relentless mindset

♡- 1 Thessalonians 5:18

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

go.

Naramdaman mo na din ba minsan na wala ka sa "phase" mo? Na para bang nasa sitwasyon kang hindi ka pa handa o hindi pa dapat?

Ngayong huling dalawang linggo kasi, bago ang sembreak sa ekswela, wala ako sa huwisyong gumawa ng kahit ano. Nandun yung kagustuhan, pero wala yung tinatawag nating passion. Kumbaga, nag-sink in sa akin pilit lahat ng nangyayari at ginagawa ko sa buhay ko. Gumagalaw ako hindi dahil sa gusto ko kundi dahil sa mga deadlines na hinahabol ko.

Matagal tagal ko na rin namang naiisip ang mga bagay na'to pero iba pala talaga kapag katawan mo na mismo ang naghaharap sa'yo sa katotohanan. Katotohanang madami sa ginagawa mo ay hindi nakabase sa gusto mo kundi sa kung ano ang katanggap tanggap sa lipunan o kaya nama'y para mapasaya ang mga taong mahal mo.

Dito ko rin naisip na hindi naman ako aabot dito kung di ko talaga gusto ang ginagawa ko. Siguro lang ay Ito ang paraan ng katawan ko na sabihin na hindi pa'to dapat ngayon, na masyado kong inuunahan ang sarili ko dahil na rin ayokong madissapoint ang ibang tao.

Ewan ko ba nga ba kung bakit sobra tayong nadala sa gusto ng lipunan para sa atin. Hanggang sa puntong sila na ang nagdidikta kung nasaan dapat tayo ngayon.

Mula pagkabata ay nakaatang ng pressure sa atin. Dapat sa edad na tatlo, maayos ka na magsalita, sa edad na na pito, dapat marunong ka na magbasa, sa edad na labingdalawa dapat hindi ka na naglalaro, sa edad na labingwalo dapat mature ka na mag-isip, sa edad na dalawampu't isa, dapat graduate ka na sa kurso mo, sa edad na tatlumpu dapat may asawa at anak ka na, Ultimo nga ata sa pagkamatay mo, may standards na.

Nakakalungkot na madami sa atin ang nakabase sa oras ng lipunan na nakakalimutan na natin na may choice tayo. Oo, maaring para nga ito sa masayang kinabukasan, pero hindi ba tayo pwdeng gumawa ng magpapasaya sa atin ngayon? Kailangan ba talaga nating isakripisyo ang mga sayang pwde nating maramdaman ngayon para lang habulin ang sayang di naman sigurado sa kinabukasan?

Kung nagegets mo man ako o nakakarelate ka sa akin, hindi ko sinasabing sirain natin ang buhay natin. Ang sa akin lang, maari bang for once in our life, huwag nating ibase ang saya natin sa kung ano ang gusto ng lipunan para sa atin o kaya sa kung ano dapat ang nagawa mo ngayon base sa lipunan.

Sa halip kahit sandali, kalimutan mo ito. Maligo ka sa ulan, magpatakbo ka ng sasakyan ng mabilis habang nakasaliw sa kantang iyong paborito, tumambay ka sa taas ng bubong at panuorin ang mga bitwin. Dahil kung iisipin, pagkatapos naman ng lahat, hindi naman kung anong naabot mo ang magpapasaya sa'yo, kundi ang maliit na bagay na nagpatunay sa'yo na kaya mong maging masaya ng hindi nakadepende sa iba.

p.s: habang tina type ko ito — nandito ako sa aking tambayan. Tara patuloy na magsulat :))

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

excited na dumating ang sabado

excited sa kada anim na linggo

excited pumatak ang sabado

gagawin ang mga bagay na hindi sigurado

madaming gustong gawin, ngunit kay daming gumugulo

sa paligid, boses, ingay na pumapaloob sa katawang gustong magsolo,

excited na dumating ang sabado..

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

A deeper conversation is all I want from you.

I want the words

You're afraid to say-

the lonely ones you keep hidden

in between the folds of your hearts.

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

SIYA.

You're not my first boyfriend but your my first love.

All I can say is, I was and still am happy that we've meet those memories I had with you were one of the best. There were nights that I'm missing your kisses and hugs, missing you still hurts so much and there were days I wish I was still on the same sheets with you. Waking up in the morning's a lot of different now.

Mahirap, mahirap.

I'm sorry if I've already had enough I can see that we're both growing individually and it somehow flattens my hearts. I will always be a fan of yours. Thank you for everything, for taking care of me, for doing things just to make me happy, much appreciated. And right now, all I want is to be genuinely happy doing what's best for you. I'm sorry for everything that happened to us, it's fate and we have no choice but to accept. 🤎🤎🤎

xoxo

//

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

May dahilan ang bawat sakit mapapalitan din ang "kasi" ang bawat "bakit"

May dahilan ang iyong nararamdaman. May sagot sa gabi gabi mong pinagdarasal.

Huwag mo munang sukuan, hindi ka habambuhay maiiwan na nasasaktan.

'Yung lungkot, takot at sakit. Mapapalitan din ng "kasi" ang bawat "bakit"

Kung iniisip mo ngayong baka nalagpasan ka na ng pagkakataon, balang araw, makikita mo, Na ang pagkawala nila ang daan papunta para sa'yo.

#scriptstories

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

Babae din ako—

Hndi ako gaya ng ibang babae

Na punong puno ang mukha ng kolorete,

At linggo linggo eh nagpapalit ng lalaki

Hindi din hilig magsuot ng mga kinulang sa tela,

Na kada yuyuko e lalabas na ang kaluluwa,

At kada uupo e langit na ang siyang makikita

Simple lang-- simple lang ako talaga

Ayoko gumawa ng bagay na nakakaakit sa paningin ng iba,

Mas gusto ng nasa sulok lang habang tahimik na nagmamasid at nagbabasa

Hindi ko din gusto na binabastos ako

Siyempre sino ba ang may gusto?

Baka matampal pa kita kung susubukan mo

Hindi ako marunong sumapak, tampal agad kapag ako'y nairita,

Kasi nga, -- hindi ako kagaya ng iba.

Pero babae din ako- ano ba, hindi nga lang kagaya ng iba.

Kinikilig din ako at namumula

Nanghihina ang tuhod kapag napapalapit na 'siya'

At sumasabog din ang puso ko sa t'wing naririnig ko boses 'niya'

Babae rin ako, 'di nga lang gaya nila

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

Hinto.

Minsan naisip mo ba kung saan ka itinadhana

At parang wala namang magbabago 'pag nawala ka?

Sana makawala ka sa kahon kung nasa'n ka ngayon

Panibagong pagkakataon ang iyong pagmulat sa bawat umaga mali ay maitatama pa

At balang araw, matutuklasan ang kinalabasan

Nang tiis at sakripisyong akala mo'y onti lang

Nguniti nadulot nito'y inakalang imposible

Hiwaga sa pagibig sa iba at sa sarili

Bangon sarili— sarili bangon

Panahong onti na lang ang ating pag ahon

Inakalang imposible, posible pala

Ngayon alam ko na,

Di natin hawak ang oras

Hindi rin natin alam ang dala ng bukas.

#takeyourtiime #pause

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

Hindi mo naman kailangang mauna,

Dahil hindi ka naman nahuhuli,

Wala kang katulad na resulta,

Kaya mag-pahinga ka kapag pagod ka na.

'Wag kang umalis kapag naangatan ka,

Dahil may kan'ya-kan'ya tayong butong naka-tanim.

You'll bloom one day, beloved.

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

FOREWORD.

To be honest, I always the thought of turning 20. It's a time in one's life that I feel associated with so many things but most importantly, I think that it is a point when we feel most anxious. I mean, I'm not pushing the panic button just yet but now that I recently 22, I'm pretty sure that I'm headed to an impending quarter life crisis.

I relish the rare moments I get to ride the bus home all by myself with my earphones on. And I think that it's fine given that there are days when I just feel like I don't want to be surrounded by anyone else. But as I was singing along to Lany's ILSYB all by myself, somewhere along the lines of "Oh my heart hurts so good, I love you babe.." I figured that I don't really fancy being lonely.

You'll eventually come to a point when you realize that it's okay to say no without explaining yourself the same way that you can come off. It's fine to disappoint people sometimes and still be okay with it. It's okay to want to be terribly workaholic so you can spoil yourself and your family and do whatever the hell you want right after. And it's okay to buy anything you want for no reason at all.

Your conscience might tell you otherwise or you might get slapped in the face by the harsh reality of life. But either way, you should know that in whatever you do, some people will always have a valid reason to hate you. I think there will come a point in life when we'll all have the guts to say, "you know what, I don't even care." And it's in that moment that we live you our heart's content that we are truly ourselves. Its during these times that we're truly living in the moment. It's during these moments when we're at our happiest.

peace, love, and happy,

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

Moving Realization -- I'm moved.

If Covid-19 is mirror, what does is reveal about your character? How do you response to what it has reveled.

I had a major, major realization here that i want to share with you.

The night when the President placed the entire Metro Manila in a community quarantine, I already at the mall worked as cashier.

Here's how Covid-19 has become a mirror to me:

The following day as i was listening to the news about people rushing to the grocery stores to buy supplies, I thought to myself "Buti na lang", "Good thing I'm okay", "Good thing may ipon ako". Then it struck me, what filthy heart that you have want there Vianca! What a selfish thought! It dawned on me that this crisis mirrors my attitude, this crisis is used by God to show me how selfish i can be. I repented right away and prayed for God to change my heart. And He did.

After that day, my perspective has been changed, before i eat my meal, I pray for those who can't go to work and had to stretch whatever they have to put food on the table. I pray for those would walk for 1 hour just to go to work because there is no public transportation available in their area. And i pray for our government for the front liners, the doctors and medical people, and those who are in need. This is how this pandemic has changed my perspective and this is how God has shown mercy and grace on my selfish attitude.

How are we responding in this time of crisis? Is it in fear? In selfishness? In trust? In compassion?

If Covid-19 is a mirror, and a mirror requires a response, How would you respond to the things that God has revealed to you about your character?

God bless <3

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

/unconditional love --

A few hours ago it was mother's day, a day the appreciate the incredible woman who raised you, took care of you, and loves/ed you. Need i say mother's day was not created for every woman who had birthded as child, it was created for the ones who worked in any possible way they could to make sure that the ones they are good.

The mother's who did anything to make sure their children had food to eat every night, had a roof over there head, a place to sleep, clothes on their backs and always felt loved. Even when we might not always feel by our mothers we know that we are.

So shout out to all my mother's outhere who would die before seeing their child suffer, for the mothers who do everything they can for their child.. and off course sa babaeng nasa litrato na ito, thank you for unconditional loves mumu.

Nag-iisa ka.

Walang katulad. Walang kahambing.

VM

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

👁️✍️

minsan ba naisip niyong patayin lahat ng koneksyon niyo online?

yung tipong wala kang ibang gagawin kundi mag-isip, mag-sulat, mag-asikaso sa bahay, maglaba, magluto, mag-libang, mag-litrato, o makipag-usap sa mga tao sa bahay niyo.

minsan kailangan mo rin alisin ang sarili mo sa koneksyon.

iwas sa mga sama nang loob ng taon online.

mamuhay parang panahong luma.

masaya na kasama mo ang mga taong malapit sa'yo.

siguro nakakalusog ng pag-iisip ang minsanang pag-putol ng koneksyon.

ano sa tingin niyo?

lvl

[nerviousdreamlandturtle]

/being grateful --

This pandemic has drained every bit of life out of us. I'm lost for words to how else i can deal with this and how my mental health can deal further but prayers. I had a lot of time to think about what it is, what it that i really want, and a lot of things happened. I would have conversations with myself and I would always tell myself to take your time, there's no rush, the world's gonna end tomorrow.

This quarantine made me reevaluate myself, and has helped me have a clearer vision of what i want to achieve for myself. Lesson learned NEVER sell yourself short just because you love someone, and you see yourself with him. I learned that the right person will be there with you, supporting you with whatever it is that you want to do. Another lesson learned is it not wrong to choose yourself. Learn to let go of was what happened, and always stick to the good side of things. This has helped me a lot now, and has made me feel at peace with what has happened. I just learned how to stop doubting myself and i started believing in myself more.

So so many things -- but one things that I believed in is just be ME, and not look for validation from other people. I have gone through depression, may mga naging moments din ako na 'di okay, it's okay not to be okay minsan. Always tell my-self to never give up on my dreams, our current situation might not where you wanted to be but always remember, everything happens for a reason. Although many things I am not sure, where I am years later. How many more days I will last, and how many more my dreams will come true. but in the world I can only hold on to is FAITH, I know if I have one to hold on to and that is my FATHER..

<3 🙏