hi friends!! i’m not really sure if anyone really even follows me anymore because i’ve been on perma gone from this blog, but today, i found out that xkit works again and i was so excited so i wanted to be more active on tumblr again, hehe.
i think because i started this blog when i was in high school (in 2011!!!!! with over 49k+ reblogs!!!!), there are too many things that i feel disconnected from here. i originally wanted to revamp this blog, but there were just too many things i felt like had to be changed. there were also so many memories here that i just couldn’t bring myself to delete either. tumblr and all the friends i made here were there for me during my high school days, when i felt so alone in the world, and taught me random ass shit, how to love myself, how to write and completely immerse myself in the things i love. tumblr was there for me when i lost my mom, when i started college, when i felt my first heartbreak. i felt like those things were a core part of who i am, so i never wanted to change this blog. so, with that said, i’m going to leave this blog on permanent hiatus and start anew.
sorry for rambling, but yeah, if you’re reading this, thank you so much for still being here after all this time!! thank you for all the adventures. thank you. thank you. thank you!
if you still want to follow me on my new one: i’m on @keisukesbaji. it’s still,, uhh,, very in progress, but i’m working on it, hehe.
“Please, let him be soft. I know you made him with gunmetal bones and wolf’s teeth. I know you made him to be a warrior a soldier a hero. But even gunmetal can warp and even wolf’s teeth can dull and I do not want to see him break the way old and worn and overused things do. I do not want to see him go up in flames the way all heroes end up martyrs. I know that you will tell me that the world needs him. The world needs his heart and his faith and his courage and his strength and his bones and his teeth and his blood and his voice and his– The world needs anything he will give them. Damn the world, and damn you too. Damn anyone that ever asked anything of him, damn anyone that ever took anything from him, damn anyone that ever prayed to his name. You know that he will give them everything until there is nothing left of him but the imprint of dust where his feet once trod. You know that he will bear the world like Atlas until his shoulders collapse and his knees buckle and he is crushed by all he used to carry. Dear God, you have already made an Atlas. You have already made an Achilles and an Icarus and a Hercules. You have already made so many heroes, and you can make another again. You can have your pick of heroes. So please, I beg you– he is all that I have, and you have so many heroes and the world has so many more. Let him be soft, and let him be mine.”
notes: merry (belated) christmas, and happy new year, miss yeon! thank you for being such a joy and sharing many smiles and mems with me this past year, and i hope we’ll be able to share more laughter in the upcoming year! @tunamiya
wc: 961
summary: sakusa’s never the one for romantic gestures, but his love is loud all the same.
Sakusa Kiyoomi is a private person, but for someone who is so reserved, you think he makes many exceptions for you. He’s never the one for cliches or romantic gestures, but his love is quite loud.
His love is in the way he indulges you by taking you for an evening walk to see Christmas lights, despite his hesitance for the crowd.
(Since it’s Christmas, he nods, because he usually says no, and you can respect that. But he thinks you outshine all the lights when you excitedly tug on his hand and point out your favorites.)
notes: yoshiwara au featuring samurai!baji x courtesan!(fem)reader! some fluff, mostly angst? tw death! song recommendation accompaniments: yoshiwara lament - teto kasane & talking to the moon - kream!
wc: 2.3k
summary: Yoshiwara is not meant for love, but you think it's far too late for you when you meet Baji Keisuke.
For as long as you can remember, your world has been seen through the bars of the harimise. A display, a product, for hours you would merely sit there and hope someone buys you.
The endlessly same scenery: the temple up north, the colorful vibrancy of kimonos, the bridge that leads southwards. Yoshiwara is always the same hustle and bustle of the lively streets. A day of ethereal beauty and strategic deceit; a night of lust and hushed promises, a so-called love that dispels with the first rays of dawn.
Once upon a time, you wanted to be someone who blooms for one person only, to love unreservedly. A childish dream to be free, to love fiercely. But fate steals your freedom and leaves you in the embrace of men who look at you as just another woman who warms their beds. Each bleak night as you look wistfully beyond the faceless man above you, the moon and stars sparkle, despite your torment, almost as if it’s mocking you for being unable to shine as they do.
With each passing day as you stare at your dull reflection in the polished mirror, bitterness seeps into your hardened heart. As your lips become redder and redder with used paint, the light in your eyes becomes dimmer and dimmer with dull indifference.
As if Yoshiwara bears your profound grief, it’s raining tonight. On such a day, you encounter him under the deep veil of darkness. His navy kimono contrasts vividly against your crimson lips, and the rosy pink that dusts his blushing cheeks gently warms your heart. He’s adorable, you think, as he grumbles and his friend nudges him towards the birdcage. Your eyes meet his, and his friend laughs and jostles him again towards you.
“Sir, won’t you please purchase me?” you smile sweetly, softly.
“I -” he starts.
“He would love to!” a new voice injects. His enthusiastic friend with blonde highlights smiles wolfishly.
“Welcome, please come in.”
You escort him to a room upstairs as the rain pours outside. When he cautiously enters your room, it is nothing like you are used to. He stands there awkwardly and runs a hand through his long locks.
“Would you like to sit? Perhaps a drink first?” you politely ask as you pat to the spot next to you.
It catches you by surprise when you can see the grays in his eyes as he looks at you instead of past you. He sits gruffly beside you and starts promptly, “We don’t have to do anything.”
You tilt your head, not really sure how to naturally proceed from here. But you've merely learned to comply, to satisfy, so you nod affirmatively and agree politely.
“In that case, what would you like to do?” you ask softly.
In a night meant for lovers between the sheets, he tells you stories of his adventures under the moonlight. You learn his name is Baji Keisuke, and he’s a samurai serving his childhood friend and the young lord of the Sano family. The one who ushered him here is one of his dearest friends named Kazutora, and they’ve been together since they were little. He loves feeling the adrenaline in his blood when he fights and often feeds stray cats because he thinks they’re cute. He unintentionally made his mom cry once when he was younger, so he swears he will never make her cry again.
He has dazzling eyes that tell no lies and an enigmatical smile that illuminates your heart, especially when he flashes his sharp canines that strikingly resemble fangs in his boisterous mirth. Outside, the continuous rain slows to a drizzle before it promptly stops. In your heart, he ignites a small spark of attainable hope.
A free spirit that contrasts very deeply against your very being. Unlike a trapped bird, he flies through the unclouded skies and undoubtedly makes life his own. His hearty laugh and vibrant eyes gently remind you what it's like to have hope beyond these four walls, to dream of a life of consuming love. You smile softly as he makes wild gestures with his hands, and you feel every insistent beat of your heart fluttering, thundering as he smiles affectionately at you.
Over and over again, he returns and buys your time instead of your used body. Time and time again, he talks naturally to you like you are someone in this world and listens to you like you are still good enough to be heard. Like the sun that melts away the darkness in your heart, your days spark a little brighter when he’s nearby. Instead of staring bitterly at your reflection as you paint your lips, the girlish dream you abandoned returns back to you.
Love whispers in your ears and knocks on your heart.
"Will you return?" you ask softly into the luminous night when he visits again. Once, twice, countless times to where you think you know him enough to remember what it’s like to love again.
As soon as the night ends, he has to leave. He will soar into the skies beyond the scope of your vision, beyond realms of the world you can only dream of because he's meant for something grander.
Still, you yearn.
"Where else would I go?" he answers as his eyes meet yours.
He clasps his rough hand around yours, eyes earnest and heart genuine, as he brushes against your knuckles tenderly. A hand full of calluses and blood, a hand used to wield swords and destructive weapons, but he cradles your hand so gently, tenderly, fondly.
"I will always come back to you."
You breathe out a quivering breath. You’ve heard these careless words countless times before from many other men, but his affectionate eyes are constantly full of genuine promises and unmistakable sincerity. You know Yoshiwara is the land of foolish dreams and lies, that Yoshiwara is unmeant for lovers.
Yoshiwara is not meant for the undeniable truth that you are irrevocably in love with him.
Still, you hope. You want to believe him, so you trust. You trust him with your vulnerability; you trust him with your heart. Under the veil of the night with the moon as your sole witness, you cut off a strand of your hair.
"For safe-keeping," you tell him as you tie your hair around his pinky, "Until you safely return."
He blinks once, twice before he smiles radiantly, fangs glinting in the light. He tugs a strand of his hair out before he clumsily wraps it around your pinky.
“There is something important I have to take care of,” he starts hesitantly. His eyes are looking into the darkness of the night, and for a moment, you can see weariness cloud his eyes. You reach to cradle his cheek, and at your touch, he looks at you. He holds your hand and presses a soft kiss on your fingertips. Newly found resolve beams through the clouds of doubt in his eyes. “But after that… Will you come with me?”
You stare incredulity at him, wide eyes carefully looking into his promising ones. He squeezes your hand as he stares anxiously back at you. The world is silent, and all you see is his gray eyes that have been your silver lining since the very first day.
He can’t afford to buy you, you know, and the fear of the consequences of running away burrows into your heart. But he looks at you, clear and open, and Heaven is in his eyes. You squeeze his hand back and bring it towards your lips to place a tender kiss on his palm. You think you’re far too ruined to be this optimistic about it, to dream of happiness like this, but you grin and nod anyway.
“I would go anywhere if it’s with you,” you smile, eyes and words honest.
He instantly breaks into an infectious grin, and he hugs you in eager excitement. “Thank you. I’ll be back by the next full moon. Wait for me,” he whispers fiercely into your hair.
You nod again as you melt into his comforting embrace. The flutters of your heart bloom into warmth in your chest, and it feeds into your heating cheeks as you hold on to him. The moon that invariably seems to look down on you, the stars that always seem to twinkle in critical disappointment softens as the lights of dawn overtake the sky.
A new day, a new hope.
He holds his pinky up, your hair tied on and your heart in the palm of his hands, as he looks at you. When you meet his eyes, the first rays of light glows behind him. He looks beautiful, angelic, and he seems so ephemeral. You hook your pinky, with his hair tied around it, with his in hopes that these fleeting moments will last just a moment longer, that this will be more than just a dream when you wake up.
A lie, a promise, you’re not quite sure which it is.
(You hope it’s a promise. You want it to be a promise.)
So, you wait. Day after day, night after night, and all the moments in between. You miss him like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky, but he fuels a fire in your heart that keeps you warm on the nights he isn’t here. It hasn’t rained for a long time now, you think, as you glance at your pinky and sunshine fill your soul. During nights, you keep your promise close to your heart as you stare at the phases of the moon. Waxing and waning, but your heart holds steady as you dream of boisterous laughter and lively eyes.
On the day of the full moon, you wait anxiously as people pass by. You’re on high alert as your eyes eagerly scan the crowd for any signs of him - his navy blue kimono, his long hair, his hearty laughter. As the blue sky turns to brilliant orange before it fades into the darkness of the night, the crushing weight in your heart grows heavier and heavier before the numbing realization that he won’t come hits you.
When the full moon peaks in the unclouded sky, only silence surrounds you. You sit lifelessly in front of your mirror at the end of the night with the full moon as your sole company. You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting here as you mindlessly keep brushing your hair.
The overbearing heaviness finally breaks your heart and breaches the dam that restrains your tears. You muffle your cries in your kimono because you should have known better, should have known that dreams are unmeant for someone like you. You glance wistfully at your pinky before you clutch it close to your shattered heart, and all the energy in your body just comes out as silent sobs. As you bury your face in your knees and hug yourself, each fond memory comes back and replays in your head.
A mistake. This is a terrible mistake because you know Yoshiwara is built of lies like these. But when you think of his sincere eyes, your heart breaks again. Baji Keisuke is many things, but he is rarely a liar. You want to believe in him, want to believe in the dream of a life with him beyond these walls.
Maybe it’s not this full moon, you tell yourself, but he will return one day. The next full moon, the one after that, and all these other ones after, you’ll keep waiting. You believe in him, believe in love, so you will hold on steadfastly, stubbornly, desperately because you don’t think your heart can handle it otherwise.
In just another day of waiting in the similar scenery, you catch glimpses of a spark from the temple northwards. A new sight, but among the lively streets of just another busy day, it’s not a sight you focus on. The sparks are nice, though, you think as you suppress a giggle, because it reminds you of the fire in his eyes.
When it reaches dusk, the scorching winds blow from the northeast. The direction you watch him go from the confines of your birdcage, and when you still see the sparks, a foreboding feeling, a bad omen sinks into your heart as the sun falls.
The initial flare grows bigger and bigger until it bursts into a firestorm and begins swallowing the town. You run frantically alongside the chaotic crowd as the screams fill the air and fear fills your blood. You run, run, run until your legs are burning - from the fire? From fatigue? You’re not sure.
Your heart breaks with every step you take because death comes knocking. You keep holding on stubbornly because you still believe in your promise. But soon, your legs only carry you so far amongst the fleeting crowd and falling buildings and smoke fills your lungs and chokes you.
As fire devours you, you glance at the waxing moon. It ruthlessly tears through your skin and burns, burns, burns, but the pain of breaking your promise rips through your heart.
All you can think about are the moonlit nights under the same skies within the four walls you call home and the man you know as love. You think of his starry gray eyes and the promise you couldn’t keep, and you clutch your hand over your heart. Close, so, so close, but not quite another full moon yet. With sorry repeated on your cracked lips and lament in your anguished heart, your uncontrollable tears fall hopelessly.
(The news of the tragic death of a singular samurai, holding his bleeding hand to his heart, in the Battle of Valhalla never reaches you.
After all, fire travels faster than words.)
The deafening sound of crackling fire plays your requiem and ends the unfulfilled dream of love.
end notes: harimise is a viewing cage where courtesans were place in, like products on display at shops. they sit there the whole day until someone buys them.
the act of cutting off your hair and tying it around someone's pinky is a lover's pact. basically it's a vow of love between a courtesan and their customers, where they offer their hair, nails and blood to seal the deal. it could be used to extort more money from the customer, but it could also just be a promise of love.
also fun fact: historically, yoshiwara did end up burning in a huge fire! :")
tonight’s mood is… fluff! now playing… life on mars by aurora for my sweet moon! @sepoonyo
summary: while you may not know if there’s life on mars, you think life here is pretty cool too when ennoshita is by your side.
wc: 0.4k
you have always seen life through curious eyes and a starlit mind with thousands of thoughts running through your head. life has always been implied for something more, you think. you want to run, explore, discover the world and live through its every mood.
some days, the world genuinely is a wonder, but more often than not, it’s simply just like this. a place too vast, too broad, with too many voices that drown out yours. despite it all, ennoshita hears your small voice in the bustling world. when the world’s weight crushes you and all you want is to escape to space, ennoshita grounds you and shows that life on earth has its own spark too.
when he’s around, you think there’s magic in the ordinary too, as you steal a glance at him. he’s pushing the shopping cart as the two of you enter the grocery store together. grocery runs have habitually been comforting fun, a little adventure in the mundaneness of daily life.
“i see you got the curry packets,” he notices as you return from the next aisle over and put all the contents in your arms into the cart, “amongst other things.”
you only giggle as you fill the cart with snacks. “necessities, may i add! for a midnight snack after katsu curry tomorrow!”
he rolls his eyes, but he smiles anyway. “yes, of course. you want to put yourself in there too, while you’re at it?” he jokes, but when he sees the mischief in your eyes, he sighs in resignation.
you climb into the cart as he steadies you. “i’m too indulgent to your whims,” he shakes his head with a fond smile as you make yourself comfortable inside the cart.
you know you’re probably far too old to be sitting in the shopping cart as your boyfriend pushes you around. but it’s a little past midnight, and there is no one else around. when you make yourself comfortable and take note of all the content in your cart (your favorite snacks, the spicy curry packets he likes, the same brand of soy sauce you invariably seem to buy), the world around you seems to sparkle a little more.
while you are intrigued about what’s beyond just day-to-day life on earth, you think the world doesn’t seem too bad when ennoshita is here to push you around in your late-night grocery runs, to be the galaxy you want to explore forever.
thank you for tuning in and letting me be your dj for the night! stay tuned for our upcoming tracks!
❀ return to the radio station.
notes: happy belated birthday, rissa! cheers to our tokrev momster, the baby of group therapy, and the light of my life!! words can’t describe how much joy you bring to my life, and i’m thankful every day for you. thank you for putting up with all the dumb shit i say on the daily HAHA. i love you so much. 🥺💖 @seishue (also thank you to annette and ilayda for putting up with me as i overthink every thing HAHA 🥺)
summary: the concept of home redefined through the years. - kokonui
wc: 1.6k
Home is an abstract concept, but it’s something Koko has always been able to define.
At eight, it was sitting in Seishu’s room and the sound of pencil scribbling on summer homework as the air conditioner hummed through the silence. At eight, it was the sound of his laughter at Seishu pouts about summer homework. At eight, it was Akane with her golden hair and sky-blue eyes as she brings in barley tea and snack cakes. At eight, it was the warmth that blooms in his chest as his heart thunders excitedly and recklessly at the sight of Akane’s pretty smiles and playful teasing.
At eight, it was the sound of fire crackling and tearing through the home he knew.
two hearts, four broken pieces (now we’re unbreakable)
notes: happiest belated birthday to my grand king <3 lots of (long?) dialogue, long talks at the beach, kinda clunky, but i hope you enjoy :>
summary: you were there like the air when i felt like i was underwater. AU in which you have matching birthmarks on your heart as your soulmate. - oikawa/oc
wc: 6.2k
The clock ticks continually as you finish reviewing the club budget for the upcoming school year. As the last rays of the sun begin to dim into a darkening blue, the clock rings loudly, signaling the end of club activities. The other student council members routinely leave by five, and after a quick goodbye and wave, two hours pass by without you knowing. You glance at your watch, and you sigh softly as you see the shorthand reach seven.
There are still numbers that do not add up, but you suppose that has to wait. Getting up to stretch, you automatically head to the keys cabinet to see which keys are still missing. As usual, the keys to the volleyball gym have yet to be returned.
notes: inspired by this! some soft moments and kisses with my angel chifuyu. <3
wc: 0.4k
[3:30 PM] "can i kiss you?" chifuyu blurts out, cheeks redden with each second as he anticipates your answer. he bites the insides of his cheeks as he fumbles with his jacket.
"sure!" you respond with a teasing smile.
he's cute, you think, because in all the time you've known him, you know he's a planner. undoubtedly, you know he has rehearsed this in his head, only for it to come out as a flustered request.
you could only smile more all the way as you see his rosy cheeks that contrast his widening crystalline blue eyes. adorable. absolutely adorable.
"really?" he gushes out and almost clamps his lip in the process. his eyes light up, and under the blazing sun, you think he's the most ethereal person you've ever seen.
"of course, dummy." you take a step forward, almost springing in place to the tune of your fluttering heart.
he smiles widely, and you have to prompt yourself to breathe because he’s absolutely breathtaking. he closes his eyes and slowly leans in, the blush on his face only becomes redder and hotter as he closes in.
cute, you think, and the irresistible urge to kiss him now kicks in. you close your eyes and instantly close the gap, pressing your lips on his and smiling into the kiss.
his eyes snap open at the contact, and the heat comes rushing back onto his face. he touches his lips and stares at you, eyes wide and mouth agape.
"sorry, i couldn't resist," you giggle. you still feel the lingering warmth of his lips on yours, and despite your teasing tone, your heart can't calm down.
he looks at you again, eyes resolute this time, as he clasps your hand.
"again, please." he tugs your hand.
"okay." you squeeze his hand with a broadening smile.
he kisses you this time. no awkward pauses, no second thoughts, and the sole thing that matters at the moment are his lips against yours. his hand snakes its way to cup your cheek as he presses closer to you. his lips are impossibly tender against yours, and your heart feels consumed by the warmth blossoming in your chest. you can smell his cologne and feel the tickle of his breath on your face. it's dizzying, electrifying, and the butterflies flutter in your stomach.
when he finally pulls away, it leaves you dazed. despite the heat rising to his cheeks once more, he flashes you a smile so gentle as his fingertips graze your hand and interlace them together.
when you look over at him, all you see is sunshine.
notes: for one of my best boys, who deserves the world and more. timeskip!kazutora because he is seriously the prettiest man i've ever seen...
wc: 0.6k
[10:58 PM] kazutora has changed a lot throughout the years, you think, as you bring your knees into your chest and rest your head on them. you stare at him and observe the him now. his hair is longer, but he never strays too far from his blond highlights. he’s taller, and his voice is deeper too. but now, sometimes he stares at empty walls and thinks too hard when the ghosts of his past weigh heavy on his mind.
but despite crumbling down, he’s still the same kazutora with soft smiles and a kind heart. he gradually builds himself back up, piece after broken piece, until he feels vaguely whole, worthy again to live. he seeks a forgiveness that’s not yours to give, but you think he’s always been worthy anyway.
twenty-six is far too old to be falling in love like this, you think, as your fingers brush a golden strand of hair from his face. too old to stare at him and have such a flustered heart, too old to constantly fight the want to be next to him, too old to be crushing on him like you did when you were fourteen.
he tilts his head as he stares back at you, golden eyes inquisitive and warm, and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “what are you thinking about?” he asks with a knowing smile.
“you,” you answer truthfully through half-lidded eyes, voice unsteady almost as if you're pleading, "wanna stay?"
he searches your eyes and bites his lips. he wants to, yearns to, but he's scared you'll end up as shattered pieces he cannot amend for. "can i?" he asks softly, meekly.
you merely nod, voice already half giving out on you. "kiss me," you finally breathe out.
"can i?" he asks again, hesitant fingers hovering over your arm, almost as if he’s scared whatever this is will break if he reaches for it.
you only know of the raging ghost of his past, the lingering burdens he carries on his shoulders, the way he tries to do right in redemption for his mistakes. you know he's more than capable of ruining you, know he's hesitant because you can become another sin he bears to atone for, but you don't care.
"please," you whisper before you loop your arms around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss.
the atmosphere thickens. when one kiss becomes two, three, until you lose count, the overwhelming desire to be closer breaks through the cracks of his hesitance. he gazes at you, eyes longing, desperate, and full of an emotion he's too scared to admit. he gently cradles your jaw and brushes a thumb over your lips.
"god, you're beautiful," he breathes out.
you inhale sharply, the frantic drumming of your erratic heart feeds into the desperate desire to be closer, to feel him. your hand finds its way on his heart, and when you find his eyes burn the same and his heart beats the same as yours, you could only plead for his heart again.
"please."
he stares at you, and your hands find their way into his. you hope he can see your heart has persistently remained his, that his name has been tattooed on it as clear as day. he rests his forehead on your shoulder, and as you hold him close, you hope he knows you’ll never let him fall.
he takes a deep breath, hands grasping yours tightly, and whispers, “okay.”
you squeeze his hand and press a soft kiss to his temple. this time, he unequivocally kisses you and finally lets himself fall.
tonight's mood is... fluff! now playing... some by bol4 for my baby leo! @sapphitedreams
summary: because you’re not quite honest with your feelings, so you hope oikawa catches the hint.
wc: 0.6k
“hey, are you busy?”
your hesitant fingers finally press send after writing and rewriting the message, hoping to sound as nonchalant as you could despite your racing heart. you flip your phone over, telling yourself to be cool, be cool, be cool, it’s just a simple text, it doesn’t have to contain meaning.
your screen lights up seconds later, and you rush to unlock your screen. when you see it’s a short “i’m free, just for you! 😉” from oikawa tooru, you can’t fight the forming smile on your face.
“aww, do you tell that to everyone?” you tease lightly, hoping he can’t see through your banter. “wanna hang out?”
“that’s so rude! i only say it to the people i like” comes the reply within seconds. “and yeah, i’m down. see you in 10?”
you try taking his statement at face value, but it’s hard not to read into it when your heart flutters at his every word. nevertheless, you press on. “bring your dog!! if he’s not there, i’m going home.”
so, he does. and while oikawa loves his dog, he absolutely does, when all you’re paying attention to is his dog, he can’t help the pout that forms on his face. he stares at you as you ruffle his dog’s fur and embrace him fondly, and even though he’s slightly upset that his dog upstaged him, he smiles anyways whenever he sees your bright eyes and jubilant giggles. regardless, he shoves two fingers and points from his eyes to his dog’s back, silently gesturing his jealousy.
you catch oikawa’s movement from the corner of your eye, and you giggle at how childish he is being. while you may adore his dog, the one you want to see the most is him.
“okay, mr. pouty baby over there, do you wanna get some ice cream?” you ask as you finally tear your eyes away from his dog to him.
“you paying?” he nudges you lightly with a teasing smile.
“i’m only paying for durian flavor,” you nod as you stick your tongue out at him.
“no,” he whines, dragging out the ‘o’ sound dramatically. “of all flavors you could like, it has to be that one you like the most.”
“it’s superior! you just have no taste!” you retort playfully. “last chance on the offer. take it or leave it!”
he crinkles his nose and knits his eyebrows together. “fine. i’ll take it, but you’re killing the bugs next time they invade my room.”
“uh? excuse you? i’m granting you a favor already!”
continuous bantering resumes all the way to the ice cream stand. the whole way there, you could only think about how oikawa tooru, the one who childishly glares daggers at his dog, the one who crinkles his nose in disgust at the thought of durian ice cream, the one who screams louder than you when he sees bugs, is the person who already holds half of your heart.
despite his earlier words, he pays for ice cream. two different flavors, he says, so you guys can share. as you glance over from your ice cream to him, you find him looking back at you. the two of you stare at each other for a second, dazed and starstruck. you blink once, twice, and you’re readying yourself for a witty remark.
he doesn’t make any, and he only smiles softly as he brushes a strand of hair out of your face. you only hope he doesn’t feel the heat radiating off your face as his fingers linger. he already holds half of your heart, you think, and in these moments you desperately want to tell him the words that have been waiting to spill from your lips.
“halfsies?” you ask instead, eyes peeking through your lashes at him, hoping he gets it.
“halfsies,” he confirms with a grin more tender than cheeky.
when he holds out his spoon to feed you his half, you think that maybe he already knows, that maybe you equally have half of his heart too.
thank you for tuning in and letting me be your dj for the night! stay tuned for our upcoming tracks!
tonight's mood is... fluff! now playing... title track by chloe black for miss willomina! @wistilbee
summary: the world seems a little more okay because there is love in the form of miya atsumu.
wc: 0.6k
under neon signs and setting skies, the hot summer winds blow through your hair as you sit on top of your rooftop. the ambient honks of cars and the buzzing chirps of cicadas keep you company as you watch the skyline expand into infinity. the falling sun dimming into twilight blue, city lights setting the skies ablaze, at dusk, you think, time passes by slower.
some days, it's nice because it provides you a little bit more time to think. today, it’s a little less pleasant because it feels like the world just spins, spins, spins, and it spirals in a way that encloses you deep into the earth. another day is supposed to represent another step forward, but it seems like all you are achieving is advancing backward two steps at a time.
just as your mind gets consumed by itself, the sudden cold touch on top of your head alerts you. your eyes widen as you snap to look back, and you find yourself meeting the goofy smile and twinkling eyes of miya atsumu.
“whatcha thinking about?” he asks curiously, head tilts as he sips on the bubble tea he formerly placed on top of your head.
“life in general, i guess,” you offer as you turn to hug him and bury your face in his chest.
“aw, ya missed me that much?” he teases with fondness. “ya wanna talk about it?”
“nah,” you shake your head as you mumble into his skin. “just need to recharge.”
despite the summer heat, he wraps his arms around you and nuzzles into the crook of your neck. “me too, then!”
at dusk, you think, is equally a promise of starlight and tomorrow, of better days to come. a time between now and the stars that seem to stretch to infinity, a time when you glance at your side and see love in the form of miya atsumu.
love, you think, truly embodies atsumu. there's a touch of love, a piece of himself in everything he does. in that love is devotion. the passion he nurtures for not only volleyball but also you in the things he does. in the way he knows you prefer milk foam over cheese foam in your bubble teas, that your favorite flowers are astilbes even though he mispronounces it every time, that he repeatedly chooses you to come home to after extended days of practice.
in the summer daze, atsumu sits next to you, sipping the bubble tea that’s supposed to be yours in between hums of a song that sounds suspiciously like taylor swift. as his eyes twinkle in the vanilla twilight and his laugh contagiously cackles through the air, you think it’s a little easier to breathe.
“how did you know i was here?” you ask as you interlace your fingers together, head on his shoulders as dusk turns into the starry night.
“i just thought i heard you calling,” he nods to himself. “oh, babe, i watered your plants in the kitchen for you on my way up too,” he continues as a satisfied smile breaks out on his face.
you stare at him wide-eyed and in love before you laugh wholeheartedly.
“i love you,” you pause as his eyes light up, “but my plants in the kitchen are fake.”
his mouth drops as he gapes at you before he whines, “what!”
you laugh unreservedly as you clutch your stomach, tears forming in your eyes, “i appreciate it, though. thank you.”
his pout only disappears when you press a quick kiss to his cheek. while some days are better than others, you think there is happiness even on the worst days. after all, atsumu is here to remind you that there is always love in the little things every day.
thank you for tuning in and letting me be your dj for the night! stay tuned for our upcoming tracks!
hi hello, everyone! welcome to kodzukyan's first event! i didn't hit a milestone or anything special AHAHA. i'm just on summer vacation living my best life now, so i wanted to do a little something fun on my quest to find new music!
status: OPEN (0/15 slots)
what's happening?
send in a request and let me be your DJ for the night! let me help set the mood for you to fall in (or out of) love with your special someone! you'll get a short sfw drabble (<500 words) of how your night went!
*that said special someone can be from hq or the toman boys + kazutora from tokrev (sorry for the limited options; i'm still learning how to write for tokrev 😭)
who can join?
anyone! you don't have to be following me to join :') please tell me your name or leave an emoji or something if you choose to go on anon, so i can find you if i need clarifications/you can find yours whenever it's posted!
what do i send in my ask?
please send in:
(1) a character of your choice
(2) your favorite thing(s) about the said character (it can be anything, really! the more the better, so i can better understand your dynamics!)
(3) genre
(4) your favorite line(s) from your favorite song
ex: kenma + i love that he's like my stronghold against the world and we can play games all night and sleep in until past noon together + fluff + "leave all your tears by your bedside, and let's live a night" - pillows by eaj x keshi
when will it be posted?
i'll do my best to post every one-two days (depends on how fast i can write them)! please bare with me because i'm a very, very, very slow writer HAHA 😭
*your asks will be kept in my inbox until i post yours!
so turn it up, and let's kiss kiss fall in love (or cry cry fall out of love)! everything will be tagged under #dj got us falling! :') happy requesting!
notes: alternative ending to better with you (until it kills me) because i'm a sucker for happy endings </3 this can be standalone though, i think :") petshop!baji bc canon does not exist here 😌
summary: the one time you tell baji keisuke you love him.
wc: 0.7k
“Hey,” you start, eyes fixated on his as you tuck a strand of hair behind his ears. He's still in his work apron, and you catch the scratch marks on his neck from the stray cat that got tangled in his hair. There is fur all over him, and you’re pretty confident that’s a yakisoba stain he’s trying to hide on his sleeve.
Even then, he is beautiful.
Unchanging, unwavering, and unbroken despite all the hardships he faced in life. You see him, with stars shining bright above, but you think the stars do not compare to his beauty, his soul, his existence, him. He is the person you would choose over and over again, you think, as he crinkles his nose before he grins widely, hands finding their home in yours and eyes looking at you like you are love.
“Welcome home,” you smile as he pulls you in roughly, transferring half of the fur on him onto your clothes.
“I’m home,” he laughs as he lets go of your hands to hold you and spins you around.
Your giggles join in with his contagious laughter, and you think this moment is something you want with him for the rest of your life.
“Hey,” you start again once he sets you down. You feel a little dizzy and a lot in love as he recalls his day at work. You’re only half-listening as he rambles on about how he didn’t punch anyone in the face today because all you can see are the stars in his eyes. Even if the stars in his eyes dimmed out, you think you would still choose him because you will still choose to seek the stars and adore him even on the worst days.
“I love you,” you blurt out softly when all you can see, think, and feel is him, him, him, and love overflows your heart.
He looks at you in surprise as he registers your words before he smirks. When you’ve known him on his good and bad days for this long though, you think it looks a lot more like a grin of your Baji Keisuke than a smirk of the Baji Keisuke. “Thanks, I love me too,” he smugly jokes as he wiggles his eyebrows, looking as foolishly in love as you do.
“Oh, please,” you roll your eyes as you lightly punch his chest. “I take it back.”
“Shut up, you love me,” he teases unrelentingly as he holds on to you tighter in his arms.
“Uh, yeah, I just kinda said that,” you counter lightly as you pull on his cheeks.
He brushes over your cheek softly before he cradles your jaw with a tenderness that he reserves for only you. The distance between the two of you decreases unknowingly, as he pulls you into a kiss, all you can feel is love.
“You’re crazy,” he mutters against your lips before he leans his forehead in against yours.
“If I’m crazy,” you mirror his action, eyes gazing into his, ”Then you’re out of your mind.”
He chuckles lightly. “I don’t think I’m out of my mind for loving you.”
You inhale sharply as heat rushes to your face. You have known his truth since the beginning, but hearing him announce it aloud makes you feel afloat.
“Well,” you respond softly, “I don’t think I’m crazy for loving you either.”
You think you can see pink lightly dust over his cheeks and the tips of his ears at your declaration. It’s the same, you think, as your bodies press together, heartbeats erratic but you’re not sure where yours end and his begin.
“I love you,” he finally breathes out.
This is the first time you’ve told each other these words explicitly, but these words sound so familiar in the way that it’s always been told through purposeful glances and every touch. Love has always been in the way he embraces you through your every mood, the way that home becomes a person instead of a word, the way that he consciously walks into choosing to love you confidently every day with his eyes wide open.
“I know,” you laugh. “Thank you for choosing to love me.”
notes: it's always missing baji hours here </3 fluff, angst; alternative ending: always, always you
summary: four times you think you are in love with baji keisuke, and the one time you tell him.
wc: 3.6k
You're reasonably sure the only reason he chooses you to pair up with for the Japanese literature project is that you sit next to him, but it surprises you all the same. You don't think you have much of a presence in class, but you don't think you can say the same about your new partner, Baji Keisuke.
His slicked-back ponytail and thick frames make his presence seem extremely studious, but there's something about his bruised knuckles and his fierce aura that makes him feel wild. You've noticed him hang out with the school delinquent on multiple occasions. You also think you've seen him laugh wildly as he beats up some of the local thugs who crowded around the said delinquent he's friends with.
He isn't who you expect him to be at first glance, and that intrigues you more than you like to admit. You're too nervous to openly ask, so you settle for stealing glances at him from the corner of your eyes.
So, when he really decides on you and submits the partner form, you don't know what to think.
In the time that you two are partners, you've discovered a couple of things about him. First, his handwriting and kanji absolutely suck. It's kind of endearing when he pouts at the complex characters that he often gets wrong, and it's even more so whenever you show him how to write it correctly.
("Oh, thanks! I would probably fail my kanji tests without you and Chifuyu.")
Second, he's genuinely an unexpectedly good partner in terms of being punctual about meeting up. However, despite being on time, there is little progress on the project. Your work times often end up in discussions about random life topics rather than the project itself.
(“Do you like cats?” he asks out of the blue one day.
“Uh, yeah, I guess so,” you humor him because you’re tired of researching Japanese literature.
“Wanna see my cats? They’re all strays,” he sits up suddenly, eyes lit and smile bright.
You nod, and he proceeds to take out his phone to show you pictures of his cats. You note his lock-screen is a picture of all his cats, and his camera roll is just full of his friends, motorcycles, and the said cats. He tells you their names and their personalities in excitement.
"Do you think cats recognize their names but choose to ignore us whenever we call them?" he resumes the conversation after he finishes showing you his gallery. He leans back as he balances his pencil on top of his pursed lips.
"Maybe. Depends on the cat? Maybe they just hate you?" you mimic his pose. You suppose thirty minutes of work is enough progress for the day.
"Ouch," he grimaces as if it shatters him directly in the heart.)
Third, sometimes he comes with his hair down and without his glances, with stains on his clothes that he claims are ketchup, despite it not smelling like that at all.
("Uh, hey, sorry I'm late today," he offers sheepishly as he runs a hand through his unbound hair.
"Oh, it's okay," you finally say after you take in his shaggy appearance. "Are you… okay?"
"All good! The ketchup bottle just randomly exploded," he laughs nervously and awkwardly. "Anyways!!! The project!!"
You stare at him dubiously but nod anyway. "Okay, if you say so…")
Fourth, he has an extremely charming smile, especially when his fangs are in full display. To some, it may look fierce and menacing; to you, it looks cute, especially when his eyes are always brimming with life and his laugh is full of vitality.
More often than not you catch yourself staring at him because he's just so interesting.
You try to ignore your racing heart when your stolen glances become shared ones, and he flashes you a grin softer than the smiles you've seen.
-----
“Uh, hi.” You say shyly as you enter through Baji’s window. It’s not frequently you seek out Baji at his own home, especially without Chifuyu, especially through the window he keeps open almost exclusively for stray cats to seek shelter.
“What the fuck?” Baji drops the stray cat he's cuddling as you give a slight wave, causing the cat to meow loudly at the sudden change in demeanor.
“Sorry to drop by unannounced. I, uh, just wanted some company.”
You feel vanishingly small as you awkwardly laugh and piece together some words that make sense. Home is supposed to be full of warmth, but your home is more of a house with people than a home with love. It’s a truth you’ve long accepted, but some days, it feels a little extra cold.
Therefore, you run, and somehow you end up here, in the comforts of Baji’s room.
Maybe you are currently a stray cat, feeling a little more lost than found. Maybe you find that he’s the sort of comfort that warms you a little when your heart feels heavy. Maybe you are just a little bit in like with him, and he is the first person you want to see whenever you’re feeling down.
The room is silent aside from the soft paps of cats moving around and the periodic meow. Then, he pats the spot next to him, and you make your way there. As soon as you sit down, he hands you a cat.
“Here, hold her. She’s nice,” he comments as he places the calico cat he dropped earlier in your lap, petting her as she adjusts to her new position on you.
She narrows her eyes and softly purrs in your lap as Baji pets her, and this makes you feel more in the moment than in your head like you’ve been. Your initial baffle turns into a smile as she purrs louder when you pet her, and just like that, you feel a little more found than lost.
You lean on his shoulder as you continue petting the calico cat in your lap. You keep your eyes on her as she climbs onto his lap and nuzzles him in an attempt to hide your burning cheeks and your drumming heart from your proximity.
“Thanks for giving me a home when I don’t want to be in my own,” you tell him softly, airly, almost as if you’re letting him in on a secret.
He stops playing with the cats for a moment and pauses. Feeling his intense stare, you peek through your lashes up at him. His broad grin and sharp canines are in full display, and his smile looks a little more boyish than wild. He tousles your hair as he laughs aloud, boisterously before he props his head on top of yours.
“You’ll always have a home here.”
-----
It all started when a group of thugs looked at you inappropriately and made some comments that made you uncomfortable. You grip the ends of his sleeve just a little harder and press yourself behind him, trying to make yourself impossibly small. Baji, seeing your small form and downcast eyes, removes your hand from his sleeve and places it in his hand. Knowing Baji and him knowing you and your every mood, he does not stand for it. He simply flashes you a reassuring grin before he squeezes your hand and runs straight at them.
He throws the first punch, and you could just stand there in shock as he pummels through them and beats them up. He has cuts and bruises everywhere, and you’re absolutely certain he’s taken on a few nasty hits on his ribs. Though you’re equally confident that these thugs are absolutely 100% in worse shape than he is.
“Oh my god,” you sob frantically as Baji wobbles back to you, wild smile on his face softens as he sees you. He pats your head when he notes your teary eyes. You’re not even sure when you start crying, but the tears just don’t seem to stop. “Are you okay? Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Are you -”
He clutches your tear-stained face in his hands, “Look at me.”
Your eyes meet his, but you can barely see him over your tears as you continue your incoherent rambling.
“Hey,” he tries once more, voice more frantic as he struggles to find words. He finally just squishes your cheeks and yells, “Do you think I care about anything else right now but you?”
Your eyes widen, and the tears forming fall freely onto his hands. Oh, oh, oh, you think to yourself as your beating heart rapidly thumps at an exponential speed, maybe he’s also falling. When you meet his steady gray eyes, the shocking realization that maybe you’re not the only one dumb and possibly in love stops your tears.
He sighs in relief when your tears gradually stop, and as if all the tiredness accumulated in his body hit him all at once, he falls down onto the ground.
You try to catch him as best as you can, and with the combined effort of mostly himself and partially you, he breaks his fall. He lays sprawled out on the ground. After you check for wounds and find none too serious, you sit with your knees tucked under you by where he lays and moves his head onto your lap.
All around you are the battered bodies of the thugs you’ve encountered, but all you can see at the moment is him and his gray eyes that disappear into crescent moons as he flashes you a grin. He’s too tired to move, but he raises a fist up into the air in victory anyway.
“I got you.”
-----
"Wanna go on a ride?" he texts you.
It’s almost midnight when he texts you, and it’s probably way past when you should stay up. But your heart flutters at the thought of adventure, at the thought of him, so you quickly respond, “Okay, but be quiet! Don't wake my parents up again, stinky!!!”
You can already imagine his sheepish smile when he sends you a "that was once!!! my bad" back.
After sending him a quick ":p", you silently put on some clothes more fitting to go out than your pajamas. The sound of his motorcycle announces his greater-than-life presence long before his text did. Grabbing two scrunchies, you sneak out your window.
He only greets you with a goofy smile and a wave, hair free-flowing in the wind. Under the moonlight, his gray eyes twinkle with vigor and youth. It knocks the air out of your lungs as you glance at him because he's beautiful, ethereal, and alive. He smiles smugly when he catches your stare, but he holds his hand out for you to take.
"Hi," you whisper under the twinkling stars as you put your hand in his.
"Hey," he whispers back as he curls his fingers around your hand before adjusting to interlace your fingers together.
The quietness and intimacy of this moment drown out the world - the sound of cars driving by, of cicadas flying, of the world standing still. The only thing keeping you from floating is his hand and the sound of your heartbeat.
"I got you a hair tie." You offer softly with an equally soft smile, eyes pointing to the scrunchies on your wrist.
"I got you a hoodie," he responds as he nods to his motorcycle. "Because I knew your dumb ass would once again forget to dress for the winds."
"I'm dressed decently enough. You, though… please tie your hair… It hurts like hell when it whips in my face," you laugh lightly.
He rolls his eyes. "That's also what you said last time before you ended up stealing my hoodie, and I ended up being cold!" he complains, but there's a certain fondness in his voice.
You only stick your tongue out childishly at him. You would rather bite your tongue than admit that you are always slightly underdressed for the occasion so he would keep giving you his hoodies.
He tugs your interlocked hand and pulls you closer, and as you stand so close to him, you think close isn't close enough. The two of you linger in that position for longer than what should be appropriate for friends, but you think you have been tiptoeing around that line for a while now. Your heart races, and you're sure your erratic heart is beating fast enough to generate heat to keep you warm against the wild winds.
He pulls away first, moving to grab his hoodie before he roughly puts it on you. He laughs when you complain about your ruffled hair, but as his hoodie and scent engulf you, you could only shyly smile. He takes a scrunchie despite complaining about the cuteness of it. As he settles in his bike and you settle in behind him, arms tight around his waist, you think this is probably what holding the universe in your arms feels like.
He rives his bike loudly despite your warning, but you find that you could care less right now as he takes off. You are young and dumb, but the wind is running through your hair as the two of you are chasing the moon, and you feel so alive. Neon lights and soft moonlight blur together as he speeds through familiar roads, and the whooshing winds drown out your loud laughter. It feels like you're feeling everything at once, but your head is so clear.
You think you can understand why he loves riding so much because the only thing that you can hear is your loud heartbeat and the only thing that matters is you're living.
He finally stops at a local 24-hour diner. The moonlight shines through the window by your table. You are still feeling the wild wind in your hair, cold air on your face, and the warmth of Baji’s back on your arms. It's way past midnight now, and the yellow lights of the diner feel a little more homey than dingy. He’s munching on some fries, occasionally waving one in your face whenever he’s trying to make a point about something. As you watch the various expressions on his face, a smile makes its way to your face.
“Hey Keisuke,” you grab a fry and jab it at him in the middle of his sentence. He stops his mid-word as he stares at you, head tilting slightly and mouth still gaping. There is a particular word that you keep thinking of whenever you think of Baji, a feeling that lingers and fills your heart up. You know what it is. You think you know at least, and in moments like these when you’re just watching his goofy self munching on fries while boisterously laughing at something dumb, all you can think of is those four letters.
“You’re my best friend,” you whisper before you eat your fry. Best friend, you think, encompasses a lot of things and feelings as you stare at his childlike grin, heart fluttering and mind blanking because all you see is him. You hope he knows, hope he gets that best friend is a loose term because he is so much more.
When he meets your eyes and his gray eyes crinkle in mirth and laughter rolls off his lips, you think he does.
“I know,” he smugly nods before he drops another fry into his mouth. “I guess you’re pretty cool too.”
You stick your tongue out at him and feel a warmth in your heart that matches the pinks of his cheeks. Maybe it’s adrenaline still in your blood, maybe it’s the moment, but it makes you devious, brave even, as you lean over and chomp down on the fry he's holding.
He stares at you with his mouth wide open, looking absolutely flabbergasted and offended. “Hello? That was my last fry!”
“Sorry,” you giggle, not feeling all that sorry at all. You know he’s not truly that offended because he has that stupid grin on his face, because he’s always soft with you. A part of you does feel a little sorry when you see a small pout on his face. “I’ll treat you to yakisoba later?”
He turns away from you, face still slightly sulky as he huffs silently.
“No? You don’t want yakisoba?” you ask. You still find it amusing that Baji Keisuke, the first division captain of the Toman Gang who would punch someone on the streets for no reason just because he feels like it, is pouting because you stole his last fry. If anyone from any rival gangs sees Baji Keisuke now, they probably wouldn’t believe this is the same person.
“Fine,” he huffs softly, “But don’t think one yakisoba is enough.”
“Then,” you begin, your heart pounding loudly in your chest as you work up the courage, “What about this?”
He turns to you in confusion, and before your courage runs out on you, you crash your lips onto his before you pull away.
“Repayment,” you mutter meekly, eyes avoiding his because you’re sure he can feel the heat radiating off your cheeks from where he’s sitting.
“Hey,” he tugs on your hand under the table. When you finally look at him, he continues, “Just one isn’t enough.”
He kisses you again.
-----
Home is supposed to be the place you come from, but you think it's more like a place you find, pieced together from scattered bits of feelings, emotions, people along the way. Somewhere along the lines, home becomes less of a place and more of a person. Your home becomes the boy with the sharp canines and long hair that gets tangled by the stray cats he keeps, the "I love you" declared loudly with kisses and the longing looks in between, the comfortable warmth of his body next to yours as you chase sunsets and live in your own infinity. Your home is Baji Keisuke and the constant image of him in your mind and the infinite pieces of him in your heart.
Infinity, though, is awfully short, you think, as you see him lay surrounded by bouquets, eyes closed in eternal slumber. He's always looked good in white, but when his tan complexion is nearly as white as the white roses surrounding him, you think white is an awful color on him. His eyes always shine with possibilities and promises, and while you've always joked that his sleeping face is cute because he always looks so innocent, adorable even, all you want now is to see him awake.
His heroism and love for his friends are always something that you love about him, but in turn, it feels so incredibly cruel to you now. For as short as he has been in your life, he becomes pieces embedded so deeply in it that it makes you whole. You cannot imagine a world where there is no Baij, where he isn’t there to punch a hooligan on the streets or feed stray cats at night or hold you when your world is crashing. You cannot imagine a life where he isn’t here to shine a bright light in your life without his laughter and goofy personality. Suddenly the world blurs around you, and you can't breathe as droplets of water hit your clenched hands on your lap.
You hold his hands. Cold, cold, cold, when they used to be warm enough to light a fire in you. There are so many things you want to tell him, say to him, but the speech you prepare in your head drowns in silence as your voice gives out on you. All the words in your head just come out as broken sobs. You feel the sympathetic and equally broken glance of his mom as she embraces you, but all you can think about is that he won’t open his eyes.
Baji Keisuke has always been bigger than life, you think, because he becomes a part of everything in your world. There are traces of him everything - him with his cats on your lock-screen, the random memes he sends you at night, the little notes he leaves you written in his ugly penmanship with love. When you think of these things, you feel like your heart is breaking all over again.
People tell you to be strong, and while you want to retort because how can you when he’s gone?, you find that you cannot say a word without crying. You’re tired of crying too because your eyes are already so, so raw, but it seems like all you can do is cry. When you think you've finally run out of tears and your tears finally stop, a new batch takes over even at the slightest things that remind you of him. You feel so pathetic because you can't do anything without water leaking from your eyes, and hate yourself for being so weak.
You tune out the somber tone of his friends and the broken tone of his mom because you don't want to accept a reality where he isn't here. But luck is never on your side because he never opens his eyes again, and you never get to tell him how much you love him. All you get are flashbacks and memories of him and emptiness in your heart and soul. You tell yourself you have to be strong and smile and live for the both of you, but you can't. Not when he isn't here, not when he isn't with you anymore. Every time you think about that fact, your heart breaks again.
"Hey, stupid," your broken sobs ring loudly in the deafening silence, "I love you."
The words you’ve wanted to tell him for so long are finally in the open, but there is no answer.
hi hello friends!! have you ever felt victimized by tokyo revengers? 🙋🏼 have you ever just wanted to cry because this series got you fucked up? 🥲 well, look no further because so have we!! come join us at the tokrev support group discord! hang out with us as we wait in agony for new releases every week and cry about our feelings in the meanwhile :") we look forward to getting to know everyone and suffering together thru this final arc!! <3 it'll be fun huehuehue~
beautiful banner made by the beautiful @kurahara <33
notes: i'm Thinking a lot about baji these days (read: i cannot stop thinking about him). slightly canon-divergent.
[2:41 AM] your eyes snap open as the images in your head played. cold, cold, so so cold you can almost still feel the ghostly touch of death on your fingertips. you turn to your side you hear baji's soft breaths as he lays beside you. with each breath he takes, it calms your erratic heart.
in the dark, you can barely make out his features, but you've long memorized the contours of his face and the free fall of his hair. just to make sure, you think to yourself, your fingers make its way to his face, hand resting on his cheek and thumb gently brushing over his newly patched up bruise.
he's here. he's breathing. he's alive.
his face twitches before your movement halts, and you think for a moment you woke him. he mumbles some incoherent words under his breath before he drapes an arm around you and the rhythmic sound of his breathing returns.
as you press yourself onto his body, palms on over his chest to feel the rise and fall of his body, to feel the beat of his heart, your lips begin to quiver. the nightmare comes back to haunt you as you close your eyes. in another world, in another reality, you've felt yourself pressing your palms against the very same body. but he's unmoving there, cold, rigid, dead. it feels so real, so so real that it scares you that could be your reality now.
you feel the shift in his body as your tears fall, arms wrapped around yours as he nuzzles into your hair.
"what's wrong?" he asks, voice groggy, as he gently rakes his fingers through your hair.
"mm, bad dream," you tell him as you snuggle impossibly close to him, breathing in his scent that you associate with home.
"wanna talk about it?" he presses a soft kiss on your forehead.
for someone so chaotic and rough around the edges, he's unbelievably soft with you.
"no," you tell him as you respond with a soft kiss on his jaw. the heartbreak in your nightmare feels too real, but his warmth, his touch grounds you. "you're here."
you can almost see his brows furrow in confusion, but he just nods and reassures you. "i'm here," he repeats softly as he leans further into you.
the small space in between disappears alongside your nightmare as your bodies press together. the sound of your heartbeats sync in unison and love blankets the room under tender gazes and comforting touches in the dark.
he presses another soft kiss on your forehead as he falls back asleep. you stay awake just a little bit longer, still staring at him, ears keen on the sound of his breathing and body sensitive to the warmth of his body and rise and fall of his chest.
"thank you for being alive," you mutter inaudibly as his presence lulls you back to sleep.
notes: inspired by wotakoi and my escape mechanism from the reality where i have to study for my exam👍
wc: 764
[3:04 AM] you’re not even sure when the door opened, but it brings you back to reality when the end of kenma’s hoodie sleeve wipes the tears on your face. he doesn’t ask any questions, but in between sobs and swollen eyes, you can see the concern in his golden eyes. he stays beside you, wiping your tears in silence, and his warmth calms you down to where your sobs become quiet hiccups.
“what’s wrong?” he finally asks, worried eyes locking with yours and gentle hands caressing your cheek. it sends a twinge to his heart seeing your red eyes and quivering lips.
you blink back tears and sniffle lightly before you stare at him blankly, mouth opening and closing because you don’t really know how to explain this. it’s a little embarrassing when you think about it now that kenma’s presence grounds you.
