new girl incorrect quotes

i’ve got two perfectly good forks at the end of arms! (sporadic posts) [run by broadchurches]

[newgirlincorrect]

cece: stop volunteering to take your shirt off. nobody’s asking you to take your shirt off.

schmidt: can’t hear you, shirt's over my ears.

[newgirlincorrect]

jess: you have to apologize to them, nick.

nick: fine! but i must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is not the person you fell in love with!

[newgirlincorrect]

schmidt: ah, jess did the dishes.

nick: how do you know i didn’t do them?

schmidt: because once when all the knives were dirty you cut a bagel with your keys.

[newgirlincorrect]

schmidt: sorry, i’m just really bad with people who are not attractive and can’t help me advance my career.

[newgirlincorrect]

jess: i believe you’re capable of much more!

nick: i’m not.

[newgirlincorrect]

nick: that’s it, we're going mattress shopping.

jess: you know, once we get it, we'll have to break it in.

nick: oh, i hear what you’re saying. mattress trampoline.

jess: ...

nick: wait, no, you were talking about sex.

[newgirlincorrect]

Where'd you go? We miss you!!

sorry guys! i’ve been away from tumblr lately for a couple reasons but i hope to get back to posting soon!

[newgirlincorrect]

jess: in legally blonde, elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.

schmidt: jess, this is real life, not an excellent movie.

[newgirlincorrect]

winston: do you think laundry detergents have different tastes?

nick: they do.

winston: why did you say that so quickly and with so much certainty?

[newgirlincorrect]

nick: i’m immune to mean and hurtful words because jess says nice things to me every day and her love protects me.

schmidt: i’m immune to mean and hurtful words because cece says mean things to me every day, so i’m prepared.

[newgirlincorrect]

nick: i am straight-up depressed. jess has been doing her best to cheer me up. she gave me this sticker this morning just for waking up.

winston: ew, it’s like you’re dating your teacher.

nick: i know, it’s so hot.

[newgirlincorrect]

winston: when nick was younger, he only thought he had to use deodorant on one armpit.

nick: hey, in my defense, it was called ‘right guard’.

[newgirlincorrect]

winston: jess, you have a lot to offer. you’re funny, you’re smart...

schmidt: you’re creative and you’ve got style.

nick:

nick: oh, did you want me to say something? uh...you have brown hair. your name is jess.

jess: thanks, nick.

[newgirlincorrect]

jess: [after trying to help cece study] you’re looking at a solid D.

cece: well, my grade should match my boobs.

[after the test]

cece: i passed! i got a B!!

cece: now my grade matches your boobs.

[newgirlincorrect]

jess: stop hitting on cece, it’s her wedding day!

schmidt: what? is there a rule or something?

[newgirlincorrect]

nick: aside from cooking, what basic life skills do i not have?

jess: oh, nick..

schmidt: ..i’m not sure we have time for that.

[newgirlincorrect]

jess: so, how's motherhood treating you?

cece: good. i didn't expect this much crying, though.

jess: oh, but that's just normal for babies, isn't it?

cece: what? the baby is fine, i was talking about schmidt.

schmidt, sobbing from the nursery: i love you SO MUCH.