Thoughts I use to stop spiraling:
Even if others percieve me as annoying, boring, forgettable, disposable or unlovable, it's not what I believe. I know myself best. I'm not any of those. I'm happy with who I am.
I don't need to keep checking whether this is all my fault. I don't need to be ashamed for being in this situation. What I want, and what I decide to do next is what matters.
Mistakes along the way don't mean I'll never achieve anything. Setbacks are normal, this is a part of moving forward.
Just because I despair about the worst case scenario it doesn't mean it's real. I agonize because I've been taught to expect the worst, not because it's the current reality.
I'm focusing on how this situation makes me feel alone, helpless, hopeless and desperate. This isn't bringing me closer to solution, let's think about options of what I can do.
I can always stop what I'm doing, even if others expect me to continue. I don't have to mold my every action to appease others. Even if I'm scared, retalliation is better than giving in without a fight. I'll fight for freedom if I need to.
If a situation feels too unpredictable and scary maybe I just need to research it and see what other people experienced related to this. More information could decrease anxiety about the unknown.
I don't need to be ashamed of looking stupid when I act on kind assumptions. People who humiliate kindness do not get a say in whether I'm stupid. If we let cruel judge the kind we are in a backwards system. It wasn't stupid to be kind.
Even if I feel alone and like I'm doing everything wrong, it's still okay to trust my own judgment. I've made my choices for reasons and even if invisible, for me they are solid. Even if it's wrong, it's the best I can do, and I made sure my choices are fair. I am not causing harm, and that is what matters to me.
Things that seem impossible and hopeless might look different in the future. Things that felt impossible in the past have changed after all. Nothing is hopeless forever. I'm not hopeless forever.
The worst scenario is not real and I don't need to re-live it a thousand times before anything happens. Panic is not going to prevent it. But it can be avoided with planning and preventive measures. If something is painful and scary to the point of endless spiraling, I can avoid it alltogether rather than risk my mental health. Everyone deserves to live in a world they feel safe in, even me.
