nohobro

i am a trans man who is part of a plural system. my blog is mostly about these things!

[nisaexploresadhd]

i dunno if this is adhd or just a personality quirk

but im 500 times more likely to see something through if someone BESIDES myself benefits from it  then if just i do

[abcsofadhd]

It’s an ADHD thing. ADHDers suck at internal motivation (self motivating) cause of our executive dysfunction. However, external motivation works fine. So when we are doing something for/ with someone else, it is significantly easier for us than if it was for ourselves.

It’s actually why I started making videos/ posting about ADHD. I can’t care about myself at all but to help others, I can push myself to survive and thrive. And read boring stuff :P

[geekdawson]

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

[ask-blue-connie-deactivated2019]

I… need to do this

[tsukinokinkan-deactivated201910]

THIS

[nohobro]

cries but stops abruptly and dissociates

[tacituskilgores]

here’s the thing about manipulative people: they will continue to manipulate you long after you’ve cut them from your life.

they’ll manipulate your words, your actions, your personality when they retell the story to themselves, to mutual friends, to people you don’t even know. and they will retell it, because in the retelling, they get to be the victim, and they can use it to manipulate even more people into feeding the need for attention and sympathy that rules their lives.

it can be maddening after the fact, to think about the control they still hold over the narrative, but you have to remember that you are not that narrative. they manipulate what you left in your wake because they no longer have you to manipulate. and you’ve come out the winner either way, because all they have to cling to is that narrative and its details, but you? you’re free of them for good and you are so much better for it.

[teacosys]

One name comes to mind.

[lesbeet]

tag your Episode™ alignment

[yorha-unit-moving-blog]

lawful manic: organizing your entire house at 3 am neutral manic: spending five hours seriously researching going back to college even tho it was a disaster previously because you can totally do it now and you’re gonna major in, like, ten things chaotic manic: how and why did you end up spending $600 on the forever 21 site and do you really need that many mom jeans?

lawful dissociated: when you look at the clock and realize you’ve been playing the sims for almost a full day neutral dissociated: that tumblr post that’s just like [dissociates while eating cereal] chaotic dissociated: Flashbacks™ but you’re also making jokes about them like it’s no big deal and your friends are low-key worried

lawful irritable: impulse-creating a Discourse Blog because you wanna fight neutral irritable: seeing straight couples within five feet of each other is suddenly giving you the urge to Punch chaotic irritable: finding that one middle school teacher you utterly hated on facebook and telling them in detail why they’re the reason your life is a trash heap now

[clusterb-babe-blog]

a lot of the time when i split on someone i don’t go from loving them to hating them, i go from loving them to just not caring about them at all

What I say: I feel like everyone is mad at me.

What I mean: I got the impression that one specific person is mad at/dissatisfied with/disappointed in me and that feeling has bled over into my perception of literally all other people, because emotionally I cannot grasp the concept that negative feelings or reactions to me are not 100% universal, and as I mostly define myself by what other people think of me I can barely imagine what it feels like to be an individual with free-standing feelings and depth of character separate from what is decided by the judgement of others, thus enforcing the idea that when one person is upset at me then everyone is, because when someone else decides what I am it becomes true.

[wetsnail]

I spent a year looking for this post.

[nicoleartist]

This is basically me today

[8679thehuman]

me: ugh i always forget to take my meds, it’s so annoying

reasonable people: maybe set a reminder to take them?

me: nah that takes all the fun out of the “why do i feel this way” game

[nohobro]

tbh i set reminders and then forget them after they’ve reminded me

[melaninhoe-deactivated20180111]

Dont stay in a toxic relationship just because you dont want to be lonely.

[w4ves-deactivated20260212]

or toxic friendships

[nohobro]

a thing i dont like about having sys mates or w/e is how other people must perceive you to have a ton of diff interests and like... do i wanna make 500 different tumblr pages just so my sys mates can express themselves through those or do i lump em all in one... sheesh

[distantmirrror-deactivated20200]

I think one of the worst parts of BPD is having immense pain in your chest because someone hasn’t answered your text for a matter of minutes or hours and then having a mental breakdown because they just won’t answer but once they do, you feel relieved and it’s like the whole thing wasn’t even a big deal in the first place.

[myintention-s]

Someone who has been emotionally abused will:

• Constantly apologize • Hide their feelings in fear of upsetting you • Break down during small disagreements thinking it will explode • Need a lot of reassurance Please be patient, we are trying.

[loveropes]

Or they may be

•irrationally defensive

•shut down in mid conversation when you thought everything was going well

•become aloof and distant

We all react differently and cope in our own way.

You never know what someone has been through, be patient with each other.

[nohobro]

When people refer to my system mates as OCs I’m like ...Y-yeah... That’s what they are... *cough*

[nohobro]

one of my dissociation triggers is when i’m talking to someone and they are talking back and registering me but then suddenly they stop responding to me, dont hear what i say, dont see me and/or walk away.

[testimonialpictures-deactivated]

Some trans guy tips from your dad

Don’t try that mascara/arm hair shit. I’ve been passing for more than a year with short, blond arm hair. It’s not an important secondary sex characteristic.

Board shorts (without pockets in the front) do wonders to minimize the width of your hips. Always choose board shorts over swim trunks. Choose them over cargo shorts if it’s appropriate.

Speak from your chest, never from your head.

The goal of binding should not be an entirely flat chest; you should bind for your body type.

GC2b makes the best binders out there, and their products are designed specifically for trans men/transmasculine people.

It might seem useless if you’re pre-T, but working out can be a big help for dysphoria.

Eyebrows are really important to passing pre-testosterone. Muss that shit up. Make them look unkempt.

When you ask for a haircut, make sure the edges in the back are squared, not rounded.

If you have peach fuzz, I would advise shaving it. Cis guys shed theirs when they go through puberty. Shaving can also help with facial hair dysphoria.

Don’t ever buy a binder from Amazon. They run in strange sizes (I was an XXL even though I’m a M in GC2b) and take weeks/months to come. It’s also difficult to breathe in them after a few hours.

[fattyatomicmutant-deactivated20]

@shyguyshiloh @kuchenkat

[11dragonmaster]

Spread the word, especially for the board shorts thing!!!!!! They do WONDERS for making hips appear slimmer!!!!!

[thestrugglinwriter-blog-deactiv]

@cloudstreamer

[thingsthatarebetterthansex]

for my masculine children :-*

[serotnin]

trying to do anything while dissociating

[nohobro]

if you are living with someone who has dietary restrictions and they ask you to not eat something of theirs because it’s the only thing like that they can eat but you eat it anyway then you’re an asshole.