[nightmarejuice13]

Sober living : Day 29

Tomorrow is my 30 day! I'm so fucking excited and proud of myself. I've come a long way in 30 days. I've repaired some damage I've done in the past, and I have healed within my own would beyond my own belief. The people that truly care, are supportive and understanding. My dad told me he was proud of me. I don't know the last time either of my parents have said that to me. I finally saw my mom and grandmother, and sister, they can tell I'm so much better. It's going to be okay, a month ago I wouldn't say that

[nightmarejuice13]

Day 25 of Sobriety

I feel like shit today, but that's because of the weather. I feel clear headed and grounded. No alcohol or drugs (excluding marijuana) in over three weeks. Corona virus (covid-19) has made all AA meetings be postponed. It makes things difficult but I've found lots of friends and people to talk to. ❤️ I'm excited for my 30 day on monday

[nightmarejuice13]

Day 17.

Sobriety.

Today felt low, it got low. I can't take on everyone else's problems. I'm so stuck on other people's addictions and trying to help them, that I can't focus on my self. I have to set boundaries. I have to change. It's time to find a sponsor.

[nightmarejuice13]

Sobriety day 15! 2 weeks.

Two days ago my heart was absolutely broken. Someone I love. His voice was so empty. I knew. His eyes were scared. He was broken. I can't imagine life without him. I just wanted to hold him and take all of his pain away. I want to take all of it away so he never feels it again.

I could see where the needle went in, 5/6 times. His vein was swollen. He was shaking, his speech was broken up. I will never forget

[asking-jude]

You shouldn’t have to convince someone to say “yes.” 

[haleyincarnate]

Based off of this post by @ffspunk

[haleyincarnate]

Based off of this post by @scorpiogy

[haleyincarnate]

Quote by unknown

[remanence-of-love]

[catarinehancock]

one day.

IG: catarinehancock

[rbhvleo]

it eats me alive.

[nightmarejuice13]

Sober body #stillkillinit

[nightmarejuice13]

Day 13 of Sobriety

I got to see someone very special yesterday.

The someone that I most recently hurt and pushed far away. And though I pained him greatly, he opened his heart to let me sit and talk with him and have dinner. We spoke to eachother from the heart and we're completely transparent. It was so easy to talk to him, why did I ever start lying in the first place? If I could've just found the courage to talk to him about what was going on and what I needed. "Everything happens for a reason." He kept saying to me. And my awkward AA attending ass kept quoting things from meetings, "one day at a time" "powerless over alcohol" etc.

This wonderful man, who did not deserve anything that happened, held me while I cried. He comforted me, even though I had hurt him so bad. I ripped him from his home with me and our cats, and he forgave me. I still can't comprehend it. I'm still trying to forgive myself. And this amazing fucking man, was so great, he just told me how proud he was of me and to keep up the good work.

Recovery and admitting your wrongs, asking for forgiveness, it's so important. I never thought I would get to see him or talk to him again, and he welcomed me into his new home to talk about things and how I was doing.

I am by no means letting myself off the hook, I still have a long way to recovery. But having the love and support of the one you love the most, even after you totally screwed up, there is hope. I'm not finished making things up to him, I still need to heal and stay strong. I hope I can help someone never become what I became.

It all comes down to the excuses we make for ourselves. We make excuses so we don't have to 'feel' or take responsibility for our actions. Yes, two men took advantage of me. But I chose to drink and be alone with them, which wasn't a good idea. I am guilty in putting myself in that situation. I will not do that again, and it opened my eyes to some of my past trauma. If I had dealt with it when it first began, I could've avoided hurting a lot of people.

[nightmarejuice13]

I found my boy today ❤️ I feel a lot better

[nightmarejuice13]

I lost the man I love, and now our boy Doom has disappeared. It's hard to feel like things will get better, when so much is being lost. I know I don't deserve him, but can I please have my baby boy?

[nightmarejuice13]

My fifth AA meeting in 7 days.

I'm so proud to be here, I'm so happy to be here, I'm so thankful for being sober enough to realize I need to be here.

I want to undo the damage. But I can't.

I can only heal.

To heal I must forgive myself for my wrecklessness.

[nightmarejuice13]

Day 10 of being sober

Fuck the people that try to hold you back and try and make you feel bad when you have admitted your faults and are seeking help. Especially when they helped get you where you are. Fuck you Ron.