a neurodivergent aromantic

she/her

[alloarboreal]

Survey for allo aros!

Allo Aro Survey

Hello! This is a survey for allo aros to try and find out some information about our community. Please only participate if you identify as a

Hi everyone! I was interested in collecting some statistics about the allo aro community and finding out a bit more about us, so I've made a survey! Anyone who identifies as allo aro can participate, please share it with people you think might be interested :)

Results and discussion will be posted on this blog sometime in the future.

@alloaroworlds, if you could share this I would be grateful for the signal boost :)

[idiealotdontworry]

we as a society need to talk more about how the assertion that romantic love is "pure" (and thus harmless) is a misconception that causes real world harm to literally everyone on some scale.

creepiness is justified or brushed off entirely because "love!!". jealousy over your romantic interest to the point of serious psychological and physical harm to them is seen as "understandable" instead of, yknow, a dangerous over-reaction. people are told they "deserve a chance" even tho in reality nobody actually owes anyone jack shit, let alone reciprocation of romantic attachment.

the idea that romantic love is harmless leads to victims of abuse being dismissed. the idea that romantic love is always "pure" leads to people not recognizing the signs of abuse, because surely something as Pure and Good as romantic love can't hurt you, right? the pain is just how it's supposed to feel when you love someone so much? right?

yeah, no.

people are not only encouraged and expected to hurt themselves in the pursuit of romance, but actively punished if they refuse to do so (for whatever reason they may have, because at the end of the day, no reason is actually seen as "valid enough").

it's not that romance is Bad. it's not that romance is inherently abusive, predatory, or anything like that. it's just that, the assertion that romantic love is Always Pure and Wholesome and Good no matter what, is not an assertion that is congruent with reality. romance hurts people all the time- not even just in the "i had a bad breakup and now i'm heartbroken" way, but in a "i was put in real, physical and / or psychological danger because i happened to catch the romantic interest of someone i have no romantic feelings for" way.

people like to brush aside these cases as "one-off", or act like the person committing the atrocity against someone else's humanity/dignity/autonomy/life is some sort of fluke or bad apple, someone who just went out of line but we prommy YOU won't get treated like that! now go give this person you've barely spoken to a "chance" or you're a horrible heart-breaking monster.

the reality is that our society actively encourages creepy, obsessive, dangerous behavior in people who do not get the romance they want from another person. our society believes so deeply that romance is not only universally desirable, but expected and owed, such that when someone is "denied" the romance they desire, they are then perceived as justified in whatever actions they take next, cuz "broken heart" or whatever.

"I love them so much, I couldn't stand to see them with anyone else, so I killed them" is touted as a "crime of passion" and a "tragic tale of lovers", instead of "Holy Fucking Shit Someone Got Murdered Because This Guy Couldn't Take No For An Answer." I'd ask what the fuck is wrong with society, but i already know the answer.

also i shouldn't need to point this out, but this too is a racist societal construct. everything mentioned here is doubly dangerous for poc. amatonormativity, just like any other social blight rooted in bigotry, is specifically rooted in racist ideology. cishet white men feel entitled to the time, bodies, and attention of poc, especially woc, and this is only one facet of that entitlement.

romance is not only pure, wholesome, good. it's not evil, either- but it's capacity for harm is vastly understated, deliberately so, in order to uphold the bigoted structures that hold our society together at the expense of the marginalized. this is not to scare anyone away from romance or to say it's inherently bad to feel romantic feelings. only to point out the real world harm that comes from society's obsession with and consequential justification of unhealthy romantic attachment.

conversely, romantic attachment is only seen as capable of harm when it is deemed "incorrect" - aka, if it's gay, queer, trans, interracial, polyam, etc,. it is, in fact, seen as only ever capable of harm when it is not white cishet monogamous love. it's almost like the notion that romance is universally harmless was fake to begin with, and everyone knew that all along... but romance's capacity for harm is only ever brought up when it's meant to demean, persecute, or dehumanize the marginalized.... almost like amatonormativity is a social construct designed to keep the disenfranchised and their descendants in the same wake of oppression forever by any means necessary 🤔

[ndaromantic]

Allos: "you can't call yourself aromantic, you're too young to know"

Also allos:

[acesarequeer]

It’s been a few years, so just in case you forgot in all of the hubbub (and who could blame you, it has been a truly roaring set of 20s so far):

Any and every asexual, aromantic, agender, or in any way a-spectrum person is 100% allowed, entitled, and even encouraged to identify as queer.

Your existence is itself an act of revolution, struggling against cisheteropatriarchy until you can carve out the space to breathe.

You are here.

You are queer.

And you are welcome.

[aro-comics]

What is Love (An Arospec’s Perspective)

(This is a Really Long One, so full comic is under the cut)

Keep reading

[ndaromantic]

This is honestly the aromantic experience 😫

anime: the case files of jeweler richard

[ndaromantic]

Hi, i made a list of canon aro and ace characters out of every possible form of fiction i can think of: (I haven't read/watched some of them)

Cartoons:

miraculous ladybug- alix kubdel is aromantic. max kante is asexual.

bojack horseman- todd chavez and yolanda buenaventura are both asexual.

steven universe- periodt is aromantic asexual.

epithet erased- percy is asexual.

TV shows:

sex education- florence is asexual.

game of thrones- varys is asexual.

agents of shield- ruby hale is asexual.

shadowhunters- raphael santiago is aromantic asexual (but his aromanticism is erased in the show bc of course it is ://// i guess you can just read the book even tho he's a side character)

mangas:

kanojo ni naritai kimi to boku- an aromantic side character and an asexual (?) character (also a trans girl and a sapphic love story).

our dreams at dusk by yuhki kamatani- an anonymous founder who is asexual and genderqueer.

anime:

the case files of jeweler richard- tanimoto is aromantic.

games:

cute demon crashers- four characters are aromantic pansexual.

when aster falls - rohan is an asexual lesbian.

ikenfell- petronella is a non binary aromantic.

the outer worlds- parvati is asexual.

spade memory- wisteria is an aromantic asexual character.

films:

the olivia experiment- olivia is asexual.

watchmen- adrian and ozymandias are asexual.

books:

loveless by alice oseman- gerogia is aromantic asexual.

radio silence by alice oseman- asexual character.

two dark moons by

avi silver- aromantic character.

the trouble by daria defore- danny kim is an aromantic gay character.

second chance by chelsea m. cameron- serena is demisexual and demiromantic.

baker thief by claudie arsenealt- claire is a nonbinary (genderfluid i believe), aromantic, demisexual, pan character.

royal rescue by a. alex logan- prince gerald is an aromantic asexual protagonist.

tarnished are the stars by rossie thor- nathaniel is aromantic asexual.

an accident of stars by

foz meadows- gwen is aromantic.

webtoons:

always human- rae is aromantic asexual (also a sapphic love story + a nonbinary character).

BOO! It's sex- kim is asexual.

brimstone and roses- laz is asexual.

castoff- three asexual main characters.

heckin dead- aromantic asexual character.

sabine: an asexual coming of age story- (the title says it all lol).

undefiled wings- occhio di tigre is aromantic asexual.

episode (the app):

not heartless- aromantic character.

dead or alive by sargym.ep- kana is aromantic asexual (there's also a non binary character, an omni character & etc...)

despicables by sargym.ep- lily is asexual.

asexuality uncensored- (i think the name speaks for itself lol).

ace of hearts- asexual character.

won't you kiss me- asexual character.

There's probably more out there but these are the ones i found :) you can also find many more books in the aroace database.

[ndaromantic]

Aromantic pride songs 💚🖤 by ndaro on spotify :)

Sooo, i know it's been done before, but i made an aromantic spotify playlist for pride. You should check it out if you're interested 😗🏳️‍🌈💚🖤

[lostinpubwe-deactivated20220705]

[ndaromantic]

Here's a random, long and unpopular (?) opinion about how society perceives love, especially how it perceives loveless ppl.

I think that the way we value love, platonic or romantic, is just messed up. I used to give so much meaning to love in the past. I grew up feeling very unloved for the most part of my life, but everyone puts such huge emphasis on it and how important it is in a way that felt special. I wanted to have that. Especially romantic attraction. I wanted someone to feel that way towards me.

For the longest time my thought process was just: "no one likes me" = "i am worthless." For years i felt like i don't have value as a person bc no one liked me in any way. It took me a really long time to unlearn that, but bc i wanted that special bond so many ppl have, i developed this image in my head of a "perfect person" (both romantically and platonically).

For years, every time someone did smth that hurt me id blame them for not understanding my pain, i made excuses as to why they're not "worthy enough" to be that person in my life that "means the most" when in reality, i should've communicated with them and tell them how i feel and why their actions hurt me. I'm starting to realize that i actually enjoy being on my own a lot more. I don't put emphasis on any kind of love. Platonic relationships aren't the most important to me, and i wish that the aromantic community would acknowledge that. I wish it would acknowledge that loveless aros exist as well.

Love, romantic or platonic, is not the most meaningful thing in life. Actually. Nothing is. It isn't anyone's job to tell you what's the most meaningful thing in your life. There isn't a rule in society that's like "yes, this is what u want. This is what you need. This is what everyone desires. This is the meaning of life." No one should tell you what makes life meaningful to you. Only you can do it for yourself. Sometimes there isn't even just *one* thing that makes life meaningful, it can be several things. I think the root of the problem is in how society perceives love as a whole. It's important to understand that love isn't what gives us value as humans, we have inherited value simply by existing.

[ndaromantic]

Ok so I am a new aro account & I'm also v new to Tumblr, but it's whatever. Anyway, here's a lil random post :)

Soo i am a teenager, but that doesn't matter cuz romance is fr just so so weird to me in ways i cannot describe, like i am terrified of it. Idk romance just doesn't feel real??? Kinda feels fake, like i always knew the day ppl start dating and shit will come, but now that it has......it feels unrealistic???

Does anyone else relate..........? For example, i have a close friend with a new boyfriend, but i refuse to meet him in person just bc seeing both of them together irl will suddenly make romance............real? And I'd very much like to keep it fake,,,,,at least in my head :/