♟️ synopsis: He shouldn't have come back, but the silence of separation was louder than his pride. Standing soaked and undone outside her door, Yunho doesn't just apologize—he breaks. He yearns for the pain, the push, the volatile life only she can offer. He begs her to take him back, surrendering completely to the admission that he is utterly addicted to her…..
♟️ notes: He didn't just crawl back; he annihilated his own pride for her, standing in the rain and begging to be hurt again. This fic is about the sickening satisfaction of watching a desperate man sacrifice his sanity for the 'chaos' you engineered. Every tear he sheds is a victory for her. Brace yourself for the brutal reality of loving the beautiful monster who destroys you. 💔
♟️ disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does NOT represent the written member in any way.
The rain came down like it had a grudge.
Each drop sounded like a heartbeat Yunho couldn’t calm. He stood in front of her apartment door, soaked through, fingers trembling against the metal handle. He shouldn’t have come. He knew what seeing her did to him , it hollowed him out and filled him with her all over again.
He knocked once. Twice. The door opened.
Y/N stood there, framed in the dull hallway light. No expression. Just those eyes … empty and unreadable, the same ones that used to look at him like he hung the stars.
He broke first.
“Y/N, please… I just-… I can’t do this anymore.”
His voice cracked. He hated that it cracked. The words spilled out like something had finally broken loose inside him.
“I know I hurt you. I shouldn’t have left, I shouldn’t have said those things-…but I can’t breathe without you.”
She tilted her head slightly, like she was studying a stranger.
“You always say that,” she murmured, her voice calm, almost soft. “You always come back when it’s convenient for you.”
He dropped to his knees before she could shut the door. The rain soaked his jeans, his palms flat against the cold concrete.
“No, please, just listen- I didn’t mean to leave. I thought I could forget you but I can’t. You’re everywhere, Y/N. I see you when I wake up, when I sleep—”
Her expression didn’t change. He looked up at her, eyes wide, like a lost child waiting for forgiveness.
She sighed a slow, tired sound that cut deeper than any scream could. She stepped closer and knelt down, fingers ghosting through his wet hair. The touch was gentle, almost affectionate, but her gaze never softened.
“You shouldn’t have come back, Yunho.”
He blinked, confused.
“Why? Don’t you miss me? Even a little?”
Her lips curved into something that wasn’t quite a smile.
“Miss you? Maybe. Trust you? Never again.”
She stood, crossing her arms, and for the first time, Yunho noticed the flicker of something in her eyes ,pain, anger, or maybe something darker.
“You think you can just walk back into my life, apologize, cry a little, and I’ll fall for you again?”
“I don’t care if you hate me,” he whispered. “Just… don’t shut me out. Please.”
Y/N looked down at him. For a second, the wall around her almost cracked. Almost.
“You really don’t get it,” she said quietly. “I don’t want to hurt you, Yunho. But every time you’re near me, I become someone I don’t recognize. You bring out the worst in me.”
The hallway was silent except for the rain. Yunho stood slowly, meeting her eyes. There was a flicker of something … a memory of warmth, of laughter, of love that once felt endless.
“Then let me stay,” he said. “Let me be your worst. I don’t care.”
That broke her composure. She laughed … soft, humorless, fragile.
“You think that’s love?”
He nodded, eyes shining. “If it’s not, then what is?”
She stared at him for a long moment, like she was searching for the right way to destroy him. Then, finally, she whispered:
“You don’t love me, Yunho. You’re addicted to the chaos we made together.”
She turned her back and opened the door wider, stepping aside. For a heartbeat, Yunho thought she was letting him in. Thought maybe she still cared even just a little.
But then she said, quietly,
“You should go.”
His breath caught. “Go?”
She didn’t turn around.
“You came here looking for the version of me you remember. The one who waited for your calls. The one who cried when you left. She’s gone, Yunho. You buried her yourself.”
He shook his head, stepping closer. “No… no, I can see her. She’s still there, I know she is.”
He reached out, fingers brushing her arm. She froze . not pulling away, but not leaning in either. That stillness was louder than any scream.
“You can’t keep doing this,” she whispered. “Every time you come back, you take another piece of me.”
He let out a broken laugh. “Then take mine too. Take all of it. Maybe that way you’ll feel something again.”
Finally, she turned to face him. Her eyes glistened under the dim light, emotion flickering for the first time but not the kind he hoped for.
It was guilt. Or maybe pity.
“You don’t understand,” she said softly. “You think I don’t feel anything, but I feel too much. That’s the problem.”
For a second, the air between them changed heavy, magnetic, dangerous. The way her voice dropped, the way his breath hitched it was like they were standing on the edge of something they both knew they shouldn’t touch again.
He whispered, “Then why can’t you just let me in?”
She smiled faintly, but her eyes didn’t match it.
“Because if I do… I’ll never let you leave again.”
That silence that followed wasn’t peaceful. It was suffocating. Yunho took a step back, realizing she meant every word , not as a threat, but as a truth she was trying to protect him from.
He wanted to speak, but she reached out and pressed a finger gently to his lips.
“Go home, Yumurmured. “Before we destroy each other again.”
“Y/N…” His voice broke on her name. “Please.”
She didn’t answer at first. Just stood there, still as the rain outside, her face unreadable , almost too calm. The kind of calm that comes after you’ve already fallen apart once and promised yourself never to do it again.
He reached her, breath uneven, eyes glassy. “Don’t send me away. Not again. I can’t—” His voice cracked before he could finish. The words dissolved into silence, into the trembling sound of his breathing.
For a long moment, she said nothing. Her gaze flicked over his face. the desperation, the trembling hands, the tears threatening to spill. He looked at her like a man begging for air, like she was the only thing keeping him alive.
Then, with a quiet exhale, she reached out. Her cold hands brushed his cheeks, and before he could even react, she drew him in slow but firm , wrapping her arms over his neck and pulling him against her chest.
His breath hitched, a sharp sound swallowed by the fabric of her sweater. He clutched at her waist, burying his face into her shoulder as if he could hide from everything the pain, the distance. His tears soaked into her skin, warm against her cold composure.
She held him tighter. Her expression didn’t change; her face remained calm, distant that same mask she always wore. But her arms… her arms said everything. They trembled faintly as she held him close, fingers curling into the back of his shirt like she was afraid to let go.
“You’re such an idiot,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Always coming back, even when you know it’ll hurt.”
Yunho shook his head against her chest, his voice muffled. “I don’t care. I’d rather hurt with you than be numb without you.”
Her breath caught. For a second, the façade slipped , her eyes softened, the tension in her jaw loosened. She pressed her lips gently to the top of his head, closing her eyes.
“You’ll destroy yourself like this,” she murmured.
“Then let me,” he breathed, looking up at her, eyes red and glistening. “If it’s for you… then let me.”
Something in her broke then - not loudly, not visibly, but deep inside, like a fracture that had been waiting too long. Her thumb brushed away a tear from his cheek, slow and deliberate.
“You’re impossible,” she said, her voice shaking now. “And I hate that I can’t stop you.”
He smiled weakly through his tears, resting his forehead against hers. “Don’t stop me. Just… stay. Even if it’s only for tonight.”
Her fingers tightened behind his neck, pulling him closer until their foreheads touched. “Just tonight,” she whispered.
But they both knew neither of them would ever really let go.
The rain outside turned to mist, and for that one fragile moment, the world felt quiet. His trembling breath against her skin, her heartbeat steady beneath his ear , two broken souls finding warmth in the ruins of what they used to be.
Not healed. Not whole. But together.
A/N: *sigh* your girlys tired (what do we think!!!!)
thank uu guys for 100+interactionss, check out part 2 on my page🙈
Happy Lesbian Visibility Day! In 2023, ATEEZ visited the Victoria & Albert Museum in London for the exhibition "Hallyu! The Korean Wave" exhibition, which featured their costumes from the Fireworks mv.
Among the items in the exhibition was a lesbian flag banner from an atiny who wrote about how much Ateez meant to them as a member of the queer community.
According to attendees, Hongjoong took photos of the flag and other members were happy to see it there!
