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you know what, fuck it be free, keep reading that bad fan fiction, keep writing that bad fanfiction, keep using y/n, keep staying up to 4 a.m reading x reader, to be cringe is too be free
Summary: You had always planned to live a life with Arthur that seemed almost like a dream. It's 8 years later, and he shows up at your doorstep, and you don't know how to feel...
TW: Angst, Slight Fluff, Mentions of Pregnancy, Mentions of Parenthood, Insane amount of Yearning, Bittersweet Goodbyes, Family Reunion, Past/Established Relationship, Kissing
Word Count: 3,565K
A/N: Some angsty cowboy thoughts because I've been playing RDR2 and I even had a dream about this fic and I just had to write it out and put it out to the world, so hope y'all enjoy!
The Saint Denis trolley bell ringing in the distance, you look down the street, and your stomach starts to fill with butterflies. Arthur was walking beside you, hand resting on his gun belt, as he had offered to escort you to the trolley for you to finally go home. You looked down at the silver brooch in your hands and clutched it tightly as you couldn't help but fidget with it between your fingers. You felt like you couldn't speak; there were just so many things you wanted to say that you knew wouldn't be the same if you wrote a letter to him. Arthur stole a glance at you under the brim of his hat, and he could tell you were nervous, but he didn't want to ruin the moment, this utterly bittersweet goodbye that was seconds away from happening. Something he knew was inevitable.
"Arthur...my life wasn't supposed to..." You were choking up on your words, stuttering them out under hitched breaths. Your hand immediately goes to his shoulder, and you turn towards him, stopping in your tracks. Your eyes met his crystal blue ones as tears seemed to well up in the corners.
"Is it too late for us...?" Your question seemed like the biggest elephant in the room as Arthur let out a deep sigh.
"I can't lie to you, Y/N...I'm a wanted man. If I-if anyone close to me, well, they're wanted too, and I can't have you wrapped up in that. I'm not gonna put you in danger." He declared with almost a look of sorrow in his eyes, the crystal blue fading to dark blue like the depths of the ocean.
"Just run away with me, Arthur. Run far, far away with me, and please don't look back. I'm begging you...I-I have dreams for us, Arthur. A life where we could be happy, a chance at being normal." You selfishly pleaded with him as his hands immediately grabbed yours, squeezing tightly as he looked into your eyes.
"I want to, I really do, more than anything I want to. But I got some people I need to take care of first. Once they are free, I'm free and I can disappear forever." He was convinced that this was the only way, and there was no changing his mind; you knew that. It was always a never-ending battle with Arthur, but to an extent, you understood. The gang was his family, and there was no changing that.
"If we are gonna run away anywhere, we'd need money. Soon I'll have some and we can start a life together-" His words cut off as you quickly yanked your hands away from his and turned away. You knew what his answer was going to be, but you still had a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, he would change. That was a pipe dream you had made up in your mind, a delusion that Arthur would run away with you, that he would pick you over the gang.
"I know you won't run away, no matter what I say, it won't change your mind. It was a pretty dream, pretty indeed..." You say under your breath, hoping Arthur hadn't noticed you looking down towards your stomach, and placing your hand above the small bump that had been growing underneath all those layers of your dress. You didn't have it in you to tell him you were pregnant, and with the answer he gave, even less so, not like it was going to change his mind. Telling him would have just made you look desperate; it was better this way, and you already had your mind set that you were going to take care of his child, either with or without him.
You started to walk towards the trolley as it made a slow stop, and Arthur was jogging to keep up with you as you lifted your dress slightly and took a hop onto the trolley steps, and you held the railing, looking back at him. Your eyes were already filled with tears, and it was probably the hardest goodbye you ever had to say, your throat seeming to close up just at the thought of saying another word.
"I'll write you...Goodbye, Arthur." Your words struck him like a knife to the heart; just as much as it ached for you, it did for him too; he just couldn't let it show, not now, not ever.
You turned your head one last time to look at him, and you waved him goodbye as you disappeared into the trolley, and that was it, the end and beginning of a long journey ahead into motherhood alone as you watched the love of your life walk away from you once more.
8 years later...
Springtime. The Big Valley was littered with a sea of color, flower petals that looked as if the sunrise had landed on the earth. Yellow, pink, blue, and purples are vibrant as ever as you take a deep breath, the smell of fresh pine needles mixed with morning dew, as you put the finishing touches on the drawing in your journal. Your hands were smudged with charcoal and colored pastels while you used your fingers to create shadows and highlights on the page. It was a miracle you had perfected your drawing skills over all these years, but somehow the picture in the journal looked more beautiful than ever. Your smile grew wider as you saw your children running towards you with a handful of those same colorful flowers in their hands.
"Hmm, now what are you two troublemakers up to? I thought I told y'all to go feed the chickens." You asked, raising an eyebrow at them as they both looked at each other and shook their heads.
"We did ma, we just got distracted and wanted to give ya these." The boy responded as he gave the flowers to you and smiled, his two front teeth missing. The girl handed her flowers to you, her head tilted downwards, avoiding eye contact with you.
"Why, thank you, my lovelies. Now go on inside and wash up, I'll be there in a moment to make ya breakfast." You said as you held the flowers close to your chest and plucked one out of the bunch. You pressed it flat against the page and closed the journal tightly to imprint it into the page next to your drawing, its color seeping into the yellowed paper as if it were painted with watercolor paints.
You sighed, standing up and wiping your hands clean on your dress skirt. Your head turned to watch your children run into the house, wood creaking loudly from their footsteps as the direction of the wind suddenly changed. Songbirds in the trees are chirping sweet little melodies as they declare their love to one another. If only life were as simple as singing a song to enchant your loved ones to come back home.
It had been 8 years, and no word from Arthur. Every time you went into the post office in Strawberry and realized that there was no letter or telegram from him, what were you supposed to think? Assume he was dead? Wait for him to return like some prince charming in those silly little fairytale stories from books? You had no other choice but to continue with your life and hang onto the hope that he would show up eventually. Being the love-ridden fool that you are, you kept waiting for him and would continue to because he was the only man you had ever loved and would keep on loving. No matter how many times you had replayed that last goodbye in Saint Denis, it still wasn't enough for you to let go of him; you didn't dare to, especially when you had Andrew and Alice to remind you every day that he would always be a part of your life, whether you liked it or not.
Missing him hurt like hell. There wasn't a single day that went by that you didn't think about him, wondering what kind of life he lives. Did he settle down and start living an honest life without you? Is he still with the gang, being a merciless outlaw? Does he even remember you at all? There were just too many things you wanted to ask him, tell him, confess to him, and yet who knows when you would ever get the chance to.
As you walked in the direction of your house, you flipped rapidly to the first page of the journal. Yellow and aged, a familiar sketch faces you. Rough lines and heavy shading create an image of Arthur mid-laugh as he covered half of his face due to the embarrassment he felt. You remember the exact moment you sketched it. You had called him 'pretty boy' as you hid behind your journal, and he instantly flushed with embarrassment, yet laughed at your words. You were able to capture a side of him nobody saw in that moment, but you. It brought a tear to your eye as you looked at the sketch, your fingertips gliding across the page. Would you ever have the chance again to touch him like you once had? Would that day ever come, or is it silly to dream of such a thing?
You shook your head, trying to forget the thoughts of him, and returned your journal to its usual place on your rocking chair on the porch. You swiftly turned to open the door when, all of a sudden, you heard the galloping of heavy hoofs approaching.
You stood frozen in time as your eyes followed, watching the golden sheen of the horse's coat glisten in the rising sun's rays as it approached. The rider had a mysterious air about him, his body swaying in the saddle with ease, his hands guiding the reins with utter skill. Just by the shadow the sun had cast against his body, you knew exactly who it was; you didn't even have to think twice about it.
Leather hat worn yet adorned with eagle feathers on the side, bandolier filled to the brim with bullets crossing his chest, and his hair longer and messier than you last remember. There was no mistaking that it was Arthur. The beautiful stallion halted in its tracks as Arthur gave him a good pat on the neck before swinging down from the saddle. "Good boy, Buell." his voice seemed like a thing of the past, as if a ghost had shown up at your doorstep.
You felt like you couldn't move your legs, every joint frozen in place. Heart beating so fast you thought it would jump right out of your chest, breath hitched as your eyes followed his every move. He took off his hat to fully reveal his face to you, and finally, your eyes met his.
You're not even sure you're able to speak because you felt that same feeling again of being choked up, your throat closing up on you as if there was no air left to breathe.
"Y/N I-" Before Arthur could even utter another word, his eyes were wide open when the twins opened the door impatiently behind you. Both children with the same golden locks as Arthur, hazel eyes for the boy, and bright blue on the girl.
Andrew is standing close behind you while Alice hides behind your dress skirt, grasping onto the fabric to hide her face and lack of eye contact.
"Ma, who is this man?" Andrew asked curiously, cautiously, as his eyes looked down to see the revolver in Arthur's holster. Arthur quickly reacted by taking his resting hands off the holster and placing them on his hips instead.
"Just a very old friend of mine, my boy. Go on inside now with your sister. I won't be long now." You say quickly in an assertive tone. Andrew was smart enough to get the message and looked Arthur up and down one last time before grabbing his sister's hand and leading her back inside, closing the door behind them.
The silence between you both was louder than words, and the chirping of the songbirds seemed to have died down. You couldn't bear to look him in the eyes; it's a conversation you just weren't ready to have, yet now it was inevitable.
"Just an old friend, huh?" He says, looking at you with a raised eyebrow, taking out a cigarette from the pack, and lighting it quickly with a match.
"Oh Arthur, I...I don't even have any words..." You admit trying to gather your thoughts together; everything was all jumbled in your mind, and you didn't even know where to start.
"Seems like you made a real home for yourself and the little ones..." His words trailed off, taking a puff of his cigarette, and you unconsciously started to walk towards the barn that lay on the outskirts of your land. Arthur following your lead, footsteps in sync with yours.
"Well, I had eight years on my hands to build what I got." You continue to avoid his gaze, but you could feel his eyes burning holes into you; he always had a strong stare.
"It was a damn long time, Arthur." You finally snapped your head to look up at him, letting him know that all this time without him was doing nothing good but hurting you.
"I know an' I'm sorry I am...but Y/N I gotta ask are them kids-" Even he seemed to be choked up on the thought of it as another puff of smoke surrounded the air around you both.
"Yes, Arthur. They look just like ya, don't you think?" You say with almost a tear coming to your eye, but you kept on walking, growing closer to the barn paddock.
"Were ya ever gonna tell me?" He asked, taking one last puff and throwing the cigarette on the ground, stomping it out.
"Was waiting for you to show up all this time. I wasn't even sure you were alive. You never wrote to me," There was resentment in your voice and he could hear it, a painful tug to your heart as you leaned against the wooden fencing of the paddock and watched the cows roam freely. The soft ringing of cowbells jingling in the background.
"Arthur, I won't lie to you, things haven't been easy." You let out a sigh, almost out of desperation.
"I'm here now sweetheart, and I promise I ain't going nowhere, not running off, not again." His hand slowly made its way to yours as he slowly grabbed it. Placing it over his chest for you to feel his heartbeat with your fingertips.
"Arthur, you can't be going and saying those things if ya don't mean it-" You were in disbelief, your hand clutching onto his shirt for dear life.
"I really mean it, I do." He declares, as you placed your forehead against his chest and hid your face in his shirt, you didn't want to look up at him because you felt like you were dreaming, this couldn't be real.
"Why didn't you write Arthur, why?! All you had to do was write to me..." Your voice cracked as tears started to roll down your cheeks, crying out of frustration.
"Even if I did, what would that have changed?" He asked as his big hands slid up to the side of your face and tilted you upwards to look into your eyes.
"It would have changed everything. I would have told you I was pregnant, I would have begged for you to come home, to come back to me." Your nails digging into the fabric of his shirt as you bite your lip in desperation.
"I thought I could do this all by myself but the truth is I can't, Arthur. I need you, and I hate to admit that, but I do. Our children need a father, and I've been trying to hold this house down all by myself, but when I look at them, I see your face, and that small piece of hope has been holding me together all these years." You admit, out of breath as your fingertips caress the sides of his face, running over the prickly stubble on his face.
"You know that I-I'm not good with words, but please believe me when I say that I'm coming home this time. I don't wanna be anywhere where you and those children aren't." He says, under hitched breath and giving you a warm smile as you look into his eyes for the first time, you can look at him without feeling pain, like a weight lifted off your shoulders.
"I'm never letting you go again, Arthur Morgan." Your voice was firm as you paused for a moment before pulling your body into his, pressing your lips quickly against his. Years you had waited to kiss this man, and finally he was in front of you, and he wasn't just some myth, a ghost that seemed unattainable.
The kiss turns into a needy mess of tongues darting out and teeth nipping gently on plump, rosy lips. He keeps you close and closer, until your noses are squished together and his hair falls into your eyes and you can feel your lashes tickling his skin. He kisses you with a passion, a sense of yearning that has been pent up for years. A small moan escaped your lips as the kiss got deeper, and both of you gasped for air. Finally, he pulled away for a moment from the kiss, hands resting upon your cheeks as he pulled you into his embrace, admiring your facial features.
"You're my home sweetheart, and I'm never gonna run away from ya again." He whispers into your ear as his hands clutched you tighter.
You were sure the children were starving by now, by how long it took for you both to finally reach the house. It was quite a long walk, or more so, yall were catching up on all the years of lost time. Talking about memories missed, experiences lost, and reminiscing about the few times you two did have together that were happy. Arthur was being coy and snuck in a few kisses here and there on the way back, but that couldn't be helped, and secretly you wanted to go further than just kissing, but that would have to be for another time.
Andrew and Alice peeked out from behind the door and smiled when they saw you approach the house. Arthur, nervously clutching a handful of flowers, as the child ran up to you and hugged you tightly.
"Y'all must be starving. I'm sorry, my loves, for keeping ya waiting so long." You said, apologizing as they looked to the side, eyeing Arthur up and down.
Arthur stood by your side, palms sweaty and trying to act nonchalant as he kneeled down to the children's height, and he finally greeted them.
"Well, howdy little lady. You must be Alice, your mother told me all about you on the way here. I picked these just for you, I hope ya like em." He said, giving the flowers to Alice, and she shyly took the flowers.
"Alice, no need to be shy now. Use your words, baby girl." You encouraged her to speak up for herself. It was rare that Alice spoke; she was always a silent child ever since she was born.
"Thank yew, Mister." She said in a low voice as her blue eyes looked at Arthur, and he thought he was looking into a mirror.
"You're very welcome," Arthur said with a smile as he then averted his attention to Andrew, who was watching him like a hawk. He was a smart, cautious boy. He seemed so mature for his age, even though he was only eight. Although similar to Alice, they sometimes seemed like polar opposites.
"Don't be rude, son, give Mr. Morgan a handshake, c'mon now." You nudged Andrew to put his hand out, and he grabbed Arthur's hand, giving it a good ol' shake.
"Heard a lot about you too, son. Nice to properly meet ya." Arthur commented as he smiled at the boy.
"Nice to meet ya too, sir." Andrew says as he shakes his hand and has a serious look on his face.
"Ma, are we finally gonna eat breakfast?" Andrew asked you, and you smiled back with the biggest grin on your face.
"Yes, son, we are finally gonna have breakfast as a family." Your gaze looks towards Arthur, and you can't help but feel like your heart is going to jump out of your chest.
He was here to stay, and that once again, you can finally start living that pretty little dream you always thought of for years.
Jesus I decided to log on to read some RDR2 fanfics because finally I bought the game on PS5 and its now my new hyper fixation (Im on Chapter 4 NO SPOILERS PLEASE) but holy shit I forgot I had 29 DRAFTS OF FANFIC IDEAS AND REQUESTS that have been sitting here waiting for 2 years!!!! Gonna try and gather my crazy little thoughts and let me see what seems worth continuing or if we are starting from scratch.
This isnt a full on return but just a small hello to all my mutuals that Im back temporarily and that I may or maynot be inspired again to write once more✨❤️
First we had the Andrew Garfield renaissance, then out of no where Pedro Pascal starts coming out of the woodworks and now my FYP has become Leon Kennedy edits left and right I AM LIVING MY RE DREAM RIGHT NOW!!!!
Yall already know what this means…I’ll be busy typing ⌨️ come back to check in a few days my friends I shall deliever soon after the Easter holiday is over👁️👁️
Summary: It’s your first time spending Valentines day with your boyfriend, Spencer and just when you thought all was lost he surprises you in more way than one...
TW: Small bit of Fluff, Lots of Smut, Adult Language/Swearing, Dirty Talk, Kissing/Making Out, Fingering (Kinda), Vanilla Vaginal/Office/Desk Sex, Oral Sex (Fem Receiving), Praise Kink, Nudity, Playful Banter/Jokes, Established Relationship, Aftercare, Mention of Valentines Day, Gushy “I love you’s”
Word Count: 4,805
A/N: HAPPY BELATED VALENTINES DAY FOLKS! I hope you enjoy and this little one shot is especially dedicated to my bestie who is obsessed with our boy Spencer Reid so I hope you enjoy babes and that everyone else does as well! Also this took me almost 3 days to write and proof and Im sure there is a bunch of mistakes still so I will go in and fix later since work and personal life has been crazy recently.
Physical touch, Quality time, Receiving gifts, Acts of service, Words of affirmation
It was the one day of the year you actually hated with a passion because the thought of it made your blood boil. Another holiday for people to make money off of and take advantage of all the loving couples who wanted to do many something a little extra special for their significant other. It was annoying having to see so many happy couples going around doing all the stuff you wanted to do but at the end of the day, you would go retreat to your fuzzy blanket and turn on Netflix with a bowl of ice cream in hand. Well at least that's how you used to spend Valentine's day but this year would be different from the rest because it was your first time actually being able to celebrate not alone but with your boyfriend Spencer.
You had an extra pep in your step the whole day and as you got off the subway from a long day at work you were looking forward to whatever surprise or possibly more than one surprise he would have for you waiting at home. It was eating you alive trying to guess or more so make up little scenarios in your mind about how just exactly what would the night entail. Would he go the more romantic route? Dozens of roses and a home-cooked meal? Would he get down and dirty from the get-go? Doing tons of explicit things to you the minute you stepped into the doorway? Just the sheer thought of it made you bite your lip, your steps getting faster in anticipation.
Before you could even pull your keys out of your pocket you get a phone call from Spencer and you quickly smile at the picture you had set as his contact photo, clearly something so silly and embarrassing but it reminded you of how much of a goofball he could be sometimes. You pick up raising the phone to your ear to listen to his voice.
"Hey babe,"
"Hey Y/N, so I have some bad news..." His voice seemed to echo so loudly into the phone your heart seemed to drop.
"Bad news...what the hell do you mean?" Your brow was furrowed in confusion as you had stopped in your tracks just minutes before you could enter into your apartment building.
"I-I don't think I'm going to make it home on time," You could hear the shakiness in his voice and that he was nervous.
"You have got to be kidding me! Spencer, you know how important today is for me. It's our first time as a couple celebrating Valentine's day, are you sure there isn't anything you can do?" Your Valentine's day plans were starting to disappear before your eyes and you hated how much importance this stupid holiday had on you but you at least wanted to enjoy it once while being in a serious relationship with someone you truly loved. You tried your best to seem tame over the phone because at the end of the day, it wasn't exactly his fault.
"Don't you think I know that Y/N?! Trust me I want to be with you too right now but this case is really beating up the whole team and there are piles of paperwork to do." He deeply sighed into the phone out of exhaustion, you hated seeing him so overworked like this and you know he hasn't been sleeping well recently.
"Fine how about this...have you eaten at all today?" You ask into the phone raising an eyebrow, you were sure Spencer could already imagine the look on your face.
"Does two cups of coffee count?" He asks with a small chuckle.
"Well, that tells me all that I need to know. It's decided I'm coming over to the BAU and I'm bringing dinner for us. If you can't come to me I'll just come to you." You quickly decided after sacrificing all the perfect little plans you were imagining in your head and you started to accept the reality that you would be spending your most romantic night ever in the dim lights of the FBI's office, how exciting.
"Y/N are you sure?! You really don't have to and plus do you really want to be here bored out of your mind watching me do paperwork?"
"I've already decided and as long as I'm spending time with you that's what I really care about." You say with a small smile on your face and turn yourself around to start walking in the other direction.
"You're right, I'll see ya soon then yeah?" He asked with a grin across his face on the other side of the phone.
"I'll let you know when I get there. See you soon my love." You quickly hung up the phone blushing to yourself before he could comment on the new pet name you called him. For some reason, it felt natural to say, what other day is better fitting than today right?
1 Hour later...
Take-out bags in hand you made your way over to the front doors of the BAU office. The office from the outside seemed darker than usual and there weren't many cars in the parking lot so something was definitely off. You reluctantly swiped your visitor's badge at the front door, pushing the glass door open with your hip to hold it as you seemed to juggle the bags of food around from one hand to the next. When you turned around to look at the front desk there was a candlelit walkway leading you in exactly the direction you were supposed to follow. Immediately a smile came about your face and you eagerly followed the pathway made for you, rose petals decorated the floor leading you right to were you needed to be.
"Spencer?!" You questioned calling out to him hoping he would respond back. The darkness seemed to fill the air and you couldn't see anything in front of you other than a few office desks being dimly lit by candlelight. You cautiously took a few steps forward, footsteps echoing into space.
To no avail, you didn't get any response back so you tried your best to navigate where you knew his desk was. You could already tell it must have been his because it was the one that had fairy lights surrounding it, more rose petals decorating the small space, and a little folded-up notecard addressed to you.
You gently put down the bags of take-out food and picked up the notecard while reading it to yourself.
Y/N,
I know you're probably a bit upset at me that I lied to you so you could come here. I wanted to celebrate this special day in the one place where it all started, here in the BAU office. I hope that this doesn't come off as lame or corny, it's my way of showing you how much you mean to me.
Happy Valentines Day
S.R
You couldn't help but have the biggest grin on your face, you couldn't believe that he really went through all this trouble to make everything look so pretty for you. You really were the luckiest girl in the world at that moment.
Before you could even say another word, you felt a familiar presence standing right behind you, and hands quickly covering your vision so you couldn't see.
"Spencer is that you?" You knew it was him but hey no harm in asking.
"Hmm... the name doesn't ring a bell. Can you describe what he looks like?" His breath was hot as his lips were close to your ear.
"Oh I see-" You quickly caught on to the drift of his little game so you decided to play along.
"Well let me think and see if I can remember," You paused trying to build up the suspense.
"He has these handsome brown hazelnut-colored eyes, he's about 6'1, his hair is light brown extra fluffy sometimes curly and his lips are very and I mean very kissable. Is that a good enough description?" You answer back smirking to yourself that you were sure it made him smile hearing you say that last bit of info.
"I might have seen him around, looks like he happens to be a criminal though so I'd be careful if I were you." He almost broke his serious tone of voice with a small but audible chuckle.
"A criminal, what is he guilty of?" You ask pretending to be shocked with a fake gasp escaping your lips knowing exactly where this little joke is going but you decided to indulge him since you found it cute and endearing.
"Looks like he stole someone's heart," He states as you decide to turn around, his hands lifting up to uncover your eyes so you could finally look at him. All the feelings from when you first met flooded back, the all too familiar feeling of butterflies in your stomach and cheeks flushed pink while your eyes made contact with his.
"He definitely stole mine for sure." You declare quickly pulling him closer to you, your hands immediately finding their home on the back of his neck where your fingers played with small loose strands of hair.
You smiled and leaned forward, kissing his lips softly, after such a long stressful day his lips felt like home. You let yourself become so relaxed that without even realizing you started to draw him closer, a queue for Spencer to put his hands on your waist. You had almost forgotten what it felt like to kiss him this passionately and you pressed into it, your fingers curling in his hair and lightly tugging. Your head turned to the side, your tongue sliding against his as the kiss became more intense. You let a quiet moan slip out and before you could get too carried away you pulled your lips away. Your hands reached back to his face and soothingly stroked the patchy stubble on his cheeks.
"You know you're a pretty good actor, I would have never guessed." You commented with a small giggle he just smiled right back at you.
"Let's just say it was a little white lie, it's an exception. Plus it was so worth it to see you like this right in front of me." He leaned in closer nuzzling his nose against yours as you just enjoyed the faint smell of his cologne.
"I have to say I'm impressed you were able to do all of this and with Hotch's permission?! You must have had to beg." You said with a small snicker.
"Well, what can I say, some people are worth going through a little bit of hell," He says with a smile as one of his hands goes up to cup your cheek, his hand a bit shaky and you could tell he seemed a bit nervous despite the very confidant façade he was putting on for you.
"Is everything ok Spence? You're shaking," You ask concerned as you put your hand on top of his.
"I-I-um well ok- there is something important I wanted to tell you and I thought it's finally the right time to do so," He took a deep breath and you could even hear how hard he swallowed due to the deafening silence around you two.
"Y/N...I love you-" The minute he uttered those three words you couldn't help but giggle at his confession. He furrowed his brows in confusion almost a bit offended at your reaction.
"What's so funny?! You know I’m trying to confess my undying love for you and this is the thanks I get-" He was ready to protest.
"Spencer I'm not laughing at your confession. I'm laughing at the fact that you got all nervous just to tell me that? I already know that you love me but it does feel nice to hear it out loud." You say nonchalantly and you could have sworn his jaw dropped at your words.
"How did you know? I mean this makes no sense at all I made sure to keep it a secret-" He was seriously in awe at how you could have figured out something so simple it even made him scratch his head.
"Spencer it's very simple to explain, this is our love language," Your hands slid down to hold both of his and intertwine your fingers with his as you pause a moment to savor every bit of how he was so focused on listening to you.
"I'm sure you have already heard of the five types of love languages. All the things we do for each other every day are all acts of love and even though we might not say it out loud in words actions speak louder," Your fingers traced small patterns on the back of his hand as he gave you a small smile.
"Every time you tell me how beautiful I am, when you clean the whole house for me, when we cuddle watching movies together, when you come home with my favorite dessert because you know I've had a bad day and cheesecake is the only way to cure my sadness and when you hold my hand or kiss me, those are all things that reassure me that you love me. You don't have to be some big-shot FBI Behavior Analyst to see we are in love Spencer."
"Wow...you literally just blew my mind-" He utters under his breath impressed by you but mostly surprised how you really do love him and that everything he does for you and you for him, that the little things don't go unnoticed.
"I don't want to toot my own horn but I tend to do that." You flash him a little smirk.
"Then how about you show me other ways you can blow my mind some more, hmm?" Spencer hummed as he leaned in closer to whisper into your ear, his fingers reaching to push a strand of hair behind it. The look in his eyes shifted from a soft brown to now a deep ocean of brown that was filled with lust.
"I see how it is, you want to jump right to dessert?" You question in a playful tone as your hands pressed themselves against his chest, playing with the ends of his tie between your fingers.
"You know I have a sweet tooth and I want to put one of those love languages to use," He says as his hands travel to touch the sides of your neck, grazing against your skin and sliding their way down to your waist slowly twisting your hips to his will while taking a few steps forward until your ass hit the edge of the desk.
"And which love language would that be exactly Spence?" Your fingers entangled in his tie and pulled him closer while you jumped up to sit on top of his desk.
"I think you already know which one I'm talking about." He took the opportunity to nudge himself into the open space you had made by parting your legs so he could fit and be even closer.
"Then why don't you just show me already, hmm?" You hummed back as if challenging him to take action and he sure didn't waste any time.
Before you knew it Spencer was crashing his lips into yours. His kiss is a bit more aggressive than normal, the force of it tilting your body to bend back. You feel your legs go weak but his arm quickly flexes to catch you from falling completely back onto the desk. His lips coax yours open with little effort as you're hardly putting up any resistance at this point. The flavor of bitter coffee is rich on his tongue as it swipes against yours. His teeth catch your lips in bites, groans, and moans caught in one another's mouth. You could feel his hair tickling your forehead and cheeks while you adjust the tilt of your head changing the angle of the kiss to be even deeper.
A few seconds more and you both pull away from one another's lips, gasping for air. Your lips feel swollen, breathing rapid, face tinted pink. You're pleased to find Spencer was left in equally the same state, taking deep breaths, lips slick and tinted with your favorite shade of lipstick.
You decided to heat things up even more by taking action and wrapping his tie around your small nimble fingers, yanking him forward. His eyes widen in surprise briefly as his smirk falls from his face just as your lips crash into his. This time you work your tongue into his mouth. Your kisses prove to be more teasing and playful than before.
Spencer responds by wrapping his arms around you. Your free hand travels down his body, appreciating and pressing against the taut muscles and harsh lines beneath his button-down shirt. He pulls away for a moment to show attention to your neck which was in dire need of being marked by his lips and teeth. You were ashamed to admit how much you loved when he left his little mark on you, showing to everyone you were his and only his. You tilted your head back enjoying the way he softly bit into your skin and would lick over the small bruises he created. He groans into the crook of your neck as your hands travel down his body, his hips pressing into you and you could already feel his growing erection through his slacks, brushing your inner thigh through the material of your skirt which you had already taken the liberty of hiking up.
His hands coursed over your body, running along your back, grasping your shoulders, weaving into your hair, gripping your hips and tilting them towards him, his body causing yours to twist and turn in ways that only his touch could do to you. You feel a rush of adrenaline run through your veins and for some reason even though sex with Spencer was always an exhilarating experience for some reason becoming all undone on top of his desk seemed so scandalous. Dare you say it might have even been a forbidden fantasy of yours with him.
Your fingers rake through his curls cradling his head close to your neck as he slowly travels downwards, his hands pushing the lacey fabric of your blouse to the side giving him more access to your neck and collarbone. His fingers fumbled with the buttons until he lost his patience and ripped it entirely off your body until you were left in only your bra. A loud gasp left your lips at his mere strength.
"What? I hate buttons." He quickly comments pausing the assault he is currently doing to your neck.
"T-That was my favorite blouse, Spencer." You try to say in defense but who are you kidding you didn't give a damn you wanted him to keep on kissing down your body till he reached the one place you needed him most.
"I'll just buy you a new one." His voice was already raspy while continuing to place kisses on your skin, one by one the more he seemed to travel and you leaned back giving him more access.
"You're lucky that I love you enough not to care too much-" Your sentence interrupted when his fingers quickly unzipped your skirt and he flung it behind him. His lips made their way downwards kissing your thigh and down your leg, his hands delicately lifted your leg up into the air, taking off your high heels and letting them drop with a loud clack onto the floor.
He runs fingers caressing your skin as he fluttered peppered kisses back up to your inner thigh. He kneeled down on his knees to be face to face with your heat. His hands crept their way to the edges of your panties and slowly pulled them down your legs, painfully slow might you add. It made you even hotter seeing him like this, worshiping you like a goddess.
"S-Spence I really need you-" A loud moan escaped your lips when he finally touched you, he knew all the spots that drove you crazy.
"Someone sure is eager, huh?" He quipped right back while looking up at you through hooded eyelids, loving the undone expression on your face and he wasn't even working his magic yet.
"Spencer, please." You begged through heavy breaths.
He started off with long laps of his tongue, fully tasting you, all of you. He'd break away every so often showing love to your inner thighs with peppered kisses. He'd build up your pleasure and pull away before you could be fully pushed over the edge. His skillful tongue circled your clit as your moans became high-pitched. You squeezed your eyes closed and rutted your hips up against his tongue hungry for more. Your hands found his curly brown locks, guiding him to continue pleasuring you and he groaned as you pulled at the roots.
You let a slew of curse words mixed with the way you kept saying his name over and over again fly from your mouth. He liked the sounds that came from you so he thrusted his tongue inside of you.
“Have I ever told you…” another broad lick, this one faster than the last, “… that I love the way you taste?” You could have sworn your heart skipped a beat hearing the way those words come from his lips.
You’re incapable of forming words let alone a whole sentence, your body strained from the rise and fall of almost coming undone. You bite your lip and give what you hope is a nod, knowing he’s watching you from down below. He lets out a moan as he sucks on your clit and your head falls back while tugging on his hair, your legs resting on top of his shoulders as you clutch him closer locking him in that position.
"I'm so close-" You barely were able to get out as he just relentlessly continued to pleasure you with his tongue.
You came, crying out his name, you were pretty sure your moans and screams were echoing all across the office, thank god nobody was there to see or else you would have been embarrassed beyond belief. He kept licking stripes up and down your slit, lapping up your cum as your legs squeezed around his shoulders. He pulled away for a moment to take a breath, cleaning the glistening liquid from his lips with the back of his hand.
"You definitely blew more than just my mind right now." You struggled to say between heavy labored breaths while you watched Spencer get up off his knees and hastily pulling at the knot in his tie to yank it off while he somehow patiently unbuttoned his own shirt, shimming it off his shoulders.
"You better get ready to have it be blown again." His fingers quickly went to his belt buckle and undoing it just enough for his erection to pop out.
He aligned his hips with yours as you just watched him slowly bring himself closer. His cock laid flat up against the small bit of lower abs that Spencer had been working on building up, he bit his lip seeing you so unraveled and needy for him. His lips found their way back to yours, his tongue pressing up against yours making sure you could taste remnants of yourself on his lips. The way he kissed you was passionate yet rough it was like nothing you had ever experienced, maybe it was the fact that it was Valentine's day who knows but Spencer had dialed up his tactics and you weren't complaining either. Your hands had found a place to rest on his shoulders, giving you the right position to keep him close. He pressed just a bit harder into kissing you, his teeth grazing your lower lip catching it and biting it in response as he started to get desperate.
"Fuck Spencer, I need you...please..." You said practically begging at this point as you craved to have his cock inside you.
"Shit...I love you so much Y/N." He declared almost with a smug look on his face knowing exactly what he was going to do next. Your legs were already feeling like jelly but you had found enough strength to pull his hips closer.
"Then show me how much," You whispered into the close space between your bodies.
Without warning his cock filled you completely in one stroke, the head brushing against your wet slit as it entered you. You squeezed your eyes shut as his length stretched your walls. He drew his hips back and then thrust back into you. Gasps and whines fell from your lips as he fucked you. You drew arbitrary patterns on his biceps with the pads of your fingers. Your toes curled as he slammed into you over and over again. His hands gripped the desk underneath you as he struggled to steady himself with each and every thrust the faster he went in and out of you. His nose nuzzled into your neck as he struggled to hold back his groans of pleasure.
For a moment his thrusts slowed but went deeper into you as you were being fucking into oblivion on top of his desk. His hands went from having a grip on your hips trailing slowly up to holding your hand, entwining your fingers with his as he took his sweet time bringing you to your climax at a slower pace. Everything felt like it was in slow-mo as his cock stroked along your g-spot, coaxing your orgasm to come faster. You could feel your core coiling up and about to burst. You squeezed his hand even harder while your moans filled the air and his head buried into your neck littering your neck once again with lovebites dark enough to leave marks the next morning.
"Cum for me...Y/N..." He had whispered into your ear, it flushing red with each and every word he had said.
You had cursed his name under your breath as your whole core had tensed up for just a moment while you came. His hips were still thrusting into yours as you rode out your high and you could feel him release inside of you, your fingers relaxed against his as you released his hand from yours. Both of your breaths were heavy and panting. His head leaned against your shoulder while your back was arched against the desk holding the both of you up. Your legs had tightened around his waist keeping him close to you while your bodies seemed to entangle with each other, his arms quickly embracing you.
Your hands went to cradle his head close to your chest as you played with his curly locks loving how soft his hair was.
"I love you, Spencer, so so much." That was all you had the strength to say while your breathing started to even out.
"Me too-" His voice cracked still trying to catch his breath.
"The best Valentine's day I could ever ask for." Your comment seemed to echo followed by an exhausted chuckle.
"I'm really glad you enjoyed it but you know I'm not done with you yet." He lifted his head to finally look you in the eyes as he disconnected your bodies letting you have a minute to fix yourself as he picked up the discarded clothing on the floor.
Your eyes still wandered while observing him get dressed as you swung your legs back and forth sitting on his desk, patiently waiting but also coming up with how you could keep the energy of tonight going for as long as possible.
"How about we eat some food first since by now I'm sure it's cold and then I can show you some more ways I can blow your mind...physically that is." You raised your eyebrows at him and he snickered to himself slowly walking over to you and cupping your cheeks in his hands.
"Sounds like a plan my love." He quickly kissed your lips with a grin on his face.
For the rest of the night, you two sat at his desk enjoying each other's company while you chow down on your favorite foods. Spencer went on through explaining how he really set up this whole elaborate plan to surprise you and you smiled along knowing that you were going to keep falling more and more in love with the man right in front of you. As he rambled on and on his voice started to fade into the background as you started to reflect that if every Valentine's day was going to be like this you wouldn't have it any other way and you could proudly say that your first Valentine's day was a success. You realized that didn't need a day dedicated to show how much you loved Spencer because in reality you had been doing so every day and you hoped to keep doing so for many more years to come.
Summary: You had hoped to have a nice normal morning but its nothing but normal at the BAU and next thing you know you end up locked in the Evidence Room with none other than Spencer Reid, your coworker and crush. As time passes Spencer starts to have a panic attack and there was only one thing you could think of to help stop it...
TW: Fluff, Coworkers to Lovers Relationship, Kissing, Playful Banter, Jealous Spencer, Derek calling you Babygirl as a joke, Depictions of a Panic Attack due to Claustrophobia
Word Count: 2.5K?
A/N: This fic is my annual bday present for my best friend so happy bday my queen and I hope you enjoy this fic as much as I did making it for you. I hope your MGG thirst is quenched with this one even though its not really a smutty piece since I ended up changing my plot/idea last minute because I wasnt happy with my writing at all and I’m rusty so I’m sorry if its not as good as my other pieces. THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST CRIMINAL MINDS/SPENCER FIC SO SORRY IF HE SOUNDS A BIT OUT OF CHARACTER I TRIED YALL. BEFORE ANY ONE COMMENTS AND COMES FOR ME YES THIS WAS INSPIRED BY THE STILES & LYDIA KISS FROM TEEN WOLF 3x11 SO SHUT UP I KNOW!
Coffee holder in hand you used your hip to push the glass double doors to the BAU open. You had purposely gone to the coffee shop early that morning so that you could order not only yourself a cup but to also get one for Spencer, who also happened to be the one guy in the BAU that you had the biggest crush on ever since the first day you joined. By some miracle you had remembered his order by heart and it was stupid that you were remembering such little things about him but that's what you do when you really like someone that much right? You tried to convince yourself that watching him make his coffee step by step every morning in the kitchen wasn't creepy at all but next thing you knew you were taking notes about what milk he used and how many sugars he would put inside his cup.
You shook your head at the silly thought and happily you walked over to your desk with the biggest smile on your face ready to take on the rest of the day. Penelope took notice from across the room as she walked in at the same time as you and she lightly nudged your shoulder.
"Well someone looks extra chipper this morning." She commented pushing up her pink colored glasses.
"Aren't I always happy every time I walk into work?" You question raising your eyebrow at her.
"Usually you are but I'm guessing that it has to do with the fact that you bought two coffees...I'm pretty sure that's not all for you." She says with a sly smirk on her lips since she is clearly the best hacker in the BAU there is, but your crush on Spencer was blatantly obvious that she didn't need to hack into brain to know that information.
"Bold of you to assume that Penelope." You say trying to look away but you weren't always the best at hiding your feelings.
"Oh come on, you know I'm right and I'm pretty sure that coffee is for a special someone that we all know you have the biggest crush on." She says with a small roll of her eyes at how it was pointless for you to deny it at this point.
"Fine! Fine...I did get him a coffee but it's just a coffee and that's it, nothing more I promise." You say as you lie to not only yourself but to Penelope who wasn't believing a word that you were saying at all but she just gave you a look of disbelief as she saw Derek across the room and waved hello to him.
"Whatever you say Y/N. Just promise me that eventually you will make a move or else I'll do it for you." She said with a nudge to your shoulder again which just made you chuckle at her declaration.
"I pinky promise, you happy now Penelope?" You say a bit reluctantly.
"Much better. I'll see you in ten minutes in the meeting room, Hotch gave us a new case so I have to prepare." She says as she parts ways with you and heads to her office as you make your way to your desk which of course happened to be right across from Spencer's and it was extremely hard to focus all day looking at his pretty face twenty four seven.
You were surprised to see another coffee cup on your desk with a little sticky note attached to the lid and it instantly made you smile. The closer you got you set down the holder and looked across to Spencer’s desk but he was nowhere in sight. You carefully took the sticky note off the lid and started to read it to yourself.
Y/N,
Hope I got the order right and enjoy.
- Spencer Reid aka Your Favorite Desk Neighbor
His little note made you smile from ear to ear and you could help but pick up the cup and take a small sip. To your surprise he really did get your order right, you hadn't expected him to be so observant but then again he would have a job if that was the case right?
As you look up you see Spencer walking in your direction and when your eyes met his you tried your best to keep your composure and waved to him, his footsteps getting closer until he seemed to park himself right in front of your desk.
"Morning Spence. I-Um...thanks for the coffee that's really thoughtful of you." You admit taking another sip as you glanced over his beautiful facial features.
"Morning Y/N," His reply a controlled stutter, barely keeping it together while you inched closer to where he was leaning against the desk.
He accepted the pipping hot cup you bought him with a whispered thank you. You were excited to see his reaction and you had your fingers crossed that you remembered every detail of his order.
"Did I get it right?" You asked with an eager attitude and smile on your face while you tried to hide behind your coffee cup.
"Surprisingly enough you-" His words were interrupted by Derek coming up from behind and shaking his shoulders playfully.
"Good Morning you two," He said greeting us as he looked at all the coffee cups on your desk and furrowed his eyebrows.
"Looks like you two decided to throw a coffee party and not invite anyone. I'm taking this as compensation." He says with a laugh and grabbing the cup of coffee you had bought for yourself.
"I-I'll allow that but you owe me next time Derek." You say taking a sip and gritting your teeth a bit in anger but not letting it get the best of you.
"Fine I'll get you one next time babygirl," He said with a smirk and a little playful wink which made you flustered for a quick moment since it was out of character for him to ever call you that, that was always his thing with Penelope. You glanced at Spencer and his gaze seemed frustrated and angry, his knuckles almost turning white as he gripped the coffee cup harder. You couldn't quite read what was on his mind since he never was the best at showing or expressing his emotions. It was clear he was upset maybe jealous even.
"Oh come on now, I'm just playing no need to get all flustered. I'll see you both in the meeting room in ten." He said patting Spencer on the shoulder seeing as he made no comments at all about the interaction.
Before you could try and bounce back from the awkwardness Derek had instilled into your conversation with Spencer this morning felt like it couldn't get any worse until you got a call on your desk phone and you picked up.
"Hey Y/N, I need you to go into the evidence room and bring me a few boxes of evidence. Looks like its so old and outdated that its not in the computer system yet," Penelope explained over the phone.
"Penelope really?! Is it that urgent that it needs to be right now?" You question in a bit of an annoyed tone in your voice being as nothing seemed to be going as planned this morning.
"Yes Y/N it is! Pretty pretty please I won't ask you for any other favors for the whole day I promise," She pleaded and well you couldn't say no to your best friend in the whole department.
"Fine I'll go. Just text me the record box numbers and I'll go get them." You said letting out a breath as you nervously played with phone cord.
"Make sure to bring Spencer or Derek with you. The boxes are pretty heavy and good luck!" She hung up quickly before you could even say another word in protest but you accepted that this was basically defeat at this point.
You put the phone down hanging up and you give Spencer a look that makes him immediately curious. After with whatever just happened with Derek there was no way you were bringing him as a helping hand. You hated to admit it but the evidence room was extremely dark and scary looking to go into by yourself so it put you at ease that maybe Spencer would tag along.
"So...Spencer I need your help to go get some boxes from the evidence room. Are you in?" You ask taking one last sip of the delicious coffee and putting it down.
"Yeah, yeah of course I'll help." He quickly responds without hesitation as he followed your lead around the office and towards the direction of the room.
After what seemed like an eternity of silence between the two of you, he finally broke it the moment you reached your destination.
"I didn't know you and Derek had a 'thing' going on. I just always assumed him and Penelope were more into each other because of that ridiculous petname he calls her which honestly I think is a violation against having a healthy and safe work place environment-" He was fumbling his words as he rambled on about how he just couldn't imagine you and Derek being together.
"If it makes you feel any better Derek and I aren't a 'thing'. We never were. I don't know why he called me babygirl...it felt wrong but I know he was just probably joking with me to get on my nerves or something." You admit as you turn the rusty old doorknob after fussing with the keylock and open the door slowly.
"Wait...really so you aren't into him?" He questions while following your lead into the very lowly lit room that was filled with hundreds of boxes on dusty shelves.
"Make sure to hold the door open or else it will-" You spoke a bit too late because before you knew it you heard the door close and lock behind the both of you.
"-lock us in." You finish your sentence and Spencer looks behind him seeing as the door had really locked you two in there for who knows how long now.
"You should have warned me beforehand."
"How was I suppose to warn you beforehand if you had me distracted with something else?!"
"Jesus now we are stuck in here and Y/N you know how much I hate small dark enclosed spaces! This is literally my worst nightmare right now!" He exclaimed as his breathing seemed to get faster and he put his hand to his chest that was heaving up and down quickly. Spencer was having a panic attack and you weren't sure what to do.
"Hold on Spence, let me just call Penelope I'm sure she can help us." You say quickly fumbling with your phone, trying to put on the flashlight and finding her contact to call her as soon as possible.
"PENELOPE!" You scream into the phone in a panic.
"AH! Y/N why are you screaming into my headpiece right now?!"
"Spencer and I are stuck in the evidence room and he is having a panic attack right now so what do I do?! Can you get us out of here please!" You begged.
"Oh god…ok so this wasn't how this was suppose to go!" She replies back quickly.
"Penelope what are you talking about?! Did you plan this?"
"Well I wasn't planning on the door locking but I wanted to give you the right moment to make your move on Spencer but not like this!"
"Penelope I'm going to seriously unfriend you after this."
"I'm sorry! I'm gonna try and fix this right now just give me a few minutes, I will call you back right away."
"Is everything ok?" Spencer asks in-between quick and heavy breaths now that he has resorted to sitting on the floor while he tries to control his breathing but sadly all the dust and darkness isn't really helping at all and he seemed to be clutching his chest.
"We will get out of here soon, don't worry about that right now, just focus on me Spence." You say sitting in front of him and trying to do something but you didn't know what to do that could help in this situation.
His breathing only got quicker the more he seemed to panic and at that point you got an idea but maybe it was worth the risk of whatever would come afterwards but you decided to just do it anyways.
"Hey! Spencer look at me...just look at me..." Your voice trailed off as you seemed to lean in closer to him, your hands cupping his face, being pricked by his stubble as you made eye contact with him despite the lighting situation.
Without even having to think twice you quickly closed the gap between the both of you and your lips met his. At first he was completely stunned you could tell by his reaction since his teeth seemed to clash with yours but as you both eased into it a wave of relief hit his body and he was completely relaxed. You didn't let go of him only bringing him as close as humanly possible while your lips moved gently against his. Before the both of you almost ran out of breathe you slowly pulled away, his forehead leaning against yours as you were surprised with yourself that you even did something like that to begin with.
Spencer's eyes seemed to be darting everywhere looking at you but then looking all over your entire face, still in shock that you flat out kissed him.
"How...How did you do that?" He whispered out into the small space between you both.
"I-Uh...I read once that holding your breathe can stop a panic attack," You paused for a small moment almost getting lost in his brown eyes as you tried to focus on trying to shamelessly explain yourself.
"So when I kissed you...you held your breathe."
"I-I did?" He asked almost in disbelief that he even had the chance to kiss you.
"Yeah...you did."
"Thanks...you know that's really smart..." His voice trailed off almost echoing but you could help but blush and feeling absolutely flustered by the whole situation.
"Well I just-I read it somewhere and I felt a bit helpless not being able to help you so I thought this must be the only way." You twiddled your thumbs in your lap looking down as you bit your lip, it still tasting of coffee except it seemed more bitter tasting.
"Must be the only way, hmm," He hummed a bit in disbelief at your explanation but he reached his hand out to hold yours and gently squeezed.
"Do you believe now that I definitely don't have a 'thing' with Derek?" You question squeezing his hand right back as you couldn't help but smile at him despite not being able to see him too well in the darkness.
"I don't know I might need you to verify one more time just to make sure." He says with a chuckle coming off his lips.
"Wow you're much cheekier than I thought Spence." You say giggling a bit to yourself.
"You know when we finally get out of here do you maybe want to go to dinner with me sometime? I mean only if you want to-" He was still nervous and somehow stuttered out his sentence but you just pulled him in for a hug and kissed his cheek in the process.
"Yes, I would love that Spence." You say with a smile on your face as you squeeze him tightly in your arms.
Eventually Penelope came to the rescue with a giant crowbar in hand as she pried the door open, breaking the lock in the process. You had never seen Spencer happier to go into the meeting room and go straight to work in his entire life. Now that you both were finally out of the evidence room the next hurdle to jump over was to finally go on your first date with him knowing that it was confirmed that you two both had feelings for each other and it was a plus that he was a really good kisser too.
fanfic really is. like. it really is about the community. it's about the comments. it's about the story you rip directly for your heart and bleed out on your keyboard. it's about the i loved it when you... and the i screamed when you wrote... and the keyboard smashes and the i can't believe you did that!!!! and the i'm suing you for damages like it. this is community. fanfic is literally. an act of community. the greatest act of community in fandom because it comes with such raw, overwhelming vulnerability. whether you're writing kink fic or 100k words of trauma exploration, you're just like. hi hello this is my soul please embrace it and people do. oh my gosh
Summary: It’s been one year since you decided to take off on tour with your band Ultraviolet and now your last stop on tour is your one and only hometown of Hawkins, Indiana. It also happens to be at the one venue where everything seemed to have started, The Hideout. While performing on stage you end up spotting a familiar face in the crowd that makes old feelings come right back up to the surface.
TW: Angst, Implied Smut (No actual smut though), Mention of Smoking/Weed, Mention of Drinking, Adult Language/Swearing, Past Relationship/Mention of a Break Up/Getting Heartbroken, A Little Bit of Crying, Kissing/Making Out, Playful Banter/Jokes
Word Count: 3,263
A/N: IM BACK BABY!!! It’s been a good few months since I last posted and I just got the sudden urge to write this fanfic out so I’m sorry if it sucks or isn't up to par its been a few months so I’m a bit rusty. Also yes this fanfic is set in 1980′s but I’m using modern songs for the song lyrics/songs mentioned in this fic so pls just let it be.
Songs to be listened to/mentioned in the fic:
Casualty of your dreams by Maggie Lindemann
Loner by Maggie Lindemann
That Way by Tate Mcrae
The smell of cigarettes and weed smoke fill the air of the dressing room. An all-too-familiar scent of whiskey being passed around in small glasses catches your attention. You looked towards your bandmates having fun as they spoke to one another, drinking their fill and smoking until you were sure their lungs would be black. You would have offered to also get as equally blasted as them before your set on stage but tonight was somewhat special to you. Tonight was the last night of your band's tour and it was none other than in your hometown of Hawkins. You decided to end things off on a good note and you wanted to at least be sober for this one performance so that you could remember it forever.
You had tried so hard this last year on the road trying to forget all the memories you had made here but then again there was a part of you that didn't want to forget so easily. Your friends were here, your family and the one that got away so to speak. You really hoped that your favorite metalhead wouldn't show up for the show but something in the pit of your stomach was telling you otherwise so you were trying your hardest to mentally prepare yourself for that moment.
You looked up at the ceiling, your head lying back as you sat in probably the most uncomfortable position you could think of on the worn out couch in the dressing room. You took a deep breath thinking about how most of the songs you had even written for the album were most if not all about him. Your bandmates always praised you for being able to write such amazing heartbreak melodies but what they didn't really know was you never even had the chance to get your heart broken at all. The opportunity never came because all you ever did was watch from the sidelines seeing him go off with another girl and never really fighting to be with him. You hated every part of yourself for never just taking the leap of faith to tell him how you really felt. You were always the friend and never the lover that you wanted to be. Next thing you knew you were graduating high school and jump-starting your music career while he seemed to fade away into the background having someone else make him happy while you watched your dreams shatter right in front of you.
Before you could cloud your mind with more negative thoughts of the past you shook your head and rapidly blinked at the white ceiling that seemed to be staring back at you.
"You guys are on in five!" Your stage manager opened the door shouting at you and swiftly closing the door right behind her.
"Well, what are you idiots waiting for?! Let's get this show on the road!" Rena said, the band's drummer, had looked over at the rest of you and stuck out her tongue as she twirled her drumsticks inbetween her fingers.
"Come on Y/N! I thought you would be more excited than that." Josh, the band's bassist, said as he grabbed your arm yanking you up and off the couch and to your feet.
"Yeah, yeah let's go, team." You say in a sarcastic tone followed by a small smile on your face still trying to be excited.
You followed Rena and Josh out of the dressing room and the both of them seemed to almost skip happily to the backstage area where all your instruments and equipment seemed to be. As Rena was busy drumming happily along one of the instrument cases, Josh was trying to choose a guitar pick out of the many he had been collecting on tour from each city and state you performed in. The stage crew was quickly trying to tune the band's instruments as you could already hear faint chanting and screaming of "Ultraviolet, ultraviolet..." coming from the other side of the stage curtain.
"That noise is all for you Y/N," Rena said as she pointed at you with one of her drumsticks.
"No, that noise is for US Ren. Ultraviolet wouldn't be what it is without you guys too." You reply back as both of your bandmates smiled at you.
"Don't go all sappy on us now Y/N," Josh replied back as someone was handing him his bass guitar.
"Who said anything about sappy?! I'm just really happy we got through this whole tour without murdering each other." You say with a little chuckle while someone was handing you your electric guitar.
"You could say that twice!" Rena said before the stage lights seemed to flicker on and off as the crowd seemed to go wild.
"It's showtime baby, we are going to destroy The Hideout tonight!" Josh shouted as the backstage crew signaled for the band to go run out on stage.
Your heart was beating a mile a minute while you ran onto the stage and all the memories of when you all started out as just silly naive teenagers practicing in Josh's garage for fun flooded your mind. Hearing the sound of Rena striking the drums and Josh strumming his favorite bassline note made you smile to yourself that maybe things really hadn't changed at all.
As you approached the mic and strummed the strings of your guitar, the lights flashed on, a greenish-red hue lighting up the stage and setting the tone for the song you were about to sing.
"Hawkins, Indiana! We are Ultraviolet and I wanna hear you singing the lyrics to this one!" You shout into the mic as the crowd roars and you can already see security trying to hold back the people in the front row, scratching and clawing to get closer to the stage.
You were on my mind all the time
Fell into a distraction with you, maybe once or twice
Planning out a future for two
What I'd do in a room all alone, only me and you
You always lie when it's convenient
Guess you didn't mean it, but I'd still repeat it
If I could hold on to the feeling
Back when all your words still had their meaning
There's no need for apologies
'Cause honestly, fuck your honesty, I'm done
Think you like the insanity
I'm the casualty of your dreams
'Cause I'm not the one...
As you sang the lyrics into the mic you strummed almost angrily at your guitar strings and your whole body moving to the sad yet anger-driven rhythm of the song while you seemed to really feel the pain of the song behind the lyrics knowing that this one in particular really stuck a nerve with you. Your voice out a breath as the song came to a close and you looked out into the crowd seeing everyone headbanging and raising their hands into the air as their words seemed to echo, chanting the last part of the song.
"'Cause honestly you're dead to me..." The crowd shouted, your fingers stopped strumming and the song came to an end. You looked up breathlessly and hung onto the mic stand for support, breathing heavily into the mic.
"Wow! What a start Hawkins! Shall we continue on then?" Josh spoke into the mic next to you, everyone shouting back in response for another song.
"This one is for all the Loners out there!" You say into the mic as Rena starts to drum the rhythm to the song "Loner" behind you and you look off to the side giving your bandmates a smile.
One song after another you poured your heart and soul into the whole show, it was a completely different feeling than any of the other places you had played at across the country. By the time you knew it two hours had passed and it was almost time to leave the stage. Before you could say your ending remarks and goodbye to the crowd you got a glace out of the corner of your eye of a familiar face. Long dark brown curls that seemed to make their way to the front of the crowd. If your eyes weren't deceiving you then you knew exactly who it was...Eddie Munson.
Your throat seemed to almost close up at the sight of him, even after a year he still looked the same, that goofy smile of his, his silly hellfire club shirt across his chest as a tattered leather jacket seemed to be the only one he even owned. You tried to pull your gaze away from him but there was no doubt about it that you were looking at him and he was looking at you.
"Well, shit Hawkins! What a night it's been. Thank you so much for coming out and before we head off I have one more song up my sleeve for you guys. A special treat for the one place I call home." You say into the mic and both Josh and Rena look at you in confusion as clearly you weren't following the set list like it was planned but usually you never did anyways. You waved over the stage crew and they brought out an acoustic guitar for you as well as a stool. You playfully strummed the strings to quickly get in tune, pulling the mic closer.
"I want everyone to put up their lighters for this one. It's not your typical headbanger..." Your voice trailed off while you spoke.
"I'm dedicating this song to someone special here tonight." You say into the mic with a somewhat shaky voice and both Josh and Rena raise their eyebrows in unison and confusion.
They decided to take a backseat to your performance as they quietly followed your lead and let you pour your heart out on stage. Your fingers slowly strumming the strings like you had played this song to yourself way too many times alone before thinking about Eddie.
Run me in circles like you always do
Mess with me on purpose, so I'll hang on to you
I know what you mean when you act like that
But you don't know it's breaking my heart
Said that it was just never gonna happen
Then almost kissed me in the dark
Every time we talk, it just hurts so bad
‘Cause I don't even know what we are
I don't even know where to start
But I can play the part
We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room
It makes no sense 'cause we're fighting over what we do
And there's no way that I'll end up being with you
But friends don't look at friends that way
Friends don't look at friends that way...
As the song neared its end the dim stage lights slowly faded off while the crowd was lit up with the flickering fire of lighters looking like twinkling stars in the night sky. A tear escaped your eye as you couldn't put into words the feeling you felt, like butterflies all over again after having sung probably one of the most personal songs you have ever written to a large crowd of strangers.
"Thank you and we are Ultraviolet!" You still had the strength to say into the mic and leaving the stage in a hurry with your guitar in hand.
Josh and Rena soon followed your lead backstage but before you could even congratulate them on the amazing performance your shoulder bumped into someone and you looked up to see it was none other than Eddie.
"Better watch where you're going, sweetheart." His lips curved into a smirk that seemed to be imprinted into your mind.
"Eddie I-" You were at a loss for words, you never thought you would ever have to confront him again and now that he was living and breathing right in front of you it's like you were blasted to the past.
"What? Cat got your tongue? That's not the Y/N I know." He says looking into your eyes and seeming to get lost.
"You shouldn't be here-" Words coming out of your mouth stuttering.
"Why? You know I don't like following rules." He says fishing through his pocket and taking out a cigarette from the box and slipping it between his lips.
"Y/N, you know this guy? Do I have to get security to kick his ass?" Rena asks coming up to your side and looking at Eddie up and down pointing her drumstick menacingly at him. Rena was like the older protective sister of the group, there wasnt anything she wouldnt do for you.
"No...no need to get aggressive now Ren. Eddie is just an old friend of mine…sort of." You say while he lights the end of his cigarette and blows the smoke in your direction.
"Sure...I'll let you two catch up then. Scream if you need help love." She says in a playful yet cautious tone as she looks back at the both of you with a questioning look.
"Wow, some guard dog you have," Eddie comments while you shove past him and start to put your guitar in its case, trying to ignore him, but that was practically impossible.
"Ren is just looking out for me that's all. Unlike some people, she actually CARES about me." You say closing the case with a loud thud while you start walking towards the dressing room, Eddie skipping along your side trying to keep up with you.
"Ouch, someone seems a bit jaded now doesn't she?" He says blowing another puff of smoke, the jingling of the chain hanging out of his skinny jeans following your every footstep.
"Seriously Eddie, what the fuck do you want from me?! If you're going to follow me around and make stupid commentary then leave me alone." You were already hurt enough and fragile, the last person you needed seeing you this way was Eddie.
"I broke up with Chrissy a year ago..." His voice trailed off as more smoke filled the air around you two and you stopped in your tracks, freezing at his words while the dressing room door slowly closed behind you both.
"Ok...well good for you I guess, do you want a cookie or something?!" You say trying to hide your emotions with your unrelenting anger towards the fact that you loved him so much even after all this time.
"I started to write music but then I realized I wasn't writing songs about her...I was writing all my songs about you," He declared throwing his cigarette to the floor and stomping on the burning end.
"I-" You could barely even form a sentence turning to look into his chocolatey brown eyes.
"Looks like you have been doing the same, haven't you?" His steps were closer than ever as he seemed to have invaded your personal bubble and was inches away from you now, the smell of smoke coming off his lips as he spoke every word.
"You could call it that..." Your voice trailed off the more you seemed to lean into him, his hands quickly going to your waist to hold you closer.
"Quite endearing sweetheart, If I knew that's how you really felt about me I would have never let you get away so easily." His nose rubbing against yours and your eyes shot up to look at him.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere now am I?" You teased him with a small devilish smile.
His lips crashed onto yours as he kissed you with a fervent hunger that you knew had been lying between the two of you for a small eternity. It was messy at first, a tangle of teeth and tongue that neither of you minded before you found your rhythm.
He tasted of smoke and a hint of peppermint, but there was a bit of underlying sweetness that made kissing him almost an addictive activity. Being able to finally kiss him was better than you had ever dreamed of. His hands squeezing tighter around your waist, he couldn't even believe that he was actually holding you like this. You took the liberty to wrap your arms around his neck, trying to get as close as humanly possible, never wanting to let him go, afraid that he would escape your grasp again.
He pulled back for a moment, both of you breathless as you watched one another's movements. You couldn't help but chuckle along at the sudden turn of events, you had practically waited a whole year to kiss him like this, and now what? The uncertainty of everything started to take over your mind and now you were unconsciously pushing him away.
"Eddie I can't-" Your voice stuttered out, you were just finding more excuses not to be with him when you knew that's exactly what you wanted, self-sabotage was your worst enemy.
"You can't what sweetheart?" He questioned as his ring-adorned fingers pressed against the warm skin of your chin and tilting your head upwards to look at him directly.
"I-I can't be doing this with you all over again if it's not real," He could feel the pain in your voice and it was starting to break him too.
"I love you so much that it hurts, do you even understand that Eddie?!" Tears started to form in the corners of your eyes as your hands seemed to grasp at the worn-out leather of his jacket, bunching up the material inbetween your fingers.
"I wouldn't be standing here right in front of you if I didn't love you too. I've loved you all this time and I'm an idiot for not going after you like I should have." He admitted taking a cautious step closer to you, testing the waters, your expression changing but the tears from your eyes were running down your cheeks like tiny rivers.
"Eds...do you really mean that?" Your voice but a whisper not believing what he was saying.
"Cross my heart and hope to die my love." He too was struggling not to burst into tears along with you but he smiled like a fool when you drew him back in closer.
"Promise you're never leaving again." Your voice demanded or more so maybe it was the desperation talking for you.
"You know I'd do anything for you." His hand went up to your cheek and stroked over your skin slowly before pulling you into a kiss, this time slow and passionate, letting yourself be taken away by his lead.
Your kiss with him was short-lived when Josh burst into the dressing room unannounced and looked at the both of you wide-eyed.
"Y/N, where are you—Oh shit," He said as he opted for keeping his distance and leaning against the doorframe while you and Eddie seemed to pull quickly apart from each other as you wiped your swollen lips with the back of your hand.
"Hey, Josh can you give us a minute?" You ask nicely trying to clearly diffuse the awkward situation.
"Actually we are definitely going to need more than just a minute to catch up so if you don't mind, lock the door on your way out dude." Eddie quipped at your response and he looked over at you winking.
"Eddie!" You say scolding him and slapping his arm playfully.
"Yeah, yeah whatever spare me the details you two. Just make sure you do whatever you need to do in twenty minutes because the bus leaves soon." Josh says nonchalantly as he quickly turns on his heel and closes the door.
Eddie looks at you with an already mischievous smile on his face while he started to already take off his leather jacket.
"More than a minute?" You turned towards him raising an eyebrow as if questioning what his intentions really were.
"Yeah, I'm definitely gonna need more than a minute to have my way with you."
His hands immediately found your waist as if he has done it a hundred times before and pulled you into a kiss that left you in a complete trance. Twenty minutes would surely pass quickly if he kept kissing you like that. Officially you could say that not only was your last day of the tour a success but you also fucked the love of your life in a dressing room for the first time.
✨If you get this, answer with ten random facts about yourself, and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications. Anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog ✨️
Thank you for the tag: @a-woman-with-claws-and-fangs (I won’t be tagging bc I haven’t been on here in a while so I don’t really know who to tag but I encourage anyone who sees this to join in on the fun!)
Random facts about me!
1. I’m a sucker for enemy to lovers fanfics or anything that's a professor/student AU
2. I’m the youngest out of 3, my siblings and I are all 10 yrs apart from each other
3. I used to do Equestrian when I was a kid and want to get back into it now as an adult
4. I drink iced coffee all year round because I’m too impatient to wait for hot coffee to cool down
5. I’m 100% a dog person, my favorite breed is German Shepherd
6. I love anything pumpkin spice flavored even when it’s not in season
7. I used to hate classical music but now I’m into it (I promise I’m not a boomer)
8. Jeans are T-shirts are two of the many items I seem to collect the most in my closet
9. I have Dyslexia which means I switch up letters and numbers while reading or writing
10. Spring and Summer are my favorite seasons and I wish I lived in a place where it was like that 24/7
what is your eye color. what is your favorite color. what is the color that appears most frequently in your wardrobe. what color is your favorite blanket. what color is your water bottle.
I know this technically isn’t a tag game, but I’m gonna make it one!
Eye Color: Blue
Favorite Color: Purple
Color that appears most in my wardrobe: White, Black, and Blue
Color of favorite blanket: Purple. It’s one of those sweatshirt blankets!
Color of favorite water bottle: Green. It’s Loki!
Tagging: @backgroundagent3, @locitapurplepink, @smolbendyhorn, @unstableskywalker, @kanerallels, @laughingphoenixleader, @accidental-spice, @sidesofmayo, @livvyshmiv, @ladywren7, @zephyrmonkey, @ladykagewaki, @bellarkeselection, @lovelyfanatical, @bushs-world, @dxrksidemarvel and anyone else who would like to play!
GURL IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE I MISS YOU AND YOUR POSTS😭😭 pls comeback
AHHHHHH HI ANON!~
Im so sorry for the late response I've been so so busy packing (for vacation), working at my temporary job (got promoted from assistant to production manager so its been ALOT), and also doing freelance design on the side for extra money so its been super hard to stay on track with writing 😭 I promise I will be back and that I’m gonna try and wrap up all my loose ends with fics I started (and never finished that are sitting in my drafts) and also making new ones since Stranger Things kinda lit a fire under my ass bc i mean EDDIE MUNSON that's all I gotta say 🥵
Thank you for the ask and hope your well friendly anon!☺️
Girrrrrl, I'm missing you and your posts! How are you? 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Hi Anon~! Im so sorry for such the long absence! Ive been doing good just super busy with final projects and exams but I’ve been well. Clearly I havent had time to write or be inspired to 😭 but I still have many requests to still fulfill so I’m hoping once I actually graduate I can dedicate some time to strictly writing again!
