Swim party

Primal adventures for a lady who would like be comfortable in a bathing suit because she loves to swim.

[neonswimfree]

Good Monday

It’s October 5th and I weigh 151 lbs.  This is actually a good thing.  Usually during lady time I would weigh 156-157... so maybe I weigh less after this lady bloat goes away?  Here’s hoping.

 I hope that I continue to lose weight but I will stay hopeful. 

My goal to reach 140 by the end of November has me at 149 by Friday.  We’ll seee.....  I didn’t eat a ton of food today.  And when cooking dinner I made a protein that was smaller than my fist and heated up a bunch of veggies with roasted garlic, asparagus, a little bit of sweet potato and some roasted cauliflower and broccolli.  I did cheat though.  I made decaf coffee and put some almond milk in it.  It was delicious.

I’m starting to learn when I feel full.  And my sugar cravings aren’t as insane as they were last week. 

I have plans to exercise all week. 

I hope that going to visit my family won’t derail me completely.

[neonswimfree]

Whole 30 day???

So I’m about 2 weeks in.  It’s technically been 3 weeks but the first week had alcohol, ice cream and dairy so it doesn’t exactly count does it?

Anyways... I’m about 2 weeks into REALLY doing it and I can feel a difference.  I also weigh less - I’ve lost about 5 pounds, which is great.  I hope my weight will continue to go down.

My good friend is getting married in about 3 weeks - and I have a big trip coming up in 47 days (I just counted). 

I saw pictures of myself at my friends wedding and I still look like the fat one.  I DO NOT look beautiful in the pictures... and I also look bigger than every other lady there.  It’s such a bummer.  I know that I quit smoking long enough ago that it’s time to get that weight off now...

Anyhow.. I’ve been playing tennis which is really hard work actually... and hiking  a ton.  BUT to be honest this past week I lost the most weight and exercised the LEAST.  3 years ago I lost 20 pounds and it was because of what I ate, NOT the exercise.  I believe the exercise helps to shape your body for sure.. and absolutely can help with weight... but personally it is astounding to see the change in my body just from eating differently.

Anyways I have not been as skinny as I was 3 years ago.  So now I feel like I’m trying to run a marathon rather than a sprint.  I know this works.  Eating proteins and veggie works.  Paleo FUCKING WORKS.  Whole 30 is great also. I got my period last week and I didn’t have a melt down as usual.  I feel pretty good - and I’m almost used to NOT drinking a glass of wine every day when I get home.  I really like water and I schedule my tennis lessons early on Saturdays so that I’m a good girl on Friday nights. 

I hope I can keep this up. 

Anyways I’m down to 151.  My goal is 145, and then 140 by the time I go on my big trip.  145 by my friends wedding.  It’s funny, today I clock in at 151... and it’s stayed solid for 2 days which is rad. It’s only 6 pounds away but it makes a huge difference?  I don’t know why.  Also I have my period so I’m hopefully because usually when I have my period I gain about 5 pounds.  This time it went down when I got it so... hopefully that is good news?

If I can keep this up... it will be very positive.  I have potential hiccups... visiting my family next week and my family is coming to visit the week afterwards.  We usually eat together in large amounts.  I’m going to have to try and keep it chill... or just do some intermittent fasting in anticipation of all the eating.  

blah blah blah. i usually fail.  i don’t want to fail this time. i’ve been successful before - and i want to get there again.  I want to get there and then lose even more weight. 

my real goal is to hover in the 140′s and MAYBE one day dip into the 130′s if it’s healthy for me.  I’m starting to realize that in order to do that I can’t drink as much as I do socially on the weekends.  Or weeknights.  It just leads to eating so poorly.  I have to learn how to hang out without getting real drunk and then drunkenly eating ice cream. 

right. word vomit. check.  it’s going really well.  i’m stoked. i feel like if  i can keep this up it will continue to go really well for the next 3 weeks.  and that would be GRAND.  but i think the real question is... can i continue to make it go well for the next 3 months?

[neonswimfree]

Whole 30 day 1 Salmon burger with avocado/mango salsa. Cabbage, hot sauce and parsley.

[neonswimfree]

14 days to go

I slipped a bit this weekend.  Those primal cookies.  Dangerous and I am a cookie monster.  It was the beginning of the end.

I got a healthy dinner on Sat. night but ran out of time to eat it after a couple bites of chicken.  I thought, okay - maybe I eat less calories not a bad thing. WRONG ANSWER.  Went to a work function where I ate the insides of the little hamburgers and skipped the fried stuff.  After a few drinks they brought out huge pretzels that were beautiful and - well freaking delicious.  I had a tiny piece, then another, then another.

Like a freakin’ addict.  I know in my heart and mind I want to quit smoking.  And I want to eat clean.  I find myself in the same position over and over again.  Stuck in my head, sad, and over doing it.  I comfort myself with food.  Even just the idea of good food makes me feel better.  

So the scale on Friday said 149.8.  Sunday morning (today) it said 154.  I’m hoping it’s bloat and not actually true, since my calorie count hasn’t been high the last two days, even if it wasn’t all paleo...  It made me really sad. 

I ate good today.  I gave away the paleo cookies (except two) and I ate pretty well today.  I also went on an hour walk with the dog and did the big 3 story stairs again.  I’ve been working out more - Saturday I lifted some weights and also went on a long walk with the dawg.  It has to be helping, right?  Every little bit helps, I think.

I feel really down about my looks and my body.  I can see in pictures that the definition in my face isn’t the same as it was when I was like 147 lbs. or a lower weight.

I have 2 weeks left.  Tonight I cooked like a monster.  I made Elana’s almond flour paleo rosemary/sea salt crackers again.  I will only have one serving of those a day, if that - which is just 5 crackers.  I precooked 4 chicken breasts with skin for the week, and I bought a bunch of those Beetnik frozen paleo meals.  I got a bunch of think thin bars (not technically paleo but high in protein) and pre cooked some hot italian sausages from Trader Joes.  

For dinner I had roasted chicken and cauliflower roasted with garlic and shallots.  It was very good, and I have some left over.  

My plan is chicken, chicken chicken and eggs eggs eggs.  And then of course veggies.  I will NOT be drinking tonight or this week at all.  I also might start doing coffee black and or with almond milk.  

Tomorrow night I am supposed to go watch a tv show with friends.  That will make it hard not to eat crap.  But if I’m driving I can’t have more than a glass of wine anyways. UGH.

Also, all I can do is try... so if I try more than I fail I’ll start feeling like a winner.  Right?

I tried today.  I’ll try tomorrow.  All I can do is try.  I have to keep trying.  

I did this once before.  I can do it again.   I did this once before.  I can do it again.

[neonswimfree]

Measurements

I just measured myself and the results are somewhat good.  I’ve lost about .25 inch in my thighs and waist and arms.  Not mind blowing but at the same weight 3 weeks ago my measurements were bigger.  I know that measurements play a bigger role than the number on the scale.  In one week , on Day 8 or so I will measure again and see if anything has changed, weight or measurement wise. 

For the most part I’ve kept my calories and nutrition in a good place.  I think.

I bet if I drank black coffee this week and had no alcohol it would make a bigger difference than I think.  Although coffee is a treat, I’ll say that.  And I don’t add sugar.... so that’s good?

[neonswimfree]

Day 15 (already!!!)

15 days left. I was off like a racehorse out the gate. Then I discovered paleo cookie dough. Ugh Ugh Ugh. Takeaways from this week: Beetnik frozen paleo dinners are tasty and a godsend after a busy day. Pre cooking something that can be heated up - also a godsend. So easy to say yes to something when it's right there ready to go. So the story always goes this way for me. Strong start and then I falter once I've got a bit of a groove going. I think I have to curb all alcohol this week. Something I already said last week - but in evaluating myself it seems really true. The paleo almond flour crackers are a good snack and if I just door out portions (ie: 5 crackers is one serving) then that is all I eat. I am going to dye my roots (way overdue) and take the dog on a long stroll. Then I'm going to do some weights. I want to gain the traction I had and get back to where I was on Friday morning.

[neonswimfree]

Cappello grain free cookie dough. Beautiful packaging? Check. Expensive? Check. Delicious like a real cookie? Double check. So I've re learned a key lesson here... The biggest issue with junk paleo food is the real issue with any junk food... it's so tasty and addicting, but doesn't provide a lot of nutritional value. Did I have a long week and want a treat on Friday? Yes. Was the hot cookie the best thing ever? YES. The problem is - I woke up at 151 lbs again. After two days of some minimal treats, the nutritional bonus is minimal. Sad face. I want to not be a cookie or treat monster... but I hope I can get it together. I need to go to the grocery store - go outside and play/walk etc... I cannot let this be my downfall. It just needs to be a blip on the overall good journey I've had so far. I can do this! Right? Right.

[neonswimfree]

Day 17

I was running late so I didn’t plan breakfast.  Then, breakfast magically appeared at my desk.  I helped  a friend out with a project and she had a breakfast burrito and coffee sent to my work!  Thankfully it came with sausage inside and also freshly sliced avocado and pico de gallo.  I just ate the inside of it and picked out the potatoes.

Then I stopped by Erewhon the healthy grocery store I usually roll my eyes at.  This is SUCH a good place for paleo/primal treats.  OMG.

I got salmon sashimi with cucumber wrapped in lettuce and seaweed, and indulged in some cinnamon almond mylk and Hail Merry’s raw chocolate macaroons.  They are THE BEST thing I have ever tasted.  In terms of primal eats... they are... primal-ish.  But I only had one serving and I know that is a MUCH better choice than getting a thing of Ben and Jerry’s.  If I did that I’d eat the whole thing in one sitting and feel bad about myself and it would cause a downward spiral.

A note about health food markets.  My receipt was $47.  I bought 4 things.  I paid $9 for that cinammon mylk.  GODAMN!  I also splurged on some $8 cashew cheese to have as a treat with my almond rosemary sea salt crackers I made.  I know that little splurges here and there make me feel like I’m a normal human enjoying life.  Also it’s nice to have food prepared so nicely... it’s inspiring. And bukoo bucks!

The scale said 149.8 today.  So I think I’m at a solid 150....  Meaning... this is working.  If I keep at it I think I’ll be at a solid 149-148 soon.  

I also realized last night that summer is here - and there are many swimming functions in my future to attend.  SO... I know that I need some long term planning and long term goals.  For now I want to get through these next 17 days.  But I also plan to check out a paleo food delivery service so I can have meals ready to go in the fridge/freezer.  I have a few primal recipes I love that are my staples, like nom nom paleo’s asian meatball recipe.  They are so easy to make and they taste SO GOOD.  I also quite like simple pleasures like bacon and eggs.  Or pork chops and asparagus.  Or even just sweet potato medalions browned with a bit of ghee. But you know, I do want a piece of pizza at some point - I might even try the almond cracker recipe for a pizza crust.  B/c really what i want is the crunching sensation...  That’s it.  

Ok blah blah blah.  I got off work early so I’m going to go on a quick hike.

So far so good today.  Tonight I’m going to see a show at a dive bar and I’m a little worried about what I’ll be like if I have a drink or two.  But that remains to be seen.  Happy about the scale.  It’s nice to be in the 140 zone.  Well to have my toe in it again.  Next week I’ll really be at the 140′s party!

[neonswimfree]

Beetnik foods organic grass fed meatballs for dinner. Delish!

[neonswimfree]

I know that part of this journey is loving myself for who I am, just the way I am. It's a hard thing to do, but very easy to say. I look at people at work. There are the small, skinny ones. I respect them, somehow. There is one girl at work who is very large. She probably about 250 or so -maybe more? I look at her and think about how she must feel inside... how badly she wants to be thin. She's always dieting, she hikes 3X a week. Why am I talking about her? Because if I weighed 200 lbs I'd feel like 150 was amazing. In fact, once I wasn't too far off. My highest weight was about 170-175 or so. My lowest was 143 but the lowest I maintained for some time was about 147. I'd like to live in the 140's. The low 140's would be great. I'd like to know what 138 feels like. My frame probably wouldn't look right but its be cool- to be at a lower weight or just a smaller, tighter body and know what that feels like. I would love to feel comfortable in my own body and clothes. Right now I'm feeling pretty ugly and fat. I feel specifically 'not beautiful' in a way that seems permanent and like a stamp in my face. My fate in this world. I've felt beautiful before. When I was younger I had days where I was beautiful. I know I need to change my mind as well as my body. ButI also need to let these thoughts out... somewhere. Keeping them inside is much worse so think. So here's to wishing I was beautiful, even though that is lame and I should know better. Here's to feeling good about myself and wearing an outfit - feeling comfortable and therefore being..... happy?

[neonswimfree]

Day 18 in review

Work was long. Stayed 2 hours late. Got bored and wanted to eaaaaaat all afternoon. What I did eat was good though. Stayed in target. Those almond crackers I made were a godsend. Fo sho. I snacked on chicken and got full - so even when I wanted to have chocolate I couldn't do it bc I was full. Good trick. Ate some pre cooked cabbage and cooked up some chicken, tomatoes and shallots. It was good and filling. But low cal. This is why I love cabbage. It's sturdy and holds up well even after a week. The scale said 150 lbs even today. So if I keep it up this week I should be at a stable 150, maybe even 149. Which I would be GLORIOUS.

[neonswimfree]

18 days to go!

In my insta feed. Good question. I am going to bring healthy food to work and hydrate when I want to smoke. I pre made some primal food last night and hope I can be as strong at work as I was this weekend at home.

[neonswimfree]

Day 19 dinner: zuchinni flat wide noodle with prosciutto, fried egg, shiitakes, shallots, garlic and Italian parsley. A little red wine and a wedge of dark 73% chocolate

[neonswimfree]

Day 19

I pre cooked some Elanas pantry Rosemary sea salt crackers and some cabbage. Tomorrow for lunch I'm going to have chicken and probably a think thin bar. I might hard boil an egg also. I'm worried that I will eat the crackers with reckless abandon. At least they are high in protein....I'm also worried about quitting smoking. But all I can do is try :) Good luck to me for day 18 at work. I want to eat protein and eat like a bird...

[neonswimfree]

walked for 1.5 hrs with the dog

[neonswimfree]

Day 19 lunch. Butter lettuce, avocado, chicken, tomato, shallots, lemon

[neonswimfree]

19 days left

Today is a holiday - I got cards to give to my bosses and say thanks.  Went to the grocery store and got stuff for the week.  There are frozen paleo dinners and chicken, shrimp.  I got sea weed to wrap up little shirmps and parsley with. 

I haven’t gone on a walk yet, it just got really hot.  I will do so.  I’m going to put on my workout outfit and muscle up the courage to do tracy anderson.  Might also do her arms workout afterwards or before.

I had a good day yesterday.  I can do it again today.  Smoked my last cigarette too.  We’ll see how that goes.  Just like cleaning out the cabinet it’s easier not to smoke if you don’t have them with you.

Tonight I might make a zuchinni pasta with some bits of leftover chicken and proscuitto.  Maybe some garlic and lemon also?  Definitely parsley.

I think having cooked chicken around as a snack helps a lot.  And making an egg is easy.  If I get bored I can swap the egg with a veggie and or another meat.

I want to make something with almond flour to pair with the egg or something.  The problem is primal pancakes are too high carb.  And the sea salt rosemary crackers I made from Elana’s Pantry are so good I couldn’t stop eating them.

So... I will look for some recipes and see what I can find.  I looked at the cauliflower pizza crust recipes and it’s TOO MUCH WORK for today.