Mx. New Yorker

hopeless romantic ~ sometimes I write things

[new-yorkxr]

precarious

somehow by merely existing, you make my guts ache

I imagine a long-tether (unintentional as it may be)

through to my spine that digs its hook in deep

creeping nearer to my center of gravity each time our thoughts collide

set on destroying our tenuous footing; this carefully practiced balancing act

don’t look my way too long——my firm resolve is not nearly as developed as my penchant for the reckless

even knowing you won’t be around to tidy your messes

—Mx. M

[new-yorkxr]

“If I missed you, it wouldn’t look like this. If I loved you, you would know it.

My heart is not so broken that it can obscure its own truth.

If I had any love left I would have offered it up to you.

Do you see me offering? It’s no longer yours for the taking, not like it was before.

I do not miss you anymore.”

—Mx. M

[new-yorkxr]

I started this blog with a hope. A dream that many people have, to one day live in a large city, far from home. Somewhere to reinvent themselves or to better yet, finally discover themselves. I had no idea who I was. I would let every person I cared about define that.

To see myself now, who I’ve become, where I live. I know life is an eternal growth process but god I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve been through to get here. I’m sure no one will read this but I just needed to write it somewhere. Perhaps in the hopes that restarting this blog will carry me through the next stages of my journey.

All that’s to say, I’m back.

-Mx. M

[love-notes-to-survivors]

Friendly reminder that this world was designed for neurotypicals and if you’re neurodiverse or mentally ill and you’re struggling, please be kinder to yourself because you’re doing your best in a world that wasn’t designed for you

[new-yorkxr]

“Did you miss it? It was calling your name–and when it calls you back again, you say ‘yes’ the most vibrant yes your being can muster

no more waiting on life.

—M.

[quotefeeling]

“Take care of your loved ones, particularly when they are doing everything in their power to push you away. A broken heart, like a wounded beast, will often lash out at those it is nearest, but that does not mean they don’t need you.”

— Beau Taplin (via perfeqt)

[study-well]

[dizzyonmusic]

girl in red - girls

[new-yorkxr]

my eyes grew tired from

too many long days

searching for my name

in the hymns of praise

you crafted for a woman

you can’t even be with

reminding me of all the

things I wrote about you:

every poem, each lyric,

like notes spilled out onto

my nightstand and I realize

even my bookcase pays

tribute to you—you slipped

between my record cases

in the pages of poetry books

I purchased for the purpose of

lending them to my girlfriend

but still read them so I wouldn’t seem

too attached—to you, not the books.

you’re in my cupboard, in each of

my seven boxes of unbrewed tea

you’re in my closet, the flannels I wear,

you’re even in the cowlick of my

unruly, pixie cut hair.

wherever I look, you’re there.

this barrier exists as if it’s sole

purpose is to be crossed, but

never spoken of, pointing out that

despite your misleading nature

it’s always going to be her that you love

—M. (sifting through the dregs)

[recaption]

[new-yorkxr]

“You know when you meet those people who you get to spend a lot of time with, but it’s still never enough?

The type who make you can’t help but think, ‘I want all the time in the world with you.’

You’re one of those people for me.”

–M.

[anything-lgbtqplus]

If this ain't true idk what is

Ps. This girls ig rocks

[cozyautumnspices]

[thegoodvybe]

[ace-of-moons]

I made a handy diagram

[ozei]

[rabbitinthemeadow]

A soft and lilting melody, the sweet scent of petrichor and wildflowers lingering in the air // Part 4