I know itâs been a while and Iâm not going to dive into the details about why, but Iâm here now and I need to get a load off my mind.
It can seem like a word that just rolls off the tongue for some people. Without a second thought; thatâs their true feelings, thatâs what theyâll say. No matter who it effects, what the outcome might be for the person saying it or the person receiving it, itâs done, itâs out and itâs âa no from meâ (cheeky X Factor ref).
That isn't the easiest thing for some people. For some, a ânoâ doesnât just mean a no. It means a âto hell with you, youâre objectives, goals, ideas, help, confidence-NO!â It means a ânoâ to social acceptance, a ânoâ to success, a ânoâ to opportunity.Â
Of course, I donât mean the generic âNo, I will not do that assignment due tomorrowâ because letâs face it thatâs the easiest sentence produced in the entirety of english phrasing. For some, saying ânoâ to oneself is easier than saying ânoâ to somebody else. I may be able to tell myself not to complete my education, but when someone else puts the thought into my future and wellbeing, and I have to say âNoâ to them, itâs a hell of a lot more daunting! I agreed to start this degree, this person has put a lot of time and effort into helping me get this degree, how can I say no to them! It would be madness! Not to mention rude, disrespectful, disloyal and basically a massive finger to all their hard work.Â
But isnât that what Iâm saying to myself?
I, too, went to the effort to start getting a degree. Would it not be disrespectful, rude, disloyal and a massive finger to myself to say no to my achievements so far? No. And hereâs why.Â
People. Change. Their Minds. And thatâs okay. Thatâs natural. It happens. One minute we want jam, the next we want nutella. One minute we want to jog, the next minute we want to walk. One minute we want to pursue something, the next minute we donât. And thatâs okay.
When I was younger, I lived in a âdivorceâ environment. I say divorce environment, because my parents werenât actually divorced because they never got married in the first place, but in the end I ended up with a mum at one house and a dad at the other, same sort of situation. Anyway.
I always felt like I had to please both parties, and that my opinion didnât matter because they were both trying to form it for me. âYour mum is doing this to youâ âYour dad is saying this to youâ âYour dad isnât thisâ âYour mum isnât thatâ. For anyone with separated parents, I feel like you would know what this is like. Having one parent whisper bitter nothingâs in your ear before they drove you to the other parentâs house. The one thing I struggled to do was say ânoâ. I would nod along like I agreed with what they said and they would give me their version of the ruffle of my hair and send me on my way, knowing they had gotten their voice into my mind. But I always had three voices; Mumâs, Dadâs and mine, way at the back of my head, that told me to, in a childâs version of language, tell both parties to shut the fuck up and listen to me for once. Because I felt like that was where ânoâ would have come in handy. But I was too afraid to; I didnât want mum to send me off angry that I didnât agree with her because if I did it ended up with me being ânaiveâ and a âchildâ - which I was - and telling me âIâll soon figure out I have [him] all wrong!â. And vice versa.Â
I personally had to say no to something Iâd recently said yes to. It was a big opportunity, with a few risks, but none that could be overstepped in order to move forward. At first I was onboard with the idea of pursuing something new and exciting, and putting what I needed to into this in order to gain what I wanted out of it. But as I carried on with this opportunity I felt less confident about what I could really achieve, and if what I was putting into this was really worth the honest 40% chance that I would succeed. There are SO many speeches and books and podcasts and whatever else technology has created to platform an idea, about positive thinking, and the key to success. Well this is my opinion put into platform; sometimeâs itâs okay to not want to succeed. Itâs okay to change paths, itâs okay to feel uneasy about putting your all into something despite the risks. If you donât feel 100% sure about what you are about to endeavour, pull out. Pursue something new, that makes you feel more at ease. It may take a bit more time, you may have to push out of your comfort zone at a slower rate, but isnât it worth it if you get to enjoy the time you take in pursuit, rather than obtain the crushing anxiety of a decision you were too scared to pull out of; too scared to say ânoâ to?
Thatâs honestly for you to decide.
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