put me next to the light @nexttothelight - Tumblr Blog

twilightisgaynow

when ur reading and they use the word irrevocably

snappydoodle-deactivated2022051

Sometimes you gotta make yourself drink water and sit in direct sunlight, like some kind of wilted houseplant

asoftwrongness

One moment to the next

I stopped buying grapes because

I felt bad that I couldn’t share them

with my dog.

it’s May 20th -

six weeks and a day.

I’m eating grapes.

#personal

alliegrowsup

I wish I could show this photo to my younger self. It’s easy to feel defeated, but in so many ways, I’m the person I hoped I could be.

(three years on t, almost 6 months post-top surgery)

#hi I look like this now #things are better generally since my last post #hope you’re having a good night

.

#personal #lots of incoming negativity #I am pretty depressed #been overeating #sleeping too much on days off #not sleeping enough on work days #it takes all day to make myself run errands #feeling frustrated with myself because I’m not going anywhere with my music #I know I’m as good as a lot of the people I look up to #but I can’t get anything done #I just binge tv #and I’m filled with self-doubt #like SO MUCH self-doubt #I can’t commit to things creatively because I’m always second-guessing #I want my home to look good and feel good but I can’t keep it clean #I’m surrounded by people all day but I’m so fucking lonely #and I just had top surgery so I should be feeling amazing in theory #but no one can surgically remove these nasty parts of my brain #that make me lol h8 myself #glad I’m not drinking anymore #because I would be drinking too much now #this should be written in my journal and not posted on the internet #but it is 12:45am and I’m in bed #I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF #I AM SO STUCK #AND I DO NOT HAVE TO BE #IT IS SELF-SABOTAGE #it’s really not that hard to send some fucking emails #but I’m afraid of rejection #and I’m afraid that I’m not good enough

I bought this Paramore shirt from a tour I did not attend for $2.16 at Goodwill

#feels like hot topic #me #ftm #transmasc

beboycowbop

why are we here? just to suffer? every 5 minutes i have to clean my glasses

.

#feeling bad enough today that I’m actually looking for a therapist #bad bad bad #personal

I’m awake and I’m here

sometimes that’s the best I can do

I wish I could make myself small enough

to fit inside the grooves of a record

curl up in the spiral

tucked away in a jacket on a shelf

spine out

just a sliver

while I rest

#hello I work in a record store #personal

.

#idk #just wanna kiss someone #ya know?

maybound

me during reasonable hours of the day: i never want to do anything in my life Ever

me at 3 am: I Have To Learn How To Play The Piano Immediately

alliegrowsup

hair

#me

adhdbean

just because I spend some time doing nothing doesn’t mean I’m relaxing. I have not once relaxed

phemiec

Identity is a prison! Let yourself respond authentically to each moment as it arrives, without being bound to the narrative of who you think you are! The self is a construct! The truth of your existence is ever changing and infinite as the universe is ever changing and infinite! Abandon the stories of your past selves and be present and alive in this very moment! IDENTITY IS DEAD! THE SELF IS DEAD! YOU ARE ALIVE!