intersex rights & responsibilities
there's a lot of people who have recently realized they are intersex, who have variations that aren't considered "traditionally intersex" (partially my doing lol). & many people who realized they had a variation that counts as intersex, have spent much of their life passing as and seeing themselves as perisex, and are very new to the intersex community and intersex activism.
to try to mitigate inter-intersex intersexism, i felt it would be good to write up a list of rights & responsibilities we all have as intersex people, towards each other. i think this format works well bc it reminds us that caring for ourselves & caring for each other are two sides of the same coin. we ask a little more of ourselves, in how we treat other people, so that we can receive a little more from others, bc we are all in this together.
this isn't meant to be a super formal complete thing, but i felt like it would do people some good to explicitly state these values & put them out there to be considered. especially since many ppl on this site (& in general) are autistic/neurodivergent & may benefit a lot from explicit advice on how to engage w others!
all people with sex trait variations outside of what is typical for "males" and "females" have the right to find their place in the intersex community, and use the label without explanation or apology. there is no intersex hierarchy, no "you must suffer This Much to ride," no giving the authority to decide what intersex means to perisex doctors before sex variant people themselves.
we have the responsibility to keep our most vulnerable siblings at the center of our community, like penguins in a huddle. that means people (esp children) who have been or are being targeted by CIMI due to their intersex traits. it also means multiply marginalized intersex people, especially intersex people of color and non-western intersex people. those who intersexism strikes first and hardest deserve the most community support.
we have the right to make sense of our lived experiences through the framework of intersexuality, and to talk about our experiences using that language. we should be able to expect the community to hold space for our stories, our experiences, our needs as intersex people.
we have the responsibility to educate ourselves on other intersex people, to hold space for their stories and experiences and needs. we should educate ourselves on intersex terminology and history, and we should have a basic understanding of other intersex variations and what people with different variations experience.
we have the right to call ourselves intersex, even when people w internalized intersexism or who use the medical model (like doctors) do not believe we have a right to the term. we have a right to use the language & framework of intersexism to make sense of our experiences with discrimination, abuse, pain, alienation, etc.
we have the responsibility to identify & deconstruct our own internalized intersexism. we have a responsibility to educate ourselves on forms of intersexism we do not personally face, and to understand how all forms of intersexism are connected & uphold the same oppressive system. we should treat every act of intersexist violence as if it happened to one of our family members, being outraged and taking action while centering the needs and voice of the actual victims.
we have the right to be frustrated, furious, depressed, anxious, traumatized about our experiences with intersexism and to be deeply affected by those experiences. we have a right to be imperfect, messy, problematic, and to struggle to do better and have that effort recognized.
we have the responsibility to show compassion & understanding to other intersex people when they are affected by their experiences with intersexism, and to put effort into navigating our own intersex pain & trauma consciously. other intersex people being imperfect, hurt people are not our enemies, nor does being an imperfect hurt person give you a free pass to treat others as your enemies.
the most powerful antidote to imposter syndrome is community and connection. so if you are just realizing that your body counts and struggling with doubt? the best thing to do is to practice being in community w those people and recognizing our shared experiences, struggles, and goals. not talking over or develop any kind of complex around more visibly or traditionally intersex people.
let me make this very clear: the expansive definition of what "intersex" means has to come as a result of being dedicated to resisting intersexism. hypospadias is able to be intersex because intersex activists make the choice to reject the perisex medical model and define the word as an umbrella term for sex variance, so people can unite under shared experience without a doctor's scrutiny of if they "count." that cannot be separated from the wider fight against intersexism, especially directed at ambiguous genitalia & "obviously intersex" variations.
i consider my hypospadias/H-VCV intersex not just because it fits my personal experiences (altho it does) but bc I see the direct line between the idea of "intersex traits can be common, they can be minor, they can be mild, it all fits under the umbrella" & the goal of truly dismantling the sex binary and all rules and boxes we draw around how bodies Should Look and Should Act and Should Identify. my indiv identity as intersex is part of a much larger picture & i identify as intersex as an active choice to connect my experiences with my sex variant traits to that goal, that dream. i do this rather than understanding my body the way perinormativity would like me to (as a disordered female), by choosing to create solidarity w other sex variant people in how we've been hurt by the sex binary. to identify as intersex is a personal choice but it's also a deeply social one. once i decide to take it on, that label cannot be separated from the context of community & our shared place in society.
when you enter this shared space, remember to wipe your feet, take off your shoes, and hold the door open for the next person looking for shelter. and when you share your story with the people who welcome you in, be ready to listen to theirs in return.
areudirty
theartofmadeline
