Niall Imagine - You relapse
I know this is obviously a touchy subject so if you don’t feel comfortable, please don’t read and if you ever need someone to talk to, message me ♥
You and Niall had been dating for a while and basically knew everything about each other. He knew about your past and didn’t leave you like everyone else who found out about it. You struggled a lot from the age of 14 to 18 with serious depression. You used to cut yourself as well as a feeling of release. Luckily there were barely any scars visible but you had a small tattoo at the place you used to hurt yourself. So one night Niall asked you about the meanings of your tattoos and you decided to open up to him. You were scared that he would leave you but he didn’t. He just pulled you into a tight hug and cuddled all night with you, trying to comfort you.
After a year of being with Niall and him being your happy place, he left to tour the world again, obviously tried to call you whenever he could but you started feeling lonely. You thought you were completely fine, healed from your dark thoughts, you thought you were saved from yourself. But one night you found yourself on your bed, sobbing your eyes out for no reason. You felt sick, you couldn’t breathe. All you felt was loneliness and fear. You were scared of your thought which were telling you to hurt yourself again, that Niall doesn’t love you and that you will never be good enough. You wanted your thoughts to shut up but you knew they wouldn’t until you gave them what they wanted. You tried to call Niall but due the time difference he probably was fast asleep. This kept happening night after night, you didn’t tell Niall because you didn’t want to upset him and knowing he would be home soon, gave you hope that you could handle it yourself until then. Sadly you thought wrong, one night you sat in your bathroom, back pressed against the bath tub, crying with your hands shaking. In your shaking hands was a razor held tight. And before you knew it, it ran across your soft skin, creating red lines and drops of blood coming out, right after you finished cleaning everything up you felt shame, you felt disgusting. How could you throw everything you achieved away like this, how would Niall react, he would be disappointed for sure.
Before you knew it Niall was back in the UK to play some shows there but obviously missed you so much that he rang you the minute he landed.
“Yeah?” you replied tired, the last few weeks you had this battle with yourself going on which made you lack on a lot of sleep.
“Hey Y/N! I just landed, are you at home?”
“Uhm yes”
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you alright?” That’s all it took for you to start crying again, you didn’t want face Niall like this.
“Y/N listen, please breathe for me, I am there in like half an hour, I love you” Those three words made you cry even harder, you thought it was the last time you heard him say it. You were sitting on the couch waiting for Niall to burst through the door, you had no idea how to tell him or if you should make up something instead. You could hear the front door open and then close again. Niall hurried over to you and just pulled you into his arms. Tears still leaving your eyes.
“Tell me what’s wrong princess” You just hugged him tighter, scared of him leaving if you didn’t hold on to him.
“I am so sorry Niall, I didn’t mean to, please don’t leave me, I love you, I don’t-”
“Y/N babe please calm down for me, you don’t make any sense, what happened?” You couldn’t speak, you were afraid to tell him, so you just pulled your hoodie sleeve up and looked down, scared to make eyecontact with him.
“Oh baby” he just hugged you tighter, giving you a kiss on your head. “I am here, don’t be sorry, I got you”
“You are not leaving me?”
“Of course not, I love you okay? We can go through this together, please don’t hurt yourself, you don’t deserve this”
You spent all evening cuddled up in blankets on the couch just holding each other and slowly you started to drift off into some peaceful sleep for the first time in a while.