Cool thanks!
My parents were very abusive when I was 10-15 years old. They hit me, called me names like bitch and pig, threatened me, etc. I remember when my mom choked me and threatened to lock me in a room and starve me. When I asked her why she said that, she said I made her angry and I shouldn't have done that. As I grew older we started to have countless fights about their behaviour. They said that they did it out of love so I wouldn't fail at studies, although the negative reinforcement and punishments always made me give up and not have motivation.
I'm 17 now and they're being really nice. They give me a lot of physical affection, and they do say harmful things sometimes, like commenting on my weight, but I know it's because of the mindset they've grown up with. But I feel like they've given up on me. My academics are bad, I really have no motivation to study. I feel like they have no hope for me anymore, so that's why they've stopped being so hard on me.
I no longer feel like I'm allowed to be angry since they're not that bad anymore. I used to want to cut them off for good as an adult, but now they're nice, so I feel guilty. Did I get abused or was it in my head? It could have just been their way of motivating me, however flawed it was. And now they've given up because it's too late for me and feel like I'll never amount to anything.
oof, yeah that's always the worst, when their behaviour improves and now you feel like you can't stay mad. I've definitely been there, so let me say this: everything you've described is horrific abuse, plain and simple. you have no obligation to forgive them for it in any way. even if they continue to improve, even if they were to suddenly become the best parents ever, it would not magically undo the harm they caused you, and you would still have no obligation to forgive them. I felt guilty cutting my mom off as well because I do have many fond memories of her, but ultimately it was the best decision for my mental health and I don't regret it.
as for your lack of motivation, it doesn't seem a stretch to me to say that their abuse is a major factor in why you're struggling. like you said, the negative reinforcement only makes it harder to complete the tasks they want from you. I had a similar experience where my abuse was lessened because they felt it was already "too late" for me, so I wanna say that it's never actually too late to learn if that's what you want to do, but I can't say it'll be any easier to try and do so on your own, just that it'll be worth it anyway.
it's also worth mentioning that their being nice is a form of manipulation. they likely WANT you to feel bad and decide not to cut them off, and if you do, it'll be easier to paint you as unreasonable for doing so. there's not much advice I can give in that regard except that your parents' perception of you does not define who you are. some people are going to see you as a whiny brat no matter what you do, and those people simply aren't worth trying to appease.
