new tandem

[newtandem]

On high,

where the twilight betimes,

I will hug you and wrap in my hands,

It's raining outside the windows

It seems to be crying for both of us.

A silver thread cuts through the glass.

Our time is ups.

We destined live on different shores.

[newtandem]

Testament

Scatter my ashes over the Pacific Ocean

When you go into the water, I'll hug you again

I'll go numb in your every cleavage

I'll whisper in your ear, "I love you"

I will lift your body and make a sound like a wave: "I desire you"

When you come ashore... Seagrass will swirls around your head

I will always be waiting you here in this Pacific silence soft Ocean

[newtandem]

INSIGHT⏳

This story will bring you back to the"here and now". The plot is fictional and all the names used are purely coincidental.

I dial my therapist's number and make an appointment. She will be able to see me today, which is great, as the tears continue to flow from my eyes. I get dressed, wearing all black today. I cannot apply makeup, as I am unable to stop crying. The streams of tears continue to run down my face.

I take a taxi, quickly climb the stairs to the second floor, there is already a hall, a reception area, and an assistant takes me to an office. I sink into a huge upholstered leather armchair. I used to like it here, but now it's hard for me to feel at ease. The therapist suggests a hypnosis session, I don't think I can handle it, but I agree. Hypnotherapy is just a paid vacation in someone's office. If she can't help me with that, she'll have to prescribe me some sedatives, and at least I'll get back to work.

I close my eyes and hear a voice. After a few minutes, my life starts to flash before me like a home video, starting with my first memories:

At first, I'm about three years old, I reached out to my mom and asked her to hug him tightly, not to let go of me. It was noisy outside, and in my other hand I was holding a small yellow lion cub, clutching it to my chest. The toy was soft, and I stuck my tongue out at a passerby. Mom scolded me, saying it wasn't good…

I'm older now, I'm going to first grade, and I'm all dressed up. My mom is so excited that she can't stop fussing. We don't have a lot of time, so we're rushing down the street to school. It's raining outside.

I'm older and I'm already of age, today is my wedding day. I'm so happy and I have a beautiful white dress on. My young husband steps out of the car, tall and broad-shouldered with a handsome face and a charming smile. Hi has light green eyes and his deep timbre voice… He's dressed in a tuxedo and I try to capture this moment in my memory…

I'm a little older, I wake up to the alarm, little hands pulling at the blanket - it's my son. I sit up slowly… He's little again. I freeze, hug him tightly, kiss the top of his head, his disheveled hair, holding his tiny palms. We get ready, have breakfast, he drops a croissant. On another day, I would scold, but not today, I inhale the aroma of freshly baked goods. We go outside, the sun is shining brightly. We are in a hurry, there is busy traffic, we are at a crosswalk, the light turns green, he asks me to hold his hand tighter… I ring the doorbell, my mom opens… my mommy. I hug her. She is surprised, I tell her: "I love you". Apparently we rarely hugged back then…

I'm more older now. After getting out of the shower, with my hair wrapped in an orange towel, I catch my reflection in the steamy bathroom mirror. "How beautiful you are,"- I think. My face is wrinkle-free and my slender body has smooth skin. Why did I ever think I was old? What a silly thing to do! I take a selfie with my phone. Online, I send the selfie to Cole. In response, I get a voicemail. I listen to the message hundreds of times and memorize the intonation and timbre forever.

I see myself almost a year later, receiving a call from an unknown number. I pick up the phone and at first, I don't recognize who I'm talking to. I listen to a voice and then I recognize Cole's voice. I say that I know who is speaking. We just make small talk for a while. They admit that they are married, and I try to make a joke about it, but it doesn't seem funny. When I hear: "I LOVE YOU"- from them, ….tears start to well up in my eyes and I cover my mouth with my hand to try and hide them. I don't respond. There's a long pause between us, it seems like forever. I don't know how long it lasts, but I can barely breathe. There's also silence on their end. After a long moment, I take a deep breath and say goodbye quickly. Tears roll down my cheeks, and I can't stop it…

The therapist started counting: -Seven times zero - I'm no response. -Twenty-five times zero - still no response… -Fourteen times zero - and again, I'm no response… -How many times do I need to ask? Leonia, please answer me! -Zero,- I replied, I'm back and everything was reset. Tears rolled down my cheeks, onto my neck, onto my black shirt. Now I finally realized that all this meant much more than we thought at the time and understood: all this is also happiness, I don't want it to end, our young faces without wrinkles, our slender beautiful bodies without pain, our living parents. Our hearts are full of love for each other, even if sometimes it can be very painful…

[newtandem]

I'm usually better off alone, But when I get your message, I want to board the next flight Perhaps you make me at home… Maybe it's because we look alike

I often have dreams about you, And strive to unravel the mysteries Inconceivable I fell for your lies. I don't like compromise. But emotions overcame me. Life is never fair for everyone. So why should love be?

[newtandem]

Excuse me,… can I see you?

After such a long times,

I want to apologize for ruining your heart.

My mind is thoughts of the past…

Sorry for talking only about myself;

But I hope you're well...

Let this lesson in love be my last,

I can't love anyone...like you

Regrettably, it no longer matters...

This could be the last, that I hurt you...

I just wanted to hear your voice a thousand miles

from the outside existence.

Forgive me...

[newtandem]

The poet who see with his heart

The door of your soul is open for everyone,

How far are you for me, and close to bright light!

We'll get to meet you, I've no doubt about it.

Hello, poet! I'll hug you and hold to my heart.

You'll smile and answer: "PRIVET!"

[newtandem]

Millions of words can't express what a single touch can do

[newtandem]

Sleep does not confer of relief. It gives me a feeling of evacuation. I fall silent, finding peace. As if everything important had forgotten… Memories and faces become blurry.

The pain doesn't disappear, it moves into distant labyrinths You simply float, observing yourself The version that still hasn't learned to let go.

Time flies slowly I could stay here forever There's a comfort in numbness And yet it still feels unfinished It whispers:"You don't need to feel this."

When I wake up, I don't feel whole again. I return to my old life with a renewed thirst for silence. Sleep doesn't heal wounds, but it teaches to accept the unavoidable, adieu who've departed, and understand eternal meanings…

[newtandem]

When people quarrel

Their hearts and souls are moving away

The resentment and anger, the louder the scream.

They have to raise their voices to hear.

When two people are in love,

They often whisper to each other.

They do not speak at all sometimes,

For their hearts are so close

Eyes speak a language without words.

That quarrels keep you apart. Don't forget.

And words spoken in raised tones multiply this distance.

So much that you will not find a way back.

Do not abuse shouting, because the distance will increase.