Glad to see more people are starting to talk about the problem of young lesbians calling themselves femmes and only meaning this in terms of aesthetics.
Reminding y’all that feminine /= femme
You cannot be femme and fetishise or use butches and studs.
You cannot be femme and take advantage of their chivalry and kindness and ignore their emotion just because they struggle to be vulnerable.
You cannot be femme and be divorced from our lesbian history, or the level of care and protection that butches and femmes gave to EACH OTHER for survival.
I’ve had some femmes reposting my other post discussing this issue and saying well i’ve had a hard life and if a butch wants to take care of me and do everything for me and i never have to do anything for them that’s fine. I’ve had a hard life too, more than most young lesbians I know who have never had to experience having to leave home as a teenager due to violent homophobia at the hands of a parent and had to push through life with very little support or stability. I have had a hard enough life to know this way of existing in a relationship is not sustainable or healthy, we need to be there for each other, support each other.
Femmes do not have to be weak or infantilise ourselves, we can have weakness, and be vulnerable, but it is blatantly stupid and dangerous to assume or paint ourselves as the only ones who experience this in a butch femme dynamic or relationship. It ignores the fact that butches bear the brunt of homophobic violence for being lesbians and often have no one but themselves for protection.
We owe it to butches to be there for them, to protect and give space for their vulnerability, just as they make us visible and lift us up on the streets and in our communities.
