🌻New-Scenes🌻

Personal Blog. Just a girl trying to figure out life. 24 y/o

[new-scenes]

🌻REST EASY🌻

A friend that I've known since high school has just passed away. It was a freak accident that everyone thought he would make through, but unfortunately, did not.

This post is for you, Matty. I'll always be thinking of you in everything I do. I will live my life to the fullest, as inspired by you. You will never be forgotten. Thank you for all the memories ❤️

Rest easy, Matt 🕊️❤️

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[new-scenes]

🌻Bad Friend🌻

I moved in with my best friend in the whole world. Before we lived together, we used to hang out all the time, 24/7. At first it was great, we spent so much time together everything was going great. But then I realized that I never really had time to myself. Sometimes after a long day, I just want to be by myself for a few hours. It's just never the case. We sort of have the same hours so we are home together a lot. When I'm home alone, I just enjoy my time to myself so much. Maybe I'm just at the point where I have to live on my own.

The thing is, I plan on moving after this year. So this is sort of our "last year" together. Not as friends of course, this girl is like my sister she is in my life forever. I'm trying to figure it out. A part of me feels like my life has been so chaotic in all the years we've been friends, I always turn to her when I am in trouble. She is the person I feel safe with. Now that I'm sort of figuring my life out, I feel like I need to discover who I am on my own. I shouldn't need to rely on her so heavily.

Lately, I think I've been giving her the cold shoulder. I don't do it intentionally. But I notice when I do it. Sometimes it feels like someone is just disturbing my peace when I want to be alone, it's no fault of hers. It just happens to be her. I believe I would feel like this about any roommate. Lord knows I have in the past.

All of this makes me feel like a bad friend. I think it's important that I recognize it and be better. This girl has helped me through my toughest days for the last 10 years, and this is how I treat her in our last year before I move? I'm a terrible person. I have no reason to treat my best friend this way. It might be time to talk to her. I trust her with mt life but for some reason I am shutting her out. I don't understand myself. Every relationship I have, I always tend to ruin it. But not this one. Not again.

~ sincerely, ••new-scenes••

[new-scenes]

🌻 Responsibilities 🌻

In my day-to-day life, I would say I'm a pretty busy person. On top of work, hobbies, friends, and family, I feel like I'm always on the go. I always have something to do, somewhere to be, or someone to see. Recently, I returned from a 2 week vacation from work - the vacation was so busy that it didn't really feel like a vacation. Now, after coming back, I feel more overwhelmed then ever. But all I wanna do is lay in bed and ignore all responsibilities.

These are the times when I start to lose all motivation. Constantly having to tend to something/someone is truly draining. I'm caught between not wanting to let people down or just absolutely not giving a single fuck. And to add to that, next week is going to be even more busy. Life's keeps getting busier and it makes me want to shut down.

I want to run away from all my responsibilities and have no one bother me. I'm at the point where I literally want to move across the country so I can focus on JUST ME. I love the people in my life but they are also distractions from the goals I want to achieve. On my spare time I want to work on myself, not wasting it pleasing others. In conclusion, my decision to move next year is a no-brainer.

~ sincerely, ••new-scenes••

[new-scenes]

🌻Difficult Conversations🌻

I'm not the type of person to talk to / hook up with multiple people during a period of time. When I started seeing this guy I told him straight up, "if you want to start seeing other people just be honest with me about it and I'll do the same." We agreed.

Long story short: we were seeing each other 3 years ago, we reconnected, and now we are just FWB. He just got out of a toxic relationship as did I so we are both not trying to get into anything serious.

Two weeks ago I went out with some coworkers, which included someone that used to work with me a year ago. I do have history with this guy (we hooked up before he left). This was the first time I saw him in a year. After a few drinks, one thing led to another and well... Let's just say I spent the night.

Now I'm the person that started seeing someone else and has to be the one to have this conversation. I truly thought it would have been the other way around. I've been avoiding it because I'm scared of confrontation... I genuinely care for this guy as a friend, but I don't see any sort of future with him. We are not in any sort of exclusive relationship, so why do I feel so guilty?

I don't know how people can do this. How do I even bring it up? I wonder if he's going to be upset or calm about it. I mean... We did say we both don't want a relationship. And if we did start seeing other people then just be honest. Why does this feel so wrong still? Did I mention I'm going out with my coworkers again this weekend..?

~ sincerely, ••new-scenes••

[perfectquote]

“If nothing else, one day you can look someone straight in the eyes and say ‘But I lived through it. And it made me who I am today.’”

— Iain Thomas

[new-scenes]

🌻One Year🌻

It's unbelievable when you look back at the last year and realize how much has happened. This year, for me, was a true year of growth and self reflection. When I think about all the setbacks that I've come across, I can only be thankful for the experiences as they taught me how to adapt and mould me into the person I am today. Not everything was happy and easy. I've gone through probably some of the most life changing experiences this year. I felt like I was being put to the test to see how much I could handle and find out what kind of person I would be afterwards. I would constantly think, "How does this change me? How can I turn a negative situation into a positive life lesson?"

I will admit it wasn't at all close to being easy. I have my wonderful support system who is always there for me to guide me through the tough times. They hold my hand when I can no longer hold it up high. For that, I am so thankful.

One thing that I am very proud of is that I've made the realization that I would like to go back to school and get my degree (I just have a diploma now). If you know me, I was never the best student. It was hard to me to be motivated to come to school and even just study. But now, I'm thirsty for knowledge. I've realized that there is so much that I still don't know in my field and I actually want to go explore and learn. Lately, I've felt like I've just been at a pause when it comes to knowledge. I don't want to limit myself to only knowing what I know now. I'm so young still and I have the power to go back to school and learn about anything that interests me. That is what I'm so excited about.

You never know what is going to happen in a year. It feels like it should be a long time, but it goes by in just a blink. This time last year, I was moving out of my childhood home and into a really sh*tty apartment. Because of stupid circumstances, we ended up renting a house instead. Fast forward to now, I'm only a week away to moving into my dream apartment with my best friend.

Everything happens for a reason. I'd like to think that everything that I've gone through this year, I was meant to go through to become the person I am now. I feel more mature, stable, and aware of myself. I also feel strong, beautiful, and (some-what) healthy. It is such an amazing feeling to be at peace with not only yourself, but your life. Even if you're not at your finish line, it's always nice to sit back and just be thankful for the life you have and what it's given you.

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[new-scenes]

🌻Letter To You🌻

The way that you spoke to me was absolutely disgusting. No human being deserves to be treated like that and I can't believe it came from my own blood. Any bit of respect I had left for you is completely gone. It was a decision you made to talk to me that way. It was the most shame I've felt in my life.

The worst part is you wanted my best friend to sit there and listen to you absolutely "verbally abuse me" (they're words, not mine). I'm glad she did. You showed your true colours. I can't wrap my head around the fact that you actually believed that you have any right to talk to me like that. No matter what a person can do to me, I could never.

You called me a dumbass. You called me an idiot. You told me to shut up multiple times. Not even letting me get one word in. What did you think that was actually going to fix? For you to threaten my safety, regardless of your intentions of that statement, I genuinely don't know you as a person anymore.

It's terrifying that you had the capability to talk to someone like that. I've known you my entire life and was completely blind sided.

I tried to apologize. I ensured that it won't ever happen again. I approached you saying that I understand why you're upset and had every right to be. I came to you with the utmost respect I still had for you. Just for all that to go down the drain.

If you think I'm the kind of person you have painted me out to be, then please keep believing it. I am not an idiot and actually care about my health and safety. I am fully aware of what I do and what is at stake here. I have no time for people that have proved to me over and over that they have 0 respect for me.

I will literally pay you to move out. I don't care where you go but you're not welcome here. If you decide to stay then act like I don't exist please. I don't know you, you don't know me. As much as I can tell you about my life, you don't know one bit.

~ sincerely, ••new-scenes••

[new-scenes]

🌻Joke's On Me🌻

If you read my last post, long story short, I got cancelled on by my two best friends. Fast forward to tonight, I had plans to go on a cruise with this guy I've been hanging out with.

Whats happens? You guessed it: CANCELLED.

I don't think this would hit me so hard if it didn't literally happen to me just a few hours ago. I think I might have an invisible sign on my forehead saying, "Hi, I'm gullible and oblivious."

Is this normal??? Asking for myself because apparently, I'm the only person I can rely on.

~ sincerely, ••new-scenes••

[new-scenes]

🌻Can You Handle The Truth?🌻

Earlier this evening, I had plans with my 2 best friends to go for a walk. We all had things to do beforehand and agreed we would meet at the house around 8:45. So I get there and am waiting for 30 min... Thinking they'd be there soon since that what their last message stated. All of a sudden, it's about 9:30 so I text them saying, "Hey, it's getting cold out I think I'm just going to stay in." Just to find out they haven't even left yet..

Someone else had asked me to make plans in the meantime and I said no because I didn't want to cancel on my best friends. It bothered me that neither of them thought to just text me letting me know not to wait for them. So I voiced how I felt. Like an honest person would do. Why would I keep my feelings to myself, especially from the two closest people to me?

After I confronted them all I got was excuses. Then having the whole thing blamed on me for "making a big deal" over going for a walk. So I ended up saying, "sorry, I didn't meant to make it such a big deal." When all I did was voice my feelings..

Then it got me thinking: people always want to be told the truth then get defensive when you do. So the true question comes to mind: can you handle the truth?

I wouldn't have cared at all if they cancelled. I wish they had just communicated that with me so I knew not to wait for an hour for them.

Or am I just being dramatic LOL

~ sincerely, ••new-scenes••

[new-scenes]

🌻Who's There For

Me?🌻

Are you also the go-to person for a lot of your friends/family? Me too. If anyone has a problem, whether big or small, I am always the one they call. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being there for the people I care for... But when I need someone, who's there for me?

Every day it's always a different person and a different situation/crisis. I won't lie, that takes up a lot of my time and energy. It keeps me from being able to work on myself and my own goals. I constantly feel like I'm taking 5 steps forward in life, and then all of a sudden, I'm thrown 10 steps back. But how do you nicely tell your loved ones to just leave you alone? You can't.

In tough situations, who is my go-to person? Myself. At the end of the day I've only ever been able to truly count on just me. It is difficult to feel like you have so many people, physically, around you; but all you can feel is the lonliness. No matter how much you describe how you feel, no one ever understands me. It's brushed off like nothing but to me, it's everything. It consumes my mind and distracts me from important things in front of me.

I'm itching for a change in life. It's crazy because my life has changed so much in just 1 year. But I mean a big change. I want to pack up all my things and move across the country. I want to reach my full potential with not one person holding me back. I need to focus on me. I want to reinvent myself.

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[new-scenes]

🌻BEST FRIEND🌻

It's my best friend's birthday today!!! This person has been my number one for the past 10 years. ❤️ This post to show her some love!

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[quotemadness]

“It’s nice when someone remembers small details about you.”

— Unknown 

[new-scenes]

🌻Routine🌻

This week I went back to work in office full time. It's been nice getting back into a "normal" life. I started working out more often and I prep my meals for the week. Unfortunately, that means I stopped eating out. (I know, how lame)

Although, it is a lot of work to be a productive person. I went from sleeping at 3/4am to waking up at 7am. It's not my favourite activity to do but I can't be more thankful.

When I was "working" from home I found myself being extremely lazy and almost non-existent. It was fun to have no responsibilities but I am happy to be out of it. My body itself was not becoming healthy and being alone all the time can really take a toll on someone's mind.

Anyways, it's nice to set goals and feels amazing to achieve them. Two goals I made for myself this new year was to work out more and eat healthier. Check and check. What kind of New Years resolution did you make for yourself? Are you in the process of achieving them? If not, that's okay. You still have 11 months to get started!

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[new-scenes]

🌻Lose-Lose🌻

A person who I fell head over heels for... Turned out to be the complete opposite. I promise they were not this type of person when we met. But I almost wish he was... It would have saved me from the heart break.

I wish he would have cheated on me, honestly. As f*cked up as that is. I absolutely do not agree with cheating. I think it is the most scum thing a person can do. At least if he did that, I could have easily dropped him, got over it eventually, and move on. But no. He strung me along telling me how important I have been in his life and sweet-talking me into still having feelings for him. I cared so much about him; I truly would have done anything for him. He then took advantage of me and how caring I was of him.

Now, he's done a complete 180 and is a totally different person than the guy I fell madly in love with.

Regardless, I ended up heartbroken. My trust in others is shattered. I am the one who turned out to be a fool. They are both a lose-lose situation for me. But one would have been quicker than the other. It has been a year and a half since our break up and I'm still tied up with this guy.

Lesson learned: money WILL change people.

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[new-scenes]

🌻Check in🌻

Hello kind souls! It's been a few days since I caught up with you all. I hope your holidays are going well. It's almost time to step into the New Year; what are some things you like to do before the New Year?

Personally, I'm a big fan of leaving things behind in the year that's passing. I figure out which people I want to keep in touch with and cut people off that were nothing but negativity in my life. It's not like I do a whole thing for this. I'm not writing everyone's names and crossing them out, that's just dramatic. But I always reach out to those important to me to let them know how much I value their relationship with me. The people I'm cutting just get nothing and can figure it out themselves. I'm sure they'll get the hint.

2020 has been a year of ups and downs. A lot of excitement but also a lot of disappointment. This was the year that truly changed my life forever and on top of that we all dealt with a global pandemic. Even with all the downs, I hope you all had a good amount of ups this year to say that it was still a blessing year. I learned a lot about myself and the people I surround myself with. I know myself more to understand what I want in life. Now, this coming New Year will be my beginning to achieving my goals.

Some things that I will for sure be doing is getting out of my quarantine body and getting back into shape. Starting to eat healthier, ordering less food, and consistently going to the gym. Obviously, once the world allows us to. Another big goal I am excited to achieve is travelling. I want to travel as much as I can whether it is just a road trip or across the world. There is just so much to see and I think this year is going to be the time I get to experience it all.

This past year was about figuring me out. Where do I want to go in life? What do I want to do? How am I going to do it? This New Year is now time for the execution. It's one thing to dream about what you want to do and where you want to be in the future. But everything you do now determines where you are going. No one can get in your way unless you let them. Always keep in mind the goals you set for yourself before the New Year. Everyone is always caught up in the planning they forget to execute.

I wish you all a safe and fun New Year! If your city is on lockdown you better not be partying with anyone outside your household. I am lucky enough to have 2 roommates who love to get as crazy as I do so we will be partying together. Finally, I hope you all find happiness and success in 2021.

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[new-scenes]

🎄Merry Christmas🎄

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. Please stay safe & healthy.

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••

[new-scenes]

🌻Last Chance🌻

After our break up, my ex was still using my card to buy food. Eventually it turned into him just using my card without telling me (still after we broke up). After 6 months of him doing this I finally told him that he needs to stop.

We would go through a cycle where he would use my card then I would ask him to stop nicely then after a while he would just use it again. Without even asking?? So finally, I was fed up of not receiving any respect. If you want to use my card at least have the decency to ASK ME. That was literally all I asked of him.

In March (6 months after break up) I was so fed up that I didn't even ask for an explanation this time. I just told him to erase my card from any app in his phone. It should not exist in your phone at all. So he actually stopped using my card for a while after that. We even tried being friends again after because I did not want to hold a grudge.

You will not believe what I saw when I checked my banking app today (December). THIS MANS USED MY CARD AGAIN. 7 MONTHS AFTER I TOLD HIM TO DELETE MY CARD.

So I then bombard this man's phone. You have the audacity to use my card? Use the money that I work for while you sit on your a** doing nothing? Who does that? He finally answers me and I WENT OFF. WHY THE F*CK IS MY CARD STILL IN YOUR PHONE? WHO GAVE YOU THE OKAY TO USE MY CARD AGAIN AFTER 7 MONTHS?

This guy was speechless. I made him feel like a FOOL. This was the last time he ever disrespects me. I'm DONE. I told him, "any ounce of respect I had left for you is long gone. Any relationship we still had is OVER." I am sick of being walked over because I trusted someone. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt that next time will be different. Man, do I feel dumb.

I'm honestly glad to have gotten everything off my chest. I'm glad he f*cked up again so I can finally cut ties. This relationship was exhausting. What would you do if you owed your ex $3000?? Would you use someone's card without their knowledge??? Is this normal?!?!

~ sincerely, •• new-scenes ••