I have zero patience for rude old people I don’t care if you’re a senior I’ll fucking fight you lets see what moves they taught your wrinkled ass in the war of 1812 talk shit get hit
trying on a metaphor

tannertan36

#extradirty
Stranger Things

Andulka
The Bowery Presents
KIROKAZE
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
hello vonnie

titsay
Sweet Seals For You, Always
EXPECTATIONS

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

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Noah Kahan
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵

Kiana Khansmith
Mike Driver
Misplaced Lens Cap
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@nerdysaladtastemaker
I have zero patience for rude old people I don’t care if you’re a senior I’ll fucking fight you lets see what moves they taught your wrinkled ass in the war of 1812 talk shit get hit
a cute study abroad story from my history teacher
so his friend goes to Germany to study abroad for 3 months, right? and she’s studied German in school, but she certainly isn’t fluent, and she never put a ton of effort into it, just a normal amount. And when she gets to Germany, her host family doesn’t speak English. at all. not a word. two adults and four children and none of them are speaking english. it’s absolute hell to get by, she’s constantly gesturing and enunciating and having to speak perfect German (they weren’t very good at understanding her unless it was perfect) and it’s three tiring months of nonstop German action. and on the last day they’re sitting at the dinner table and the father turns to her and says in wonderfully fluent english, “so I’d say your German’s improved quite a bit since you got here.”
OH MY GODDDDD
I FUCKING LOST IT WHEN HE STARTED SHOUTING
Marilyn Monroe: Haaaaappy biiiiiirthdaaaay Mr. President ;)
John F. Kennedy:
One time I was playing the sims and I wanted to make me and mike but I wanted to make us separately and have us meet. But when I moved into my house, I had this sexy ass neighbor. I figured I could have a fling with him and break it off and get with Mike later but then the neighbors kid got attached to me and I couldn’t just end it when I was so close to his daughter. I really cared about him too.
So the only thing I could do was have it end in tragedy. That way I wouldn’t have to break up with the guy and I could adopt his daughter to stay close to her. He passed away peacefully on fire in the kitchen. Now in previous games, when a kid is taken away by CPS, the next kid you adopt is the same kid. Welp that didn’t carry over into sims 4 so the daughter ended up being taken away and erased from the game by the great sims deity.
I’m a sentimental man, so I kept neighbor mans tombstone around. I’d occasionally chat with his ghost, but he seemed cold to me. I can’t help but thinking he was a bit mad his daughter no longer existed. But this escalated once I started seeing Mike. His ethereal visits became more frequent and more hostile, usually breaking my electronics or creating a mess. But he went overboard when he started the fire.
Being a sim the died in a fire, his ghost had certain abilities specific to his death (setting fires). He got pissed because I kissed Mike so he set my couch on fire that ended up barricading us in the bedroom. Now I couldn’t find the fire alarm in buy mode and I hadn’t had the foresight to predict my spiteful ghost died-in-a-fire ex boyfriend would be an afterlife arsonist to care about it that much so a lot of the house had burned by the time I could get the FD there.
After having almost nothing covered by insurance (thanks Obama), Mike sat me down to have a talk with me. While I couldn’t understand him, I imagine he said “What the fuck you need to deal with your crazy ass ex boyfriend ghost. This never would have happened if you weren’t a thirst little sim bitch and dated me first.”
I approached the grave. It was time to release him. He was waiting for me. He knew this was the end. That after this, there was no coming back from the afterlife. I know he tried to kill me, and he knows I got his daughter deleted, but at that moment, it was just like old times. Telling each other jokes 27 times in a row until he would have sex with me.
We had a final ghostly embrace and he was gone. I sold his tombstone for 300 bucks and bought a microwave.
I enjoyed this more than the last season of AHS
my jaw is dead ass to the floor
Tumblr:
Me: The sky is blue.
Tumblr: First of all, trigger warning, you bitch. Blue was the color of the smurf doll I had that got ruined in the wash. Secondly, my brother's girlfriend's cousin's step-sister said the sky was indigo, and she would know, because she studies colors in college. COLLEGE. Also, way to oppress other fucking colors and completely erase light blue, dark blue, and blue-ish green! Educate yourself, you ignorant piece of shit trash! You think you know everything but you have no clue! Thanks to you I am triggered and about to kill myself! Hope you're happy you fuck!
“Fuck she wont”
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH HAHAHAHA
WHY DOES THIS HAVE 30 VIEWS
WHY ARE WE SCREAMING THIS VIDEO IS CREAMY
for real tho this is my type of shit post
those little things on ur nose aren’t blackheads, don’t try and get rid of them they’re sebaceous filaments and they’re permanent and literally everyone has them
every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected don’t try and get rid of ur pouch
ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isn’t gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise
if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, it’s not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u don’t see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine
no one’s stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic
no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine
sometimes u just gotta get over urself
this made me cry I needed it so bad
Mother cat with kittens came to meet an old friend.
I can’t believe we’ve already found the best animal video of 2016.
That is too adorable. You can tell the mother cat actually does trust the dog just by her body language. Typically a mother will watch her kittens closely and be very protective of them, here she completely trusts the dog to play gentle with them. This is just too damn cute.
When he bops the kitten and looks up at Mom to make sure he didn’t overstep!
The dog is trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible!!
some white girls should just never dance
Jim Carrey is the reason I never forget how to spell the word “beautiful”
I've been told you'd like to hear about my Grandmother...
My grandmother got married in 1962, to a young man in the military. For a wedding present, their parents bought them a house in a nice suburb. White picket fence, whole 9 yards. Not long after they moved in, the next door neighbor planted a mullberry tree on the side of his property, near my grandparent’s driveway. Nothing seemed amiss, but if you know Mullberry Trees, you know that sh*t is about to get real.
About 15 years later, the mullberry tree was OBNOXIOUS. The birds would come and eat the berries, and any car parked in the driveway would get sh*t on, and it would stain the cars and ruin paint jobs. My grandmother, upon realizing the culprit, baked a nice apple pie, walked next door, and asked the neighbor if he’d mind trimming back the branches of the tree that hung over her driveway. He told her not to worry, he’d get to it soon. Three days later, my grandmother opened her door to find a half-eaten pie in the plate, crawling with ants, and a note that said “I changed my mind.”
My grandmother threw out the pie, cursing up a storm, and swearing up and down she’d get him to trim that tree or get him back. City ordinance said she could not trim the tree, as the roots were on his property, so the whole tree was his property.
As the years went by, my grandmother repeatedly asked him, ever so nicely, to trim it back. His responses were always along the lines of “No” and “F*ck off.” Finally, in the mid-90s, my grandmother retired, and received a large bonus from her employer for her 35 years of work. She took the money, and bought the empty lot on the other side of the neighbor, then went to a nursery and bought 16 mullberry trees, planting them along her property line, on both sides of his property. About 3 years ago, he became angry at the damage they were doing to his cars, and cut them all back without permission. My grandmother took him to court, and he was forced to reimburse her for the trees at a markup because they’d had 10 years to grow.
#ImAGiraffe
I SPENT LIKE 40 MIN TRYING TO CAPTURE THIS GODDAMN IMAGE BY PAUSING IT AT THE RIGHT TIME IN THIS 2 SECOND GODDAMN VIDEO!!!!
mac n cheese = macaroni and cheese and cheese