When they acknowledged it– things changed between them even more. For the better– the so much better.

Being someone’s, being the person someone relied on for more than just money for rent, or service at his job– it made him feel like he actually meant something to the world. Sure, his music was well received and he worked hard, so his coworkers respected him, but he’d never truly belonged to anyone. Without parents, the elementary feeling of belonging never came– until he met Nate. Another little tear dripped down his face, his nose crinkling ever so slightly to stop it from trailing down the length of his chin. “I’m yours,” he repeated, grinning, despite the gross tears running down his face.

After kissing his nose, Nate did the cutest thing with it. The crinkle that followed made him laugh lightly, his chest feeling more unconstricted with every second the two of them spent acting like this– like the pair they’d been for so long now. “Goddamn, you’re cute,” he remarked, trailing a finger down Nate’s nose as he did. He listened to Nate talk, all the while never taking his eyes off of him. “I’m not sorry for having feelings for you. God, I’ll never be sorry for that. I’m sorry for the circumstance that we’ll have to deal with to be together. I love the feelings that I have for you. I love belonging. I love being myself– and with you, those are all things I get to have in abundance. Nate, I could never be sorry for the way I feel about you.” He brushed the length of Nate’s nose again in a silent show that he meant every word that he was saying. He then placed a soft kiss on both the boy’s cheeks, reveling at the feeling of his soft skin both against the back of his neck and against his lips.

“Finally is right,” Axl said, pulling back to take in those honey hazel eyes again. “You’re my home and now that you’re finally in our home, we can start all the crazy adventures I’ve been planning for us. First things first, though. Let me show you to your room and then I want to suck your face for as long as we can bare, does that sound okay?” Axl couldn’t help himself, feeling a bit more comfortable, he easily reverted back to the person he could freely be around Nate. They were going to have a life together, they just cemented that fact. And yes, they had lots to talk about, but Nate was here and they were finally together. The sadness and misunderstanding was over– he wanted to show Nate how great their life together could be. Stepping out of his arms, though, not before grabbing his hand, he nodded back towards where he’d come running from just a little bit ago. “Leave your bags for now, we can get them later.”

Nathan let out a breath and moved his hand, automatically wiping at the tears that were falling down Axl’s cheeks and stopping them in their tracks. He met the other’s eyes again then, unable to really look away, because even though they were technically the same as his own, Axl’s looked darker, warmer, like they were burning with desire and affection and maybe anything else the other boy was possibly feeling for him. And he loved it. He was intoxicated by the color, by everything about the man standing before him.

He tried to snap out of it when Axl spoke, when he confirmed that he was Nate’s just as much as Nate was his and he exhaled, smiling and nodding, “You are.” He assured one more, squeezing his neck once more just before he could before finally letting his hand fall. He couldn’t help but blush when Axl called him cute, making him roll his eyes and smile bashfully, “Shut up..” he mumbled even as he smiled still. Axl continued then, his words going softer, more serious, and Nate blinked up to him again, wanting to give him his complete attention. His heart started doing that fluttering thing again at the words the other boy was saying, words that practically made his heart skip a beat and his breath catch in his chest and his eyes widened slightly even as he nodded, knowing just how much those words resonated with him as well. He knew this situation wasn’t ideal...but he wasn’t sorry or ashamed of his feelings, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to try and bury them away either- not with how happy he’d already felt for months now with Axl in his life. He wasn’t letting those feelings go, definitely.

His lashes fluttered and his blush intensified as Axl leaned in and kissed his cheeks, the scrape of his beard against his skin making him shiver a bit and he licked over his lips, blinking up to meet Axl’s eyes once again as he nodded once more at the mention of finally being home, in their home, and at getting to see his room. His flush stayed prominent on his face though as Axl all but stated that a big portion of their morning would go to making out, but he just laughed softly and nodded, leaning in to press a feather-light kiss to the corner of Axl’s lips, “Sounds good to me.” He breathed out softly, smiling as Axl grabbed his hand before laughing lightly again at the order to leave his bags, nodding once again, “Sir yes sir. Lead the way.”

seein’ double | 01

axlallanmodica:

Seeing tears in Nate’s eyes, Axl knew deep down that things between them were never going to be anything but strong. They were two people who had a rough start in life, to the point where Axl sometimes felt like he’d be a completely different person if just one thing was different. They needed each other, whether it be in a brotherly way, or the romantic, heart pounding way the boy knew they both wanted. The use of his real name had the tears welling in his eyes falling slowly down his cheeks. He joked often about how much he hated his name, the only reason being he’d only ever heard it with cruel intentions said with it. His heart pounded against his chest at the way Nate said it so smoothly, with so much emotion and care. There wasn’t anyone allowed to call him that, he’d put Axl into place as soon as he was old enough to fight against anyone who wanted to call him anything different. Yet, he could get used to Nate uttering it in the same way he just did. Sniffing slightly, Axl tried to pull himself together, the boy so unused to crying, he felt a little embarrassed to be doing it now. “Good. I… never want that to happen,” he mumbled, voice thick with tears he was trying so hard to keep at bay.

When Nate didn’t pull away from his kiss a couple moments later, Axl could tell that this thing, whatever romance lingered between them, was far from over. Sure, they’d need to figure out how to act around each other in public. Their looks weren’t all that similar, and they didn’t share the same last name. Though, they’d have to be careful, regardless. He knew there’d be a lot of heart wrenching conversations about their pasts and all the things they missed out on from not being in each other’s lives– but all of it felt worth it. This thing, the tangible, searing energy between them– it was worth it. Listening as Nate spoke, Axl nodded his head lightly, having thought of all of that himself. “I know. There’s so much to figure out, but I already know what I want with you. What I’ve always wanted with you.”

Axl let a small sigh of relief fall from his lips at Nate’s next words. ‘And I’m still yours’ played on repeat in his mind for a few moments, distracting him from everything but the thought of Nate actually being here, actually being his. “And I’m yours,” he finally managed to reply, leaning heavily into the other boy as they rested their foreheads together. He leaned back ever so slightly after a moment, pressing a soft kiss to Nate’s nose. “I’m sorry for all of this bull shit. I’m sorry this was what we had to deal with upon first meeting, but I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so happy to see you smiling, to know how your face looks when you’re upset and how your cheeks crinkle when you grin. Nothing is going to change that.” Axl didn’t know why he felt the need to reassure again, or who he was even reassuring, but a certain kind of calm washed over him as those words fell form his mouth. “Welcome home.”

For a split second he thought using Axl’s real name wasn’t the best idea since he knew the other male didn’t like it but, thankfully, Axl didn’t seem to mind. Quite the opposite really, and he kept that knowledge in the back of his mind for now. “And it won’t. I promise. And I always keep my promises.”

The kiss just cemented this all for him- that it’s what he wanted. It felt right, having Axl kissing him. It was something he’d been dreaming of for months now, ever since they started talking and getting closer and Nate started developing real feelings for the other boy. It’s been something he’s wanted every time he was sent a new song, every time Axl texted him during the day or at night before he went to bed or even in the middle of the night so Nate would have a text to wake up to in the morning. His feelings were real and they weren’t going anywhere, not even with them being....unconventional. They’d figure it out. They waited this long and went through so much to get to this point..so he wasn’t going to give it up so soon- especially not when he finally felt truly complete and happy with the direction his life was going.

He let out a slow, relieved breath when Axl confirmed that he was thinking the same things, that he had the same reservations and wanted to talk things out, but he was even more relieved to still hear Axl speaking in the same way, to hear him confirming once again that he still wanted this, still wanted him. He gave the other boy a watery smile when he called himself his right back and he nodded, meeting his eyes once more, “You are.” he agreed, his fingers loosening their hold on his back but still keeping his hand there, holding him as he closed his eyes, keeping their foreheads together still. “You’re mine.”

When he felt Axl pulling back he did as well, blinking his eyes open just in time to feel the kiss on his nose and he crinkled it up, playfully wrinkling his nose at him before he huffed a bit. “Don’t be. You had no control over it anymore than I do. You...you don’t control who you fall for. It just..happens. But don’t apologize for it. For having feelings for me..regardless of who or what we are to each other..” He squeezed Axl’s neck gently again, still looking up into his eyes as he smiled softly, listening as he spoke- and when he heard those last words, he felt his heart stop and then skip a beat, butterflies fluttering around at the thought of it. Home. He was home. This was home. Axl was his home. “Finally.” He breathed out, smiling more, his whole expression practically lit up, “And I don’t plan on going anywhere..any time soon.”

seein’ double | 01

axlallanmodica:

For a long moment, Axl merely let himself enjoy the warmth pressed against his cheek. Nate deserved answers, he deserved a solution to what they were now dealing with, but for some reason, Axl couldn’t think. The touch was just too much. His entire life, he would have done anything to be noticed by the people that should have taken care of him. He craved hugs and affection– really, someone who could be nice to him, without demanding anything else. He knew, based on the many, many people he’d met over the years, that his upbringing was not normal, it was not what young people deserved out of life. Knowing that someone out there that looked like him, that shared parts of him was denied to him… it just about shattered every tough exterior he’d been building his entire existence. Axl wanted nothing more than to be loved by someone, and the someone in front of him did– he could fucking feel it with everything within him. So, for a moment, he merely leaned into the warm embrace, soaking up what he could of it– in case he never really got the chance again.

As he leaned more and more into the touch, his felt all the anger, hurt, and frustration flow out of him. Nate was here, and even if they didn’t get to have the life together he wanted more than anything, at least he’d have the boy in his life. He felt the tightening of fingers on his shirt, and forced himself not to look away, forced himself to not break the connection. When Nate spoke about not wanting to be alone anymore, Axl nodded slightly, unable to express how true for him that was. After so many years of fending for himself, Axl was a professional at being alone and taking on the world by himself. Throughout the year he’d been getting to know Nate, little by little, he picture what having someone there for him would be like. “Then don’t be,” he whispered to him, suddenly overcome with an emotion he never allowed himself to have. Tears welled up in his eyes as he kept looking the other boy over.

Instead of dropping his hand after tucking the soft curl behind an equally soft ear, Axl let his hand linger. Much like Nate was doing, his hand cupped the other’s cheek, the pad of his thumb tracing an all too familiar cheek bone. He listened intently, all the while letting his finger move along paler skin. “I can’t tell you how nervous I’ve been to meet you. You’re… my person. I never realized just how much having you here meant to me until just a second ago when I thought I lost that. This definitely makes things a little different, a little more obscure, but…” he trailed off, once again leaning into the hand that trailed down to rest against the back of his neck. “You’re my person, Nate. You may be someone I share a genetic component with, but you’ll always be my person first. I’ve known you as Nate the nerd who saves my audio files and laughs at my jokes– not Nate the brother, the twin. I.. want you to be my person. I want this, you, us– I want this, if you still do,” he said softly, using their closeness to pull Nate to him. He pressed his lips softly against Nate’s own, sighing at the zing that was still there, telling him it didn’t matter, telling him how right this was, regardless of the wrench in the situation. “I just want you,” Axl mumbled against his lips.

Nate knew it was going to take more than five minutes to come to terms with the fact that he’d gone eighteen years without knowing he had a twin brother, to come to terms with the fact that he was head over heels for the person who was apparently his twin brother. But right now....right now, he didn’t care. Right now he didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about the ramifications of being in love with his brother, didn’t want to think of any struggles they could face going out in public, what people might say or think or do if they put two and two together (because really, they only looked identical if you really focused. But with the beard and the glasses and the hair difference..it wasn’t too apparent, not really (at least, that was what he was telling himself). So maybe they didn’t have to give up letting the world knowing they were together..letting the world know that he still very much belonged to the other man. There’d be struggles but..god, did he think they’d be worth it.

His thoughts paused when he heard Axl speak, when he saw the tears welling in his eyes, and Nate sucked in a soft breath, surprised by the sight of them and immediately making him pull him in impossibly closer, pressing them together from thighs to chest practically. He listened intently as Axl spoke, his words making Nate’s heart pound hard enough that he wouldn’t be surprised if Axl could feel it and he swallowed thickly, feeling his own tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. They’d of course texted each other similar words, proclaimed their feelings but..it was a wholly different thing to hear them in person, to have them said right to his face, and when Axl mentioned the fear of losing him, Nate immediately shook his head and squeezed Axl’s neck a little, keeping their eyes locked, “You are not losing me, Allan.” He told him quietly, resolutely, opting to use the boy’s real name in an attempt to show him how serious he was.

He was being kissed them and he exhaled shakily against his lips, letting out another little noise and pressing up into it, trying to linger for as long as he could until Axl was pulling back, and when the man spoke again, all Nathan could do was nod. “I...I still want this too. It’s an overwhelming situation..and something we...we need to talk about but..all the feelings I had for you..th..they’re still there. Brimming at the surface..threatening to explode. They’re there and they’re real...” He tipped his head forwards then as he trailed off, pressing their foreheads together, “And I’m still yours.”

seein’ double | 01

axlallanmodica:

At this point, Axl didn’t really know how to react to what was going on. The frown that overtook Nate’s face told him that yes, his words were biting, meaner than they should have been. The need to apologize sat in the forefront of his mind, yet, he couldn’t bring himself to utter the words. The last thing he wanted to do upon meeting the boy who knew every single shred of him, was hurt him, or make him frown the way that he was. The rejection he thought he saw there– that was something he was still having a hard time dealing with. Axl felt the burning sting of rejection his entire life, and Nate, his one perfect thing, Nate couldn’t reject him. The boy didn’t know what he’d do with himself, so lashing out felt better than letting the possibility of Nate ever rejecting him happen the way so many people in his life had. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed his features, trying to calm down the temper he knew wasn’t needed in this situation.

The hand that came up to caress his cheek helped a whole lot. Much like the skin on his face, Nate’s hands were soft, calloused in places where he figured a writers hands would be calloused. They were warm and for the first time in his life, the touch was actually gentle. Without thought, he let himself lean into the touch. Axl craved affection, especially Nate’s, and he would take it while he could get it. If they were twins, he didn’t quite know how that would shape their relationship from this point on. Which made his heart flutter in a way so different than just a few minutes earlier. The hope and want and need for the other boy kept him chugging along for so long. Without it, well, Axl didn’t want to think about that possibility quite yet. Instead, he kept his gaze steadily on the boy in front of him, leaning more heavily into his caress.

The longer their eyes stayed in contact, the more Axl started to realize that there wasn’t disgust in them, but surprise. The surprise of finding a long lost love and partner in crime seemed to radiate from the gorgeous honey hazels gazing at him. His eyes showed some of the same loneliness that Axl himself felt time and time again throughout his short life. Feeling a bit more calm, Axl didn’t know how he let himself jump to rejection. No, Nate probably felt just as vulnerable in this moment as he did, the hand balling the back of his t-shirt tightly telling him everything he needed to know. “I… I can’t believe it, either. I can’t believe that even after being separated, we found each other. I guess…” he trailed off for a second, gulping in some much needed air. “I guess we’re not alone now. We don’t have to be, at least.” His eyes, he knew without needing to see them, were suddenly flushed with hope. Maybe this was destiny coming into play. Maybe, just maybe, this crazy, fucked up situation was meant to be. Axl felt so many times that Nate was his person, the one. Now, looking at the similar face across from him, he knew why. They missed out on being brothers, but were given something… a little weirder sure, but maybe better, maybe needed more by the boys than anything else.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, bringing a hand up to tuck a stray curl behind Nate’s ear. “I got mean there and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

Nathan stayed quiet still as he just looked him over. Axl..Axl looked so like him-- but then..at the same time, they were different. Axl’s hair was much longer and wild, and much of his face was covered with a beard. Axl’s eyes had little bags under them, and his eyes themselves..they looked harder, more tired due to the hard life he’d had to live. Meanwhile, Nate’s own hair was still full of curls, but they were shorter and he kept them somewhat tamed. His face was softer, freshly-shaven, and his eyes were hidden behind thick black frames. Even their voices were a bit different, since Nate always liked to comment on the grit and rasp in Axl’s voice whenever he heard the other man sing. So they were the same..god, they were twins, but they were two completely different people with two completely different lives.

When Axl leaned into his touch Nate let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, exhaling somewhat shakily as he just gently rubbed his thumb along his cheek, and when Axl finally spoke again, Nate was relieved to hear his words going softer again, not the same stinging, venomous tone as before. “I..I don’t want to be alone anymore, Ax..” he whispered, his fingers gripping even tighter into Axl’s shirt as if he’d disappear if he let go and he was frowning a bit still, but his voice was quiet, vulnerable, this whole situation overwhelming and making him feel like he was standing on a precipice, just wondering when they were gonna fall and in which direction they’d go.

Then Axl was reached up, brushing a curl away, his skin tingling where the other boy’s fingers brushed against, and he let out another breath before nodding, “It...It’s okay. This is all..it’s a lot. Just meeting you in the first place was a lot..and overwhelming and nerve-wracking and..something I’ve been waiting for for what feels like forever..but now...now this..” he trailed off, licking over his lips and letting his hand slip down to Axl’s neck, holding him still, needing the contact (and unable to resist just glancing down at the other’s lips for a moment, something that made him blush before looking back up to his eyes) “What..what now?”

seein’ double | 01

axlallanmodica:

Somehow, hearing Nate mutter those words made him feel more odd than his eyes staring back at him from across the room. For a second, he felt a weird sting of rejection. Not because of their similarities, but the simple reaction of the other boy. He didn’t know much about his birth parents. The first set of foster parents he could actually remember told him he was put into the system not long after being born. For a little while in his early teen years, he tried to do some digging, but like most kids in the system, he hit a dead end pretty quickly. In those situations, it always seemed like people went out of their way not to be found, which was probably the truth. There was never any evidence, however, of another boy, a brother, living the same kind of life. If there was, he would’ve done anything and everything to find him.

Not like that even matter, he told himself. Even if they were brothers (twins for fucks sake,) Axl had been on his own. The similarities between them were just that… similarities. This boy didn’t experience the ridiculous sting of being booted from one foster home to the next. He didn’t have to worry about not knowing where food was going to come from, or if he’d have a roof over his head later that night. They said that blood ran thicker than water, but somehow, Axl didn’t see a brother in the boy in front of him. The shared eyes and the curls didn’t freak him out in the obvious way it did Nate.

“You’re definitely not seeing things,” he said, finally deciding to reply. Axl had to bite down the cutting remark the hurt pooling inside of him wanted to lash out with. “You have honey hazel eyes and curly hair. We share a facial structure and if I didn’t have a beard, I’d probably look as baby faced as you do.” The boy didn’t know if the venom he was feeling from Nate’s reaction slipped into his words, but for a moment, he didn’t really seem to care. To Axl, the boy across from him was someone he’d fallen in love with. Not the color of his eyes, or the shape of his cheeks, but the boy himself. Leave it to the universe to not only give him someone to love, but to make that someone his fucking brother.

“I guess I should apologize for groping your ass, then, huh?”

For the umpteenth time that day, Nate’s thoughts were running a mile a minute. He always thought he was alone in the world--because sure, his parents adopted him when he was around four but..still, something always felt missing, something not quite right. He loved his family, but his mother was blonde and they both had brown eyes, they were both at least two shades paler than he was, and neither of them had an artistic bone in their body. They loved him, and he loved them, but nothing ever really felt seamless--...not in the way that things felt when talking to Axl. Because when it came to Axl, everything felt right. It was like they were always on the same wavelength, always thinking the same things...and now..well, now maybe he knew why.

He was still digesting it all though when Axl spoke, and the sudden terseness to his voice, the cut to his words, took Nate aback. He couldn’t ever remember a time that Axl lashed out at him like this, and it was more than a bit surprising (not to mention hurtful). “H-Hey, no...no, shh..” he mumbled, frowning still, but now because of Axl’s reaction. He swallowed, hesitating before he reached up and tentatively touched his fingers to one of his brows and then the apple of Axl’s cheek, his thumb swiping over the bridge of his nose before his hand moved lower, moving to cup his cheek, still not looking away from the eyes that mirrored his own.

The thing was though...his feelings weren’t any different. Even if this was his....his brother, his twin,..it still didn’t flip a switch inside him, didn’t suddenly make everything he’d been feeling for the other boy just go away. He’d basically fallen in love with Axl over the last year, he knew Nate now better than anyone, knew his thoughts and his fears, his dreams. He was someone Nate never, ever held anything back from..he was more honest with Axl than he even was with himself sometimes. “I just....I can’t believe it..” he whispered, still holding Axl’s cheek, not allowing him to look away, and his words weren’t in disgust or shame, just..surprise, and intrigue. But he didn’t dare pull away- in fact, the hand that wasn’t on Axl’s cheek was around his back and he twisted his fingers into the other male’s shirt, clinging lightly, not letting him move away nor letting him look away. “I..I always thought I was alone...”

seein’ double | 01

axlallanmodica:

Axl couldn’t recall the amount of times he dreamed about this happening. Well, he probably could, but he didn’t want to delve to deeply into that (because it was every night. Every. Single. Night.) It didn’t matter, though. Nothing in his dreams could have lived up to the way Nate’s warmth felt pressed against his body. He even liked the cool frames of the other’s glasses pushing against the skin of his neck. Nate was probably feeling the same interesting feeling of the scruff on his cheek pressing against the boy’s soft skin (and man was it soft.) He thought moving into his own place would make him feel complete, like a whole person, but somehow, holding Nate in his arms, he knew that this person was the key. The boy he held so tightly already held such a place in his life that now, now he knew he was really living.

He was about to protest when he felt the other boy pulling out of the embrace. That was cut off, though, as a supple pair of lips pressed against his own. Without even thinking, Axl moaned, his entire body heating up and tingling with a fire he didn’t ever want to put out. Now that Nate’s bags weren’t in his hands, Axl had more room to move his arms, so he wrapped them tightly around the boys hips, one of them creeping to his lower back, resting ever so slightly on top of his ass. The fire continued to consume him as he moved to deepen the kiss. This too was something he’d thought so much about. He spent many nights thinking about what Nate would taste like, and how their lips would fit so perfectly together. His thoughts didn’t… couldn’t stand up to the real thing. Real was always better, this real, this thing actually happening– it was perfection. Letting out another moan, this one a bit more playful, Axl pulled back, knowing if he didn’t, he’d have Nate against the wall with his hand down his pants in no time.

“Good lord, surprise me like that every single time you come home,” he said breathlessly, reaching a hand up to run through his already messy hair. It was then that he actually looked at the boy in front of him. Their eyes locked and immediately, Axl noticed that the eyes staring back at him were eerily familiar, almost like the ones that stared back at him in the mirror every single day. In fact, there were quite a few things that struck him as… incredibly similar. “I’ve never met anyone with curls like mine before,” he decided to comment, that, of all things, being the thing he noticed the most.

Hearing Axl moan into the kiss was simply otherworldly. Nathan didn’t know what he was expecting from their first kiss, but a reaction like that was both shocking and..well, not so shocking, knowing the type of person Axl was. Still, it surprised him and made him visibly shudder, made goosebumps prickle up along his skin and he exhaled harshly, barely even hesitating before letting the other male take control of the kiss and deepen it.

He knew it was soon, knew it was crazy but..it felt right- so incredibly, utterly right, so he wasn’t going to question it, not at all. Instead he just went with it, loving every single second of it-- especially as he felt Axl’s hands moving lower, sliding down to his waist and lower still, making him shudder again as heat rolled up and washed over him like a tidal wave. When the kiss broke though, Nate couldn’t suppress the tiny, barely audible little whine that escaped him, sounding almost like a whimper because no, he wasn’t done kissing him yet- not when they had days, weeks, months to make up for. Still, he forced himself to try and gain control, to swallow and focus on the here and now.

So he opened his eyes then, looking up a bit because Axl was just barely taller than him, more the hair than anything- and he paused. And then he frowned a bit in confusion, the corners of his lips pulling down ever so slightly, his brows furrowing just a bit because what?

He was quiet for a good minute, just..staring, looking into Axl’s eyes, the same honey-hazel color as his own..the same facial structure (minus the beard) the same hair.. “You...no way..” he found himself breathing out, his arms still wrapped around the other boy even as his heart was starting to pound for an entirely different reason. “T..Tell me that I..th..that I’m not..seeing things right now, Ax..”

seein’ double | 01

axlallanmodica:

Turning over in his bed, Axl checked the time, alarmed for a second before remembering that today, this glorious day, was his day off. Sighing, he snuggled back into the pillow, only to be reminded of what woke him up to begin with– his stomach. Since getting his own place, Axl ate more regularly. His dietary habits had never been good. Bouncing from foster house to foster house, there was never any permanence– never anyway of knowing where his next meal would come from. Not to mention the shitty foster parents that went out of their way to not feed him, and when they did, it was made to seem like the biggest imposition ever. Standing in front of his own refrigerator, Axl felt the same relief he did every time he opened the door to see it stocked with an adequate amount of food. His upbringing sucked, but the eggs and milk on the top shelf reminded him that his life was changing– for the better.

After making himself a pretty decent spread, Axl turned on the small TV he kept at the ‘island’ where he usually sat and ate his food. He’d never admit it to anyone else, but the times he got to watch cartoons were absolutely blissful. He didn’t want to think about all the hours he didn’t get to waste sitting mindlessly in front of the TV like most kids did throughout their young lives. Shaking his head of the thought, Axl moved his attention back to the TV, laughing at what was probably the most juvenile thing– ever. A few minutes later, after depositing his empty plate in the sink to be washed with his dinner dishes, the boy went back to his bedroom, flipping on the bigger screened TV there. It was so rare to have a day off that he knew he’d probably spend the entirety of it sitting in his gaming chair, wasting brain cells playing video games and watching the tube. Feeling a bit tired still, he passed up the chair in favor of laying back in bed to veg.

He drifted in and out of sleep for a while, waking up every now and again to catch a few minutes of a cartoon before falling asleep again. The extraordinary ability to do this without anyone pounding on his door, forcing him to wake up– well, he liked it a lot more than he probably should have. A noise not to much later had him sitting up, waking little by little. His neighbors were a bit noisy, so he figured it would die down after a second, but instead, he heard a voice– a beautiful voice that he knew, for some reason, belonged to someone he’d been so desperately wanting to meet. The voice uttering that name only confirmed his suspicion. Sucking in a deep breath to keep himself calm, he leapt out of bed, looking desperately around the room for some pants.

Shoving his legs through a pair of sweats, Axl practically ran out of the room. His heart pounded in a way that he never quite felt before, despite the fact that Nate had been making it flutter for a long time now. Without a seconds hesitation, he bound across the floor and wrapped the boy up in a hug, not bothering to look at his face, or recognize that… well, they shared the same one. His arms pulled him close against his body, Axl savoring this feeling, a feeling he’d been craving for what felt like forever. “Nate,” he said softly, almost like a prayer. “Goddamn it, what took you so long?”

For a second, Nate thought the apartment was empty; he knew today was Axl’s day off because by now, he of course knew the other’s schedule, but still, maybe he was out running errands or..doing whatever it was that New Yorkers did on their day off in the best city in the world. Either way, he just let out a breath and looked around, a smile on his face still. The place just felt so..right for Axl, like of course he lived there, and the fact that Nate would get to share this space with him left him feeling warm all over at just the thought.

Before he could think much else though, he heard noises from the other room and his head lifted up, eyes widening because oh, he wasn’t alone..Axl was here... And then before he even knew what hit him, a man was running out of the nearby room and all but bum rushing him, colliding with him and gripping him close and Nate gasped for a second, stunned, before reacting. He immediately let go to the handles of his bags, his backpack dropping to the floor as he wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. “I...I wanted t’surprise you..” he mumbled, his eyes closed as he hugged him back, his whole body shivering because this was real and this was happening- and again, before even knowing what he was doing, he was moving, turning his head enough to catch the other man’s lips in a kiss, something he’d been wanting to do for over a year now and something that made him feel like he’d burst inside if it didn’t happen soon.