P-Please be more careful!!

becuase we need to know if your beard tickles the balls

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "probably".

Now shoo.

when was the last time you sucked a cock

Why do you people keep asking this kind of question...?

Hey, uh, how much tea will it take to get you to hang around for another hour or two? I think I brought like three teas.

You don’t have to bribe me, Mikkel. But I won’t turn down your tea.

What’s on your mind?

I didn’t curse. *Whines that, kinda frustrated and just plops down in his seat with a groan. His head hurts, he feels like crap, and he should have picked someone who drank to talk to instead Then maybe he could get drunk enough to have an excuse for explaining,*

I know someone hurt him, alright? Eirik’s life has been… a little fucked up. I dunno if saying that shit would help any. It didn’t when he was pointing a gun at me if I got up in the night, only thing that helped with that was time. … And pissing before bed but that’s besides the point.

Talking never works as well in the heat of the moment. He sounds like he would benefit from therapy, to be honest--being able to talk out his problems with someone unattached to his life, who may be able to help him deal with it... Poor boy. Bring him around sometime, I'll try to hint at it.

In the meantime, try not to take it personally. You care about him, and he cares about you, and when he gets on you for doing something with porn stars or whatever it was you did to make him not-trust you this time, just know it's because of that. That he cares about you, that is.

And you can always talk to me about things.

Hey, uh, how much tea will it take to get you to hang around for another hour or two? I think I brought like three teas.

You don’t have to bribe me, Mikkel. But I won’t turn down your tea.

What’s on your mind?

Doesn’t Eirik count as a personal problem?

Nah, I don’t really want to fuck him right now but it’s not my dicks fault. The little guys fine. How do you know about those doctors anyways—

I dunno, I’m just kinda pissed. And I shouldn’t be pissed at him, but at the same time he kinda came off like an ass. And I’m just wondering exactly what we’re doing here…

It’s common sense, Mikkel, if they make a medication to cure something there’s gotta be a doctor somewhere along the line.

-Tucks the teabags in his pocket, nodding-

Did something happen between you two? I feel like if you wanted to break up with him, you wouldn’t be bothered by whatever happened, so it’s probably just something you’ll wanna work over, y’know?

… huh.

Do you wanna talk about your dick, or something?

Nah, not really. I don’t wanna break up, I’m just realizing we’ve been going out since what, September? And things are just the same as then. It’s depressing.

I thought by now he’d have a little fucking faith in me….

No, it’s just where these conversations always seem to lead. Gracious.

Hm. You say he came off like an ass, though, did he yell at you or something? I mean… Have you told him you feel this way? I mean, some people just move slower in relationships than others. I know you don’t want to move lightning-fast, but maybe Eirik is just—exceptionally slow in the trust department.

A little? I mean he yelled I’m not allowed to bang porn stars, but that wasn’t really at me I don’t think as much as at Titties-McGgee. Eirik tries not to yell.

And hell no. I know he’s a bit cold, and stuff, I just figured between ya know, the bunny, almost fucking dying, faking being engaged so they’d let me in the damn hospital— I figured somewhere in there he’d know well enough that I’m not going to fuck off and stick my face in some girls tits. He’s important… And I don’t know if he doesn’t know that, or he just does trust me.

-He kind of wants to know the story behind that one, but he lets it pass-

You should definitely talk to him. But--calmly. Like "Eirik, I care a lot about you and I hope you know I'd never do anything to hurt you," not "Curse word, curse word, danish sentence, curse word." But, to be honest, I think it's not a distrust of you, necessarily. He probably has trust issues in general. Maybe someone hurt him. Getting that off his chest will strengthen your trust both ways.

Hey, uh, how much tea will it take to get you to hang around for another hour or two? I think I brought like three teas.

You don’t have to bribe me, Mikkel. But I won’t turn down your tea.

What’s on your mind?

Doesn’t Eirik count as a personal problem?

Nah, I don’t really want to fuck him right now but it’s not my dicks fault. The little guys fine. How do you know about those doctors anyways—

I dunno, I’m just kinda pissed. And I shouldn’t be pissed at him, but at the same time he kinda came off like an ass. And I’m just wondering exactly what we’re doing here…

It’s common sense, Mikkel, if they make a medication to cure something there’s gotta be a doctor somewhere along the line.

-Tucks the teabags in his pocket, nodding-

… huh.

Do you wanna talk about your dick, or something?

Nah, not really. I don’t wanna break up, I’m just realizing we’ve been going out since what, September? And things are just the same as then. It’s depressing.

I thought by now he’d have a little fucking faith in me….

No, it's just where these conversations always seem to lead. Gracious.

Hm. You say he came off like an ass, though, did he yell at you or something? I mean... Have you told him you feel this way? I mean, some people just move slower in relationships than others. I know you don't want to move lightning-fast, but maybe Eirik is just--exceptionally slow in the trust department.

Hey, uh, how much tea will it take to get you to hang around for another hour or two? I think I brought like three teas.

You don’t have to bribe me, Mikkel. But I won’t turn down your tea.

What’s on your mind?

*Damn, he ran to the corner store for nothing. Shrugs and digs a few slightly squished bags of tea from his pockets, tossing them on the counter,*

Nothing, I mean, nothing now, it just still kinda seems fucked up and yeah.

-He smiles a little at the teabags, looking through them as Mikkel talks-

You’ll have to be a little more specific, hon. Is this a business problem, a boyfriend problem, a family problem? A personal problem?

If it’s anything about your sex life, please warn me now. I wanna be here for you, but I also know more about your dick than I’d like to, and if you’ve got some kind of dysfunction, there’s doctors for that—

Doesn’t Eirik count as a personal problem?

Nah, I don’t really want to fuck him right now but it’s not my dicks fault. The little guys fine. How do you know about those doctors anyways—

I dunno, I’m just kinda pissed. And I shouldn’t be pissed at him, but at the same time he kinda came off like an ass. And I’m just wondering exactly what we’re doing here…

It's common sense, Mikkel, if they make a medication to cure something there's gotta be a doctor somewhere along the line.

-Tucks the teabags in his pocket, nodding-

Did something happen between you two? I feel like if you wanted to break up with him, you wouldn't be bothered by whatever happened, so it's probably just something you'll wanna work over, y'know?

Hey, uh, how much tea will it take to get you to hang around for another hour or two? I think I brought like three teas.

You don’t have to bribe me, Mikkel. But I won’t turn down your tea.

What’s on your mind?

*Damn, he ran to the corner store for nothing. Shrugs and digs a few slightly squished bags of tea from his pockets, tossing them on the counter,*

Nothing, I mean, nothing now, it just still kinda seems fucked up and yeah.

#axkingfortrouble #alphask

-He smiles a little at the teabags, looking through them as Mikkel talks-

You'll have to be a little more specific, hon. Is this a business problem, a boyfriend problem, a family problem? A personal problem?

If it's anything about your sex life, please warn me now. I wanna be here for you, but I also know more about your dick than I'd like to, and if you've got some kind of dysfunction, there's doctors for that--

Hey, uh, how much tea will it take to get you to hang around for another hour or two? I think I brought like three teas.

You don't have to bribe me, Mikkel. But I won't turn down your tea.

What's on your mind?

M!A- You have a kilt on your dick for the next two days. Enjoy your literal ball gown.

When was the last time you got laid?

--I don't know! I don't keep a little black book, you know, just.

A while ago, alright?

#redheaded-idiot #alphask

~incoming nude via magic mail~

~tacks nude to a cross and burns it~

~maybe it has voodoo properties~

Are you from Ireland, cause my penis is Dublin.

I'm Scottish.

RUT M!A - You are in an insatiable state of pure, carnal, masculine need. You just feel the urge to to fuck pretty much anything and everything in sight. Unfortunately for you, you can't just beat the meat to beat the heat, so no matter how many living or plastic things you fuck and manage to impregnate, you won't be able to escape this frenzied bout of lust until it passes of it's own accord in due time.

nO I HAVE A DATE COMING UP--

I'm not freaking out, I just, um. I kind of have a date, I think? I'm freaking out a little. What do I do, how do I act charming

Really?! Sweet, then I don’t have to hook you up with hookers or something. *Oh shit he is freaking out, he looks like a mouse that saw a cat. Awkward shoulder pats. Calm down kilty,* Well, if you asked them out and they said yes they must think your at least a little charming when your an awkward dork.

I—She accidentally sent me a picture of her, without, uh, without clothes, and I apologized and she called and I asked her out very loudly, and, uh, now we’re gonna get tea, I guess? And do something else that she’s picking out? I—

I don’t think I’ve been on a date since uni…

She miss-sexted you?

Does that mean you’ve already gotten to first base? *Damn, he wants to see titties.*

Tea date. Tea date. *Stresses the lameness, patting him on the back again,* Well, at least you learned something in University.

Alright, so what kinda date is this? I wanna see if I wanna ride your disco stick date or romantic date or hey we should chill date?

I--I guess? She's really pretty. I, uh, I told her that, and then figured it was probably rude--

Hey! I like tea! Hmph. I--I'm not sure, really, I just--yelled "do you wanna go out sometime because I like you a lot" in the phone and then hoped she didn't hang up.

I'm not freaking out, I just, um. I kind of have a date, I think? I'm freaking out a little. What do I do, how do I act charming

I--She accidentally sent me a picture of her, without, uh, without clothes, and I apologized and she called and I asked her out very loudly, and, uh, now we're gonna get tea, I guess? And do something else that she's picking out? I--

I don't think I've been on a date since uni...

So you finally going to lose your virginity?

I'm not a virgin!!!