How my religion taught me to hate
I grew up in a religious family, with Anglican roots. My mother joined a small growing church group, which developed into one of the largest Baptist churches on Vancouver Island. We were part of this same church family from the time I was 4 years old. Now in my 40s, my mother still attends the same group. I am proud that our family was part of and still is part of this growing group that dopes a lot of good and outreach locally in her community. I value relationships and advice from many members of this congregation.
During the troubles of my teenage years, members of this group reach out to me to provide guidance when I was lost, to be supportive when I needed it, and to give advice. One of the most influential people from this church weas my pastor, Mark Buchanan. He was a little man who more often was in board shorts and a Hawaiian shirt with sandals, instead of a stuffy suit. I loved watching him break the norms, and make people uncomfortable, to make them think about why they felt this way. He would walk quietly to the stage, and this big booking voice would get your attention. He put feeling into his speech, and he challenged traditional ideas, kept you rapt to everything he said, made us laugh and cry, and made sure we understood why we did things. Mark also wrote a book called “Your God is too safe”. I still have my autographed copy of the book as well as a spare handed down from my mom. Admittedly, I never read the whole thing, but the title alone caught my attention, and made me want to research more and break the norms to make sure what I thought was right, instead of just safe and familiar.
My mother always gave me ideas to make me think. She told me from a young age to make sure I knew what I believed, and to know why, and that she would support me in those choices as long as I could support my argument with logic and faith. She may not have exercised this as much as she would like, making sure I went to church without fail, even when I didn’t want to, and being less than willing to explore alternate churches. But the idea and the sentiment were there, and they stuck with me throughout my life.
On my own as an adult, I spent a lot of time talking to people of different faiths, and asking questions about how, why, what for, history of, and more. I learned a lot about different denominations and faiths, alternate religions, alternate deities, wicca and witchcraft, natural beliefs and more. Some were fascinating ideas, some were fantasy style stories that kept the attention but not the faith, and some made me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I avoided them in further research. But nothing fit. So, I stuck to what was safe and familiar, not knowing how or why to believe anything else.
In all my research over the years, some ideas stuck and made it into my daily practice, because they meshed with what I read in my bible, and my interpretation of Jesus love and teachings, even if I didn’t see them in practice elsewhere. Because I spent so much time talking to people of different backgrounds, I had a lot of friends who didn’t believe in the same things I did. My biggest takeaway from all of this was acceptance. They didn’t believe in my god, or read my bible, but they answered my questions, and taught me, without judging even if I didn’t accept what they taught. We debated respectfully back and forth and taught each other whatever we could. Nobody was judged, or ostracised, or ridiculed for those beliefs. We made for a pretty hodgepodge group.
I had Jehovas Witnesses try to convert me. I had coffee and visited with Mormons. I head my cards and stars and palms read by Wiccans. I attended Buddhist weddings in a haunted church at the stroke of midnight on Halloween. I went to church with United, nondenominational, Anglican and more services. I saw people speak in tongues, and believe they were performing healing prayers. I even attended a country revival by a river and marched in an anti abortion silent protest. I spent countless hours debating, and researching to reinforce my debates when I got stuck, and learning different viewpoints.
But I accepted everyone regardless of background. I asked questions that may have been ignorant from simply not knowing. I interrupted classes and speeches and took notes. I stayed open to new ideas, and only asked from others what I would be willing to do myself, such as attending each others services to learn from a different viewpoint. The biggest lesson I ever learned in life was that nobody was lesser because they believed something different, or practiced on a different day, or used a different word for God. I wasn’t better than them, or right or wrong. I condemned no one that I could learn from, and hoped that I could teach them some of the same.
I learned many things I don’t want to be a part of. I learned how I didn’t want to be treated or spoken to. I learned what people could blame on their religion, and how awful you could be made to feel in the name of the Holy. I saw some awful bigotry and hate, both in and out of churches. I made decisions that would shape who I have become. I also learned that no matter who they prayed to or when, or how, the crazy truth of it is: Almost everybody preached the same thing with a few small differences, while they condemned everyone else who disagreed.
I even saw this within my own family. For example, one of my nephews has recently chosen to express himself as transgender. So he becomes She. My sister, his mother, chose to support this in the best possible way. I asked questions like “What name do I use and when” and tried to express the parts I didn’t understand, and learn the rest. I let this child teach me whats he needed and I have tried to support her as best as possible. My children followed my example and made me proud. Come Christmas a couple years later, and our religious mother is visiting from the west, and expressing her opinions. She wanted to take my sisters child to a counsellor to get fixed, behind my sisters back, and hoped that I would help. I said no unconditionally. I found out that my older sister had heard our mother venting about this issues, and ripped into her with her opinion that Mom should stay the hell out of it. I do love that our family is at a stage in life where we can be blunt and rational as we discussed this, since a couple days before Christmas we were throwing around religious and opinion thoughts on the subject. I got to look at my mother and say “to be honest, your opinion doesn’t fucking matter, since it’s not your child to raise”. My mom looked shocked and started to be offended, but then realised it was not calling her out or insulting her, and that it was correct. Then I also got to point out to her that at the very least, she should be proud that she raised three children as a single mother, who could all grow into such loving and accepting people that none of us judged or condemned anyone regardless of their way of life or choices. This is again a very abridged version of this whole conversation, but you get the general idea.
One of the biggest wakeup moments that came in my life regarding religion and peoples attitudes towards it came from a church I attended for a while. After over a year of getting to know people and following their teachings, it came that I would be moving to another city. I mentioned to a few nice older folks what city I would be going to, and received a few recommendations on a church to look out for. One particular gentleman, who always went out of his way to speak to myself and my children, and who I believe was an Elder at the church to be respected, gave me this recommendation. I paraphrase: “You should check out Church A. They have this and this and would love a new family with plenty of kids. And you wouldn’t have to worry about any of those fags and weird shit.”
I knew right then that I would never check out his recommendation, and that I would never return to this church. I have spent time since then really listening extra close to sermons and messages put out by other churches and church leaders, and looking for the nuances and lessons they teach to their youth. Everything is put forth as support “You can make your choices within your faith”, Pro life, we will support you when you choose Gods way, and so very many more. Look up newsletters and ads from your local churches and you will see all of these and more in many different wordings.
Look a layer deeper. Listen to what these messages say. “we will support you in gods path, but believe different and you are alone”. “you are evil for choosing different”. You will go to hell for eternity. Our way is the only way and everybody else is wrong. Its very thinly veiled, but every church I’ve been to is secretly teaching me to hate those that are different and hoping that I don’t notice.
Hate gay people because they don’t follow the bible. Hate abortionists for not supporting this fetus regardless of health or history or any other option. Our way is the ONLY way. You cannot be different. You cannot think your own way. We can’t prove it except through vague scripture and ask for blind faith because we said so. You are evil if you disagree. Don’t look different or act different. Judge others and condemn them for having an opinion. See a theme here? You can see this in all those local church and religious flyers too. Just go have a look, I’ll wait here.
Here’s what I learned in Sunday school as I see it. Choose to follow and consider my opinion, or don’t. Your call!
-The Old testament is a history lesson. Here is what God wants you to do and why. Here is what is good and bad, and here is the struggle we went through to get here. Exactly the same as our kids learning about war and holocaust and local history in school. Learn the lessons because people already went through them and get the theory behind the fact.
-The New testament changed everything. We no longer had to sacrifice because Jesus did it for us. Unclean foods didn’t matter because we were purified in faith. Sinful acts could be forgiven if we asked for it. Love everybody as you wish to be loved. Look at the Good Samaritan, he helped a neighbour he should have hated because that’s what he was taught, but he chose to be a good person anyways, regardless of who was on the receiving end. Jesus spent time with beggars, and the terminally sick, prostitutes, and men who had no other ambition in life. He loved them all the same and he gave them the same message, regardless of their background, or choices, or personal opinions. He didn’t ever treat one person as lesser than the next.
The church teaches us to HATE sinfulness in their interpretation, and to shun those who are different or to try and change them to our own way of thinking. I don’t care what church you go to, it will teach the same. Look at these similarities between religions.. Catholicism, Christians of various denominations, jewish, jehovas witness, Mormon, 7th day Adventists, Islamic, Buddhist, even Native cultures. On a base level, the stories handed down through history are very similar, slightly changed through translation and retelling over time. The morals of the stories are the same. Every different denomination of Christianity has the same base teachings and the same roots. They simply split off because one group within that religion disagreed on a base idea, split off, and taught in their own way. Now 2 thousand years later, we have Baptists and Pentecostals and Lutherans and Anglicans, and more, all telling us that everybody else is wrong.
So who’s right? Only each of us can decide that for ourselves. Look at all the common base lessons and live your life to the best of your ability. Follow Jesus teachings, whether you believe he was a man or a prophet, or the son of god, and love your neighbour unconditionally. Decide where you stand on all the slight differences of opinion. It’s all on your and your choice. But stop spreading hate!
Hate destroys everything that religions of all sorts teach. Hate turns religious peoples into conquerers, terrorists, feuding families, and multiple warring factions. Hate causes pain to those on the receiving end, and stress to those on the giving end. There is no possible positive side to hate.
I chose to avoid churches in general for the last few years because I could not handle listening to the hate, and finding the worst possible bigots and liars within the walls of the churches, pretending to be good people on Sunday mornings so other people would look up to them. One day a week does not get you into the kingdom of heaven. A band I listened to said it the best way possible when I was a teenager, but even though I always remembered it, I never understood it. “The greatest single cause of Atheism today are those that praise Him with their words, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.” - DC Talk -What if I stumble
Stop living hate when you preach love. Practice the words that come out of your mouth, and truly love your neighbour. His religion, color of skin, gender identity, or relationship status should have no bearing on what kind of person they are. You don’t have to LIKE everyone, or spend time with people you don’t mesh with, but you have no right to judge those that have never done a thing to harm you.
Hate the lies of the church teachings, hate the bigotry, Love the man or woman you see in front of you. We are all fighting for the same thing: to wake up each morning, and enjoy our lives in the best way we know how. Hate in any form robs us from this enjoyment of life. You don’t have to believe in God or the Bible to live a good life and be good to others. You only have to have faith in humanity, and making this a good place for everyone to enjoy. Be excellent to each other.
Hate is Baggage. Life is too short to be pissed off all the time. Its just not worth it. – American History X.
