a reaction to Dan’s mental health video (I already know this is going to get long)
Dan,
First of all, I’m going to get it out of the way and just say thank you for sharing your experience with mental health. It takes a lot of courage to put something this personal on a platform as… unpredictable… as youtube.
But on to the actual video itself– It really is admirable the way you managed to cover this topic with both humor and dignity. I appreciate how you emphasized the fact that everyone experiences mental illness differently, but I, for one, actually found your description to be personally accurate.
It’s not sadness. It’s a disconnection between you and the rest of the world. Like an out of body experience while still being trapped in your body (which, really, takes all the fun out of it).
Luckily, in my case, I’m at a point in my life where I’m doing well with mental health. But that was not always the case.
Looking back, I began to show signs in elementary school… signs that went entirely unnoticed. Those symptoms developed into debilitating cases of depression and agoraphobia before I hit my teen years. It was a year and a half of this confused, barely-functioning, “what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me” chaos before I even connected what was happening to me with the words “mental illness.”
I remember when I finally found an article on mental health and I felt that mound of guilt that was weighing me down lessen a bit.
Although, even when I had a name, it took a while to convince myself and others that it was a real sickness. No one around me knew how to approach this topic. I sat and watched as the love between my family and I turned cold and hostile, I stopped talking to friends, I grew an unholy resentment for myself, and I even took the first proper legal steps towards dropping out of high school (I hadn’t left my house in two months and been going on and off for two years at that point so the school and my parents assumed dropping out was the only option if I couldn’t get myself together, and– as hard as I tried– I couldn’t).
In my mind, my future was already damned. How could I live any life at all if I couldn’t even bring myself to walk out of my room for a shower?
I was very, very deep in that hole, without a clue of how to deal with what I was going through. For years, I just kept digging my way further and further down.
What I would have given to have seen a video like this.
You expressed depression in a way that isn’t dehumanizing, separating the mental illness from who you are.
It took me several years of recovery and relapse to figure out that there was an actual, real person in me. That my personality was not made up of depression– it was just being shadowed by it.
And the part about taking steps in basic self care? I had to go around this block a thousand times before I figured that out, and you just said it in all of 30 seconds.
I’ve found that consistently forcing yourself to go through a healthy routine, even if you have to coach yourself through it, even if it takes all of your energy and more, works wonders. It’s not immediate, but it does work.
To this day, I keep those healthy habits in mind if I ever feel myself slipping back.
Speaking about today, it’s only been two years since I graduated, but it might as well be a lifetime. I’m in my second year of university, double majoring in integrative neuroscience and psychology, and while I still wake up in that hole every now and again, I know better now. I know how to distance myself from the depression, I know which steps to take in overcoming it, and I know how to breathe through the process.
This video, it means a whole lot to me. It means practically my entire life. And I know it’s going to save lives, too. It would have saved years off of mine.
But I must add, while I may not have had a video like this when I was lost, I did have your other videos. I’ve been watching your content for 6 years. From the moment I first stumbled upon yours and Phil’s channels, your humor and heartwarming personalities made me feel like I actually had a friend or two– a couple of people who could be there whenever I felt a little too alone, and who wouldn’t mind if I couldn’t keep up my end of the conversion.
You and Phil, whether you know it or not, have been there for me in my lowest moments. You’ve acted as some of my best friends. And I’m sorry, but even though we don’t know each other, I will always consider you as such.
Overall, regarding this amazing video and every single one before it, I just want to make sure you guys don’t ever underestimate the important work you do.
All the best.
Sam.
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