I slipped a bit this weekend. Those primal cookies. Dangerous and I am a cookie monster. It was the beginning of the end.
I got a healthy dinner on Sat. night but ran out of time to eat it after a couple bites of chicken. I thought, okay - maybe I eat less calories not a bad thing. WRONG ANSWER. Went to a work function where I ate the insides of the little hamburgers and skipped the fried stuff. After a few drinks they brought out huge pretzels that were beautiful and - well freaking delicious. I had a tiny piece, then another, then another.
Like a freakin’ addict. I know in my heart and mind I want to quit smoking. And I want to eat clean. I find myself in the same position over and over again. Stuck in my head, sad, and over doing it. I comfort myself with food. Even just the idea of good food makes me feel better.
So the scale on Friday said 149.8. Sunday morning (today) it said 154. I’m hoping it’s bloat and not actually true, since my calorie count hasn’t been high the last two days, even if it wasn’t all paleo... It made me really sad.
I ate good today. I gave away the paleo cookies (except two) and I ate pretty well today. I also went on an hour walk with the dog and did the big 3 story stairs again. I’ve been working out more - Saturday I lifted some weights and also went on a long walk with the dawg. It has to be helping, right? Every little bit helps, I think.
I feel really down about my looks and my body. I can see in pictures that the definition in my face isn’t the same as it was when I was like 147 lbs. or a lower weight.
I have 2 weeks left. Tonight I cooked like a monster. I made Elana’s almond flour paleo rosemary/sea salt crackers again. I will only have one serving of those a day, if that - which is just 5 crackers. I precooked 4 chicken breasts with skin for the week, and I bought a bunch of those Beetnik frozen paleo meals. I got a bunch of think thin bars (not technically paleo but high in protein) and pre cooked some hot italian sausages from Trader Joes.
For dinner I had roasted chicken and cauliflower roasted with garlic and shallots. It was very good, and I have some left over.
My plan is chicken, chicken chicken and eggs eggs eggs. And then of course veggies. I will NOT be drinking tonight or this week at all. I also might start doing coffee black and or with almond milk.
Tomorrow night I am supposed to go watch a tv show with friends. That will make it hard not to eat crap. But if I’m driving I can’t have more than a glass of wine anyways. UGH.
Also, all I can do is try... so if I try more than I fail I’ll start feeling like a winner. Right?
I tried today. I’ll try tomorrow. All I can do is try. I have to keep trying.
I did this once before. I can do it again. I did this once before. I can do it again.