my favorite stories from Pete’s book about the absolute menace that John was throughout their friendship
john persuading pete & his posse to use their allotted church donation money to buy to candy instead
spending sunday school by loudly chewing gum & popping bubbles to upset their group leader but she was too nice to throw it away so she confiscated the gum instead, promising to “give it back”
“all of us, and john most especially, used to derive enormous pleasure from pressing the remnants of gum into Mrs. Clark’s large, tender hands.”
john not knowing or caring what the words to the church hymns were and making up his own
playing chicken by swinging from a tree on a rope IN FRONT OF A DOUBLE DECKER BUS
trying to fight Pete for calling him “Winnie”
deciding they would solidify their friendship by cutting their arms and becoming blood brothers
john brought a fucking butter knife
john and his one brain cell convincing pete & co. to set ablaze a 20 ft pile of rubbish reserved for the celebration of a national holiday prematurely.
ppl were so upset they were using their URINE to try and put out the fire
trespassing on a housing development only to be chased by a security guard who was sick of their shenanigans but he couldn’t catch up
when the guard finally corralled them into one of the houses, they hid in the attic and john scared the man off with ghost noises
later on they caught the guard using the bathroom which was basically a trench with a board over it and proceeded to drop clumps of grass on his head to scare him and it made him fall…into the poop ditch.
convincing their classmate to hide in a hollow pillar in their classroom to prank the teacher
the student passed out, literally fell out of the wall and then the teacher yelled at the student to stop fooling around and get in his seat
turning in his religious paper with this enthralling excerpt: “on the road to Damascus a burning pie flew out of the sky and hit St. Paul right between the eyes,” in a contest to see who could turn in the most preposterous work without getting caught cause their teacher didn’t pay attention
convincing their entire class to wear white collars they made out of strips of cereals boxes so they looked like a class full of vicars
like they legit collected cereal boxes and sat their asses down to cut out all these collars like plz the dedication to tomfoolery
pete finding a treasure trove of lunch meal tickets in the school’s trash to which he and john started peddling them to schoolmates for money on the DL
using their profit to buy candy and john sharing it w/ Pete & others like ok win my heart you generous little fuck
signed up to host a booth at the school’s fundraising festival but the booth was actually a dart stall with caricatures of teachers for kids to throw darts at and the school had no idea :-)
at the school assembly that followed, the headmaster announced…to the entire school & staff…that the festival had been a “resounding success and had raised an unprecedented amount of revenue for Quarry Bank,” thanks to “the two boys whose stall had broken all previous records”
“on any given afternoon throughout that summer holiday, each of us could count on finding most if not all of the others […] chatting, smoking, and sunbathing at The Bank. Not least of the attractions was the steady stream of female visitors, often there for the express purpose of flirting with John Lennon.” same, honestly
john nobly deciding to go in first to be caned by the headmaster and still finding a way to fuck w Pete by emerging “from his ordeal on his hands and knees, moaning and groaning as if maimed for his life. […] Yet even as he crawled whimpering away on all fours, John couldn’t help but crack a smile”
john literally pissing himself and blaming it on a roof leak
when john outwitted some bullies who were chasing them when he “suddenly executed a spectacular leap and disappeared down the stairwell” from the top of the double decker bus and fooled them into thinking he hopped off when in reality he jumped down to the first level and hid between two old ladies as a shield. thanks grandmas
being such troublemakers that they had to stay after school several days a week and were in a “virtually permanent state of detention” until the school was so done w their shit that john & pete basically invented getting expelled bcuz they literally didn’t know what to do w them anymore
years later when Pete was graduating from police school and “he glanced up to see John, Paul, and George with buckets on their heads and mops over their shoulders, parodying our parade from Paul’s roof. Needless to say, it was all I could do to keep a straight face and remain in step with my fellow cadets”
all the times he made Pete laugh so hard he couldn’t breathe: “‘squeaking’ was John’s word for this last phenomenon - the high pitched noises I’d make while gasping for air. ‘Let’s hear you squeak, then, Pete,’ John would say, deliberately winding me up yet more, until I’d not only writhe helplessly on the floor, but would actually develop excruciating stomach cramps and a temporary blindness brought on by my uncontrollable tears of laughter. Thanks to John, I almost died laughing at least a thousand times” ofc he did that :’)
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