trying on a metaphor
One Nice Bug Per Day
Xuebing Du
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Product Placement
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
shark vs the universe
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Kaledo Art
wallacepolsom
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noise dept.
#extradirty
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
AnasAbdin
titsay
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
seen from Ukraine
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Brazil
seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
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@gavmontgomery
Miles Teller for Mr. Porter (September 2016 issue)
He’s annoyed that BuzzFeed ran something about his dyed blond hair – which is for his Granite Mountain character. “They were like, ‘Who does Miles Teller think he is?’” he says. “That shit nauseates me.” His amusing retort on Twitter was accompanied by a caption reading: “Blond hair, don’t care” – and a sassy girl emoji.
“Alright, I’ll do anything if you don’t tell my parents where I’m at.” Hunter pleaded. “Wow– sounds like I’m back in high school again.” He let out a long groan and ordered a beer.
“Dude, your parents still check up on you? Where are you supposed to be, anyways. some uncomfortable family dinner with the aunt that gets way too touchy feely?”
Understanding where his energy actually came from, she nodded her head and gave him a small smile. “Really? You still look like a baby to me, Montgomery.” She teased him. “Oh, don’t make me blush now.”
“Wha...excuse me, I am a handsome and totally adult looking kind of guy. Have you seen my biceps? A baby would not have arms like mine, Sadez...unless they had super human strength or whatever, which would be awesome, but besides the point.” He raised an eyebrow at her comment as it only seemed to encourage him more, inching closer. “C’mon, Sadie, look at you. You know you’ve still got it going on. Don’t even try and pretend otherwise.”
“My apologies, you lost me for a second something much more amusing was going on in my head so I decided to space out and not listen to you go on about something that – yet again is completely irrelevant now.” Though she had completely heard every word, it was almost as if she didn’t since whenever someone spoke about a subject she was no longer interested in, she tuned it out easily. “I don’t do petty unless it’s Tom Petty’s Free Falling playing at a saloon.” she couldn’t help but laugh at her own joke this time. “You’re right, Star Diner has the best shakes. And that’s about it.”
“Right, I forgot about that trait with you...good talker, bad listener.” He resisted the urge to roll his eyes when she made her joke; although something like that would normally make him laugh, it was just the context that bugged him. If the conversation didn’t appeal to the girl, she spinned it around to fit her own interests, and that was definitely one of the things he didn’t miss. “I don’t know, the burgers are pretty good, and they have hot waitresses, too. I mean, there’s also hot waitresses here, but sometimes I think they’re all scared to talk to me. Might get their house burnt down by their crazy co-worker or something like that.”
“I feel so honored, you know when the day will come. I’m sure it will. You’ll meet some fine lady and sweep her off her feet because of your extensive knowledge of romantic movies, and you’ll both ride off into the sunset.” Ophelia was damn sure that Gavin was going to land someone one day, and that girl was going to be the luckiest girl in the world. She pressed her lips together when she heard him sigh, realizing she really could have avoided this all together. “It wasn’t remotely rom-com,” she argued. “I may have left without saying anything to him.” Ophelia laughed, enjoying Gavin’s dramatics. “Haven’t really been watching. I’m more of a Flash and Supergirl watcher. I mean, come on. Grant Gustin and Jeremy Jordan.”
“Aw yeah. I’ll even decorate Bluey for the occasion, those girly fairy lights strung around the back and tin cans tied to the bumper, it’ll be great,” he grinned, getting a bit too much into the image she put in his mind. It was once she subject changed that his focus was one hundred percent on her. “Phe, you didn’t,” he sighed back, the tone of his voice saying more than his words could. “I’m not judging you or anything cause I’m sure you have your reasons, but ouch. Have you talked to him now that you’re back? Cause if you haven’t, don’t do it at the bakery. Some of the old ladies in town like to go there for cinnamon rolls and let me tell ya, if there’s drama in the shop, all eyes will be on you.” He scoffed as if her choices were ridiculous. “Dude, Grant all the way, have you seen the guy? His eyes could melt steel, plus the chick who plays is girlfriend in the show is a babe. That way, you get the best of both words.”
“Sure. If it makes you feel happy then yes, you can pull it off.” She sighed, glancing at the shirt briefly.·“Just don’t clash with weird coloured pants.”
“Psh, way to avoid answering honestly. Seriously, is it me or nah? Because I can totally turn this into a tie-dye project if it isn’t me.” He raised an eyebrow at her second comment. “Are you making assumptions about my style, Riley? Because I only wore a orange shirt and camo pants out of the house once. It was only one time.”
“If you think the fact you managed to turn your nice white shirt pink in the washing machine is my problem then you are grossly misinformed.”
“No, no, it’s not that...I just don’t know if salmon is really my shade. Do you think I can pull it off?” He held the once white shirt up to his chest, his lips pursed in thought as he studied the new color.
Dramatically, her eyes widened and her smile grew, nodding her head with certainty at his idea, as if the look were something she had wanted for a while. [E-M-E-R-S-O-N OR MY LITTLE PONY DOLL] she chuckled, tossing a thumbs up in the air. Her chuckle, naturally loud as she could never gauge the volume of it, had wavered into a snort; shoulders rolling inward as she threw her head back at what he’d said about Kyle and romance movies. [WATCHED NEVER BEEN KISSED][HE CRY, CRY, CRY][I NO READ SUBTITLES][WATCH HIM CRY INSTEAD]. Her laughter subdued, shaking her head and sighing, her cheeks sore from having smiled so wide for so long. [NO PROBLEM][I STOP AT POST OFFICE][BY SPLITTING HAIRS] The blonde nodded in the direction of the beat up pick up truck, twirling the keys around her finger. She hoped so that she was now walking backwards, facing Gavin as they headed towards the truck. [WARNING YOU][I CANNOT SIGN AND DRIVE][YOU BECOME][DJ G-A-V-I-N].
[YOU WILL LOOK FABULOUS] he smiled, watching the girl’s features shift as she started laughing. Although she didn’t have the pleasure of hearing her own laugh, the sound was nice to him, and it was something he’d gotten to hear many times through the many times where she’d tagged along with him and Kyle. A hand moved up to cover his mouth, holding back a snicker once the image of them watching a movie and Kyle being the emotional one came to mind. [POOR GUY][HE TRIES TO BE TOUGH][BUT INSIDE A BIG S-O-F-T-Y]. He nodded once she gave him her plans, following behind in the direction of the truck. He did a little fist pump once at hearing he got to be DJ; if there was one thing he loved, it was being in control of the radio in cars. [AWESOME][WILL PLAY LOTS OF COUNTRY] he signed back, making his way around to the passenger side and hopping in once they got to the car.
“Oooh, that’s a tough wrap. Just convince everyone you don’t know how to time travel and therefor you can’t be the Zodiac Killer. Definitely focus on the positive though. No huge bald spot you’re desperately trying to cover.”
“That...is a really smart idea. Thank you, man. And I actually don’t, I tried one of those store bought time-travel things with the magic crystals, like in Napoleon Dynamite, and just like it didn’t work for him, didn’t work for me either...slightly disappointing. True, although I have to admit now that we’re on the topic, I kind of envy your hair. It’s so luscious.”
“So long as you don’t become the ‘always the bridesmaid, never the bride’ type of BFF, I think we’re okay. Although it would be hilarious to see you in a bridesmaid dress. I hope you get to be a bridesmaid one day.” Ophelia raised an eyebrow and she could have let it go, but she didn’t want to. “Although what?” she asked, wondering where the hell Gavin would have gone with the thought. “Fun story about those color books. I was at a store checking them out and managed to slam my finger into the corner of one when I was trying to grab it. I don’t think coloring books like me, and let’s be honest here. I could make you one. It would be the Gavin Coloring Book, designed just for Gavin Montgomery feating a wedding photo of you and Sandra Bullock.”
“Well once I find someone who I want to marry, you’ll be the first to know, sweetums...mostly because I’d probably need help choosing a ring. Although if history says anything, my relationship track record isn’t the greatest.” Ophelia had been there to witness his two most substantial relationships, neither ending well, so he was sure she understood where he was coming from. He sighed once she brought the question back up that he was gonna drop. “I was gonna say athough I thought you already had that rom-com type relationship...but I’m going to guess that things might’ve changed in New York?” He placed a hand to his chest in a touched manner once she started describing the coloring book. “You know me too well, hun. Sandra, or Connie Britton...she’s my back-up if things with Sandra don’t work out, plus hello, do you watch Nashville? Major babe status.”
“Did someone else take the liberty of doing such a courageous act? Please let me meet them, maybe we can share personal anecdotes.” Sure, what she did in the past may have been what caused their relationship to remain sour and probably meant the two would never solve things unless an apology was in the air. But that was completely out of the question for Alyssa. “Now that sports car was probably much harder to do for Taylor Swift. Don’t give me so much credit, plus that was so long ago, Gav.” Any other person may have wanted to swipe the slate clean and rid themselves of such a negative reputation but however townsfolk perceived her was their own problem. “I wouldn’t shake up a ketchup bottle, that’s petty. Plus I’m at work and as I stated before I make money off tips. I’ll leave tampering with the condiments to the sixteen year olds that pulled up getting a bussing job here after getting rejected from Star Diner.”
“Well Taylor would probably pay someone back for the damage she did, because she knows when to say sorry...and despite what many think, some people don’t change, no matter how long ago they might’ve done something,” he replied, his tone a mix of annoyance and amusement. He didn’t expect anything from her, knowing the girl was too stubborn and too proud to even consider apologizing. That’s just the way she presented herself, and whether that’s how she really was or not, the played the part well. “Ah, and you would never think about doing anything petty, right, Lys?” His eyes narrowed a bit, wondering why the girl had a random vendetta against any restaurant she didn’t work at. “And what’s so bad about Star Diner? Their milkshakes are the best...did someone there not return your phone call?”
“ —… Gavin. Way t’ ask the real questions.”
“That’s what I’m here for, especially the hard hitting ones. Honestly, David Muir’s got nothing on me...except for the fact he’s devilishly handsome, major man crush material. Don’t tell anyone I said that though, Del.”
Don’t pretend you don’t know this song.
me on the outside: it’s just a movie
me on the inside: why the FUCK didn’t the school of rock win the battle of the bands
This definitely had to have been a record for how many time she had rolled her eyes at a customer, much less at anything Gavin related. “Who says I give crappy service?” Her voice rose slightly but she knew as long as she has her ‘Howdy it’s Alyssa’ name tag on she couldn’t cause a scene. “Please, that truck probably had those barely working headlights since the mayor gave public speeches through hieroglyphics. Didn’t that one Sandra Bullock movie take place in Chicago? Probably the only good one.” She snatched the ketchup bottle so she could wipe off the top and placed it back on the counter – away from Gavin. “Learn how to operate condiments, for pete’s sake.”
“Hey, I didn’t say you specifically. Those are your words, not mine,” he shrugged and reached over for a fry. Although he was usually the talker in most conversations, he knew that as always, she’d have a mouthful to say. That was probably why they were doomed from the beginning, fire and dynamite in theory weren’t a good combination. “Well they worked a lot better before you went all Blank Space on me, dim light is better than no light at all. And While You Were Sleeping is the name of that one movie, yes. I know you’re a critic of...well, mostly everything, but I wasn’t aware you’re now a movie expert, too. That’s real fascinating.” Although he was annoyed previously, her reaction made him think it might’ve been worth it, even if his food had to take the fall. He smirked as he brought a ketchup drenched fry to his lips. “Sorry, princess, but I didn’t magically make the bottle decide to explode. If you’re gonna blame anyone, blame mother nature, or maybe fate. And how do I really know you didn’t shake it up on the way here, hoping it would do just that, hmm?”
Ketchup. I heard “catch up”, you always tended to drag out your words. My apologies, Gav, here’s your bottle of ketchup. See how I did that no problem? Admitted that I was wrong and everything – by then the nonexistence tip wouldn’t have even been a hypothetical thought. I need a job where I can opening just say whatever I want with no affect on my tip whatsoever. There’s a place like that in Chicago I heard but no one in this uncultured little town would think to open up a quirky little joint like that.
“Still do, I didn’t save that quirk special for you or anything.” He watched with a raised brow as the bottle was practically slammed onto the table, surprised she didn’t leave the cap open enough to send the contents flying his way. “Well it’s kind of your job, right? To get people’s orders. Most of the time, you don’t give tips for crappy service...and you also don’t give tips when that money could be going towards a new set of headlights. It all depends on the customer, really.” Once he got the bottle open, he attempted to carefully pour it over his fries, a groan escaping once it came out in a giant wave and drenched them. He glanced from the plate back to her once she mentioned Chicago. “You could always go there and enlighten us all...or maybe just stay there, I heard they like ‘em feisty in the Windy City.”
On a scale of one to ten how bothered do I seem? Well take that answer and multiply it times six billion because I’m completely dismayed by the fact that people in this town do not know how to tip. If I see one more receipt with a little zero and a line slashed through it or a phone number with “call me for the tip ;)” from the idiots three years out of high school still wearing their lettermens, I swear I don’t know what I’ll do.
“...Um, all I said is could I please have a bottle of ketchup. I didn’t know that was so much to ask.”
