sirius:
He laughed without humor, shaking his head and leaning back in his seat. “And you think–what? That I did? Andi and I both left the family, Cissa, of our own volition. The only person I was thinking of was myself, because at that point it was leave or possibly be killed.” By whose hand, he couldn’t say: his mother, his father, Bellatrix, maybe even himself. “Why try to bring me back into the family when you could do the same for her?”
He listened as Narcissa went on and on, seemingly convinced by her own ramblings that Sirius could simply waltz back into his old life after being blasted from the family tree just because he had some sort of change in heart. That wasn’t reality though, and for some reason his cousin couldn’t see that. It made him both pity and envy that she still had a bit of optimism. “You don’t get it,” he said slowly. “If I were to step within a fifty-foot radius of Bellatrix or Walburga, both would terrorize or try to kill me, or even both if given the chance. I’m already in the Ministry as an Auror, so I don’t need help with that. I’ve got a place of my own to live in, and I highly doubt your darling husband would let me stay with you if I took up your offer.” He closed his eyes and was quiet for a moment, a headache throbbing behind his eyes. “Everything you say I’m supposed to have is everything I don’t want. Even if I had been considering betraying the people I consider my family and going back to you lot, I would’ve changed my mind once I heard that a blood supremacist cursed everyone in the UK who wanted a child to either have a stillborn or die themselves trying to bring their kid into the world. Especially when the chances are worse off for muggleborns.” He had far too many muggleborn friends to let that slide.
Sirius sighed and stood, looking down at her. “If all you invited me out here for was to do some hair brain scheme and try to bring me back into the family, then I should go, because that’s not going to happen.” The sad part was, a small bit of him was hoping she was actually trying to reach out and reconnect despite his disownment. Now he knew that was a fucking lie.
Narcissa hated that he was laughing at her. She hated that she had spent so many restless nights devising the plan and so many more building the courage to present it to him. She hated that he wasn’t considering it, and she hated even more that he was ridiculing it. She hated that her heart raced so fast that she couldn’t even tell him how angry he was making her, how much he was hurting her. Her blue eyes were brimmed with tears and her hand shook as took a sip of her water, two unfortunate side effects of the insecurity in her own anger. Like all Black children, she had witnessed anger at a young age. She had seen people throw objects and insults and curses as though such things had no more impact than playing cards in a game of Go Fish — Do you care about me? Go fish. Do you care about anyone? Go fish. She had learned all the ways she didn’t want to express herself. The ability to hurt people without empathy had skipped a sister or two. She had never learned how to properly express her anger and consequently didn’t, until she did.
Her words intruded upon his, quietly at first then louder, desperate to be heard, desperate for Sirius to stop talking. “Our house is better than your’s. No one likes an Auror. Lucius doesn’t even notice that I’m there. I’m just trying to help you. That’s not my fault. You can’t keep blaming me for things that I didn’t do!”
She didn’t realize that tears had escaped until she had to look up at him, blinking through the wetness to see him clearly. “Sirius, I’m pregnant,” she whispered. The fear in her own voice startled her, and her cousin’s face became blurry once more as she began to panic. “I’m pregnant, and I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone — I don’t have anyone — Lucius and I barely even know each other — We can’t raise a child like that. What am I supposed to do?”















