Dying to Live

25. Cook at Star Diner. That's it.

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“My favorite people are the people that come into the diner late at night and they talk about narcotics and dealing drugs as if I wasn’t going to hear it in the back. And it’s always some weird out of towners.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“I’ve got my reasons, plus, isn’t better for you to not hear my voice?” She questioned, raising her eyebrows at him. It had only been as of lately they seemed to put their differences aside. “You… totaled a car? Jesus, Nate. I’m glad you got your shit together.”

“Nah. You know your accent isn’t as bad as some people around here,” he grinned. “Well, that is kind of why I was sent to Frostford in the first place you know. Totally wrecked my car and fucked everything up.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“I’m already fifteen minutes late to work because I refuse to leave the house with my hair still wet and a dumbass squirrel jumped in front of me like becomin’ roadkill was on his agenda.” Alyssa looked at the time on her phone before rolling her eyes. “Fuck it, I’ll call in and get this shit fixed… Well what are you waitin’ for? You’re not gonna open the door for me like a gentleman?”

“Well, I don’t have work, so I can just run the mechanic or something. Word of advice, maybe don’t drive into ditches to avoid squirrels,” he chuckled. “Did your crash cause you to not know how to open doors? Aren’t I being a gentleman by driving you to work?”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

Gabby couldn’t help but flinch at the retelling of the story. Hot grease was probably up there for burns. “Oh my stars. Does it still hurt?”

“Well, thankfully it was just a few sizzling fries,” he laughed slightly. “The more I think about it, it does.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

She mulled his answer over for a moment before shoving a bit of pancake towards him, the largest act of kindness Sage ever really managed to show. “It may be because I’m generally a sucky person but the most honest thing I can tell you is that at the end of the day no one in the world owes you shit. You can want them to have done something differently, to have explained something, but they didn’t. They didn’t have to and if they really wanted to they would have. It’s generally easier to accept that than to run around in circles trying to put it together.” She frowned for a moment though trying to remember from her sparse communications with Phe if she’d ever mentioned Nate in New York. “What’d you do in New York?”

Nate furrowed his brow as the girl shoved the pancake over to him. He shook his head, “no these are now pity pancakes because you want me to feel better and I’m not going to take them,” he pushed them back to her. “Yeah, yeah. I know that,” he rolled his eyes and rested his head on his hands. “I mean, I used to live up there. That’s where I was born, where my dad runs his business. I was a mess up there. Full on druggie, alcoholic, rebellious ‘I don’t want to run the family business’ stuck up, wealthy brat who had everything in New York. So I was mild when I was calling her out on her shit.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“Okay well show me a happy relationship where no one is cheating and legitimately in love and I might believe you.” Sighing she ripped up more of the pancake mulling things over in her head. “Well dependent on how much of a dick you were to her you could always start by apologizing for getting pissed off at her for taking advantage of her independence to leave the area. Don’t get me wrong cutting you off randomly probably wasn’t the right thing to do if we’re going off of a moral heart here, but she’s not in the wrong for leaving for art school.”

“I would say Cory and Topanga, but even Cory cheated once. I can’t think of another couple stronger than that. I wasn’t too much of a dick,” he thought about it for a second. “When I say that, I mean relative to me being the asshat I was in New York, because it wasn’t even close. Wasn’t wrong for leaving for art school, it’s cool for her to go where she wants. Any sort of indication that that’s what she was doing would’ve been cool. Maybe a heads up like “hey I’m going to New York for art school,” or even a goodbye would’ve been better than what she did. Or maybe a phone call or a text back for the time she was gone. Maybe just once.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

A single perfectly plucked brow raised as Sage examined Nate quietly. “You do realize that I don’t believe in love or romance right? Nate, life isn’t a romcom. The first meeting wouldn’t have gone how you expected it to unless you’d somehow managed to email her before hand so you could both plan it out perfectly. Life is messy and disgusting.”

“Yeah yeah. I didn’t used to either. Not that I believe in it, but it’s there. See I don’t care how it went. Had something else planned in my head, but you know how it goes obviously. I just want to know how to get out of the hole I dug myself into.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“But it’s not like you just whip out pancakes on the daily.” She finished tearing a bite off of one of said cakes. “I’m assuming there’s more details to this.”

“Well I whip out these babies for close friends and relatives on Sundays and holidays, but you’re right,” he nodded smiling as she ate them anyways. “Well, he car broke down and I thought it was just a car. I didn’t realize it was her car until she turned around. Next thing I knew, I was yelling at her with all these things that I didn’t even know I needed to yell at her about and blaming her for up and going. Anyways, you of all people know that’s not how that reunion was supposed to go.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“I guess you’ll never know unless you catch me drinkin’ at the bar.” She joked. “Well, what kind of person would keep someone from their pancakes? Now that’d just be cruel.” Callie said, grinning at him. “Eh, I’m sure whatever pancakes you make, it’ll taste great. And good choice, that’s one of the best milkshakes. Y’know, I think I can live on the food from here, but then I think I’d probably get fat real quickly.”

“We could go to a bar sometime. I mean as fun as it is seeing you here, it could be fun seeing you in different places. Get to know a different Callie,” he grinned. “A person without a soul honestly. I mean I’ll put strawberries on it just for you and it will taste out of this world. And god I know. Every shift I try to at least get a spoonful of it. I eat here most days, it all depends on.. What you eat.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“Dude, you should understand, from one brotha to anotha, that it’s not nice to leave a guy hanging like that. It ain’t nothing but a heartache.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I get it. But I was never really a Backstreet Boy kind of guy. More Nsync. Maybe she just walked out that door, and was like bye bye bye for Nsync.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

S’it bad I don’t really remember? Mind you, this thing is ‘bout eight years old. Probably older than that, but s’been eight years since she’s had it. And I dunno, we were datin’ for ‘bout five years ‘fore I asked her. As much as you can call it datin’ at twelve years old. So what am I in for? I could be halfway to Mexico by the time she gets back. 

Oh god. Yeah that’s... Yeah I would say it’s definitely not something that particularly a good situation. I would say maybe start packing a small bag and leave town asap. Or you could just hope she doesn’t notice?

[nathaniel-hamilton]

Not technically, s’not like she was under contract or anythin’– big mistake on my part. Our client was kinda needy an’ I guess she couldn’t handle it, still– she just– wouldn’t even listen to me. 

Well that’s frustrating. But I mean, since there’s no contract, can’t you go to her house and ask anyways? Since there’s no legal mess? Not that I’m very good with all of that stuff. It’s a bunch of bullshit though.

[nathaniel-hamilton]

That’s a rather bold offering. [She said simply before plucking the styrofoam container from his hands. Flipping open the lip she examined the pancakes for a moment pretending to mull things over] I’ll accept it. I’m going to take a lucky guess and say this surprise visit with food has to do more with Phe being back in town than you suddenly missing my company.

“Only the best for Ms. Caulfield,” he told her with a small smirk. Nate chuckled awkwardly, “No, no. This isn’t about Phe... I mean, it’s about me... Kind of bursted in anger at her on the side of the road..” he trailed off. “And not true, I talked to you all the time when she was gone.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

Right, right. S’what I thought. So, uh– you wanna help me hide? How long you think this kinda thing takes to blow over? Six months?

How much was the dress? And how long did it take her to say yes to it. Because with those factored in, it might be longer. You might want to flee, you know change your name and your story.

[nathaniel-hamilton]

Ain’t that like a violation of privacy or somethin’? I mean just cause I got her address doesn’t mean I can pay her a visit an’ demand she come back to work. Though I’d like to. I mean– who in the hell just quits like that?

Well I don’t know it might be. Don’t you need a reason for leaving? It’s not like how it is in movies. You can’t just up and go. They have responsibilities! There’s schedules to be fixed when people do that. I swear people only think about themselves.

[nathaniel-hamilton]

Scrunching her nose as he felt the satisfaction of her small smile, Sadie rolled her eyes at him and nodded her head. “She laughs. She just chooses not to.” She corrected him, leaning against the side of his car. “This would only happen to me.” She said in a desperate tone.

“Yeah, well that hasn’t happened in a while, so sue me for getting excited,” he raised his hand up with a sigh. “Well that’s not true. I totaled my car in New York. Your car ending up in this ditch is nothing.”

[nathaniel-hamilton]

“So then what do you want? I mean, if I can just make it easy for you. Do you want to just get in your car and drive away and leave me here? Be the one that walks away this time?” Ophelia had a few goals in mind when she decided she wasn’t going to be that person that hit rock bottom so hard. One of them meant to get Nate back in whatever way she could have him because she would be lying to herself if she didn’t think of him often. That she wanted to talk to him when she was gone but it was hard, how to explain everything on the phone, everything that happened just went wrong. But she never factored in what if Nate didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. She could deal with it, but it would be hard and things would never be the same. “I think I knew… I mean before New York. But I also remember you saying you were too old for me, so I any time I felt like there was a moment, I would remember that. But I guess in the end, that didn’t stop me anyway. And I st–” Ophelia stopped herself. She didn’t know where her stood and she wasn’t going to mess this up. It was already a wreck anyway and she wasn’t going to make it worse.  

“I can’t answer that question, Ophelia,” he told her honestly. “I don’t know what I want,” he shook his head. He wanted to drive away, to leave her behind in the dust just as she did to him. But he couldn’t just leave her out here alone. Nathaniel would do that, he wouldn’t have even stopped for seeing someone on the side of the road. But things were different. Of course he dreamed of the day when she was back in his life, knowing Ophelia’s track record, she was bound to come back to Frostford. He had thoughts about their reunion, how they would fall back into the swing of things. But the moment he saw her, everything changed. And he couldn’t help but let all of the hurt pour out instead of showing her the good feelings, the happy ones. “I only said those things because I didn’t want to hurt you. Because when I met you, I wasn’t who I am today. I wouldn’t tell you those things to push you away now. I just don’t know what I want from this. If I want you, or it I just want the idea of you,” he admitted with a slight sigh. “And you what? What were you going to say?”