the stoic depth of nicky's vocal tone has always had a very specific calming affect on him. the low hum of it often counters heightened emotions and prevents his nervous system from being flooded by them. now that there's even the slightest sense of tranquility that cascades over him right in this moment, kian tries his best to focus on it; to continue listening to the wisdom and understanding that his longtime someone offers him, all while leveling out his breath.
this is how the two of them have always operated. kian is like a balloon, one that flails and floats around when not bound to something. nicky is often the anchor who keeps him still, even from afar. his mom has always told him that he needs a friend like that, someone that protects him from getting caught up in torrential winds that leave him in an endless state of aimless hovering.
he's often resented people for telling him that, for feeling like no one trusts him to take care of himself. however, this idol experience has him realizing that maybe he does need a stable support system, and that it's okay to need one. it doesn't make him any less strong for wanting a shoulder to lean on or for needing certain aid.
when nicky calls him tough, kian feels a herculean tug at his heartstrings, and sure, the exhaustion could be adding to his sensitivities right now, but even if he wasn't so tired he'd likely have a similar response to this specific compliment. "you think so?" he asks, trying to keep his voice level, albeit unsuccessfully. "i don't feel very tough right now, but i guess if you think i am, i'll trust you."
interrupting his feelings is nicky's joke, which makes kian laugh and distracts him from whatever doom-and-gloom that's storming in his head. "you'd need to launch the pebble really far... we're pretty high up. think you can do it?" there's a lilt to his tone that sounds almost taunting, as if he's posing a challenge, but he's not completely serious. "it would be impressive if you did. i don't think our managers could even be that mad about any disturbances if you pulled it off."
inhaling and exhaling deeply, kian feels more regulated than he did before calling nicky and he's so thankful, but that doesn't make the conversation any less bittersweet. "i know what you mean," he responds simply, dabbing the corners of his eyes. "i hope i'll be able to get a good night's sleep soon. i've never struggled with this before. ditching school and taking naps with you was like... my favorite hobby. i'd kill for one of those right now." smiling fondly, he feels the tension that was once in his shoulders unfurl, then he roars out a yawn.
"before we have to stop talking, i want you to tell me what you've been up to. let me live vicariously through you for a little while. that okay?"
"you're tough," nicky repeats, as if saying it again is enough to make kian believe it this time. "you always make it through this stuff even though it's hard, don't you? give yourself some credit, okay." he tries to imagine kian's face on the other end of the line. is he smiling now? even if it's still hesitant and half-hearted. as much as nicky tries to keep up with vybe's schedules, sometimes he doesn't see pictures until days later. he knows kian's face well enough to see past the professionally applied makeup and spot the faintest indication of dark circles, he knows that some of the gauntness in his face isn't entirely from losing baby fat as he leaves his younger years behind. he worries, but mostly because there's nothing else he can do.
a laugh is comforting to hear from kian. it brings a new smile to nicky's face and perhaps something familiar as they navigate a completely unfamiliar situation. "i'm pretty strong," nicky asserts, though he really isn't much of an athlete by any stretch of the imagination. "how high up are you again? oh, but if i have to throw it that hard, i'll probably crack your window. never mind then, i don't want you getting in trouble for that. they could take the new window out of your paycheck or something." it's not like nicky to dream up the impossible scenarios; perhaps that's why his ends a little abruptly, fading away as soon as he remembers reality and physics and the like.
there's a sort of peace between them that wasn't there before, somehow still able to be felt despite the physical distance. he hears kian sigh on the other end of the line and somehow knows it's a release, not a sign that he's still troubled. "if you get a day off let me know. i'll clear my schedule so we can stay in bed all day." it's the opposite of what nicky would normally want to do; skipping his obligations was never in his character. but he misses kian too, the spaces he used to physically be feeling larger and emptier than ever. he hears kian yawn and it brings him back to the present again. "sorry, are you tired?" as if nicky was the one who called, who's keeping kian up.
but kian insists that nicky talk more, and nicky can't bring himself to refuse. "alright. but hang up right after and go to sleep, okay? a couple hours of rest is better than none at all."
he tries to flip through his mental files of what the hell has he been up to these last few weeks, mentally crossing out the mundane or boring things and trying to find the tidbits that kian will be most interested in. "i went to the popup cafe your company was doing. the one with the talent show. ordered your menu... it was okay." he pauses, smiling again as he teases kian lightly as if he had anything to do with the recipe. "i participated too, actually. did a monologue. i think everyone hated it, since they didn't call me back." does the grimace on his lips reflect in his voice? nicky has always been hard on himself when it comes to his craft. maybe he could have done better on that stage. "exams are coming up and then it'll be summer break. most of my time right now is just preparing for that."
"is it boring?" he asks, almost expecting to hear soft snoring on the other end by now.
