Honestly, I Have No Idea

I had Gastric Bypass on Jan 23, 2017. I'm excited and super nervous. I'm hoping that writing about it will help me progress and keep me honest. SW: 332, CW: 315, GW: 190 (GW may adjust as time moves on)

[nicolehonestly]

A quick word about my SW...

So, technically, I think your “starting weight (SW)” is supposed to be what you weigh the day you have your surgery. However, I feel like I want some extra credit here. My heaviest weight was back in October of 2016. I went to see the bariatric surgeon again with Trevor on Oct 31st. At that time, I weighed 362 pounds. The surgeon asked me to lose 10 pounds and gave me an Rx for phentermine. Well, I lost the 10 pounds and then some. By the time I had my surgery, on the 23rd of January, I lost 30 pounds. I did that. I worked hard, and I did that. Yay me!!

[nicolehonestly]

2 Weeks Post Op

Holy moly, what a learning experience! Just when I think I’ve got it, I eat too much, or not enough, and it hurts!!! I can absolutely see how this is a tool, not a quick fix. I know I’m not “hungry”, not by a long shot, but I still want to eat. And I want to eat more than I should~ because I like the taste of the food. I’m hoping that once I’m back to eating real, satisfying food that will help a lot. 

I’m really looking forward to a lot of positive changes. Being active with my family and being able to enjoy simple things, like sitting in theater and stadium chairs comfortably! It will all be worth it. I’m not moving forward physically as fast as I would like, but I have to keep reminding myself that I’m only two weeks out. I will get there. I just need to start slow, first with more little walks around my neighborhood.

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to update with my stats, etc. I also want to add my before pics so I can track my success. 

[nicolehonestly]

3 Days Post Op

Had my surgery on Monday.  For right now, all I can say is, ow. The pain has been better every day, but I’m really, really looking forward to it being gone. I wish it wasn’t so close to my son’s birthday. His birthday and party are this Saturday and I’m not sure I’m gonna make it there. I’m going to be able to decorate the cupcakes, I know that. All I have to do is sit at the table and decorate, so I think that will be no problem. I am pretty sure I’ll be able to help stuff the bags for the goodies (all goodies were purchased pre surgery). I’m just not sure I’ll make it to the party itself. My son is being amazing and so understanding, so that helps a lot. It also helps when I remind myself why I did this in the first place. All of the amazing times we are going to have together once I'm moving and feeling better.  

So, trying to get my liquids in, incision wounds are hurting (though not too bad), and I overtaxed my pouch once~ OUCH!!! I know I need to get through this part but I feel like I’m in stasis. I know the next three weeks are critical, to the health of my pouch and to my overall, longterm success of my program. I also know it isn’t going to be easy once I get to the other side of these first 7-8 weeks. Heck, I’m going to have to start again with real food and stop eating the liquids and pastas and mashed potatoes! Honestly, I can’t even think that far in advance. I just wan’t the pain to stop. I’ve been having lots of gas, and that’s good, but I need more! I’m nervous about the stairs in front of my house, so for now I’m walking laps inside my home. I’m sure I’ll be able to do more when I get past this week.

Ugh. I know this is rambling. I’m sorry, I’m just out of it.

[teesadutta]

1.21.17

[nicolehonestly]

Day two of my pre-surgery clear liquid diet, and can I just say BLECH! I have had nothing but water, iced tea, SF Jello, and broth for two days and I have almost lost the will to live. Okay, it’s not that bad, but I do feel horrible. It makes sense, of course. I have had NO actual nutrition outside whatever vitamins managed to sneak in from the white grape juice I drank. I could take vitamins, I know, but when I take them on an empty stomach I get sick. So, suck it up, buttercup! Just a little while longer. 

I started having some not-so-helpful thoughts today. Things have been especially busy this weekend because it was the Pinewood Derby for my son’s Cub Scout pack. It was awesome (he won first in his den! proud momma) and the kids had a great time, but it was a lot of hard work and preparation, much of it done by my husband. I helped out, too, though not as much as I would have hoped. I just wasn’t feeling well enough. I found myself thinking while I was helping set stuff up, though. Ridiculous thoughts like, “wow, look at all this stuff for the bake sale. I love brownies. I guess I’ll never get to have them again. Oooh! They’re getting pizza! No more pizza for me.” These are stupid, unhelpful, untrue thoughts. Pizza and brownies are not going anywhere. I will certainly have them again at some point. The goal is to have A brownie, instead of a pan of brownies. Or A slice of pizza, instead of a whole pizza. 

Hey, look at me ramble! Might have something to do with being tired. Could also be malnutrition kicking in. :-P I’m both looking forward to getting the surgery done and fearing the process a little. I know the first weeks will be hard. I’m afraid of eating too fast or too much and hurting myself. I’m not afraid of stomach bursting or anything, but I’m a little fearful of other complications like leaking, etc. I’m always a little afraid when I go under anesthesia. I’m afraid that it will hurt to move and go upstairs (a little difficult when you live in a townhouse). I’m afraid of losing my hair. I’m very nervous that I won’t push myself hard enough and get the exercise that I need to be successful. Have I mentioned that I have a tendency to worry about things I have absolutely no control over waaaaaay before they even become possible. Yeah, anxiety disorder is pretty sweet.

Anywho. How about some fun stuff? I live in the DC metro area and there was such a great energy out there today with the Women’s March. So many of my friends went and marched and stood up for all of us. I’m so proud. I wish I could have joined them, but that just wasn’t possible today. I was with them in spirit. Oh, my friends also threw me a little pre-surgery, pre-clear liquid diet celebration Friday night! It was really sweet. They all made goodies (which I ate surprisingly little of, to be honest!) and reiterated their support. Plus it was just a great time of hanging out with my friends and talking about anything and everything.

Another rambling thought (sorry, but hey, it’s what I do)~ I’m going to be playing around with Tumblr a bit over the next couple of days. I need to learn how to post pictures and that kind of stuff, because I want to post before pics and pics of my progress. I don’t expect to actually gain any kind of following here. I’m hoping to connect with a few people who are in similar circumstances and who can inspire me, keep me honest, and maybe guide me through the rough patches. What I’m mostly hoping for is a record of my journey. I want to keep track of where I started, so that when I’m comfortable enough I can share it with everyone in my life, and so that I always remember that I can do hard things.

[nicolehonestly]

T minus 7...

One week from today. Eeep. I dropped off the Rx for my post surgery antacid. I picked up everything I will need to go the three day clear liquid diet prior to surgery and everything that I will be able to start eating the first week or so after surgery. My goal for the next few days is to get things as much in order as I possibly can to make it as easy as possible on my family while I’m out for a day or two. Since I chose to do this thing immediately after Pinewood Derby Weekend and 5 days before my son’s birthday (and his birthday party!), there is quite a lot to be done. My husband, of course, wonderful man that he is, will jump in and do anything and everything to make my life easier~ so I want to have everything ready for him to just step right in.

I got together with my girlfriends last night and I told them about the surgery that was coming up. I had mentioned to them months and months ago when I first started considering it, but with the exception of my friend, Kelley, I hadn’t talked to them about it again. They had lots of questions and a few concerns (there are so many misconceptions out there about these procedures, I know I had them before I started researching), but it made me feel really good that their very first question was “How can we help?” When you live as far away from family as I do, it is very comforting to have such a caring, supportive group of “family-by-choice” around you.

Speaking of family, I still haven’t told them that I’m doing this. I can’t say why, really. I mean, I haven’t announced it to the public at large, like there hasn’t been a Facebook or Twitter or Instagram note sent out. I’m not ashamed, and I’m certainly not hiding it, but I just haven’t felt the urge to put it all out there. I don’t know if I’m afraid of people not approving? Maybe. I mean, my general feeling about the approval of others is, if you don’t like me or approve of my life, kindly fuck off. Still, I’ve played this one close to the vest. It is very important to me, and I guess there is the fear of public failure. Somehow, I guess that seems worse than failing quietly. Not really, though. I do believe that this really is my life I’m fighting for here. Stakes really couldn’t be higher, so failure isn’t really an option I’m allowing myself to consider. 

I talked to my mom today and for a split second, I thought about telling her. I didn’t though. I really don’t know why. I know I don’t want them to worry about me, especially since they are so far away. I also am worried that they may have strong opinions (as my family usually does), but they are also always very supportive. I think it is the fear of failure. The pressure of that many more eyes upon me. That deep, deep desire not to let anyone down. If I keep it to myself, maybe I will feel more that I can and am doing it for myself.

[npr]

When President Obama took office in January 2009, the country was on edge, the economy in free-fall. The federal education law, known as No Child Left Behind, was also in need of an update after earning the ire of teachers, parents and politicians alike. In short, there was much to do.

In time, that update would come, but President Obama’s education legacy begins, oddly enough, with his plan to bolster the faltering economy.

Obama’s Impact On America’s Schools

Illustration: LA Johnson/NPR

[mishasaurus]

This is amazing

[nicolehonestly]

I would watch the hell out of this.

[nicolehonestly]

Finally moving forward?

Not really sure what I'm doing here or what I’m expecting from it. I think I’m just hoping that if I write about my experience it will help me stay honest and keep working.

As a quick intro, I’m a 43 yr old wife and mother. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Through the grace of God and great genetics, I have been spared most of the health problems many obese people suffer from. But, I’m getting older, and moving around is getting harder. I get tired so easy and I find I'm not able to do the fun things I want to with my son. I can't even sit on an airplane comfortably. I hate it. And, I’m finally doing something about it.

I have been preparing for months to have Gastric Bypass surgery, and January 23rd is finally my day! I’m nervous and excited and pretty much everything in between. My husband has been amazingly supportive, and I know (like me) he is afraid that this might just be another thing that doesn't work~ but I’ve been working on it and researching. I easily lost the 10 pounds (and then some) the doctor wanted me to lose before the surgery. I feel good, but still so scared!

I wonder, am I too late? Is there any point to getting this surgery so late in my life? I know losing weight and getting healthy will extend my life, of course, and the longer I can be here with the people and pets that I love, the better. Still, I feel a little old to be doing this. Most of the others that Ive seen have been young girls with their whole lives ahead of them. There is so much to do, though! Ugh. Now writing in circles. Le sigh.