No Context Wife @nocontextwife - Tumblr Blog

Me, just now: You're a mystery, but I love you

My wife, indignant: You're a backseat piss-handler!

"We have too many unspecified, brown gooes"

"I DON'T KNOW, because no law-abiding engineer is going to be using millimetres of mercury"

"The tongues have been redirected.

It is a battle of wills.

And tongues"

"I think more situations in life should have a button board"

"Well, falling doesn't take very long"

Me: I think the dog needs more fibre in his diet

Wife: People in glass toilets...

"I don't remember the General Filth layer of trifle"

"everyone's too sleepy for arson?"

"& mushrooms don't have livers, as far as I know..."

"I wonder what the mushroom equivalent of a liver is"

"It's probably rude to ask"

"I just don't think bananas are the way"

"Well. There's a reason you married me. Because John Green wasn't available"

"Golly. That's too many tortoises, even if you don't have a terminal illness"

Me *crashing about the kitchen, getting ready to head out

Wife: "Um. Please don't die when you're out of my sight" (whispers) "I want to see it happen"

"Yep. This is why I don't work at the mushroom accelerator"

Poor communication leads to drunkenness

"There are enough things in our lives outside of our control. Let's not have botulism be one of them"

No Context Wife