Dionysius

Something isn’t always how it seems to be.

[ninthsea]

What’s up?

[ninthsea]

A lot has changed since I first started writing here. For one, the people I used to talk to are mostly no longer here. They are out and about in the world. The introverts still find solace in a platform, but most have been dragged to the realities of adulting and reponsibilities.

Tumblr’s font has changed. I am not a fan. And I’m sure it’s not the only thing that has changed in its interface. Tumblr used to be simple but deceiving. I had real-life friends who’d say that they didn’t have tumblr because it was confusing to use, oh but only if they knew.

With me, well, my hair is now twisty and curly as it should be. I have fallen in love with K-pop for almost two years now, and it seems that I can stomach watching series now. I seem to be more aware of who I am as a person or perhaps, it’s just part of a coming-of-age. I don’t know. I guess I’m still by the doorstep of soul-searching and I am thrilled and anxious how it’s going to go.

I just hope by the moment of truth, this man-child will know where her heart truly lies.

[ninthsea]

When the sun touched the moon, their skin brushed so slightly, fingertips barely touching. No one has ever seen a scene so serene. Breaths were held on for a minute and let out all at once — the dandelion losing all the parts of herself.

For only a while would the two feel like their most selves, and each breath is an eternity for the ones who are yearning.

[nightshade-the-demon-deactivate]

I want to _____ you.

[fiercesunshine-deactivated20190]

Answer maybe? No one does these lol

[ninthsea]

Helloooo

[ninthsea]

intimacy—

sometimes the blooming of a flower,

sometimes the moth to a flame

[ninthsea]

Blue :)

You are. ♥️

[ninthsea]

I have already welcomed the thought that I would be alone in the future.

[errorr-404]

Colour in my Inbox

deep red - i’m in love with you. red - i love you. pink - i think you’re cute. blue - you’re amazing. rose - you’re pretty purple - you’re hot. plum - i would fuck you. violet - i would date you. aqua - i could stay on your blog for hours. lavender - you are my tumblr crush. orange - i want to get to know you. tangerine - we have a lot in common. amber - i wish you would notice me. cream - i don’t talk to you but i really love your blog

[ninthsea]

Do you miss me?

[ninthsea]

When you left, I still can’t decide how to arrange the rubber ducks you loved to collect — alphabetical or by color; material or by height. The following days I’d eat dinner for breakfast, and flip my journal — things done at night will be done in the morning. Funnily enough, I’ve turned my plants into nocturnal beings. (I’m such a bad plant mom.) My plants suffered, sleeping soundly in the morning when they should be wide awake and dancing.

And when I’m in the mood for music, I’d skip our playlists and listen to the songs we both disliked. I subconsciously hum these songs when I work, and I still cringe whenever I play them. (I made them a playlist.) I wear colors now. Ekk, god, they look horrible on me, but I wear them and try to last until the day ends. I still end up sleeping in grey or black clothes though. I just can’t help it.

I’ve tried rearranging my days, reinventing the routines we used to do and subtracting you from the scenarios, but I ended up retracing my steps without a map. I was still at the same spaces, the same air. I was still eating the same food with the same seasoning. In my schedule, I was on time in different times, in the same places with different shoes.

I tried to subtract you from the scenario, but I forgot how you were filling up all of me, and how everything is just raw and still so full of you. After a long day, I still lay in the same bed, wearing the same boring grey clothes I used to wear when you were here.

And, I sleep, with you in my mind.

[ninthsea]

I miss those times when I used to be your poetry.

[ninthsea]

Just another hobby: drowning your pillows with tears

[ninthsea]

159cm

Who would have thought that your world could come into your life, walking in a body of 159cm?

The warmth you never knew you needed. The familiarity and home that becomes the 159cm — both frail and strong and bruised and loved.

That 159cm opens your door, and sometimes, you, yourself, open for her. She presents herself, bringing her past, present and future, and you embrace every fiber there that steps in.

Welcome her, and love her too much that when that 159cm decides to leave, she would rather choose to stay.

[ninthsea]

Soft, curled lashes. She looked at me with doe eyes and parted pink lips. One would see innocence in her face, but her eyes were old, as if she’d lived and remembered all her past lives. I looked away — both a regret and a relief. She was seeing too much of me, I think, and nobody shows off his demons in introductions.

[ninthsea]

i’ve never been so good with conversations. my mouth tends to fall off words without my permission despite my thinking of not saying anything that could turn into a mistake. my teeth have the tendencies to chew on something i never planned to chew on, and it ends up with me drowning in a sea of guilt — unable to breathe.

i’m not good with late night talks either, but i love the thought of it. with gentle fingers, vulnerabilities are being laid out one by one, and somehow there are no judgements there. sometimes, i let on too much. i let them in too much, and i’m never sure if i’m saying it with the right person.

i don’t think i can open up that much to anyone and i hate myself for being this way. it’s such a drain to talk and think and doubt. i just want to talk and let it all out, while the other end is listening. i don’t care if he or she understands or agrees, but just the thought that someone is listening with their heart on their ear while you blabber with your on the line makes me feel... at ease.

[ninthsea]

Crying out months worth of bottled-up feelings

[ninthsea]

Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine.