Red In My Ledger

Natasha Romanov. Whatever you need to know, it's probably too much. [Independent RP blog for 616/MCU Black Widow. Multiship/multiverse. Occasionally NSFW. FC: Scarlett Johannson Tracking: nochildrenintheredroom]

[nochildrenintheredroom]

"Nat... if you continue living like that you'll eventually end up in hospital."

“Nat… if you continue living like that you’ll eventually end up in hospital.”

“Pffff,” she scoffed, turning her back on the other woman with the intention of getting away from her as quickly as possible. “I’m fine. You’re just overly concerned,” she called from over her shoulder as she began to walk away.

[a-good-woman-deactivated2016102]

“Oh yeah? How can you tell?” she put her hands on her hips. She felt a new wave of anger coming. If that’s so simple then why didn’t she tell? “It’s not the same thing like with Barton, hitting him in the head won’t do.” Stephanie doubted that years and years of torture and brainwashing could be so easily earsed from his mind. Memories will always find it’s way, and she knows best how Bucky deals with his problems. Tell nothing and pretend everything is fine. He did that after Hydra got its hands on him for the first time and he’ll do it again. “Intergrate him into our world? Do you really think that I want him to leave his past behind and start a life that’s almost identical?”

[nochildrenintheredroom]

Her anger bubbled dangerously close to its lid, threatening to overflow. Steph had no clue what she was talking about, so Nat couldn’t get too upset with her. Steph couldn’t help it. It wasn’t her fault Nat had kept her past so private all these years.

Looking the other woman straight in the eye, Nat whispered with deadly precision, “Steph. I know exactly what they did to his brain. I was in the same generation of ‘programming’ as him. You need to let me talk to him and he’ll see why this was a mistake.” She paused only to swallow and take a deep breath before ading, “You may know the first chapter of his life best, but I am the only person who can even begin to understand this part of him.”

[lunarelles]

a headache, again.

[angstmemes]

worried starters

trigger warnings apply! ( mental illness, drugs and alcohol use, self-destructive behaviours, and vomiting )

“You haven’t slept for days, have you?” “Are you eating properly? You don’t look it.” “Why do you keep stumbling over your words? Just how tired are you?” “You need to think about yourself every once in a while.” “I know your work is important, but you’re going to end up in hospital if you go on like this!” “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” “You look so… empty. I’m worried for you, please talk to me.” “Are you alright in there? You’re so quiet.” “How did you get these bruises? Please don’t lie to me.” “There’s something bothering you that you’re not telling me and I can see it slowly destroying you. What happened?” “You’re sleep deprived and you haven’t been eating. Why do you think you’re feeling dizzy?” “I can give you some pills to help you sleep. They aren’t healthy, but this is even less healthy.” “If you didn’t just blink I would’ve sworn you were dead, that’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!” “Have you drank all of these bottles in one weekend?!” “I know you don’t want this, but it’s for your own good. Sign the papers so they can pick you up tomorrow and you can get clean.” “What the hell are you doing?! Did you do that to yourself?!” “When was the last time you left the house? Or opened the curtains for that matter.” “Here, just keep breathing. It’ll be okay. Better out than in…” “This can’t go on like this! You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you barely talk!” “I’m sorry. I went through your room and found this. Explain what the hell this is doing in your room!” “I thought you’d quit! How long have you been lying to me?” “I’m only trying to help and right now I think I have a much better idea of what you need than you do.” “Did you take anything? Why are you passing out? Hey! Stay with me!”

[nochildrenintheredroom]

"Nat... if you continue living like that you'll eventually end up in hospital."

“Nat… if you continue living like that you’ll eventually end up in hospital.”

“Pffff,” she scoffed, turning her back on the other woman with the intention of getting away from her as quickly as possible. “I’m fine. You’re just overly concerned,” she called from over her shoulder as she began to walk away.

[a-good-woman-deactivated2016102]

“It’s not a punishment. He did that to protect us” she sighed and looked outside the window. After a while she added. “Not until I find out what it is and destroy that damn thing that sets him back… nobody is safe. Including himself.” She didn’t have any plans. No ideas where to start or whatsoever. Now that Hydra was gone she had no paths to follow, nowhere to go. “And even if I succeed… I’ll live in fear for the rest of my life. That someday, somewhere, somebody is gonna find and hurt him again.” Probably more than 117 countries are after her right now. Her hands are tied.

[nochildrenintheredroom]

Nat couldn’t help the bitter chuckle that escaped her lips at Steph’s words. “You really think that’s how any of this works?” she snapped, turning to face the other woman dead on. “Steph, I know first hand that this programming can be broken. He doesn’t need to hide himself away to protect anyone.” With a small scoff, she added a quiet but sarcastic, “That worked out so well for us last time.”

“Listen, Steph,” Nat sighed, “the programming you’re dealing with isn’t easy, but it can be broken. We could have kept him safe, could have integrated him into our world--”. She had more to say, but fel tshe was revealing her cards a bit too much, and instead pulled back.

[nochildrenintheredroom]

"Nat... if you continue living like that you'll eventually end up in hospital."

“Nat… if you continue living like that you’ll eventually end up in hospital.”

“Pffff,” she scoffed, turning her back on the other woman with the intention of getting away from her as quickly as possible. “I’m fine. You’re just overly concerned,” she called from over her shoulder as she began to walk away.

[a-good-woman-deactivated2016102]

She stood still, carefully listening to Natasha’s story. Was she lying? Was she telling the truth? Again, whole truth or only partially? 

Captain America, being on level eight when SHIELD still existed, had access to her files. She read about Bolshoi, Red Room and KGB. She also knew that Bucky was taken by the Soviets and kept in USSR God knows how long. But the casebook Natasha gave her wasn’t complete. Maybe she had her reasons. “Do you think he remembers?” Stephanie pondered.

[nochildrenintheredroom]

Her jaw clenched harshly at the other woman’s words, and she nearly crushed the delicate cracker cheese sandwich she’d made and currently held in her hand. Looking down at the bits of crumbs starting to form in the cracks of the cracker, Nat couldn’t help feeling somewhat detached from the whole situation. She silently at the combo, chewing and thinking through the question.

“I don’t know,” she admitted honestly, still avoiding Steph’s eye. She liked to think she knew James well enough to be able to tell whether he truly remembered her or not. Something in her gut led her to believe he didn’t really remember, but there weren’t really concrete pieces of evidence to support or deny that.

[cameoutofabottle-archive]

[drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS

Text Meme - @nochildrenintheredroom

[text: Nat] Thanks, but uh…[text: Nat] Have you been drinking? Do you need a ride home or something?

[nochildrenintheredroom]

[text: Nat] It’s called a STAGE NOT A RUNWAY. [text: Nat] Who’s magic mike? [text: Nat] I do have fun. I don’t know why you guys think I don’t have fun. 

[text: Cap] Add magic Mike to your list of shit to watch [text: Cap] just trust me on this one [text: Cap] And get over here already so I can show you who’s boss!

[james-romanoff]

[arovampira]

Basically how my brain processed this scene

[jamesbanes]

Never even realize how lost i was without her. But i always was just some lost soldier who forgot he ever had a home. Until she gave me one.

[rp-memes]

♥ Want to rp with me? Send some to start! ♥

☁- Our muses in a thunderstorm.

✿- Our muses in a garden.

♫- Our muses at a concert.

☏- One of the muses giving the other a prank call.

★- Our muses looking at the stars.

†- Our muses in a church.

☤- One of our muse’s is hurt.

❤- Our muses are both alone on valentine’s day.

☢- Our muses during a radioactive breakout.

☠- One of our muse’s died, and the other is at the grave. (possibly ghost or drabble)

✈- Our muses on a plane.

▲- Our muses on an elevator. 

▼- Our muses in a broken elevator.

[nochildrenintheredroom]

.

[duratum-deactivated20201026]

SEMI-SERIOUS PLAYFIGHTS THAT END WITH ONE PERSON PINNED TO THE FLOOR/WALL AND ACCIDENTAL FURIOUS KISSING THO

[cameoutofabottle-archive]

[drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS

Text Meme - @nochildrenintheredroom

[text: Nat] Thanks, but uh…[text: Nat] Have you been drinking? Do you need a ride home or something?

[nochildrenintheredroom]

[text: Nat] You’re even bossier when you’re drunk, did you know that? [text: Nat] I was not on any runway. Shut up.

[text: Cap] IT MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN A RUNWAY [text: Cap] you just need to have some fun man [text: Cap] loosen up, channel your inner magic mike!

[nochildrenintheredroom]

"Nat... if you continue living like that you'll eventually end up in hospital."

“Nat… if you continue living like that you’ll eventually end up in hospital.”

“Pffff,” she scoffed, turning her back on the other woman with the intention of getting away from her as quickly as possible. “I’m fine. You’re just overly concerned,” she called from over her shoulder as she began to walk away.

[a-good-woman-deactivated2016102]

A bitter smile had spread on her lips before she spoke with anger.

“Then tell me. Because apparently, it matters now.” Stephanie knew Natasha was not the honest one. Truth is the matter of circumstances, isn’t it? Well, the circumstances have changed.

She wasn’t going to guess where and when it happened. And what exactly happened. Perhaps she was afraid she could’ve been right.

[nochildrenintheredroom]

Beginning to cut the cheese into thin slices with precision focus, Nat challenged all of her energy into her task. Her head was spinning and she knew she’d have to tell Steph. But tell her what? She didn’t even really know what was true anymore, or what even mattered anymore.

Focusing on the chese with far more concentration than was necessary, Nat spoke softly and calmly. “I was one of 28 in a training program. I was their best and brightest. So they brought in their best weapon to train me.” Her words were careful and monotone, as though she’d said them to herself before. “We knew each other. And when they found out--”. Her voice broke suddenly, but she quickly recovered. “His punishment was cyrostasis. He’s punishing himself because he thinks he’s no better than them.”

[cameoutofabottle-archive]

[drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS

Text Meme - @nochildrenintheredroom

[text: Nat] Thanks, but uh…[text: Nat] Have you been drinking? Do you need a ride home or something?

[nochildrenintheredroom]

[text: Nat] Never. You’re a pain in my ass. [text: Nat] I can’t believe you guys had a party without me. What the hell. [text: Nat] I’m on my way, just to drink all the booze, though

[text: Cap] you will strut and you will like it [text: Cap] You can deny it all you want, but I saw how you worked that runway [text: Cap] ow OWWWWW

[rpmememaker]

domestic/family starter prompts

“Just a little while longer.”

“Can you come tuck me in?”

“Come on, I’ll tuck you in.”

“Did you sleep okay last night?”

“C’mon, read me something! Just like old times.”

“Is that my shirt?”

“Can we stay in tonight?”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Shh, it’s okay.”

“Go to sleep, go to sleep.”

“Hold my hand.”

“C’mere, it’s alright.”

“You’re fine.”

“You’re apart of the family.”

“Hug?”

“Gimme a kiss!”

“Can I snuggle with you?”

“Your breakfast is getting cold!”

“Tickle, tickle, tickle!”

“I got you something!”

“No, go back to sleep.”

“What are you smiling about?”

“He’s such a downer.”

“Here, I’ll zip you up.”

“Do you want me to read to you?”

“I know a lullaby. Think that’ll help you sleep?”

“Turn around!”

“Your tie is crooked.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Can we get a dog?”

“I love you.”

“Time for your bath.”

“You first.”

“Lemme wash your hair.”

“Stop squirming!”

“My turn!”

“Mind if I move a bit closer?”

“Can I stay the night?”

“Don’t you dare go outside without a coat.”

“They forgot to flush!”

“Come here!”

“Mom! They’re being mean!”

“Dad! They’re being mean!”

“Help! They’re being mean!”

“Think we can play a board game later?”

“Don’t be so mean to them, you understand me?”

“Watch your tone!”

“Here. I’ll do it for you. Give me the tie.”

“Don’t slam the door!”

“Eat your greens.”

“Stop playing with your food.”

“Your room looks like a cyclone ran through it.”

“Happy Birthday!”

“They sing like a goddamn crow.”

“Don’t sass me, young lady.”

“Don’t sass me, young man.”

“Don’t sass me, little one.”

“I don’t like kissing them.”

“I was gone for ten fucking minutes!”

“Read to me.”

“What is going on?”

“You’re crazy, but I like that.”

“Hey, watch out for them, okay?”

“I got the last slice of pizza. I’m gonna have to throw it up for you to get it.”

“We’re out of milk again!”

“Who wants a hearty breakfast?”

“Back in my day….”

“They’re my annoying younger sibling.”

“We don’t need another kid.”

[nochildrenintheredroom]

"Nat... if you continue living like that you'll eventually end up in hospital."

“Nat… if you continue living like that you’ll eventually end up in hospital.”

“Pffff,” she scoffed, turning her back on the other woman with the intention of getting away from her as quickly as possible. “I’m fine. You’re just overly concerned,” she called from over her shoulder as she began to walk away.

[a-good-woman-deactivated2016102]

Talk him out of it. As if she hadn’t tried that.

She followed her to the kitchen, but not because she was hungry. She leaned on the worktop and seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. Still shocked, Stephanie was trying to put the pieces back together. Something was odd. Something was missing. Why would it bother her so much? Why would Bucky even matter to her? He shot her twice, they’d never talked, barely seen each other.

And then, it clicked.

“Back then, at the hospital… you didn’t tell the whole truth” she murmured. Her blue eyes met Natasha’s. “Did you?”

[nochildrenintheredroom]

She made her way into the kitchen, feeling Steph’s annoyance radiating off her as she followed. Nat knew she wasn’t dropping this any time soon. She moved swiftly to the fridge, rifling around for a moment before pulling out a block of cheese, then a knife from the drawer. She’d opened the door to the cabinet with the crackers when Steph spoke.

Nat clenched her jaw, eyes refusing to meet the other woman’s. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Rogers,” she spoke carefully. Her head was still spinning. “It doesn’t matter, okay?” she snapped, pulling the crackers out of the cabinet and slamming it roughly shut, finally meeting Steph’s eyes with a mix of emotions.