𝜗ৎ my fight with moonfish
i was reminded of this fight because of an ask about whether it ever hits me that i’ll face something truly traumatic as a hero. and while this wasn’t scarring in the exact way anon meant, the training camp arc was my first real glimpse into how raw and terrifying hero work actually is.
and no matter what i scripted for safety, the fear for my life and my friends’ lives that night was very real. i had to take time after shifting back just to process everything because it genuinely traumatised me.
anyway, here’s a fairly in-depth recount of this fight. i hope you guys enjoy reading about my trauma lmao.
so when i got there, todoroki and bakugou were already engaged with him, or more accurately, barely holding him off. they couldn’t use their quirks freely without risking setting the entire forest on fire, so they were stuck playing defence.
at this point in time, i had my ultraviolet quirk, the one inspired by violet parr. if you don’t know what it does, you can read about it here.
the moment i arrived, moonfish instantly noticed me, and one of his blades shot straight at my face. it happened so fast i didn’t even register it. it was like i blinked and there was a blade inches from my face. i barely dodged it, but it still nicked my cheek. a few more followed and one managed to slice open my upper arm. the cuts weren’t that deep so i didn’t feel it much then, plus i was pumped with adrenaline. the pain only hit later when my wounds were getting treated.
after that moment, it genuinely felt like everything was just a huge fucking blur.
i threw up a disc to block his attacks and tried to move toward todoroki and bakugou. my forcefields are soundproof so i had to keep them partially open to hear them, but it didn’t help much. todoroki was shouting something at me, but i couldn’t make out a single word because i was still too far away from him, and i was terrified out of my mind. plus, the forest was absolute chaos. all the noises from the different fights taking place echoed throughout the forest and it really disrupted my hearing.
i tried to attack, but i wasn’t good enough yet at juggling offence and defence at the same time. maintaining a dome while forming discs to throw at him slowed me down alot, on top of that todoroki was using ice so i had to time my attacks carefully or i’d accidentally shatter his defences.
eventually i reached them and we grouped together while i formed a dome over us.
and that was one of the scariest moments for me. because all i could think was if i lose focus, we die. that’s all i thought about the entire time while holding up that forcefield.
our lives were literally resting on my ability to hold that dome together. (i’m shaking just thinking about this moment). it wasn’t just fear for myself anymore, it was the weight of knowing that if i slipped, even for a second, they would be the ones paying the price.
i don’t mind putting myself at risk, i can deal with that. but having other people under my protection? knowing their safety depended on me staying focused? that’s different. oh, that’s so fucking different.
but at the same time the fear forced me to lock in, to push everything else out, and hold on no matter what. there was no room for error at that point. in class, a mistake gets you a scolding from aizawa. but out here? a mistake gets people killed.
they were still trying to figure out a way out but i was barely processing anything they said. i was fully focused on holding that dome, and moonfish didn’t let up for a second. he kept striking it over and over and i could feel it shuddering with every hit, it was relentless. i knew if i lost focus even for a second it would’ve broken and penetrated my defence.
and we were still trying to decide what to do. we couldn’t run and risk leading him back to the others but we also couldn’t just stand there forever.
then we heard tokoyami and dark shadow, and i don’t think i’ve ever felt relief like that before. the moment he arrived and took over the show, i let out the biggest sigh of relief.
i’m sure you know how it ends, moonfish gets taken out easily by dark shadow.
but i’ll truly never forget this fight.
it really put into perspective how dangerous this all is. like as hero students we’re expected to make the same kind of decisions pro heroes make, age doesn’t mean anything anymore, you just get thrown into situations like this and you’re expected to deal with it.
and it makes you wonder if that’s even a good thing.
and something i don’t think people talk about enough is how terrifying it is to have someone’s life in your hands. like knowing that one slip in focus, one wrong move, one second of hesitation could cost someone everything.
that kind of responsibility is heavy in a way i can’t even begin to explain.
it’s not just fear for your own life anymore, it’s the fear of failing someone else, of being the reason something goes wrong, and that’s one of the most unforgiving feelings in the world.
also, scripted safety does absolutely nothing in moments like this in terms of your mental wellbeing. like genuinely none of it matters when you’re actually there, standing in front of a death row villain driven by pure bloodlust. because in that moment you’re not thinking about your script, you’re not thinking about outcomes or guarantees, you’re just reacting.
your body goes into full fight or flight mode. your heart is racing, your hands are shaking, your mind is trying to keep up with everything happening at once. every movement feels sharp and immediate, while every second feels stretched and heavy… and all you can focus on is staying alive and keeping the people around you alive too.
and that’s why the safety stuff doesn’t comfort you, because none of it is at the front of your mind when it matters. it doesn’t override instinct, it doesn’t calm your nerves, it doesn’t make the situation feel any less dangerous, it all just disappears.
i got zero comfort from it. zero. it all just flew out the window the second his blade hit my cheek.
and this fight wasn’t even the one that impacted me the most.
watching bakugou get taken right after was.
i saw it happen with my own two eyes, him getting dragged into that portal and vanishing into the night with the people who were trying to kill us just seconds ago.
and yes i know what happens, i know he’s fine, i know he gets rescued, but in that moment none of that mattered to me. all i cared about and all i could think about, was that my classmate was just taken before my very eyes and i just stood there and watched.
i remember looking at him, and what got me the most was the fear in his eyes, it mirrored my own so clearly it was almost jarring. like for a split second everything else faded and it was just that shared understanding between us, that we were both absolutely terrified.
he tried to hold it together of course, he’s bakugou after all. he didn’t crack, didn’t show it openly, but you could see it if you knew what to look for. in that brief moment where he couldn’t fully hide it, the fear clouded the usual fierce spark he held within his gaze.
and that’s what hit me. because at the end of the day he’s still just a 16 year old kid, no matter how strong or capable he is. and in that moment anyone could tell he was scared. anyone would be scared.
the guilt hit me like a truck. i felt so useless in that moment, like i didn’t do enough, like i could’ve done more if i had just been faster or better.
my mind kept spiralling, thinking maybe i should’ve been the one taken instead, that i would’ve handled it better somehow, that it would’ve made more sense for it to be me. and i kept replaying everything over and over in my head, every move, every decision, trying to pick apart where i went wrong and what i could’ve changed.
i think part of me just assumed that because i knew how things were supposed to play out, it would be easy to change it? like i had some kind of advantage going in, but nope! it didn’t work like that at all.
there’s still so much more i want to talk about, but i’ll stop here for now. here’s just a little teaser into what that arc was like for me.
i hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it.
this was very cathartic for me, a much needed vent.
