So here is a bunch of AUâs that Iâve collected overâŠ. a long time. Enjoy
I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
Youâre getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend canât stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so Iâm awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isnât this working, youâre just choking harder now this is aweful
We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
Youâre the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker⊠ugh, oops.
I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, Iâm going to fucking shove it down your throat
You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
Youâre my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
This is a five-hour-long plane ride, weâre sitting together and  youâre deathly afraid of flying.Â
I got into a cab to find someone already inside
You thought I was your friend/sister
Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now Iâm on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
Itâs 2am and Iâm drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but itâs okay, I can always just catch the subway backâŠ
I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
We met in a movie theatre and now youâre clinging to me because your terrified and Iâm okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now Iâm at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?
The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, Iâve got you this time thief!
The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
My neighbourâs sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extraÂ
Youâre my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
Youâre my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
You locked yourself outside of your apartment and thereâs a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment Iâll make you hot chocolate?
I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now youâre at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
I just set the fire alarm in our building off again⊠sorry. I know its like the fourth time this weekâŠ
You keep mowing your lawn when Iâm trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didnât even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow⊠im in too deep
Itâs 3 am and youâre blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
Weâve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?
Iâm out walking and my dog started chasing your dog.Â
My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward.Â
We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant⊠so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention itâs a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
My cat really hates you cat and thatâs the third time this week Iâve had to pry them apart.
My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants⊠dinner to make up for it?
My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly Iâm not a burglar
Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet
Iâm on a bus and wow, youâre singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus youâre really cute. Shit man, youâll never notice me in the huge crowdâŠ
Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I donât know how to. Youâre a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now itâs on the ground in pieces and everyoneâs glaring at me⊠sorry?
Iâm a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
I died over 2000 years ago and youâve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
Iâm immortal and youâre mortal and I donât know how to explain this to you and soon enough youâre going to realise that Iâm not aging⊠shiiittt
Youâre a greek god and Iâm the roman counterpart.Â
Iâm a ghost and your alive and I think Iâm in love with youâŠ. Fuck.Â
Youâre a faun and Iâm a Satry
Iâm half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me?Â
Iâm a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think Iâm in love with you, fuck this isnât good, I just faked being George Washington⊠wait what? George Washington doesnât exist here? Shit⊠I actually am George Washington.
Iâm a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft?Â
Iâm a werewolf but I donât want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go outâŠ
Iâm an android and youâre a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
Iâm a homesick telepath and youâre the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
Somehow Iâm in your body and youâre in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
Iâm a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you canât seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and youâre determined to fine me again but in this life Iâm already dead.
We live in the year 3090, youâre a scientist and Iâm your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now youâre trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
Iâm a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, youâre nearby and lets just say it doesnât end well
Iâm a dragon and youâre a really hot prince, thatâs right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
Youâre a pirate and Iâm a siren and woah⊠are you asexual? Thatâs so cool, hey wait, donât go I just want to talk
Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everythingâŠ.Â
Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldnât drown. And I know you donât want me to keep him, and we canât let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?
I just got partnered with you in dance class and I canât dance for shit
Youâre my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
Iâm an art student and you just found my sketchbook and youâre going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I donât care how good you think they are just donât turn that pageâŠ
Youâre the school dork and Iâm the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
Youâre sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? Iâve never seen you before⊠wait what, stop checking me out!
We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and weâre still arguing outside the class
You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book youâre working on and wow youâre really good?
Iâm a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, youâre a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it Iâm trying to study over her so fuck you Iâm going to put an end to this game by winningÂ
We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts weâve received from student and youâve won for the past three years
Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departmentsÂ
I want to get along with you roomie⊠but I like star wars⊠and you like star trek⊠this isnât going to work.
I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but⊠apparently you know morse too⊠and now you know I think your butt is cute
I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now Iâm being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO
Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this Iâm I dying? Wait no, I donât want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, Iâll take it.
Youâre an executioner and Iâm about to be executed but you canât seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man youâre my favourite executioner
Our plane/boat crashed and now itâs just us on this island.Â
I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
Itâs the middle of a war and Iâm on a ship that youâre ship just torpedoed. Now Iâm a prisoner and wow why canât I feel my legs. Iâm not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean Iâm paralysed?
Iâm addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I donât have long left please make this time count
Mistaken and Secret Identities
Iâm  a thief/hacker/murder and youâve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
Iâm a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you donât understand why Iâm punching you?
Iâm a superhero, youâre a supervillain, but we donât know each otherâs identities and we are actually best friends
Iâm runaway royalty and youâre a commoner, fuck Iâm so screwed I need your help, Iâll explain later
You think Iâm a celebrity and youâre talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not⊠that dude. What was his name again?
Youâre a superhero and Iâm your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didnât you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err⊠your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour'sâŠ
Iâm a superhero and youâre a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the childrenâs hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now itâs really hard to punch you in the face
Your my mailman and I canât help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
Iâm a private detective and your my client and fuck man youâre in some deep shit
Youâre a protester and Iâm a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my  beliefs.
Iâm a make-up artist/hair stylist and I youâre an actor/model and are you flirting or???
Youâre a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
Youâre a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
Youâre a lifeguard at my kidâs swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didnât need it.
You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesnât help that youâre terrified of spiders
Iâm a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but youâre still flirting with me even though youâre not wearing pants and Iâm carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that youâre the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
Iâm a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and itâs your home ablaze. You donât make it.
I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell âcall meâ
Itâs 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now thereâs a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! Youâre a cop, arenât you supposed to be helping?
Youâre drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now youâre here alone⊠you okay mate?
Itâs snowing and I usually walk to work but thatâs not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but Iâm broke and hey⊠could you give me your old winter clothes⊠maybe?
I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isnât snow here?
I donât know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
I donât know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and Itâs really cold outsideâŠ. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?
I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and havenât stopped even though we are a lot older now.Â
You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we havenât talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I canât even remember your name?
I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date?Â
Iâm fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow⊠have your eyes always been this nice?
Weâre both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but youâre actually really hot and Iâm head over heels for you
My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, Iâll pay you.
Iâm blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess weâve got to start hanging out a little
We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
Youâre sleeping on my best friendâs couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my NutigrainÂ
We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
Our parents are dating and thank god Iâm not the only one pissed off about this
I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now youâre laughing at me
I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now youâre staring at me weirdly
We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this itâs really hard to retaliate okay?
I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me
