I really can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your friends, family members, and partners regularly about their right to set boundaries, even ones that inconvenience you.
We absolutely live in a hierarchial abuse culture where people can and do impose their will on each other in a million tiny ways. A lot of people just expect it - they’ll make choices according to the assumption that you, too, are invested in controlling them to whatever degree - because unless you consciously make a point not to be, it’s possible that you are.
In a healthy relationship people ask for consent often - “Do you want to do this? Are you comfortable with this? Is there anything you think we should change about this plan?” And then, they clarify that negative answers are totally normal and okay.
Checking in can sound like, “Hey, you know I love doing X but if you ever don’t want to you know that’s okay, right?” It’s paying attention to nonverbal cues that someone is uncomfortable and giving them an out - “You don’t seem excited about this party, I want you to know it totally won’t be a big deal if you’d rather not.”
In a healthy relationship there’s a huge difference between “no” and “you shouldn’t have asked”. “No” is normal and expected and it’s assumed that sometimes it will be the response. There’s an intentional effort not to punish each other for not always giving each other what you want.
Normalize “no” in all your relationships. Seek it out! Give people extra opportunities to say no! And accept it. Recognise that it’s a good sign when your loved ones feel safe enough to not agree to things they don’t want out of fear of your reaction.
Just - check in. I don’t care what kind of relationship it is, don’t assume people know it’s safe to say no to you unless you remind them and show them regularly. Making space for healthy boundaries is one of the most important things to communicate with the people that you care about.
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