rêveries de nemotord

disclaimer: moderate to high emotional content.

[catchymemes]

[thebookquotes]

Don't just learn, experience. Don't just read, absorb. Don't just change, transform. Don't just relate, advocate. Don't just promise, prove. Don't just criticize, encourage. Don't just think, ponder. Don't just take, give. Don't just see, feel. Don’t just dream, do. Don't just hear, listen. Don't just talk, act. Don't just tell, show. Don't just exist, live.

— Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

[theotreptos]

“I prefer to express myself metaphorically. Let me stress: metaphorically, not symbolically. A symbol contains within itself a definite meaning, certain intellectual formula, while metaphor is an image. An image possessing the same distinguishing features as the world it represents. An image — as opposed to a symbol — is indefinite in meaning. One cannot speak of the infinite world by applying tools that are definite and finite. We can analyse the formula that constitutes a symbol, while metaphor is a being-within-itself, it’s a monomial. It falls apart at any attempt of touching it.”

— Andrei Tarkovsky

[nemotord]

　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.

　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　 　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 ✦ 　 　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　 🚀 　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　 　 　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　 　　 　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* 　　 　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　 　 　　　　 　　 　　　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　. 　 　　　　　.　　　　 　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 　

　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　 : ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* .　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　 　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.

.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　 　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　,　　 　

.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　 　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.

　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ☀️ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　 　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 ✦ 　 　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　 🚀 　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　 　 　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　 　　 　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.

you are star dust, my love.

[nemotord]

You're name is Hazel, and you are enough.

[nasa]

🚀 A New Era of Human Spaceflight

Our Commercial Crew Program has worked with several American aerospace industry companies to facilitate the development of U.S. human spaceflight systems since 2010. The goal is to have safe, reliable and cost-effective access to and from the International Space Station and foster commercial access to other potential low-Earth orbit destinations.

We selected Boeing and SpaceX in September 2014 to transport crew to the International Space Station from the United States. These integrated spacecraft, rockets and associated systems will carry up to four astronauts on NASA missions, maintaining a space station crew of seven to maximize time dedicated to scientific research on the orbiting laboratory

We begin a new era of human spaceflight as American astronauts will once again launch on an American spacecraft and rocket from American soil to the International Space Station.

As part of our Commercial Crew Program, NASA astronauts Robert Behnken and Douglas Hurley will fly on SpaceX’s Crew Dragon spacecraft for an extended stay at the space station for the Demo-2 mission. Launch is scheduled for 4:33 p.m. EDT on Wednesday, May 27.

Demo-2 will be SpaceX’s final test flight to validate its crew transportation system, including the Crew Dragon spacecraft, Falcon 9 rocket, launch pad and operations capabilities. While docked to the space station, the crew will run tests to ensure the Crew Dragon is capable of remaining connected to the station for up to 210 days on future missions.

Our Commercial Crew Program is working with the American aerospace industry as companies develop and operate a new generation of spacecraft and launch systems capable of carrying crews to low-Earth orbit and the International Space Station. Commercial transportation to and from the station will provide expanded utility, additional research time and broader opportunities for discovery on the orbiting laboratory.

The station is a critical testbed for us to understand and overcome the challenges of long-duration spaceflight. As commercial companies focus on providing human transportation services to and from low-Earth orbit, we are freed up to focus on building spacecraft and rockets for deep space missions.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com.

[sunsetquotes]

“He knew that I love you also means I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer

[nemotord]

Like Rain (part 2)

10 minutes of 2 in the morning, I'm slowly digesting soda crackers (yes, they come in garlic flavor!) to ease the pain I feel in my chest, down to my upper stomach. Yes, I'm guessing it to be Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD), in common terms, heartburn. But no, my heart isn't burning, yet the sensation of it, it feels like I'm having trouble in breathing for a bit. 

My dearest wife, if you're reading this, please don't worry, I'm taking the crackers on purpose, since it's made with amounts of Sodium Bicarbonate, an antacid. This would dampen the pain brought by the hydrochloric acid (mixed with some chyme), ravaging to go out of my stomach (then through my esophagus), like me after the community quarantine. 

Shucks, I miss going out, especially with my girl. 

Well, if it wasn't for the coffee, I wouldn't have the energy to write this, but uh oh, I won't be thankful for the GERD it gave me. It was 4 hours since we took a cup of it, my love. Even though we are miles apart, we managed to have a coffee date, a cute highlight this 15th of May. 

As for now, the rain stopped. Now, I just finished downloading some sounds to help me relax as I try to sleep after this. Ugh, it's brings comfort when I listen to the sound of rain falling down from the sky. Makes me wonder if the clouds feel the same thing, the same sensation of "ease", like when We urinate after a long day of work. What if clouds are peeing? Oh no, I remembered opening my mouth and trying to catch the rain falling down from the sky, Oh no Ian, you may look gross.

I would like to dedicate this essay to all the people who are inspired by cold events (physically and emotionally), to write. But in my case, I write because the weather is cold. 

I'm glad, that I'm far from the emotional winter I've experienced before. A special woman in my life have already rekindled the flame within me, and now tends the fireplace in my heart, like I am to her. Warmth radiating from her exceeds the capability of this weather to make me shiver.

Here is the part two of her writing, back in the 15th of April, 2018.

Earphones on, now, I'll play the sound that I've got, "an evening hour of gentle rain and cricket sounds". 

Here I go, here I reply.

Like rain,

It is dark, cold, and lonely. Is it, really lonely? Before we answer the question, let us go on first. You looked outside the window but the misty fog covered the scenery, and you can hear the drops of rain, as they fall in the likeness of cars, racing to take another lap, as in the case of those raindrops, they're running to reach the land. 

As you've pointed that the rain go down from the sky, like falling is so wonderful, now, Is it really wonderful to fall? Another question that we shall pass for now. Hence, we continue. You asked, "aren't we like drops of rain?", so eager to fall, to find our destination, to find the right person. You've told us, in a suggestive, not in full affirmation, that falling is the most wonderful thing, the most wonderful feeling, but to fall is not our fault, we can't help it. Their gravity, as you're suggesting a person in our lives, is pulling us, and our stupidity pushes us, you somehow, stated, not sure if you implied. Like rain, yes, we never mind where our destinations would be, we don't care if it is going to be dark or cold, or if we'll end up alone. 

Finally, you said, or if we will just end up falling on the solid ground.

Indeed, such a poem, for you to write, my love.

How is it for me? Like rain? How is it to be like the rain? hmmmm.

A vital part is not just falling down, but coming back up.

I've just found a correlation of seasons, as I've met some girls in my life, as they've lasted before summer. You've told me that you've met some boys, who lasted in the rainy season. The correlation, I think would be, evaporation. The heat brought by the sun, brought the rain that fell, back up to the sky, to be with the clouds, and then to again, fall at the right moment. This may not be scientifically accurate, but to state a point, it's not all stupidity. It's fate.

A vital part is not just coming back up, but falling down.

This essay is written, not to correct the poem, but to rather, to connect it. From correction, into connection. The value of meeting isn't always to correct, but to connect, and like rain, we do, connect.

Like rain, here we find our purpose.

We are, at some point in our lives, are like drops of rain. We may fall in so many places, out of the known, we do. But the beauty of falling, is not hindered by gravity that pulls us down, but the sun that pulls us back up. Lovely for the earth to pull us down from the clouds, to nourish the plants down to the ground, to replenish the soil with water, as time will come that the dirt would run dry.

I remembered when you've told me that you've wanted to be the ground, the soil, and somehow, you feel like you're useless, of just stuck, just beneath. Now, let it be, be the ground, what a lovely soil you are. Why is that? For I will be the seed that will be burrowed in you, and in time, I will grow into a tree to hold you together,so that when the rain comes, you won't just slide and be out of figure, but you're now held by me, who you've been nurturing ever since.

Isn't it amazing, how we are like rain, and the we replenish life back on earth? We may be like rain, going down to the ground, and yes the impact makes us seep down to the sediment, into the dark, maybe cold combination of rocks and minerals, and dirt; But no, it doesn't end there. We flow. We go under the rocks, and into the reservoirs, into then the rivers, the lakes, and sometimes, back into the sea. Yes, we are eager to find our destination, but in time, we will be to where we always wanted. 

For what we've always wanted, is to be directed to the right purpose.

The solid ground is not our end. For we flow, for we are liquid, after all.

Now, we are now with the other droplets of rain, we are now collected again, the sun is out there, again, taking some of us to the sky, then to the clouds, we'll have our chance to fall, again. Yes, like rain, the cycle goes on.

Falling is wonderful, it made me to go to you, and you to me. We both maybe, like rain, fell once into the solid ground, entered the dark, cold, and lonely dirt, but look at now, it's all part of a story how plants grow, how a seed is nurtured into a tree, living a legacy. And it all began, when we fell, down from the sky, to the ground.

Now right back up, we are here, my darling, here in the clouds.

Are you ready to jump back down, and fall again?

Before you close your eyes, you've just said to me, "It really is possible to fall in love multiple times with the same person", and that, melted me. Melted me like the ice, once formed in the clouds, now, I'm ready to fall to you, like rain, as you're my earth, my world, the solid ground that I love.

Like rain, blood is liquid. Like earth, heart is solid.

Like rain, I flowing into you, my earth, Like blood, you, flowing into, my heart.

OH MY GOSH, earth is an anagram of heart.

Just like this, hear my art, just like you, hear my heart.

Like rain, so beautiful you we are.

Shall we fall into each other, again?

Yes, my love, we shall.

Alby once said, "gravitation is not responsible for people falling into love", for love is a choice, and my choice is like rain, to fall into you, every single day.

Like rain we are, like rain, we live.

I've mentioned that this writing has a purpose to connect, and now I connect this to what my wife said to me before.

Like rain, falling and evaporating, "it will always be a good day to try and to keep going".

We keep going. We fall. We Nurture. We grow. Like water, we flow.

- ji

Finished at 12 minutes before 4 in the morning, 137th day of the year 2020. I hope for everyone's safety. Good morning, my dearest wife. I love you!

[lang-leav]

Soul Mates

I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence.

Lang Leav

[books-n-quotes]

“Physics isn’t the most important thing. Love is.” ― Richard P. Feynman

[books-n-quotes]

“Y​ou’re the kind of person I wanna be with when I want to be alone.” — Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park

[nemotord]

"Lord, it belongs not to my care

Whether I die or live;

To love and serve Thee is my share,

And this Thy grace must give.

If life be long, I will be glad,

That I may long obey;

If short, yet why should I be sad

To welcome endless day?

Christ leads me through no darker rooms

Than He went through before;

He that unto God’s kingdom comes

Must enter by this door.

Come, Lord, when grace hath made me meet

Thy blessed face to see;

For if Thy work on earth be sweet

What will Thy glory be!

Then I shall end my sad complaints

And weary sinful days,

And join with the triumphant saints

That sing my Savior’s praise.

My knowledge of that life is small,

The eye of faith is dim;

But 'tis enough that Christ knows all,

And I shall be with Him."

—Richard Baxter (1615-1691), "Lord, It Belongs Not to My Care"

[nemotord]

so dumating yung bill ng MERALCO, our electric bill for 2 months, sabi ni papa:

"ian, tanong mo magkano bill natin?"

*he said this na parang nagpapalaro ng sinetch itey*

sabi ko, "magkano?"

my dad shouted, na parang si kuya will,

"paybtawsan!"

(ako na mababayad ng bill):

"shet".

~ fin of me ~

[nemotord]

On deliberately missing you

To my poetry, hear this piece of our symphony. Thank you for living with me. Thank you for the harmony. All hope fueled my fingers to push themselves to the keys of this piece of machinery, as I miss you, vividly. So be it.

On deliberately missing you

9th of May, 2020, 15 minutes of 3 in the afternoon.

Back in the 30th of October, year 2015, my wife wrote:

"You cannot keep me in a photograph. Or in your memory. I will eventually fade, you will eventually forget me."

I was here in my room, somehow full of this sweat, brought to me (exclusively, oh yes!?) by the weather (hello, May!), when I've read this, again.

Waking up from a two-hour nap, yes, yes, then checking my phone, she messaged me 48 minutes ago as I woke up at 2 in the afternoon. I went to the balcony to

view how the cloud is so dim, in a somehow, shining way. That's weird. How can something shine and be dim? I don't know, actually.

Anyway, into writing this, I must say, that there is something going on within me,and it's hard to conjure essays if you haven't been feeling things.

But I know, my love, you may be the only one to be reading this, please, don't fret, we are okay.

Let me fully express how much I miss you and how much of what you said 4-5 years ago felt deep into me.

By the time I write this, it is actually the tenth of May.

I just kissed my wife to sleep, and I'm here in front of my laptop, pushing keys again.

Much of things that happened to day will constitute this essay, you may start to wonder why I decided to continue at this moment. By the way, it's 3 minutes

to 2 in the morning, actually. There was a 10-11 hour break before I write again, right? Right! Here I go on.

Today went on, like water in the river. It flowed. Yet, it had a raging flow.

My heart was shattered into pieces, like my bones cracked again, while I was there, outside, upbringing a blue pail at my left arm. Just a side info, I don't

use my left arm in lifting things since it's not my dominant arm, that is a fact. But I have no choice. We are running out of time, I think so.

There was no water. And that thing made my stepmother so mad, that she literally made me mad too.

But how is this related into missing you? Hold on, my dearest. We shall come to that soon. In line with that, I have plenty of time to write despite of my

eyes telling me to shut my eyelids, "hey we need to rest!" they shouted (of course that's not physically true LOL), but you get the idea, that's all we need.

I need to fill up 6 containers, and I think, I'll be done with that 1-2 hours from now. Hence, we shall continue!

Eight minutes at 2 in the morning, here I write again.

That's true. I can't keep you in a photograph. I don't want that either, for I want to keep you by my side, here, in my life.

That sounds cheesy eh? Yieeeee is the term to use, even though I'm not sure where that expression come from. Doesn't matter, but you do. Yieeeee!

Alright, now, Ian, FOCUS! Going back, I like taking pictures of you. Pictures, in a description (not true to all, 'coz we have advances in technology

nowadays) are just pieces of paper, with an organized splatter of ink, I guess. But for me, it has more of a value when "who" was made into a picture by that

splatter of ink. If that would depict a loved one, it means much more, what if it is you? Now, it means the most.

I can't keep you in a photograph, but we can keep ourselves there, in a peaceful scenery. Such beauty to find solace in your company.

My love, I can't keep you in a photograph, but can we keep each other? I want to keep you.

In my mind, I forged more cabins to be filled with you and me. I guess this is what water made me do.

It made me flow, it made me write my way into you. Like a river, flowing, like the clock, ticking, I'll be here, waiting.

Water. Now, it's eight minutes since I wrote the time again, eight minutes of those words, above. Hear me out, my love.

Into deliberately missing you, here I say, "you will not eventually fade", since I won't let you.

What am I trying to say? You know what, I'm glad you chose to stay. Now all I can say, is thank you, my love. Thank you for everyday.

Gratitude continually fills up within me like water from the mountains, going down through the river, flowing to the sea.

Now I understand thee, as you're a from the heavens, from above. Indeed, a heavenly body.

This is not a poem, I think? But I can't help myself to rhyme, my words, I want them to value, as you are more valuable than any dime.

Now, to tell you once more, "you will not fade", and I tell you so, and I won't let you. Water flows, but it stays too. Like me, to you.

I won't tell water that to be stagnant, of course. For water that stays, have a purpose. Yes, stagnant water can nourish life too! Oh no, I'm not trying to

tell how important stagnant water for mosquito larvae to be craddled in, HAHAHAHA! Hmmmmm how about lakes? That's a good idea! Water stay too in our cells!

That's why you're alive! Keep hydrated, my dearest.

You will not fade, and please don't. I trust you with that. I love you!

There maybe times that I may forget about you, but that doesn't mean that I will let it to happen, eventually. Here we go to the last statement. I will not

eventually forget you. Why is that so? It is because I won't let myself to do that, and I like not to forget you. Because to tell you frankly, I would like

to name you as the reason why my memory existed, and here, in my mind, you've always persisted.

I made you a house in my brain, that I've connected to any part of my life, as you are, the partner of my life. And into deliberately missing you, even

though you are miles away from me, and I'm kilometres away from you, you are in my mind, and I think of you, every time.

Yieeee is the term, I love you is the phrase. Here I deliver my thoughts, in so many ways, "I love you", and that, I always desire to say.

Tirelessly, endlessly.

35 minutes, at 2 in the morning, here I am, deliberately missing you. Here again, I write to you.

I was looking in the water while it steadily go out of the faucet, minutes ago, and yes, I think I need to sleep. Should I sleep? Hmmmmmmm why do I feel I

need to write more? If I can make a jet-pack out of my words, well, I'll be flying to you, and I'll be there with you. Suddenly I started to feel your hug

again, is this your soul, in astral projection, my love?

Should I sleep so that I can start dreaming, and then in the dream lair we can start dating, again? Pleaseeeeee all of the ways that can be conjured!

Dr. Stephen Strange! please conjure the parallel worlds! I believe we both transcend through space and time.

Now I'm going crazy, I think, I think.

Anyway, here I end, this piece of writing, with a revision of what you've said back then.

"You cannot keep me in a photograph, for I want you to keep me in you. In your memory I live, in our home, we thrive. At night the sun may eventually fade,

at morning the moon will do so too, but not us, for we love each other true. I love us, I love you."

Here I write, back in my room, as 45 minutes past 2 in morning, this paper is due.

and why? do I write this too? the reason, is I'm deliberately missing you.

This is still not a poem!

to my poetry, hear this piece of our symphony. Thank you for living with me. Thank you for the harmony.

~ ji (5/10/2020 ; 2:48 AM)

[nemotord]

Mind, Power, Reality, Space, and Time.

but where is my soul?

Yes, my love. It is in already in you, Hazel.

[nemotord]

ano kaya ang pang-limang litrato na ilalagay niya?

[books-n-quotes]

“Why is patience so important? Because it makes us pay attention.” —Paulo Coehlo