Let's clear up some things first. I love writing. I did my journalism degree (somewhat misguidedly) because I love writing. And because I'm good at it, or so I'm told. I feel like an egomaniac sometimes because I love reading my own writing. I'll even go back and read emails I've sent, over and over, and think "Damn, I'm fucking good. That is some good communication right there".
But I'm very bad at starting to write. And even worse at finishing. The product may be golden, but the process is a chore.
Some people can write, and words flow through them like water runs off your fingertips in the shower. Effortless.
Though I feel words flow through me, my psyche puts up internal dams, stopping the flow until at some point, the dam bursts.
But even when that point comes, I stop after every sentence. I constantly ask myself, was that the best way I could have said that? Is that sentence perfect? Hilarious? Better than someone else's sentence? Add an extra 30 seconds to one minute after each sentence for self-loathing and insecurity. Stupid, I know. This perfectionist anxiety, this constant occlusion of thoughts and ideas, makes the writing process a long and painful one for me.
In high school, we learned about different writing 'strategies' or ways that people approach writing. I'm a bricklayer writer, which means I have to be utterly satisfied with every sentence I compose before I can move on.
A bricklayer doesn't draft, and tries, to the detriment of their sanity, to get it perfect the first time. There is only a final draft.
There are other types of writers, water-colour writers who just vomit word to page, then clean up the mess later. Oil-painters and architects who map out a blueprint of their work and construct according to plan.
It's a good thing I've opted for short-form writing. I've never had the will to persevere with my own writing strategy, particularly not in the long-form. I don't know if I'm actually capable of pulling off something like NaNoWriMo, or actually getting through a novel length piece of writing.
But I'd like to try. I know NaNoWriMo is nearly over, but for the next month or so, I'm going to practise using other writing strategies, timing myself to see how quickly I make word count. These things are, of course, always a matter of personal preference and style, but I'd like to see if I'm actually capable of writing 1000 words in an hour or two, then fixing the mess. I don't really think I stand a chance.
