I know it’s a path we all will start crossing one day, and I feel like my time is drawing near to say goodbye to one of the person who brought me into this world and raised me to this day.
He was a typical Asian father ( just turned 77 this year) who worked hard every day, never knew when he took a break to just relax and chill. He wasn’t much of a talker but still showed his love to his family. When there was a person who needed help, he never hesitated to lend a hand even though most of them just used my father’s generosity and vanished.
My parents came to Canada when it was still unfamiliar for Japanese people to move out of Japan and immigrate to a foreign country. Anime was just starting to be noticed in American entertainments, manga was rarely seen in the book stores, we were just considered as just asian in the neighbourhood, also the only Asian family in that neighbourhood commonly mistaken as Chinese when we kept telling them our background is Japanese. Unlike now in days people can kind of tell the difference between Chinese,Japanese,Korean, Filipino…etc.
When there is conflict among the siblings he will set with each one individually who want to talk their side of the story and listen, never jump to conclusion from one side of the story. He was always there when we needed help. Ive only seen him being furious towards me once, which I was extremely scared of him. He didn’t do anything, no yelling, no hitting, nothing. Just silence with no eye contact. I never been so scared in my life fearing my father’s silent anger. I apologize so many times crying for his forgiveness for about a week until he finally looked at me into my eyes and patted my back.
I know I am not the brightest of the siblings who’s still has trouble with spelling and grammar in both languages Japanese and english, always talking gibberish, my mind is everywhere, doing thing that’s dangerous like climbing up on the roof top with no safety equipment, used to braking it our own home since I lost my house keys, used to coming home late from a friend house after dark that lives two doors down the street. Never really do my homework and constantly called from the school for not paying any attention in class back when I was a kid, Still doesn’t get her own drivers license, still living in the parents house…etc
I was no bookkeeper or do any sort of work that need thinking, but I enjoyed spending time helping at his store restocking products on the shelves, help deliver groceries directly to the customers home, took a 4 hour drive to japanese farm for fresh Japanese vegetables when i didn’t have school. I probably spent more time with my father than my close friends. Because of it our long time customers knew me since I was a child and able to still casually have a conversation.
He was diagnosed as Parkinson almost 10 years ago but considered to people who knows patients that had Parkinson’s disease he was doing very well, no shaky hands, managed to go on his daily routine until he needed to be hospitalized for some surgery. Surgery was a success but it’s the time that was spent in the hospital after the surgery that started to bring his mobility down. Due to his Parkinson disease his blood pressure changes suddenly and the hospital decided to bed bound him for couple weeks during his stay. Even though it was for his own safety it made his condition worst. His muscles became weaker and stiffer due to limited movement, a man once who was active more then anyone, dedicated to his work held his grandkids high up in the air gradually became weaker to do what he was capable of doing. Even after he was discharged from the hospital the hours he was able to work started to be shorten. Family decide he should stay home and rehabilitate to gain his strength back and on the days he was feeling good he could go to the store and work, but in the short period he needed to go back to the hospital for a different surgery, which was also a success, but again bed bounded for couple weeks due to his Parkinson and blood pressure situation which made him more weaker. We worked hard to get his state back to what it used to be but it was becoming lot harder, he spent more time in bed sleeping, even though he was aware of who’s who, where he is and what day it was, he sometimes forgets that we stopped certain service we used to have like delivering groceries due to him unable to drive anymore, see people that is not there in the room, sometime people who past away recently. Ive been caring for him since a bit before covid hit and while rest of the family maintains the family business and financial side. I tried the best I can but even now I felt I could have done more and maybe now could of been a bit more different.
He is currently in the hospital being treated for pneumonia for the second time but seeing his state right now sleeping in the hospital bed, very minimal response, unable to eat or drink properly due to flem buildup in his throat and the only way to feed him is though a NG tube inserted though his nose into his stomach. Praying he will recover but at the same time I fear his time is gaining close.
I have comforted many close friend when their family member passed away. I couldn’t cry right away when my friend from college passed away until I got home from his memorial. I knew it is one of the hardest part of life is saying good bye to someone you known and loved all your life. But didn’t know how hard to accept it you won’t be able to see him any more, laugh, fight, going out with the while family,getting stricken but honest opinion, no matter you tell your self it’s the life path I knew I will come across maytime over the years as we get old. I don’t know how will I’ll take it and how long it will take me to recover from the loss. So I thought I write this out on thumbr since I know I don’t have my family following me on this platform and I think I don’t have my friends I know directly on here aether, before I completely become depressed and can’t think properly untile I regain my mental state to stand up again.
Right now I don’t want my family to know how much it’s crushing me when they too are trying to cope with the time is drawing near.
