All my life I've dealt with racism....but some of it didn't come from white people.
When an African- American person talks about racism and struggling to feel accepted, one will probably automatically think of white aggression towards them. It's true, I've gotten the side-looks, dirty comments, obvious discrimination. I grew up hating my reflection because the standard of beauty was caked with makeup and sporting long, flawlessly straight locks, not fresh-faced with a head of curls.
But I found myself at odds between worlds very often. I found that just as often that white people discriminate against African-Americans, there's discrimination within the African-American community.
For every time I've felt "not white enough" for the mainstream, I've also felt "not black enough" for many reasons.
For one thing, I'm mixed race: African-American, Hispanic and Native American...mostly. There’s a splash of Irish in there too.
Depending on what region of the States I happen to be in, some white people can't even tell I'm not purely "black." However, almost every African-American would definitely be able to tell that I'm not purely "black."
You may be wondering why I'm using the word "African-American" so much and emphasizing "black" with quotation marks. Let me explain....
Race is man-made. It's an attempt to categorize us by solely physical appearance, but we are so much more than the color of our skin. We are cultures, food, stories, traditions, products of our ancestors, no matter how much of their blood we have. We are histories and ethnicities: African, Hispanic, European, etc.....not black, brown, white, etc.
The poison of race categorization has been in the bloodstream since slavery, but the African-American community is not guiltless of not playing into the game.
My grandparents were both "black" by standards of the time they lived in. My grandfather was lighter-skinned, not doubt resultant from his strong Irish mix. My grandmother was a Trinidad native and very dark-skinned.
Not many people know about the "paper bag rule," or perhaps this is a part of our culture we've chosen to forget, but there was a method of determining "how black" you were. In church, my grandparents weren't allowed to sit together. Those church members whose skin was lighter than a brown paper bag sat in the front of the congregation while all those darker than the bag would sit in the upper balcony pews.
The "paper bag rule" is still alive and well today, just in different ways. Today, within the "black" community, the color of our skin is a huge determiner of how we fit in. Lighter-skinned "blacks" are commonly considered prettier, stuck-up and sometimes not even considered black, no matter how much culture and blood we have in common. My dark-skinned dad had concerns sending me to a pre-dominantly black high school because of my light skin. He was afraid I'd be viciously bullied.
Of course, I can't talk about this without admitting the obvious priviledge light-skinned African-Americans have. We're more likely to be excluded from harmful "black" stereotypes (not exempt, just more likely to be excluded). It's easier to get lead roles in Hollywood if you are lighter-skinned. Let's face it, the ideal "black" face in Hollywood has been a little more Beyonce and Zoe Saldana than Lupita N'yongo. For reasons such as these, light-skinned African-Americans are often socially exiled from our cultural community because we are "not really black."
Truth is, very few "black" people are "really black." So many of us are mixed with European, Central American, etc. blood. In some of us, it's more evident through our hair textures, body frames and skin color.Instead of embracing the presence of these mixes and not letting a broken color categorization define us a culture, some people still use the damn "paper bag rule."
Just as we as a culture demand respect from "white" America, we must give respect to each other. The colors of our skin is a huge part of our culture, but it's not the only thing. It's the combined experiences of our ancestors and what it took to bring us into this world. It's food, it's music, it's the spelling of our names, it's also embracing the other ethnicities that mixed together to bring you into existence. All those parts deserve respect. Race is a myth. It's a blinder to how colorful we really are.
