Nessie's Corner

My Rambles, rants, thoughts inspired thoughts. Just teen girl stuff! Come at me friends :D

[laughterisouraddiction]

love in all different forms.

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I was very nervous to meet Mr. Aro, but I had my family to protect me so I knew I would be safe :)

[robstenrry]

New still of Renesmee and Bella - Breaking Dawn Part 2.

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<3 love you too momma!

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When you were younger did you ever jump from one couch to another to try to avoid lava ? :D

I wanted to but my grandma didn't like me to jump on the furniture *laughs* 

[rememberme44-deactivated2015021]

he’s the best.

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Bestest Daddy in the whole world :)

[gayfortaylorlautner]

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*giggles* it was a trade i get to make him play model for me, and I had to throw that football around with him after...but it turned into tackle football. Have you ever tried to play tackle football with a wolfie dude? Yeah...I lost :P but I didn't mind *winks* 

[jumpingintoyou]

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So when I was 3...I had my first kiss with Jake and I already liked him...but after he kissed me I was like.... :

[tropicalcalifornia-deactivated2]

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THAT'S MY JAKE TOO. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I HAD TO PUT HIM AGAIN!! MEEP AND I GET TO SEE HIM ON THURSDAYYY SQUEEEEEE

[thedisneyprincess]

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Too right Thumper! Eat cookies instead they make you grow too!

[say-narry]

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That's my Jake! *grins* I love him this much *holds my arms out as far as they will go* 

[twilight-hoe]

[ohmycarlisle]

Bella Swan throughout the years… #HappyBirthdayBella

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Happy Birthday Momma!!! I love you <3 @his_shield

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Rambles...

I know I should be like bouncing off the walls happy because my birthday is next week, and I get to go back to school next week too, but to tell the truth...I'm not. I'm even a little bit excited about my birthday or going back to school. I had a really crazy summer. I mean like really crazy. I guess all the ick started back when I broke up with Jake earlier this year, and since then its like this little black rain cloud has just been following me.  And not a cute Pooh Bear shaped one but a mean one that's not cute with feelers and tentacles like Ursula. 

School last semester was so fun save for the whole dylan incident. And even though that was hard to deal with, I made it through with the help of a few friends and my family and I thought I'd be going back to school like normal in the fall and we'd live it up properly as sophomores. After all it is my first full year there I'm starting. But that's not gonna happen now. After my accident a few weeks ago- I think my parents got scared and instead of letting me be in regular classes this fall...I'm doing independent music studies for both instruments and all my pre-med courses are online. Which basically means...I have no reason to visit campus save to chat my independent study professors once a month. 

I just want to cry thinking about it. I've been coping with everything a lot better since I got home from Volterra and since Jake and I got back together we've been spending loads of time together and that's been helping keep my mind off things. But...its not really been lost on me that I haven't been allowed to go anywhere off our property since I got back. And I'm scared to hunt alone so Jake goes with me right now...I just thought maybe my family might trust me a little more to be okay...but I guess my issues are a lot worse than I thought. It makes me really sad...all I want to do is be like a normal college kid, but I guess that's never gonna happen now. 

The perk is since I don't really have classroom committments I can visit Jake a lot. Its gonna be horrible next week. He's leaving the day after my birthday and for the first time ever...I really don't want my birthday to come. I want him to stay here with me for always. We had our super rough patch earlier this year, but i think we're both in a better place to be together now...and now...we can't just be together. But it'll be okay I hope. I'm gonna try to stay strong for Jake. Its a lot harder for him to be away from me cause of the imprint...but I love him to pieces and I hate we are gonna be far apart :(

its just been a really sucky two days I guess. But it'll get better I hope. I still get to go to school, I have the best boyfriend ever...I have so much to be thankful for, so I'm just gonna focus on that and maybe next semester I can have regular class and I'll still get to see Jake alot and maybe I'll get a pet unicorn...cause I like them too :P

[thingsaboutboyfriends]

[nataliasromanoff]

I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots. And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme. I hate it… I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh; Even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around. And the fact that you didn’t call, but mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you; not even close; not even a little bit; not even at all.

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My Mom Almost Killed My Boyfriend

I know...but I'm totally serious. She went bonkers and threw a frying pan at him. And it's not like I have a normal momma. She's a freaking vampire so not only is her aim perfect but she throws really hard too! Lucky for me I don't have a all the way normal boyfriend. He turns into a wolf sometimes and he's all super strong and stuff so instead of ending up in a coma he just has a really really really bad bump on the head..but MY MOM ALMOST KILLED MY BOYFRIEND!!

It all started cause apparently I had a really crazy dream about a dancing muffin and I fell out of the bed. Jake was really nice and he came to put me back to bed and he decided to snuggle up with me. I like snuggle with Jake while I sleep. I don't have to have the covers cause he's so warm and the sound of his heartbeat calms me down a lot and it makes me sleepy. And his arms are so big when he cuddles me I don't feel scared so I never ever have nightmares when he's with me. So really Jake cuddling up with me is a win for me. I think he likes to cuddle me too. But that's all we were doing is just snuggling and talking a little bit. But then he started tickling me and I couldn't stop laughing. But i think my momma thought we were doing something else...

I don't really know why she thought we were doing anything else beside having a tickle fight. I'm not even sure what she thought we were doing but Jake said my momma was freaking out for no reason and then he told me to sit back and watch and he made these awkward noises and the next thing I know my momma had chucked a frying pan at him!! I'm still a little confused about everything, but I do know my momma is absolutely bonkers. Me and Jake just like to cuddle and I'm not gonna say sorry for that, cause cuddles aren't bad...and everybody knows I'm a cuddle bug *giggles* 

So since my momma maimed my boyfriend I'm taking good care of him today...and that requires lots and lots of snuggles *grins* And if my momma comes back up here with some trying to chuck the kitchen sink at him just know in advance...I'm throwing it back at you! :P 

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Please...Just Be Honest...

Its no secret I'm struggling with what happened, but I can't tell what's worse. That I actually took a life or everyone trying to make me feel better about it? Like I appreciate it I know they don't want me to be sad, but I KILLED SOMEONE! Like I actually took a life and everyone keeps telling me that it was an accident, and that I didn't mean it. But they don't know that. Even I don't know that. In the moment I don't remember much, I just remember finally feeling...better. After all my struggling this summer I finally felt...good again. But the thing that made me feel good...was human blood and that means I have to kill people and that makes me a monster. 

And all the while I'm thinking this...my parents are trying to tell me its okay...Even if they keep telling me that I know what I did isn't okay. I remember when Uncle Emmett had his slip up earlier in the year and Auntie Rose was mad at him for ages. How is what I did any different than that? But she is treating me like normal and that's not okay! This would be so much easier if they would just tell me how disappointing I am. I already feel that way...I know i'm a huge disappointment, I just wish they could tell me that to my face. I feel like they're lying to me and going around talking about me to each other.

Like I get my mom's concern about me I really do, but she didn't have a right to go and tell Jake what happened. I didn't want Jake to know. And things with Jake are so awkward anyways. Since our break up we don't really talk that much and while we had been making a little progress, that fact that we're not a couple...is a little too much for him and it makes him angry. And I'm so confused in my feelings I can't sort out what I want and even more than that...I live on the other side of the country from him. So i can't even see him that often in person...and then all this happened.

How could he love me now? I mean does he even really love me or is he just stuck to me because of the imprint. It must be that, he couldn't love a killer. I don't love me right now...I don't think I'm very lovable at all. I hate being at my house right now. Its too hard. I don't belong with them anymore. I'm not good, I'm just bad and dark and awful inside. I wanna run away, but I don't think I'd get far with the way my parents are watching me right now. I just wish I could find somewhere to belong...i'm gutted its not with my family, but sometimes its just not meant to be. 

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I am a Monster

All summer I have been struggling with this feeling of discomfort that I didn't understand. It tended to flare up most when i was in the hospital but i'd never felt it before so I didn't think much of it. until today. I finally figured out what it was. I was hungry...not for cookies, but for blood, and not animal blood like normal...real human blood. I didn't even think about that being an issue for me because I haven't had any in so long and I wanna be like my parents and not kill people. 

I epic failed on everything today. I killed someone. I actually took a life and though my parents are trying so hard not be make me feel bad for it, its not really working. I know I'm a monster they're just too nice to say it to me. I mean really what kind of person goes and kills of an innocent human?! How awful am I for that!?! And even worse after I was done I felt better. All the discomfort i'd been feeling went away. Does that mean I wanted it? I'm gonna be a killer for the rest of forever?!

I don't know what to do now. I feel so horrible having killed that man. He could've had a family and I took him away from them. And even worse it means I could do it again. What about school? And all my friends? I was just starting to get my confidence in branching out and meeting people in work, and I even made friends for a study group in the fall and now I don't even think I'll be able to go back. I don't wanna be dangerous or hurt anyone. I mean I'm hardly holding it together now, I couldn't imagine what i'd do if i actually hurt like Lizzie or something. OMG the thought of it makes me ill. No no I can never go back!

I wish i could just go away forever. All this proved is my daddy was right from the start. I'm a bad bad thing and he shouldn't have let my momma keep me. He knew and even if i love them more than anything ever I'm still horrible awful monster that hurts everything it touches. 

[missing-twilight]

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Happy Anniversary momma and daddy!!