"by your side, he has forgotten love"

Hi! I'm Denise This is my writing blog for nea-chi. Currently writing DGM fic All writing is tagged as [my writing]. ☆You can also find me on twitter☆ My current big project is Cave of Poppies, a modern!au fic featuring Allen and the gang in highschool. It's also on my FFN. var fhs = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id = "5373195"; var ref = (''+document.referrer+'');var pn = window.location;var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; fhs.src = "//s1.freehostedscripts.net/ocounter.php?site="+fhs_id+"&e1=Reader&e2=Readers&r="+ref+"&wh="+w_h+"&a=1&pn="+pn+""; document.head.appendChild(fhs);document.write(""); var fhsh = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id_h = "3183063"; fhsh.src = "//s1.freehostedscripts.net/ocount.php?site="+fhs_id_h+"&name=Readers&a=1"; document.head.appendChild(fhsh);document.write("");

[green-ame]

Recently I reread Mater arc and wanted to make post about Kanda and the ways he shows his care about others. It can also be counted as yullen post because in this arc lays foundation for their future dynamics.

Okay, I’m starting from the scene in mess hall, when Kanda confronts Finders about how their mourning for lost comrades ruin his appetite. (He is being asshole here, let’s be honest). Notice what he said to them:

While sounding harsh it’s actually sincere advise coming from Kanda who, unlike them, can’t leave Order out of his own free will.

Keep reading

[dgmhallow]

we didn’t have many pages this chapter but it’s understandable. (well i guess 19 pages is way more than our usual but in comparison to other mangas and previous dg m..)  it’s just how dg m operates now and i’m fine with that! for a moment though, i want to criticize the writing at the moment and how it doesn’t really work with the current rate by which we get content and how it really frustrates avid readers like myself who really need something to talk about in the three month span of time before we’re given another most likely tiny af dose of content that we must pick apart and leach over for another three months then on and on again.

Keep reading

[nea-writes]

I first read this before I’d seen the translation for the chapter, and I... in a sense, disagreed? But after reading the chapter, I thought, oh Ami you’re so valid. 

In a way, DGM has always had more heart than plot. We love it for the characters and their journeys, and DGM’s pacing reflects that with panels dedicated to silence to convey more meaning than densely packed dialogue could. (Not to knock on hxh bc I’d die for Gon and Killua, but that’s an aside.) Especially in this chapter, there’s so much to read into. The distance between Kanda and Allen, the quiet, justified, but meaningless anger Kanda can’t let go of, Allen FINALLY OPENING UP. MAKING THE DECISION!!! TO OPEN UP!!!!! It’s been, christ, 6 years since Mana’s death and Allen’s never spoken to anyone about it?

Not Cross, who wouldn’t have allowed it bc God knows he tried to beat Allen off with a stick to protect his own heart, not Link, because he ‘died’ before Allen could attempt, not anyone else because the truth is a scarred and ugly thing that shows all of Allen’s heart, as wretched, unlovable, and sinful as it is. Of course Allen would never want to tell anyone. It’s a form of intimacy he can’t afford, to bear his heart knowing it’ll be stricken down. AND HE’S DOING THAT NOW! TO REPAY KANDA! TO APOLOGIZE!

I digress, I really could dedicate a whole meta post to that alone.

My point is, I feel it, I really do. The chapters are so short, they’re constantly cutting off with cliffhangers, theres always the fear of the scene changing, and in all these years we’ve barely moved forward an inch. It’s frustrating! It makes being a dgm fan hard because how much content and joy can you make off of 20 odd pages every 3 months? It runs out quick, especially when the updates themselves are lacking much of any kind of plot progress or, well, forward momentum.

But I think with each chapter we learn more about Allen. That post on Allen grieving decimated me personally, and the last chapter on Allen even fleeing on instinct to the place he met Mana... and now, this one.

Even Mana’s bit of illustrated backstory showed so much to us to infer. Who is Mana asking to find him? Neah? The earl? Their God? Other Noah? All of them, none of them, maybe the Order’s God? It brings up more questions, but it also gives us more information to be asking those questions in the first place.

It also shows us how enamored Mana is with Allen and his interesting ways. For Allen, a child unwanted and abused, being seen as interesting and treated favorably must be confusingly new. It gives a lot of weight to why Mana became Allen’s world. Allen, undesired, being taught to say I am here. I exist here. 

Sorry, I devolved into a chp discussion. My point is, I agree with you, I do, it’s unbearably frustrating, especially when you’re a dedicated fan, but in the end, I don’t think I’d change anything. DGM has heart! And it means a lot to me, and to others I assume, and... idk. Sorry, I was just putting my own two cents on the matter, this wasn’t intended to be an argument against you per se, but to just continue the conversation,,

[nea-writes]

Regarding Timothy it's too bad we didn't get to see him and Allen interact more before all crap hit the fan for Allen (and Kanda and everybody). They had a interesting connection in Timothy's intro arc and Hoshino seems to love putting them together whenever Allen's happier times at the Order are brought up. You get the impression Timothy followed Allen around like a duckling since he's always snuggling up/hanging off him. Plus he seems devastated Allen's gone despite not having known him for-

2 long. I kind of hope if any other exorcist ditches the Order to be with Allen and Kanda, Timothy might be one of them. He's young and still has a reckless mind that hasn't been conditioned to obey like the others. Part of it is also Timothy's Innocence. That Innocence definitely has potential to personally reveal a lot about the situation and nature of Innocence (he did notice the Apocryphos when it was disguised but chose not to tell Timothy anything. Unless he doesn't know?).

EVERY TIME WE SEE TIMOTHY IN FLASHBACKS I JUST POINT AND SCREAM LIKE!!! THATS MY SON!!!!!

Hoshino definitely meant to convey how close they were. I have no doubt that there are tons of little side stories of them hanging out or Allen being a brother figure to Tim. I bet, in a way, Allen wants to help Tim to not become like him. He’s well aware of how pitiable he is, though he refuses to hold the life Mana gave him in that light.

In a way, while I’d also love for Timothy to join Allen, I wouldn’t want that to happen. Allen is at the epicenter of everything taking place, and casualties are occurring all around him. Kanda is Falling, Johnny is escaping the Order, the Akuma are constantly coming to life because of Neah’s influence, the Earl is rampaging, and the Noah are purposefully taunting the 14th to emerge. It’s neither safe nor wise to be near Allen, especially if you can’t handle yourself.

It’s for that very reason that Allen’s attempting to drive Kanda and Johnny away, because they both need not only his protection but his strength, and he can provide neither anymore. He’s been burned dry and Timothy would just be a burden.

BUT GOD DO I WANT IT............ 

If I’m getting the timeline correctly, Timothy and Allen met in December and Allen disappeared... sometime in.........late January?? And he was gone in Jordan and in the dungeon for quite a while so even less time.... 

(Did Timothy and Allen really only know each other for just a month? Wow....)

For a month, Allen sure warmed up to Timothy very quickly, given how long it took him to get close to all the others. 

As for his Innocence, I’m positive Tsukikami recognized not only who Apocryphos was, but also his nature and purpose — and purposefully didn’t tell anyone. Above all else, the Innocence holds its will and goal. Innocence didn’t help Kanda nor Alma until they had suitable goals, and Innocence doesn’t evolve for Allen unless he has the right wishes no matter how much each of the wielder’s beg for it.

Innocence didn’t turn into a Crystal type until Lenalee swore to give herself up to the cause, regardless of the outcome (as long as Innocence held its side of the bargain too, to return her to Komui).

What I’m saying is, Innocence is loyal to itself, not to its wielders. I’d barely count Crown Clown as an outlier here, but if you loved someone you wouldn’t force a broken body to still move (re: Level 4 arc). 

Tsukikami recognized Apocryphos and new, perhaps, what it planned to do in a vague way (save the Heart) so it did nor said nothing about it. 

Whether he tells Timothy or not depends on if the question’s broached, I suppose. I don’t see why sharing the information would traitorous, but Tsukikami wouldn’t do it of his own volition imo. 

[nea-writes]

If you go to pillowfort please post a link! I would love to follow you over there I LOVE you

FRIEND I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

I don’t have an actual intention to go to pillowfort, but I’m also not against going? As far as I’ve heard, the site itself is still under development and you need a ...key and payment (?) to get in. I’m also not sure how writer-friendly it is though if it’s supposed to be tumblr’s replacement I suppose it’ll be similar enough. If I do go, I’ll be sure to share here ^^

Regardless, none of the posts on either this blog or my others have been flagged, so I don’t intend on leaving or uprooting. BUT THANK YOU REGARDLESS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[nea-writes]

well...

I don’t think any of my work has been flagged, but just in case I’ll try this method and back it all up. Interesting, the idea of possibly creating a work on ao3 for meta/character analysis has been tossed around. That’d be really neat, I think, since it’d just contain every single piece of meta and character discussion I’ve done in one place, especially because (like a bimbo) I never made a tag specifically for it. (Though in my defense, I never really intended to do it... it just kinda happened as ppl sent in asks LOL)

I’ve already made a post before, but ofc you can find me on twitter @ nea_chi —I’m pretty active there daily, versus tumblr where I’ve been. kind of. inactive. (its more time consuming). 

In a way, tumblr breaking links has also kind of hurt the way I made posts, which was a bunch of links and discussion and also hey I never posted longfic here so here’s a link to my archive. Thank you, tumblr. 

I’m pretty bummed about this. Neither twitter nor ao3 are very writer-friendly in a community sense. Twitter for obvious reasons and ao3 because its meant as an “archive,” not a social platform. There’s no pm system or ask system or hell, even a ‘blog’ type of format for authors to interact with their community. Tumblr was just about the only place, because let’s face facts, livejournal/dreamwidth have been dead for ages.

Pillowfort seems neat, but I’m hesitant to really migrate over, not to mention I highly doubt I’ll take this audience with me. 

I’m not leaving, really. But it’s like uhh better to be on the safe side and back this all up, you know? I’ve done a lot of work here and grown so much, both in writing and as a person. 

Thank you to everyone who’s read my work or sent an ask or liked or reblogged or read, or really, spent their time on stuff I’ve written. It always baffles me, in a way, and I’ve always been grateful. 

DGM has and always will be such a motivating moving part of my life, and even if I dabble here or there, it’s like home in a way. I still think about the characters almost daily (and writing too, to boot, but my life situation is a whole other story). I’ll still be here, writing and plugging away and finding out some other horribly sad dgm fact. 

Though, on the DL, if any of y’all are into kh, hmu. 

Welp, thats the update. Why does this blog always feel so formal? Lol. Fair warning, if you follow me on twitter, I am much more of a disaster there. Not that I’m not here, but hoo boy does it come out. Something something easier to tweet something something less discipline. something. laugh

[nea-writes]

Do you think that Timothy still thinks about what Allen told him the first time they met? When Allen told him that "he was the worst"?

First of all, how dare you.

Second of all, how dare you.

But... my brand is suffering(tm) so. I’ll answer.

Yes.... I think it’s something that still plagues Timothy’s thoughts. 

He was a surprisingly perceptive and sensitive child, enough to understand he was doing wrong but willing to be ‘evil’ in order to do good (feed the children/support the orphanage). Still, Timothy was idealistic. He’s just a kid, after all. He probably thought he was not all bad because he was stealing for (mostly) selfless reasons. 

For Allen to tell him he was the worst must’ve hit Timothy hard. The worst was his father, abandoning his son. The worst was the police, who didn’t care for the orphaned child. The worst was Timothy, who was ruining innocent people’s lives. Allen effectively told him he’d become the thing he hated most, a selfish conniving adult, and it hurt Timothy.

This probably evolved as Timothy came to idolize Allen, who was everything Timothy wanted to be. An adult, strong, able to protect others, standing up to Kanda, demanding and achieving what he wanted. Allen, who was just like him, an orphan no-name nobody, with not a dime to his name. 

But Timothy is smart and sensitive and perceptive, and I think he keeps these hurts and doubts to himself, just like he always has. Besides, it’s not like Mother or Allen are there to assuage them anymore, whether it be his insecurities about his Innocence or his hair. 

Still! He’s the type to take action, and he’ll probably work to be ‘better,’ though arguably becoming similar to Allen isn’t what you want a 9 year old to aspire to LOL given how we all know he’s a walking disaster seconds from falling. 

[nea-writes]

Like three of y’all tagged me in the WIP post so now I gotta do it. (the question is if I should do three separate ones LOL). But thank you!!! I’m currently home for the holidays so if I can squeeze in more time I’ll fill them out, and answer more of those piled up asks because y i k e s

And of course this has always been true, but if you ever have dgm questions or thoughts, always feel free to ask!! I haven’t reread this series 7 times and died over it for 2yrs straight to not have a reasonably good grasp on all of it lol 

[nea-writes]

So I'm writing a DGM fic after quite a few years of not having written any. However, I'm kinda stuck in a spot here. I can't remember where I read it, and I think it was another fic, but does Mana ever say anything to Allen about how Red isn't a name or something of the sort? Thank you and I also want to say- I LOVE YOUR WORK!!! 😆

GOOD LUCK!!!! I’m happy to hear you’re writing!!!

I’ve never quite finished reading LFoS (one of the novels) but I did skim most of it and I don’t recall Mana ever commenting on the name red.

He never really acknowledges Allen’s name at all, really, not even that he gave Allen that name. Mana was a bit too gone to understand that, since Allen the boy was a replacement for Allen the dog, a faithful companion who followed him.

(Naming Allen could’ve also been because Mana knew Past!Allen, and somewhere in his tangled memories he recognized/felt nostalgic and passed the name on, but who knows eh?)

So, in canon at least, that’s never mentioned. There was a fic I think where Mana found the name ‘distasteful,’ and another one where Mana purposefully named him ‘Allen’ because he thought Red was a terrible name, but those fics came out before LFoS I think. And of course, not everyone reads the novels, and in the manga its mostly implied that Allen was originally the dogs name.

Of course, it’s your writing, and I don’t think it’d be a bad move to mention it if you wanted to. The Mana we know loves to spoil and lavish affection on his ‘family,’ so he could very well hate a name (that refers to Allen in a derogatory manner bc of his arm and hair) like that and insist on Allen having a ‘proper’ name. Whether Mana always remembers that is another matter entirely.

AND THANK YOU!!!!! I’m always genuinely so happy to hear it. I hope you have a lovely day!

[nea-writes]

Im reading too much into things but im rereading chap 21 and noticing the last page where roads face is shown reflected in mirandas clock, the time says 4:10 exactly (fourteen,,??) with the photo on the wall being two vague silhouettes in the same pose ,, hoshino really got me reaching for any sign hfgdjkg

LMAO friend listen I do the same thing.

In that instance, I do think you’re right though. At the very least Neah was planned from the beginning. I believed it’s mentioned somewhere that Hoshino thought of most of the plot for dgm while sleeping in the bath, so I think Mana and Neah were always part of that? I do think she fudged and added a lot of detail along the way, like the Second Exorcist Project (she sure dropped the ball on Kanda’s bracelet and that floating lotus-hourglass having meaning) but I think Neah’s involvement was always planned, bc he even shows up in Krory’s arc subtly. 

WHETHER THE CLOCK WAS INTENTIONAL IS SMTH ELSE ENTIRELY THO LOL but good eye on you for noticing! 

[nea-writes]

so, sometimes (more than is healthy probably... ) i'll reread you guys' pacifism au fics and the ever-exciting Say YouLoveMe and i just. man. guys come on. come on ahh man. come on man whats up with that. ahhh oh boy. Oof wonderfully written and exactly the kind of specific fic im craving constantly. thank y ou

fjdfhkdjshfjsk but also yeah thats the mood.

Why is pacifism au so angsty? Thinking back, there was a lot of potential fluff with that one lol but I guess it was the idea that they really had to wade through all their issues (and boy is there a lot!) before getting to the whole we’re-chummy-and-friends-and-everything’s-alright phase. 

BUT THANK YOUJFDKHJD truly pacifism au is the highest form of indulgence, even if it hurts more than it has any right to.... 

In light of new chapters and Allen’s self-hate being to the degree that he won’t grieve because he believes he’ll be punished and god dgm WHY are you like this— I think I would’ve written that bit just a bit differently.

Because Allen doesn’t believe he deserves love, and is punishing himself right now for even daring to want it or seek out, hence running away from ‘that warm light’. If Mana rejected him, Allen would see it as him deserving it, because he is the cause of all that’s wrong.

Ah...................I made myself sad.............................

Please friend, be kind to yourself and interject some fluff between all the angst. God knows DGM well and truly needs those lighthearted moments.

[nea-writes]

just in case,

My twitter’s @ nea_chi

AO3 is @ nea_writes

I should really back up all the work I have on this blog, fic, meta and analysis included since it’s good stuff, but that’s so much. 

Also at the recent asks, I promise I’ve seen you, it’s just been a very hectic time;; thank you so much as always!!! 

[nea-writes]

So, I found your quiz and I got Allen. And I think your blog is amazing. Just reading through all of you posts, and theories. It’s amazing, you are amazing.

LMAO GOSH THANK YOU//////// You’re pretty great yourself!!! Thank you for sending such kind words ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[musashigouda-deactivated2019032]

hey ao3 can you like give the extra $38k you made from this month’s funds drive to charity

[blooming-wilting]

You know it legally is a charity, right?

If x charity aims for £10, but gets £15, would you expect then to give back the extra five or give it then to another charity? No. Any extra costs go into the “rainy day” fund; sometimes servers crash or break, sometimes false reports are made that require the legal team, sometimes you need to hire coders or what not to implement new features or fix bugs or deal with broken code … 

The money they aimed for is the bare minimum, which goes towards things like basic server costs and domain names and legal advice and so forth, but they don’t just “pocket” the rest (as people claim). It’s not a business. It has no advertisements. It needs some “rainy day” cash to function. 

You can’t ask a charity to give money to another charity. 

It needs what it gets to function and improve. 

[fangasmagorical]

kiena-tesedale replied to this post

They don’t “pocket” excess money. They have a publicly accessible budget - waaaay more info than most charities, in fact. In it, you can clearly see where each dollar goes. (Also, you are vastly underestimating either how much traffic AO3 gets or how much servers/hosting costs.)                    

In my experience, people who don’t work in web design and hosting just have no concept of how heavy a load something like AO3 would have. Not only is the traffic absolutely buck wild, but the quantity of data that archive needs to store is fuckoff crazy. I’m talking “more than the library of congress” crazy. The only reason it doesn’t require Netflix levels of data serving is that it’s text based rather than video.

AO3 is in the top 300 websites in the world, and the top 100 in the US. It is the number 2 literature website.

Number 2 in the entire world. JSTOR is 20.

It sees about 6 million people a day. About 250k an hour. Each of those people is loading multiple pages, many are running searches that execute on literally hundreds of potential variables per search. The demands involved are astronomical.

JSTOR, btw, makes 85 million dollars a year.

It’s 18 ranks below AO3′s traffic, and takes in 650 times the amount of money.

But let’s say you think that’s an unfair comparison. Would you say that the Project Gutenberg Literature Archival Group- another text based archive that handles literature operating outside traditional copyright requirements- is more similar?

Because it sees all of 4% of the traffic that AO3 handles.

Care to guess its budget?

Double that of AO3.

AO3 is doing shit on the kind of shoestring budget that I fully, 100% cannot comprehend. And that’s just the archival service.

The 130k also pays for the OTW’s legal team, which they use to defend the right of fandom to fucking exist.

It’s absolutely batshit fucked up that people are fighting to have the OTW defunded and AO3 shut down. They are the only organized group that actually stands directly between fandom- all the art and the fics and the vids and the music and the chats and the memes and everything we love about interactive, transformative work- and an incalculable amount of lawsuits.

[nea-writes]

sorry for popping in, allen has no memories before when he was like 6, that means pasta deaged about 10 years ago so lavi could be his son right? but i'm actually wondering about lucia because the GLASSES i bet they are related in some way

Let’s double check the timeline (because I’m a little lost and need a reminder LOL)

Adam split and Neah and Mana were born

Neah and Mana were on the run

Mana accepted/became the Earl and started to chase Neah | Neah killed all the Noah except Road

Neah was near death and Allen offered his body — they were both around 17.

~30 odd years pass~

Mana, the clown and the boy not the Earl, finds de-aged Allen with Innocence, with no memory of his past beyond being 6. He’s currently 7-ish. 

Mana dies when Allen is ~10, Cross picks him up, carries him through his grief, trains him

Allen arrives at the Order when he’s ~15

I don’t know if we can conclude that Pasta de-aged exactly 10 years ago, or if it was sooner than that. If he de-aged ten years ago, it means Pasta continued on for a long time after accepting Neah’s soul. 

Lavi is 20(21?) so he could POSSIBLY be Pasta’s son if Pasta went around having kids in his 20s. Lucia seems a bit too young to be related to Pasta, though I wouldn’t doubt she has some connection to him. Those glasses certainly look similar to his. 

[nea-writes]

Pea with the facts:

theblatheringpeacock replied to your post “sorry for popping in, allen has no memories before when he was like 6,...”

its 35 years between where we currently are in the timeline and when nea killed the noah

So going backwards, ten years to when Current!Allen was 6, and then 25 years before that to when Neah/Pasta was ~17. 

Mana’s quite old, huh.

And god how old is Cross?? The man hasn’t aged in 35 years apparently? He’s definitely not human.

[nea-writes]

Sorry to hear you jave a hard time, sending you lots of love and hugs 💝

HHHHHHHH THANK YOU NORA!!!!!!!! It’ll be okay!! My housemate is being, according to the counselor I ended up going to see because of how awful I’m feeling, toxic and creating a very unhealthy home environment. So I’m.... gonna move out. Hopefully by winter break. 

Sucks but what can you do! 

Anyways hopefully soon I’ll just. chill out. and be able to write or do things I enjoy in peace without all the stress and anxiety LOL. 

[nea-writes]

sorry for popping in, allen has no memories before when he was like 6, that means pasta deaged about 10 years ago so lavi could be his son right? but i'm actually wondering about lucia because the GLASSES i bet they are related in some way

Let’s double check the timeline (because I’m a little lost and need a reminder LOL)

Adam split and Neah and Mana were born

Neah and Mana were on the run

Mana accepted/became the Earl and started to chase Neah | Neah killed all the Noah except Road

Neah was near death and Allen offered his body — they were both around 17.

~30 odd years pass~

Mana, the clown and the boy not the Earl, finds de-aged Allen with Innocence, with no memory of his past beyond being 6. He’s currently 7-ish. 

Mana dies when Allen is ~10, Cross picks him up, carries him through his grief, trains him

Allen arrives at the Order when he’s ~15

I don’t know if we can conclude that Pasta de-aged exactly 10 years ago, or if it was sooner than that. If he de-aged ten years ago, it means Pasta continued on for a long time after accepting Neah’s soul. 

Lavi is 20(21?) so he could POSSIBLY be Pasta’s son if Pasta went around having kids in his 20s. Lucia seems a bit too young to be related to Pasta, though I wouldn’t doubt she has some connection to him. Those glasses certainly look similar to his. 

[nea-writes]

I love that allens pretty much going through a mid life crisis

It’s a quarter life crisis, unless you’re implying he’s already halfway through his lifespan, in which case, Please Delete. 

Jokes aside, Allen literally is going through an identity crisis, what with dropping his mask in front of Kanda of all people. Lenalee or Johnny? Link even? Acceptable. We’ve seen Allen drop his walls around them, mentioning Mana or having more casual speech. But Kanda? Kanda, who Allen can’t stand, who he definitely isn’t comfortable around enough to be Who He Truly Is? 

The boy’s crumbling at the edges, and it’s just a matter of time until it falls apart. This act he’s putting on, of being fine and strong and capable of surviving. He’s so lonely and sad and scared, and still he won’t let anyone help him.